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Eating Disorder - 3/16/2008 11:31:32 PM
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flirtnNconvertn
Posts: 167
Joined: 10/25/2005
From: Venus
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So I have a friend that has an eating disorder. She is anorexic, but I think bulimia could be in her near future. She has just recently started opening up about her problems to me and really does see them as problems. I want to do a little studying about eating disorders, but I'm looking for more of a Christian view on it. Not really what a Christian thinks about it, but maybe more Christian or biblical advice...know what I mean??
Anyone know where I can read some good info? More just to inform myself...
_____________________________
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
Miss Brit
"...let thy words be few." Ecclesiastes 5:2
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RE: Eating Disorder - 3/17/2008 1:14:53 AM
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FoxInSox
Posts: 664
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: dallas
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flirtin,
I am in recovery from an eating disorder. I also have a degree in psychology and I'm almost finished with my MS in counseling.
First, I'm curious to know how old you and your friend are. Are you guys minors? That changes my advice alot.
my all time favorite resource for eating disorders is a website called Something Fishy (www.something-fishy.org). There is a HUGE wealth of information, as well a resource and reference lists. There are forums for loved ones and sufferers.
I'm actually not sure I understand what you mean by advice that from a Christian perspective? My advice would be the same either way...
When you say that you think your friend may soon develop bulimia, you are hitting on an aspect of eating disorders that I think many lay people don't know about. Often, people with ED's switch back and forth among the various disorders during the duration of illness and recovery.
Is your friend recieving treatment? What kind of treatment is she recieving? (sounds like she isn't, from what you said in your post)
I have more...but I'm not sure where to go next. I hope you'll respond to my statements and questions and help me out :)
One more thing...Please keep in mind that you cannot make her get better. You can love her, you can support her, you can encourage her, you can give her resources. It's really hard to keep that in balance, and so often we want to *make* our friends/family stop engaging in the compulsive, addictive, or maladaptive behaviors, but we can't.
Love,
Michelle
_____________________________
~ formerly infinitepiphany ~
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RE: Eating Disorder - 3/17/2008 12:39:57 PM
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flirtnNconvertn
Posts: 167
Joined: 10/25/2005
From: Venus
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Hi Michelle!
Thanks for responding!
She is 19. I'm 26. We go to church together and I've been mentoring her for a few years and she has just started seeing this disorder. I had a family member that had a anorexia and was hospitalized for a long time before she got better. So I've seen the signs with my friend for a long time.
I also know that I can't help her...though I have tried so hard. I've encouraged her to seek counseling. She says she will, but never does. I know she doesn't realize how far along she is. How can I help her see this?
I know I can't make her better, but as a friend I can't sit back and watch. I'm sure you know what I mean.
Thanks so much for helping! Any advice you have is greatly appreciated.
_____________________________
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
Miss Brit
"...let thy words be few." Ecclesiastes 5:2
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RE: Eating Disorder - 3/18/2008 10:37:46 PM
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FoxInSox
Posts: 664
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: dallas
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flirtn,
Sorry i've taken so long to respond; I'm out of town visiting my sister, bil, and neice.
My best advice for you is summed in five words: "I am no longer willing..."
I hear that you are very concerned for you, and that you are in something of a leadership position with her. She is looking up to you, and as the relationship deepens, at some point it will hit a wall. Then, either you guys will kind of stagnate there or you will begin enabling. As a mentor, she is looking to you for advice and direction and support, and her problems are (as you are recognizing) out of you area of expertise. She needs the help of professionals (perhaps a team, in fact).
What I'm hearing from you is that you've hit that wall. You don't want to enable, but you see that it's soon becoming enevitable. You recognize that enabling would be damaging to you both.
You'll have to set some kind of limit. Perhaps, "I love you, and I value our relationship. I want to continue mentoring you. I am no longer willing, though, to look the other way regarding your eating disorder. I can only continue to mentor you if you are in treatment with someone such as a therapist, OA, EDA, CR, a psyciatrist, or a nutritionist. I am (or am not, its up to you) willing to help you find these resources."
That's my example, and those are the boundaries I'd want to set. Your personal limits are, I'm sure, different. What are you they? What are you willing to help her with? What are you not willing? What kind of professional/support/treatment does she need for you to feel okay with continueing the mentoring relationship?
Some important questions. This woman is 19, which is sometimes full-out adulthood and soemtimes that extended adolescence we call college. Where is she? Does she go to college? Is she on her parent's insurance? Does she have insurane? Is she working? Where does she live, and with whom? (These help me form suggestions, too).
Have you visited www.something-fishy.org? I suspect their friends/family areas will be benefiial to you.
What are you doing to take care of yourself right now? I imagine the concern you are feeling is pretty stressful.
Take care,
Michelle
_____________________________
~ formerly infinitepiphany ~
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RE: Eating Disorder - 3/22/2008 11:18:29 PM
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gracescartwright
Posts: 31
Joined: 3/14/2008
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i have a great book called "empty" writted by a girl who battled and won a battle with anorexia. amazing story, really raw and broken diary, great for someone who is helping someone fight this. also, another called "the real me" by natalie grant, her true life story about being bulimic. great resources, as i am twenty and have had many friends who have asked for prayer...it really helped me see where they are coming from
_____________________________
in the divine comedy where up is down and down is up, we lose ourselves to find ourselves. -jonathan foreman
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RE: Eating Disorder - 4/6/2008 2:50:38 AM
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funny_girl
Posts: 882
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My advice is that a woman with an eating disorder needs a 'reality moment'. I think if they realize that its goal is to kill us, which Satan wants us dead and what better way than for us to kill ourselves than fulfill our God given purpose in life; they'll want to be healthy. That's what happened to me. The day I realized that Satan wanted me dead, didn't want me to fulfill God's purpose for my life and I was killing myself; I got so mad that I was delivered from the addiction immediately! I was tempted a few times but I never went back to bowing to the toilet!
When I counsel women with bulimia and tell them that I am getting premature facial hair, they're pretty grossed out by that. It causes your teeth enamel to erode, your throat can burst, it causes osteoporosis and your hair can fall out.
Women need to recognize that the they can control and be 'obsessed' about what they eat to figure out how their body works. Then as time goes on and they can see their body responding to a healthy eating and exercise program they'll find great satisfaction in the ability to control their bodies in a healthy way.
That's the way it is briefly on the spiritual and physical side. Especially for a gal that's fallen into this because she didn't understand how her body works. Obviously, some women have these disorders because they can't control other things in their life but once the reality moment happens and they realize that God has a great future in store for them then they're able to get the hang on the diet and exercise.
An addiction is an addiction. Sin is sin and we must call it what it is. When the leaders of Teen Challenge tried to tell me that a food addiction was greater than a drug or alcohol addiction I said, "No way! An addiction is an addiction. Sin is sin. Call it for what it is."
If you'd like to pm or e-mail me I'm here for you.
Your friend will have to want help. We just can't help someone that doesn't want any. If she's doing this to herself for any other reason than controlling her weight I encourage you to point her to Jesus for the answers and solutions to her problems. She also needs to know that she can't change anyone except herself. We are able influence others but we can't change them. Change comes from the help of the Holy Spirit and our inner desire for change.
< Message edited by funny_girl -- 4/6/2008 2:58:07 AM >
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RE: Eating Disorder - 4/6/2008 3:07:14 AM
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funny_girl
Posts: 882
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I need to add that since my 'reality moment' I've gotten to travel all around the world and testify of God's mercy and grace in my life, for in my weaknesses He is made strong! I testified in a women's conference in Athens, Greece, Colombia, I was flown up to N. California for another women's conference from Guadalajara, Mexico. God has a plan but we've got to want His plan more than Satan's lies! OOoh man am I fired up now!!! I'm an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of my testimony! I've even gotten to have my dreams! One of them was to record on a live worship album which I did a couple years ago in Mexico City. 5,000 people attend this church. I was the only gringa there! God's got great dreams for us!
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RE: Eating Disorder - 4/6/2008 7:13:21 AM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3144
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
Original: funny_girl
If she's doing this to herself for any other reason than controlling her weight
So you're saying that if she's an anorexic for the purpose of controlling her weight, that's O.K. somehow? Isn't that the way many anorexics get into this at the beginning...because they want to lose a few pounds?
Just not understanding why you made that distinction. An anorexic is an anorexic is an anorexic...and the reasons behind it don't change the fact that it is extremely harmful for anyone who is into it.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: Eating Disorder - 4/6/2008 11:36:29 AM
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funny_girl
Posts: 882
Status: offline
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Nope, that's not what I said. It was a way of narrowing it down for this person that was asking for some insight. I said if she's using it to control her weight than she needs to learn how her body works. It's liberating to know that our body will respond appropriately and healthy to the right diet and exercise program.
If she's doing it to control others in her life she's going to be defeated because we can't control others but need to turn to Jesus and the Holy Spirit to intercede on their behalf.
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RE: Eating Disorder - 4/6/2008 2:21:21 PM
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FoxInSox
Posts: 664
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: dallas
Status: offline
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"My advice is that a woman with an eating disorder needs a 'reality moment'. I think if they realize that its goal is to kill us, which Satan wants us dead and what better way than for us to kill ourselves than fulfill our God given purpose in life; they'll want to be healthy."
Funny_girl,
What I'm hearing is that when you really realized how disastrous your eating disorder was for you, you were able to take a really huge leap into recovery.
For me, I knew all along the damage an eating disorder could wreak on my body. I was almost finsihed with my undergrad in psychology, and I was working along side a young woman with a very long term eating disorder. I chose to engage in these behaviors anyway. These behaviors ... they WORKED. They stopped the pain, the feelings, the cloying anxiety. When was acting out in my eating disorder, I could take a shower without sobbing and go through class without exhausting pains riviting my gut. At that time...and each time I relapsed...I chose the side effects of an eating disorder over the emotional pain.
As with any addiction, high the person experiences outweighs the negative side effects - lost relationships, physical effects, reduction in productivity in school/work (even failing or being fired), loss of housing, financial distress, trouble with the law. What makes an addiction an addiction is the return to the behavior despite the horrid results of the behavior.
I've heard from many people (myself included), that food addictions are more difficult than chemical dependency or other process addictions. The reasons for this thinking is that, with most other addictions, people can choose to abstain rather than learning moderation. Right now, I'm thinking that comparing what addiction is worse is a foolish and unanswerable game. I don't know, for example, that the physical effects of chemical dependency aren't less awful than the physical results of an eating disorder.
"If she's doing this to herself for any other reason than controlling her weight ..." I wanted to add to this a little bit. Almost always, during various stages of the disorder, someone acting out with these behaviors will swear up and down that it's no big deal, it's just weight control, it's fine, etc. They will deny that there is anything underneath the behaviors, that it REALLY IS about weight, excercise, and food. As they process through recovery and work their program, they will come to understand that the weight, food, and exercise concerns are metaphors or masks for other issues and problems.
OP, how is your friend? We haven't heard from you in a long while. How are you?
Take care,
Michelle
_____________________________
~ formerly infinitepiphany ~
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RE: Eating Disorder - 4/6/2008 2:25:37 PM
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crm4souls
Posts: 133
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline
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For those with problems with eating disorders I would recommend: Remuda Ranch a Christian Ranch focusing on eating disorders. More info: http://www.remudaranch.com/ A young lady who used to worked for us had problems with anorexia. She went to the ranch for 60 days and God set her free. If this is for someone else, they need to make the decision to change. If someone is reading this has a problem with a eating disorder, you need to make the decision to change. God will help you, when you make a decision to change and put action to it!!!
_____________________________
"Beloved I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in HEALTH just as your soul prospers." 3 John 2 www.Power3Diet.com
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RE: Eating Disorder - 4/6/2008 5:27:42 PM
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funny_girl
Posts: 882
Status: offline
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Unfortunately, there are people who like their problems like pets. I could say I had all kinds of emotional obstacles. Yes, my father abandoned us when I was three years old. Yes, I faced rejection from siblings, extended family and classmates. When we come into the truth, we have a free will to chose to serve God or manna. I've never relapsed, praise to His glorious name! He rescued me and I received it! Yes, a 'reality moment' is a revelation from God of the truth and accepting the best for our lives. God always saves the best for us!
I was receiving the best medical care that there was available at the time. It wasn't until after I'd walked through it had I heard about Remuda Ranch in Arizona I believe. Sometimes we have to walk through it ourselves for it to stick. I wish I wasn't such a 'hands on' person and could learn from others easier.
Foxinsox, I won't let you off the hook that easy. It's a cop out. Sin is sin! One sin isn't worse than the other. Don't buy into lies that it is. Whom the Son sets free is free indeed. You are more than a conqueror. The same resurrection power that raised Christ from the dead dwells in you! Whatever it is that the enemy is trying to hold you back from will be released in you once you want God's best for you life more. With the same obsession that is in you to be addicted use it to not be addicted but live with a healthy body, mind and soul. Be addicted, but be addicted to what is right and good! You've already displayed the will and drive it just needs to directed in the right direction.
Masking a problem with a high doesn't bring resolve. Godly counsel and obedience to His will will bring healing and deliverance. Freedom!!!! Freedom is waiting for you! There's no greater high than knowing you are clean, free, loved and accepted, and most of all forgiven! When we walk in obedience to the Father's will, we can walk with confidence because we have His acceptance and it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks of us. We are free to be all that He's made us to be!
< Message edited by funny_girl -- 4/6/2008 5:46:16 PM >
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RE: Eating Disorder - 4/6/2008 7:05:49 PM
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FoxInSox
Posts: 664
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: dallas
Status: offline
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I've heard really good things about Remuda at Something Fishy (online support forum for people recoverintg from ed's). I've never personally done research on it, but the people from SF speak highly of it.
_____________________________
~ formerly infinitepiphany ~
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RE: Eating Disorder - 8/20/2008 6:57:13 AM
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tugboatjulie
Posts: 1
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
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Been there, and sometimes still doing that...
If anyone wants first-hand info/help, I've been battling anorexia for over 20 years (having learned it from my mom who still has her issues with it). Just recently realized it's a spiritual battle, so maybe now I can conquer it...no, God will! I have some great resources, too, that I can share.
Medical help is essential if someone's weight needs stabilizing; other than that, no treatment facility can do much!
Love in Christ, Julie
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RE: Eating Disorder - 8/20/2008 8:19:06 AM
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cherish405
Posts: 32390
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: The Land Down Under
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I agree. somethingfishy is a great site. It was recommended to me when I was diagnosed with bulimia nervosa. Please, get your friend some professional help. It's really not an easy thing to deal with.
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*** Gone crazy. Back soon. ***
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