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Letting go & moving on - 12/2/2008 8:54:54 PM
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Spense
Posts: 38
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline
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I'm sure a few of you remember my past request concerning my ex & I. We tried the friend thing, it got one sided, I tried to cut it off, but we were still going through the "I miss, I love yous", I was letting her make the moves. And I just got fed up when she got where she would say she would call back in a minute, but never did. She is the love of my life, and my own mind is tormenting me with memories and a lost future. I want so badly to let go, I've deleted all the photos, emails etc. I just wanted closure, which she isn't giving me. Please pray that God will give me the strength to walk away. It's a poison that hurts, that steals. I;m just beyond sadness to think of "our forever", never happening. I have dated lots of women, was married when I was younger, and I can honestly say, she's the first woman I fell in love with. I'm so tired of the pain, the haunted thoughts & dreams. I gave my all, I just don't understand why I have to go through life without someone I love so perfectly. I'm mad at me, not God. I do want His will. It just hurts....
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RE: Letting go & moving on - 12/2/2008 9:32:04 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1097
Joined: 4/29/2005
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Closure is a myth. Grief is real. What you lost was real and valuable, and nothing is going to wrap up your feelings neat-and-tidy with a band-aid on top for the pain. It's all right to be in pain. It's all right to find your way through this, looking at each dream and knowing, "Nope. Not that. Not me. Not her. Not ever." It's all right to be angry too.
But: you don't need her permission, her consent, or her help to do the job of placing these things in the, "Nope." box. It's your job.
And: this relationship is over. Someday you may be friends, but right now you are nothing to each other. The broken ties of your old feelings for each other are like little tentacles that reach back to the other, and will grab on if you let them... but then you are just going to have to tear them apart again and again. How many times do you want to go through that pain? How much injury can your heart stand? Keep away from the girl and let your little feeling tentacles slowly retract and heal. Yes, Spence, walk away, in the most concrete sense of the phrase.
She is not the love of your life. The love of your life is the one where the relationship between you is so strong, real, healthy and holy that it becomes a foundational principle and covenant of your person-hood. That is perfect love. Whatever was going on (sorry not familiar with old threads) it was not perfect, it was deeply flawed, and the fact that you can't see it is very probably part of the flaw-ed-ness. It's a good thing that we have a living God to help us out of messes like that. (Not that your feelings and attachments were not deep and real, just that 'perfection' goes far beyond that.)
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RE: Letting go & moving on - 12/2/2008 9:45:20 PM
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Spense
Posts: 38
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline
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Thank you for your reply. All truths in there. I guess I'm just so confused because we went though so much together, we prayed together, her family loves me, but her daughter isn't willing to give me a chance. I just wish she would have sat down and talked with me regarding this, I have tried to open this dialogue many times. But she kept holding on, and so did I. I take my fault in this. I'm confused because a few weeks ago, I was listening to Jeremy Camp in the car, very emotional and cried out to God, I felt a warm love, and a voice that said " I'm going to put you back together, but not now, your both in my way, so move and let me work" Not sure if He meant when we''re all together in Heaven, or this life. My walk is so fragile, I don't trust what I hear at times. And it just seems it's all beyond repair, but I know that He can heal ALL things. Anyway, thank you for the words and prayer. It takes time, I know. I just can't see what I saw in her, in another person, I feel like I never will. Like she was "the one". I know I sound all pathetic.
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RE: Letting go & moving on - 12/2/2008 11:25:09 PM
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deermousie
Posts: 1948
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Spense Like she was "the one". I know I sound all pathetic.
I grieve with you, Spense.
She wasn't "the one" because if she were she wouldn't have left. You got a defective stand-in. You gave it your all and she gave it all away. You're a faithful guy and she just flitted like it wasn't serious.
Grieve, cry, scream if you have to. Healing will come, slow but sure. God will make you whole again.
I'm praying for you. Hang in there, brother. Easier days are coming to you.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: Letting go & moving on - 12/3/2008 9:04:46 AM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1097
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
I'm confused because... cried out to God, I felt a warm love, and a voice that said " I'm going to put you back together, but not now, your both in my way, so move and let me work" Are you sure He meant putting "you" (plural) back together, as in rebuilding your romance... or maybe He meant putting "you" (singular) back together, as in binding up the broken hearted and healing your wounds? He [i[can heal ALL things.
It's important to see that, because I know that God has never reached into somebody's head and changed their mind against their will. If they are open, He works, leads, reforms the heart -- but I don't think God goes about promising to adjust other people to our liking, so a promise to restore your romance (which depends a lot on your ex-girlfriends personal feelings and decisions) seems to be 'out there' based on what I know of God from the Word.
Besides, if the relationship was broken by her, because she didn't think she could fulfill her covenant of care to her daughter with you in the picture, then she has made the right decision. Her obligation to do well by her child comes in far above her desire to grow in a romantic relationship. God honours decisions like that.
quote:
I just wish she would have sat down and talked with me regarding this, I have tried to open this dialogue many times. Why do you crave this dialogue? Clearly it would be painful for both of you, and even if you might 'understand' better, what's the point of that, really? You want to know what went wrong? Why? So that next time you date a fabulous woman with a challenging daughter you can do a better job? (Really, Spence, it's idle curiosity, false comfort, and at the heart it is just your heart still reaching out on any excuse.)
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RE: Letting go & moving on - 12/3/2008 4:04:57 PM
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Spense
Posts: 38
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pbaribeault
quote:
I'm confused because... cried out to God, I felt a warm love, and a voice that said " I'm going to put you back together, but not now, your both in my way, so move and let me work" Are you sure He meant putting "you" (plural) back together, as in rebuilding your romance... or maybe He meant putting "you" (singular) back together, as in binding up the broken hearted and healing your wounds? He [i[can heal ALL things.
It's important to see that, because I know that God has never reached into somebody's head and changed their mind against their will. If they are open, He works, leads, reforms the heart -- but I don't think God goes about promising to adjust other people to our liking, so a promise to restore your romance (which depends a lot on your ex-girlfriends personal feelings and decisions) seems to be 'out there' based on what I know of God from the Word.
I heard " y'all, but not now, I need to work" He may mean when we all get to heaven. We could analyze this from all angles, but the only thing I know to do is, let go, seem Him. And if that's what He mean, then it will happen. She did call last night, and said that she does love me as she said. But I guess we both know, her daughter comes first. And I respect and understand that. All I have ever wanted is for those two precious girls to be happy, with or WITHOUT me. Also, the breakup was mutual, for Deermousie. Thank you for the concern and prayers. I'll make it, as long as I let Him lead. So I'm letting Him lead.
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