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Dating and abstaining for the first time... - 9/5/2008 3:01:36 PM
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ChelaW
Posts: 117
Joined: 7/30/2008
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Hi everyone,
This is a slight spinoff of Sally_G's post about being single and trying to avoid temptation.
However, I'm 25 and not a virgin (I have a child & even lived with a boyfriend for 3 years...please no lectures). I realize and have repented and been forgiven of my past sins, many of which are from the very-recent past, so now I've decided for the FIRST time EVER to abstain until I'm married.
There's a man in my life who I just recently met. We go to the same church, and are on the same spiritual level in that we're both VERY focused on getting closer to God, especially by abstaining until marriage. It's wonderful to have met someone like this! We're not dating; we just talk on the phone a lot, sit together at church, and he stops by my job every day to chat & bring me cookies (awww!!  ). Because we both recognize our weaknesses, we're being very careful to keep ourselves out of compromising situations where we may "fall." For example, if we meet up somewhere, we take our own cars, we're always in public, and we don't go to each other's homes. Actually, we never go near each other's homes! And we've never kissed or anything...just the generic "friend-hug" when we greet.
But as time goes on, we'll eventually have to put our discipline in action. I'm sure there will be times when we are alone, and we need to both be strong enough to be able to handle that.
So my question is, when you're dating a very potential future spouse who you're quite physically attracted to (he's such a cutie!), how do you resist? I don't want us to even fall once bc then it will be even harder to resist in the future!
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RE: Dating and abstaining for the first time... - 9/5/2008 4:45:57 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2678
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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In this case it sounds like you need to get married sooner than later...so long as he is willing to be a father to the child..and talk with your pastor.
_____________________________
Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: Dating and abstaining for the first time... - 9/5/2008 5:57:45 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10420
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
I'm sure there will be times when we are alone, and we need to both be strong enough to be able to handle that.
Why do there have to be times when you are alone? Why couldn't you keep up what you have been doing and just avoid the temptation altogether? (GREAT job, BTW!)
_____________________________
<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: Dating and abstaining for the first time... - 9/6/2008 3:50:10 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 10609
Joined: 9/19/2005
From: Washington State
Status: offline
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I agree. If you never put yourself in a place where something "could happen", you are on the right road! In the meantime, spend time in prayer - find some verses of Scripture that will help you steer clear of temptations and memorize those Scriptures. Ask God to bring those to mind when you need help. Find someone IRL who can keep you accountable. Find someone who will ask the tough questions and not be afraid to bug you and keep on you. When you know that you have to give an account, that can make a big difference when temptation happens. Don't dwell on those desires but find alternate and healthy releases for those desires. That can be anything from working out to taking up art. Know what "turns you on" and avoid those things - even if they seem weird. I had a boyfriend years ago who gave me a basic back rub that sent shivers up and down my spine. I knew that would be the last time he ever gave me a back rub - no matter how innocent that was (I've never had a back rub do that to me before or since!).
_____________________________
~Kristin~
Resume Quotations: "I worked as a Corporate Lesion."
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RE: Dating and abstaining for the first time... - 9/8/2008 10:42:46 AM
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ChelaW
Posts: 117
Joined: 7/30/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
quote:
I'm sure there will be times when we are alone, and we need to both be strong enough to be able to handle that.
Why do there have to be times when you are alone? Why couldn't you keep up what you have been doing and just avoid the temptation altogether? (GREAT job, BTW!)
Well, there shouldn't be a time like that anytime in the near future, but let's say that we were to enter into a serious relationship. As time goes on, I'm sure times will arise where we're alone. Let's think about if we were engaged, even. Close to the wedding date, I'm sure we'd be at each other's homes sorting through furniture to keep, store or get rid of. I don't know.
My point is that right now neither one of us has much discipline, so we're just keeping ourselves out of compromising situations (we even talked about this Saturday night). But eventually, we need to develop the maturity & discipline to resist temptation, just in case.
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RE: Dating and abstaining for the first time... - 9/8/2008 2:49:14 PM
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pumpkin
Posts: 1443
Joined: 4/1/2005
From: home
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if you ever find yourselves in a situation where you need to be at each other's homes... take a friend along.
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RE: Dating and abstaining for the first time... - 9/8/2008 3:18:09 PM
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dcj3262
Posts: 4
Joined: 10/4/2006
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I have and still am in your situation. I praise you for your efforst thus far. I wasn't that good at first. I believe you are doing the right things by staying in uncompromising situations but I agree with you. Times WILL come when you will be tested. That's kinda the point right?! Before those times come though ask God to convict your heart about sexual sins so that if and when temptation comes your heart will ache to please God and not those desires. Also you and your partner can decide and agree on where the line should be drawn. I know some couples who decide not to even kiss before marriage. This should be your own personal conviction, but you should decide where that line is before it comes to that. Make all decisions related to sexual issues prior to being faced with it because be assured the devil will use every possible tactic to get you to fall, especially if this is your weakness. I'm one of them, I know. Good luck! God sees you trying hard and is honoring that, so be encouraged!
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RE: Dating and abstaining for the first time... - 9/9/2008 11:05:22 AM
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miasma
Posts: 4517
Joined: 4/12/2005
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It sounds like you guys are doing the right stuff. The main trick is to just not put yourselves in a situation where anything could happen.
I am not one of those who thinks couples shouldn't be alone together unless married, but if that's what it takes...really, though, I think you two need to give yourselves a little more credit. You're intelligent, grown folk. Would it really be so hard to not have sex, if you had to share a car somewhere, or watch a movie one night? You're both committed to it, you don't want to do anything you don't want to do...then don't!
You might want to have a few friends you can talk to, to help keep you "accountable." Let them know "Hey, I'm going over to __'s house to watch a movie. Gimme a call in two hours and check up on me, will ya?"
Whatever might help - my thing was to always just keep it out in the open and make it fun(ny). Sit on your hands. Seperate chairs. Don't hug hello or goodbye. Whatever.
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