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Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/3/2008 3:49:05 PM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2884
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I have a question for you girls, and I would love some feed back on it.
Okay, here it goes...I have a list of the qualities of what I want in my future boyfriend and later on husband. They are mostly character traits and that sort of thing, the type of personality I prefer and stuff like that. I realize that no guy, no matter how wonderful, will be perfect and there will be little quirks that he has that I will have to get used to.
I got to thinking about the fact of can you be too picky when it comes to a guy when I was talking about it to one of my friends and she told me - "To ever find a guy like that, you would have had to marry Jesus when He was on earth?! That's why you don't have a boyfriend, you are just too picky!"
*note* I have been asked out three or four times in the last month, but by guys that I know too well and know they are not the type of man I would want to even consider marrying, which is how this discussion even got started. *note*
So, my question is, do you agree with this? Or do you think it is good to want certain things and not like a guy if he doesn't have them?
Please, give me your thoughts on this!
If you want, you can always PM me too.
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/3/2008 4:00:24 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
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From: California
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There is the saying that the picky ones get left behind...however, after years of watching first my friends, and then later, even kids I babysat get married, from observation, I have noticed that those who had some standards have been happier. Those who just got married in order to not be single haven't been happy.
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/3/2008 4:10:00 PM
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jesuschick247
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
There is the saying that the picky ones get left behind...however, after years of watching first my friends, and then later, even kids I babysat get married, from observation, I have noticed that those who had some standards have been happier. Those who just got married in order to not be single haven't been happy.
That makes sense...I just worry that since I fall in love so easily, if I just date whoever, I will end up marrying someone who won't help me move forward in my walk with the Lord. That's the main thing, I don't want to end up unequally yoked. I think that would be worse than being single, because spiritually, you would still be single if you aren't on the same page as him.
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/3/2008 5:05:14 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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The thing is, even if you marry a Christian there will ALWAYS be points in your life where one or the other is more spiritually mature. I don't think any of the women here can say that their husband is always the more spiritually mature person in the marriage.
I didn't marry the perfect man because I am not the perfect woman, I married the man that God intended to be my beloved. Things aren't always perfect, and I think we will go to the grave arguing over the same stupid things but we are best friends and have many more good days then bad.
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/3/2008 5:32:19 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 3819
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I like what Ryanne said about them not always being the strong one spiritually. We all go through those times where we up soaring with the Lord and then down in the pit, men are no different.
I guess you can have you list of absoultes that you will not compromise and anything else is kind of negotiable. So work out what things you really feel are of the utmost importance and leave the other stuff. You may even find that in a year or two what you thought was important has changed.
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/4/2008 9:40:45 AM
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Szaftoo
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From: So. Calif.
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I have single friends who will probably never get married because they have a "list". I think it's wise to know what you want in a relationship but I also believe God sends people into our life that may not fit the criteria but would make a great spouse.
Stick to wanting a Godly man who continues to grow in the Lord, but also be open to new and exciting people that you meet.
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/4/2008 10:13:16 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Oh... and some of the things that were vital on my "list" are not anything like my DH. He doesn't cook, like shopping, crime shows, he thinks decorating is a waste of time...I could go on, lol. He isn't anything like what I expected, but I think I was expecting a clone of my dad(who cooks, likes shopping, and cries during Extreme Makeover: Home Edition). Ya know... I still love him and wouldn't trade him for anyone else.
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/4/2008 10:29:44 AM
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Shells54
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I think that having some things that you are picky about is fine. Like I wanted to marry a believer and someone who was kind. I had a whole list of things that I had to have in a husband. You know what my hubby doesn't match up to only the believer and the kind. But the second I saw him I knew he was who God wanted me to marry. He is the complete opposite of even any one I had ever dated.
So I said all that to say this its okay to be picky but make sure you are being picky for the right reasons.
_____________________________
Michelle
Formely Soukz8696
Living for HIS glory not my own
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/4/2008 10:49:12 AM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2884
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This have all been really good responses! I will try and apply their wisdom to my life and keep sticking to my main #1 priority, he has to be in love with Jesus Christ more than he is with even me!
I think the main thing, besides him being a fellow believer, is that we get along. I want him to be my very, very best friend in the whole entire world!
And I totally see where you girls are coming from on the fact that there will be points where we both take turns on who is more spiritually strong, I guess I was just trying to say I desire a guy like the Bible talks about, I want him to be the leader of our house.
Thank you so much for the reponses so far though!
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/12/2008 10:33:28 AM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4121
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I'm agreeing with everyone else.
Those who aren't picky about the right things often end up divorced or unhappy. I've seen girls go gagga over green eyes and a flirtatious smile. They marry the smile and then realize the guy is abusive because they never looked at his character and weighed what others thought about him. He was abusive before they met, during their dating relationship, and immidiately after marriage, but the girl refused to look at it. That's an extreme example, but it happens in all different situations when a girl isn't picky enough.
At the same time, like Ryanne said, we're not perfect and neither is my hubby. If I'd been too picky, I would have missed what God had planned for me- a maturing image of Him.
Remember that marriage is for life and it is wise to be picky about some things because you will be marrying for life. The Bible commands us to not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever, so that's a standard you should keep... and if someone is a believer showing fruit and actions in keeping with repentance, you should be able to work out most everything else. Lots of other standards depend on your expectation and your personality. Other standards can be cultural or preferencial.
I'd recommend that you divide your standards into those three categories (Godly Character, My Expectations, My Preferences) and give each their due weight. Look at what you want with fresh eyes and stick to what you know to be wise and godly.
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-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/13/2008 7:38:09 AM
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GodismySalvation
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I talked to God about what i wanted in a man and my ideas changed over the years and so did i... to overlook character is very unwise.
...ask yourself this... why would you date someone that you don't plan on marrying? Most of the time guys are interested isn't because they want to become friends. I've had soooo many talks with my husband... enought to know that you don't dabble with guys! Not even innocently. Don't listen to your friends unless they give you Godly advice that lines up with God's Word!
Why do you think that you have those desires in your heart?
WHO do you think put them there!?! It sounds like if you wait patiently that The LORD has a most special man that HE is preparing for you!!!
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/13/2008 11:00:08 AM
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Brandy
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From: Los Angeles
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I have a dear friend who had the "list" of all lists. I had gently told her good luck on finding someone to fit it.
Low and behold, she did. He fits it completely and they are happily married.
For some people it won't work, but for others it will. It also greatly depends on what is on the list in the first place.
_____________________________
~Brandy
<--- Isabel Grace eating on Thanksgiving. Her first food.
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/14/2008 4:11:57 AM
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jesuschick247
Posts: 2884
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quote:
Why do you think that you have those desires in your heart?
WHO do you think put them there!?! It sounds like if you wait patiently that The LORD has a most special man that HE is preparing for you!!!
Great advice, the same advice my mom gives me! LOL! I have realized over the past week that my list isn't silly, and it's not the ANSWER to a perfect guy, it's simply a road map to finding a guy of God, a guy with moral character, a guy that I can truly say is my best friend. The guy God has for me may or may not match up to the list, I just have to simply remember it is a road map, not a set in stone law! And let's just say the girl who said I was too picky...well, I won't be taking any advice from her at the moment...
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: Can You Be Too Picky? - 12/15/2008 1:06:22 PM
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HisCovenant
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Sounds like your list is just right, then!
_____________________________
-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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The Lord knew what I needed better than I knew myself, and I'm thankful for that. My husband and I complement each other's strengths and strengthen each other's weaknesses. My husband makes me want to be a better person. I like what Ryanne said and I agree -- I'm not a perfect woman, I did not marry a perfect man. 
but he tells me every day how much he loves me and how much he loves being with me. It blows my mind but I know he's sincere.
Proud Army Sister 
