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RelationShip Help - 7/18/2008 7:45:47 PM
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jcd777
Posts: 12
Joined: 7/18/2008
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Need help and advice. Continue having problems with my girl friend, and dont know what to do. Keep hoping, and praying, sometimes I feel I should just end it, but yet I love her so much, even though she makes me feel so bad at times. Need help, guidance, advice, etc....
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Letter to my Girlfriend on the week after Valentines of 2008,
I am writing this list of points that we need to discuss, and figure out a way to resolve them. I love you very much, and thus I engaged to you, to show you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I always told you that I was in this for keeps, but, the problems continue, and I don’t know what to do. We need to work this stuff out. I figured now that we’re engaged you’d start changing, and getting better, but yet still the issues continue. I really don’t know what to do.
• I did everything possible to give you a beautiful Christmas, and New Years. Yet funny enough on New Years, we were still fighting. I even gave you a promise ring, and it basically became money down the drain, since you didn’t care for it, because you wanted an engagement ring. You didn’t look at the thought behind it, and how much effort, I had put into it to get that for you. I’m not made of money.
• We later went out with friends to the movies, and you made my life hell. You didn’t get out of the car, you got into your tantrums, where you wouldn’t talk to me at all, and finally your friend had to come get you. Still I endured, and then you finally came around, and said you were Sorry. The problem is that it continues to happen.
• I go out to vendor dinners, since its part of my job. I’m not making chump change here, I need to do a lot, especially if I am to stay boss’s right hand person. Still you give me a hard time about it, and start with your jealous comments, and always ruin the night for me. Why?
• I had started going to Church & the Emmaus, and you initially had problems with this. Then, you had issues because I had not become a Christian, and you started being upset and stuff.
• We have missed some physical therapy sessions, and others luckily we’ve been able to do because they’ve made an effort for me at the Rehab center, but yet it always come down to not getting there on time.
• I have been telling you, that one of my colleagues at work is getting his people on a schedule, I’m not on a schedule, but my agreement with my boss was always that I’d arrive by 10am to the office, and yet you have constantly made it a problem, and we never get to the office by 10am, regardless whether we have physical therapy (which I end up starting late, thus delaying us, because your late to here), and when I don’t. I have mentioned it to you nicely, and it’s as if you don’t even care, still I arrive late to work. You give me all the excuses in the world, but what you don’t get, is that if I get in trouble or lose this job, we are screwed. I even got in trouble with my boss, where he wrote me an email and told me that I need to step it up more.
• I need you to help me out by maintaining the house, taking care of the pets, and cooking some dinners so we don’t have to spend too much money. Help me to get to work on time by helping me take things I need in the morning.
• I stand up to my family all the time, and invent excuses as to why you’re the way you are. Such as when you get sick, you basically drop your guard, and assume like the world has come to an end. Then use this as an excuse for everything. You need to be stronger, you are not a little kid, just because you’re sick, doesn’t mean the world stops. You didn’t even pick me up at work 3-4 times, and I had to get vendors, colleagues, and almost a taxi to take me home, because you couldn’t handle that.
• Anything and everything that I do, you continue to compare it to my ex-wife. I cannot continue to live my life worrying about am I making enough of an impression, did I get the ring bigger, is the wedding bigger, oh be careful, can’t speak my mind on my thoughts, because you’ll start with whether I did it for my ex-wife or not. You act dummy as to whether I don’t give a dam about the wedding, because I already had one. What kind of **** is this? When does it stop? What does it take for you to be happy, and stop comparing yourself to your friends, to my past, to everything, just be happy! It shouldn’t be so difficult, if you love me. If you love me, you should be happy with anything I do, but no you have to get in your moods. I can’t live life worrying whether I did this for my ex-wife, or that for my ex-wife, and whether I did it for you or not, or whether I did it bigger for you or not. The **** that you put me through, I don’t think anyone would have put up with it, and it’s definitely something I don’t wish upon anyone. You are constantly abusing me!
• I’m always speaking wonders about you to everyone; no one knows how you really are with me. But, yet you speak horribly about me. Take for example this morning, saying that I’m being a mission, he’s not answering my questions, or helping out. What kind of **** is that? I just engaged to you this weekend, and just because I hadn’t given you all the info you needed (which I actually even started helping with the names, and took you to Barnes & Noble to get Wedding books), you address me as being this horrible guy.
• You start mentioning comments oh you spent $20,000 on the Wedding with my ex-wife, what do I get. What kind of **** is this? First of all, I don’t remember spending that much, but let’s say I did, so what. I cannot live my entire life always looking back at my past, to make sure everything is all high and mighty for you. The past is the past, times were different, I didn’t have the kind of bills I have now, oh yeah, guess what, my relationship in the past didn’t work out. So stop putting my past in my face. You speak to people on the phone like nothing about whether this guy chased you down from California, and whatever, and now he’s married, and having kids, and yadayadayada. Do you see me get upset with you, no I know that’s your past, so it don’t matter to me, because you are with me. I do the best I can for us, and that’s all I can do. For crying out loud, you were even bringing up did I get you a big ring or not, what was the price, as if to compare to my past. Then, because supposedly someone mentioned something stupid to you (probably your mom, but who cares, it could even be my family), you decide to accept it, and now start thinking I don’t want a big wedding with you because of my past. For crying out loud, I spent more on you during this Valentines and engagement than I ever did in my past. For crying out loud, I have spent more on you than I did for a long time in my past.
• I don’t start feeling down on myself, like oh my relationship sucks or anything like that. But yet you get like that when you see other couples.
• I have tried countless times to get closer to your family and win them over. You have barely tried winning my family over and getting closer to them. Instead, we always miss gathering with my family, or we get in a fight, because you start with your tantrums. Still I stand up for you, and tell them you’re the one I love, and want to be with, so they need to deal with it. But, you continue to get your ways.
• You’re always quick to either start crying or get in a tantrum when you hear what you don’t want, or you don’t get things your way. You act like a child; you can’t handle anything, if it doesn’t go your way. You have all this stupid pride, as though if you act differently or try to avoid a fight or do something just because it makes me feel happy, you are somehow a bad person.
• I am constantly the one coming around to you, whether I was upset, or you were the one upset, etc… Regardless, whether I believe your right or wrong.
• You’re always having questions that doubt my happiness or love. If you were doing everything right, and not being the way you are, you would never ever have to doubt my love, and whether or not I’m happy or not.
• I always feel I need to be proving my love to you, and it just doesn’t stop. And yet it’s never enough. You have become a real drain on me, and make me feel as though it’s just never enough, and I just can’t make you happy, therefore I must settle for a life of misery. Why?
• When your friends speak of me, you never stand up for me, instead you agree that I’m an as*hole, what kind of **** is that. I always stand up for you, always!
• Every person in the world expresses their love in their own ways, and it’s up to their partners to be smart enough to analyze their partner and learn their ways of expressing their love, or how they are when their sad, upset, and so forth. For crying out loud, I go out and always try to make things special for you, and romantic. You have even felt sad as to how some of your friends, don’t have the luxury of having a guy like me in their life, and thus must settle. Problem here is why do I need to settle? If I am so good to you, why do you treat me how you do?
• We need to have an open relationship, feel we can discuss anything with each other.
• Trust one another, because if I always have to worry about what you’re doing or not doing, that is a ****ty life to be living. I need to trust that you love me, and thus wouldn’t dishonor or disrespect me in any way, and that we’re going to make it together, because we want to be together, not because we have to be together.
• You know what it is that your family has never come to see me. Has never come to our home, and yet you allow this from them. You throw it in my face, how you’re sinning and so forth, and make it seem as though it’s my problem, and for these reasons, your family can be the way they are to you, and to me. That’s not right at all!
• I give you everything, absolutely everything, and yet it’s still not enough. Yet, you still have a problem when you need to do things, or if I ask you to take of care of something for me. Instead of being, dam my man takes care of it all, if he needs something or help, regardless of how big or small it is, you should welcome the opportunity to help me out, because in turn that means you’re helping us out.
• I have practically been holding us together for 2 years now, and yet still you don’t change your ways, and you don’t get help. You even act like this with your friends, I’ve seen it.
• I am Cuban, and therefore Macho in some aspects, it has goods and bads, but dam it I bet if you told someone everything I do, they’d be like are you crazy, you have an excellent man, and we all wish we had that. I’m not trying to look good, but I hear the fights people, and their complaints, and stuff and I realize what a great man I am, even though you don’t care to ever see that.
• I engaged to you and told you that you need to change, and get help. You can’t continue in your old ways, and what are you still doing, the same thing. What am I suppose to do? For crying out loud, you even took off the ring, because you were upset over stupid things, and threw that in my face. That’s not funny, and I don’t appreciate it.
• Things are going to start changing big time, because I am through accepting it. I deserve much, much more from you, and it’s got to change, or it’s going to come to an end.
• You used to be more understanding of my past, but now it’s just another thing to laugh at, and throw in my face. I don’t regret my life, and the paths I have taken, I’m glad things broke off with my ex-wife before it was too late, and we didn’t have kids. Life has you in my path, and I have gone full throttle with you, and I give you everything I’ve got inside me, and for what, only to be laughed at and ridiculed all the time.
• I know you too have been hurt & heart broken in the past, but I feel as though I continue to pay for all their mistakes, and yet still I endure, and never throw things in your face. I just love you, and hope that will be enough to overcome it all.
• I should be so scared of getting with you, since I was already in a relationship where my feelings love, and humanity were completely disregarded. And it was taken away in the cruelest ways. And yet still I push forward to be with you, because I love you, and believe you are the one for me. What I still can’t quite understand, is why I continue to be abused so much by you.
• I always feel as though you take matters of the heart like a joke. You have never been sensitive to everything I went through, never have.
• Life has granted me another chance at living, I don’t know why, nor do I understand. For that, many times I feel that if I would have died, and thus you would have gone on with your life, and actually have been made happy. I know you hate me so much, I just don’t get what I did, to deserve so much hatred from you. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t have even been born.
• I love you, and this isn’t a game for me. This is very serious to me, I don’t want to embark on another journey, only to have my heart be completely broken, abused, or yet settle for being miserable.
• I wonder whatever happened to the sweet girl I met, and fell in love with. GOD I really do miss her.
• I love you so much. We both have had to go through things in life, but we should embrace all of it, for that, it has allowed for us to come together now, and hopefully make it everlasting.
• Relationships fail because they don’t produce what one wanted out of it, please don’t let us fail.
• I am an optimistic person, not negative. I can’t stand always having to be fighting, arguing, being upset with you, etc… It just isn’t right, and I don’t know if it’s something I can endure for an eternity.
• I have done so much to be what you want me to be, in order to make you happy, and it has gotten me nowhere, just lots of sadness inside. Things need to change between us big time.
• I don’t want our relationship to fail, I want us to last until we are old folks, and look back at all this, as the times we used to be stupid.
• You told me recently how your mom got, and started questioning whether or not; you should be with me, and to take it easily, and so forth. I have been hearing this from my family, from my friends, from your friends, and all, throughout time. For that, they’ve met you, and seen how you are, because you’ve acted dummy, or they’ve inadvertently heard me talking to you, or seen me upset/sad, something I never used to be. And yet still I push it all off, and say it don’t matter, because I love you, and I know some day I will make you happy, and all these issues will go away.
• You must first learn to honor, cherish, and love yourself before another. (without this, you cannot be loved or happy, and thus will make me miserable)
• You should be fortunate to find a man who isn’t a player, has only ever been in one other relationship and it lasted a long time, and thus if we work things out, will be by your side, forever, or until you choose to break my heart. Embrace my past for the positive; don’t snap at it for the negative.
• Even for Valentines last year, and even this year, when I am getting ready to propose to you, I had to keep telling you throughout the days how hard you make it to love you, how hard you make it to surprise you, and give you the world. Even during this, I still had to look the other way, and proceed because I love you, and continue with hopes that you will get help, and grow up to be the great woman I know you can be.
• I always have to worry about when I go somewhere, or am just doing my job, I need to have receipts or methods to prove this to you, and so you don’t think otherwise.
• If I don’t pick up the phone, or call you or what not, I get the 3rd degree, even though I am working hard for us. Instead of you figuring, oh he’s probably busy or something, you start thinking horrible, and if not you try to play a guilt trip on me, like if I don’t care about you or miss you, and what not. What kind of **** is that?
• You speak of me in such high regard, and state you love me with great confirmation, and yet your actions still point otherwise.
• I have gone against my intelligence, and common sense, figuring that with all these fights, I should just let go, since it won’t last. And yet still I choose to push forward and even now recently engaged to you, because I truly do love you.
• You have many issues with your self-esteem/confidence (never thinking your beautiful, thus always needing constant re-assurance, basically extreme high maintenance, almost like if you’re a Barbie or something) and (that you won’t amount to anything, dreams won’t come true for you, etc..), depression/sadness (always feeling down, and sad, and thinking nobody loves you, that you’re better off dead, and stuff, etc…)
• You were upset about the ring because it was 0.87, rather than 1.0 (which is what Jess got, according to you). So you stated that you got less than her. What is this ****? If you really love me, none of this matter, but rather the meaning behind what I give you. Especially, since it’s false because I spent more money on your ring & stone than on hers, by about $2000 or so.
• I engaged to you, and went all out to make it extremely special for you. On one end your always stating I didn’t ask for that, you shouldn’t have spent so much, but on the other end you’re constantly worried about money, and materialistic things, especially to compare to Jess in your head. She only got dinner, at a simple restaurant. You got a whole weekend getaway, a limo taking us to special places, etc… And still it’s not enough.
• You state that you always feel as though your 2nd. That’s messed up, I never chose between you and my ex-wife. You weren’t in my life, deal with it, and get over it. But, we can’t keep coming back to this ****. I didn’t choose her over you, at the time, you were probably what on your 15th boyfriend, or what not. Grow up.
• You tell me that you feel she got the best of me, and you got so much less. Really? Let’s see Jess got me with no job (for about 6 months, she was paying for it all), living at my moms, and no car, and dealing with my Mom who since dad had died, made her life hell (more than you could ever imagine). You got a roof over your head, 2 cars, me at a high point in my career, and I give you absolutely everything that you want. You don’t contribute anything, and what you do contribute too (such as house chores, and stuff), it’s always with an attitude, a problem, and yet the house still manages to look bad, because you basically always tend to neglect it.
• You asked me if I had ever gone to a strip joint, and I didn’t lie to you and stated that I did, about 4 years ago with work. I stated I didn’t enjoy it, but I didn’t see a big deal with it. Then you went ballistic again, over something I did in my past, when you were non-existent. It’s always the same thing; you want to hold my past over me. Then, you asked whether I did this when I was with my ex-wife, and I stated yes. I spoke to her, and she confirmed to go ahead, since it would benefit me for work. Actually, in Las Vegas on vacation, we went to many shows where the girls were pretty much naked, and at one point, she even wanted to go to a strip club together with me (never got around to it). She also wanted me to attend my bachelors’ party (which I didn’t really care for), even though I told her, I really didn’t want her going to a Bachelorettes party, but would tolerate it, if she really wanted it. In the end, time past, and we didn’t do anything. Although, she was on my case to let my brother-in-law and my friends take me to a strip club, even though she wouldn’t go because I didn’t want her going. Keep thinking I’m such an as*hole of a man.
• We started going to the gym together, your subscription had expired. I renewed you for 3 years, since you stated that you wanted to go there. We start going, and then I get you questioning me at home, as to why I’m going to the gym, who is it for, or GOD knows what’s going on in your mind. What is that?
• I’m at the gym working out, and I’m writing my routine down on the phone. Then, I get you coming over to me, acting all negative and mean, and confronting me as to who I am texting at 10pm. What is wrong with you? Let me live please; stop pushing me away, because you have problems. Get help!
• The other day we go out to eat, and because you got upset over something stupid, I don’t even remember what it was anymore. You stopped the car, and just took off your ring, and walked away. I tried walking after you, but after 2 blocks I gave up. Then, I walked away several blocks, and you then finally cared about where I was. What is this?
• I asked you to maybe take my mom out, and hang out with her. Maybe go wedding shopping, or just out to dinner, so you guys start bonding. You respond to me, you don’t want too, because you don’t like them. What kind of **** is that? I don’t like your family, but because I loved you, I loved them. And therefore, I would come see them, endure their preaching all the time to me, and bring food, help your brother out with HTML, etc… They treated me horribly once, when I was just caring for you, as per your request. I stayed away because I felt as a man I had been kicked out. Eventually, because I loved you, I came around again, and started hanging out with them, getting closer with your brother (lets’ not forget all the running I did to get your brother his medicine), and then they do it again. They hurt you, and make you cry, so I confront your mom because I am tired of them always hurting you, and you doing nothing, but yet becoming mean with me later. The next thing I know, I got your brother trying to fight me, and even your uncle came out running towards me to try to hit me, I had to get in my pick-up, before I did something stupid, like punching him out. Never did I hear from them, or anything, yet you throw in my face that I don’t come around. Instead of being all up on them, and telling them what the hell is wrong with you guys, this is my man, and its time they respected it, and they needed to come around. Just as I do with my family for you. The other day, your brother even texted me, and I went along with it, and tried starting to bond with him again, and I got immediately shutdown. This isn’t right or fair, and how you see what they do, is real wrong. Why don’t you sit, and tell your mom everything you do to me, and let’s see if she still feels the same way about me.
• Yesterday, you made a sandwich for me, that I told you I don’t think I like. Still, I tried it, and for sure, I didn’t like it. You got upset at me, although I don’t get it, because it’s not your fault, I didn’t like it, but still you always take everything personal. Then, you threw it out, and the next thing I know 1-2 hours later, I still hadn’t eaten anything. You didn’t care about me and that I had not eaten anything, this is what I call real love.
• You get upset because I tell you I would like to spend less on the wedding, if possible, so that we can use the money for honeymoon, and to move closer to Miami. Something all men say, they don’t want to spend money on the wedding, instead what do I get from you? Oh yeah, of course, because you already had the perfect wedding, etc… You are absolutely incredible! Again, you act this way!
• I have confirmed, you are determined to be unhappy, and until you change, nothing I ever do will ever, ever, be enough. Instead, you will just continue to bring me down.
• Again, we were late to physical therapy; this continues to be a problem. I already got my attention called upon at work, and you’re messing with my recovery. Why?
• Yesterday, I was able to control myself while you went on a rampage, but eventually I had to disappear to the living room, because you wouldn’t stop ranting, it’s as though you wanted me to get ****ed, raise my voice, and eventually lose my temper, and hit the wall. Instead, I was able to control myself, but it cost me sleep, I only slept 2-3 hours. Sure, it doesn’t matter to you, because you can sleep whenever you want, still I have a job to do, and money doesn’t grow on trees.
I don’t write these things for the sake of it, or for you to read them, and toss them. Or single out one line where I wrote something incorrectly, and it rubbed you the wrong way, and thus forget everything else. I am doing this because we are not forced to be together, but rather we choose to be together. And for these reasons, if we don’t address these issues, and get help, things will continue to worsen, and never get better. And I don’t think that’s what you want. I want the world to be like dam, look at you two together, and wishing they had what we have. I understand that you don’t know what to do, I’m not going to lie I don’t what do either. All that I know is that I truly love you. The only thing I can think of is having you see a Dr., a Pastor/Priest, or marriage counselor. All I know is that you can’t do it on your own, and I have been trying everything, but I’m not good at this, and therefore haven’t been able to help you get better. Please, I love you so much, I want to see us last forever, and start a beautiful family. I don’t want to cry or see you crying anymore, I love you too much. Funny enough, I have been missing you all day. I love you so much, hence why I engaged. You are the one that I want in my life for all eternity. You are my woman, my love, my life, please, and help us.
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RE: RelationShip Help - 7/19/2008 6:50:58 AM
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agapetos
Posts: 5519
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: online
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I didn't read the whole letter ~ it was just too long for me to read all the points you'd mentioned properly ~ I have scan read a lot of it though. If you and your girlfriend really need to do discuss each and every one, you're going to be talking for a long time.
Perhaps part of the problem is that you don't have a problem with your past ~ and she does. Now it may be a deep problem for her, but it may be resolved by simply saying 'I wish I hadn't done such-and-such. I'm never going to do it again.'
I did read as far as this paragraph though
quote:
Anything and everything that I do, you continue to compare it to my ex-wife. and am not really sure what you're saying in it. If you're saying that you're not worried about the kind of wedding that you have with your girlfriend, I'm not suprised she's upset. Your wedding is supposed to be a wonderful day for the both of you and yet you seem uninterested (or are giving her that impression) because you've 'been there, done that'.
I am not really sure why you need physical therapy, but you seem to be able to do quite a lot ~ work, gym etc and I'm wondering why you couldn't make something to eat yourself instead of relying on her (after she made something you didn't like)?
Maybe you both need to sit down to discuss what you want out of the wedding and of life. You mentioned moving to Miami. Discuss with her when it would be feasable to do so and what difference a big wedding would have on the move, if any and reach a compromise.
And if you need to write her again, write and rewrite repeatedly until you have a clear letter about the main issues that you both have. From what I've read in the letter you posted, you've repeated yourself several times, and possibly picked up on a lot of tiny points that probably don't matter much in the grand scheme of things.
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: RelationShip Help - 7/19/2008 8:15:51 AM
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Wild-Rose
Posts: 227
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline
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I think you are causing her confusion. If you are engaged you should buy her an engagement ring. By buying her a promise ring you are telling her that we are not engaged yet. You say that you are not made of money but in the next paragraph you say that you are not working for chump change, so does it follow that you do make good money? If you are not sure if you should marry her, then don't. If you are engaged, buy her a ring so that she knows for sure.
I also did not read the whole thing, only the beginning. People with questions should be more concise.
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Wild-Rose
Rejoice that your name is written in heaven. Luke 10:20
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RE: RelationShip Help - 7/19/2008 8:59:56 AM
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MC4JC
Posts: 81
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
Status: offline
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I really feel so sorry for you and your situation. I don't see any real hope of resolving things. Too much "wrong" for you guys to continue. When we hear of a friend/family member that wants to make a permant decision we ask them (to be sure if this is the right person to marry) - "can you see yourself happy with this person 50 yrs from now and still married?" If you can't, then don't marry them.
I see too many red flags in your relationship. First of all you need to accept the person as they are - NOT trying to change them. That's what you are doing - you are unhappy about how she is, how her family is, etc. and you want things to change to your "perfect" ideal. Its obvious she's not your ideal marriage partner. And if you expect things to magically change if you marry her, think again. What you cannot stand now will get 10 times worse if you stay with her.
IMO she seems a bit "materialistic" to me - not accepting a promise ring but wanting an engagement ring. I know you love her, but love doesn't solve everything and every problem.
She doesn't seem to like your new "Christian" attitude and I seriously would advise you to break off this relationship and first turn to God and let Him be the one to send the right person for you.
Both my husband and I learned the hard way of picking out a marriage partner (failed 1st marriages). This time we let God be in control and he brought us together and gave us more then we dreamed of in each other. We have a deep love for God and each other and he's blessed us in so many ways. We have a strong everlasting marriage and can see us both being married for 50 or more years (if God chooses) AND being happy with each other.
As much as it will hurt, in the long run I don't see you happy at all even 10 yrs from now if you stay. Its time to break this off and heal.
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RE: RelationShip Help - 7/19/2008 1:26:23 PM
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NotDoneYet
Posts: 133
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: Virginia
Status: offline
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If she's this insecure...time to go. She won't change.
Find someone who is GROWN UP
ndy
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Remember, normal is just a setting on the dryer!
Ranting and raving: diaryofaravingmom.blogspot.com
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RE: RelationShip Help - 7/19/2008 1:42:13 PM
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shadowspring
Posts: 1509
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: offline
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WARNING: OPINIONATED POST
I didn't read the whole letter either. It just seems to me that if things are this wrong for you as a couple now, you should not get married.
One things does concern me: are you living together already? I kind of got that impression. Please tell me I'm mistaken.
quote:
You know what it is that your family has never come to see me. Has never come to our home, and yet you allow this from them. You throw it in my face, how you’re sinning and so forth, and make it seem as though it’s my problem, and for these reasons, your family can be the way they are to you, and to me. That’s not right at all!
If you are living together, I think you have made a huge mistake.
And your girlfriend- Oy Vey! If she is insisting you become a Christian while living with you and throwing baby tantrums of selfishness and being rude and unkind about you like your posts says:
RUN AWAY!
She is not following the Lord with all her heart. A Christian in rebellion to God will be forever unhappy until they repent. You CANNOT make her happy! She is under continual conviction of the Holy Spirit (nothing to do with you) and until she surrenders to God, she will be m-i-s-e-r-a-b-l-e.
It is not good to marry a miserable person.
Loving you as a person is not her sin. Looking to you to "make her happy" instead of depending on her walk with God to fill her with peace and joy, that is her sin.
I don't know if she has made you the idol in her life (an idol is anything that means more to us than God himself) or simply being married and you're just the most acceptable applicant for the title of husband in this situation.
quote:
I had started going to Church & the Emmaus, and you initially had problems with this. Then, you had issues because I had not become a Christian, and you started being upset and stuff.
Any believer who truly loved YOU would be thrilled for you get to spend time with other Christians, hearing the Word of God.
It sounds to me like any love this woman has for you is totally self-centered.
You are a wonderful creation of God's and He adores you and wants what is best for you (and gf). Have you tried asking God in prayer what is His highest and best for your life? He loves you enough to give you the very best if you ask for it.
You'll find the way to reaching that best life possible in His Word. Put into practice what you find there. It's God giving you direction to the abundant life Jesus came to give.
Your gf is not being an honest representative of Jesus Christ. You would be better off seeking the Lord Jesus Christ Himself ON YOUR OWN than trying to turn this mess of a girlfriend into a faithful, loving life partner.
_____________________________
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." -J. R. R. Tolkien
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RE: RelationShip Help - 7/19/2008 2:28:18 PM
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karlie
Posts: 16582
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Central California
Status: offline
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Moderator's Note:
This situation is already being discussed in another thread. Since only one thread per particular situation is allowed, I am closing this thread and linking it to the original. Please follow the link below to continue with this discussion, or to post any updates. Thanks!
cancelling engagement
Please do not reply to this message within the Community, or PM me regarding this message.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
Sincerely,
Karlie
Forums Modertor
_____________________________
Shoes CAN change your life...just ask Cinderella
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