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Was this the right thing to do? - 8/14/2008 5:07:32 PM
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hogpharmer
Posts: 36
Joined: 8/5/2007
Status: offline
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I have tried to ignore this, but I can't.
The guy I met online is a missionary and will most likely end up being an ordained minister at some point. I thought that I would be okay with this eventually (my parents are missionaries for crying out loud), but the truth is, my career path is not conducive to being a minister's wife (pharmacist, for those who don't know). Or maybe I don't want it to be so. I don't like the expectations of being a minister's wife. Maybe I am being selfish, but I went to pharmacy school so I could do something with my life, as there are no guarantees to me ever being married.
To add another piece to the pie, he asked my dad if it was alright for him to court me. I was hesitant then, and I am really regretting it now. He just wanted my parents to be okay with it.
I wrote and asked him to give me a week to let me think about what I want. Was that unfair? I just can't think clearly about the situation if I hear from him daily.
As you can see, I have gotten myself into a wonderful predicament. Lambast me if you must, but I'l take opinions with an open mind.
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RE: Was this the right thing to do? - 8/14/2008 5:16:31 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8036
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hogpharmer
I have tried to ignore this, but I can't.
The guy I met online is a missionary and will most likely end up being an ordained minister at some point. I thought that I would be okay with this eventually (my parents are missionaries for crying out loud), but the truth is, my career path is not conducive to being a minister's wife (pharmacist, for those who don't know). Or maybe I don't want it to be so. I don't like the expectations of being a minister's wife. Maybe I am being selfish, but I went to pharmacy school so I could do something with my life, as there are no guarantees to me ever being married.
To add another piece to the pie, he asked my dad if it was alright for him to court me. I was hesitant then, and I am really regretting it now. He just wanted my parents to be okay with it.
I wrote and asked him to give me a week to let me think about what I want. Was that unfair? I just can't think clearly about the situation if I hear from him daily.
As you can see, I have gotten myself into a wonderful predicament. Lambast me if you must, but I'l take opinions with an open mind.
You say you went into pharmacology to do something with your life as there were no guarantees of being married. If he courts you and it leads to marriage would you still desire to be a pharmacist?
If he was not a missionary would you be interested?
Is he a good match for you?
It costs you nothing to make your concerns known to him up front and then continue learning about him. It may turn out that you don't fit and will part ways. It may turn out that he is a perfect fit and the best thing that ever happened to you and more than worth the hassles of being a ministers wife. But you won't know which way it goes if you end it now.
Pray about it, take it slow, let him know what you're thinking. He's not proposed. He just wants to see if you are a good fit. You can always break up later, but you may not get a second chance with him if you throw this one away. KWIM?
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Was this the right thing to do? - 8/15/2008 2:37:03 AM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
Status: offline
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Personally, I don't see anything in your post to "lambast" you for. On the contrary, you are very wise to consider the type of lifestyle you want to have whether or not this person fits into it. A lot of people ignore there hesitancy and end up marrying against that better judgment. Needless to say, that's a recipe for an unhappy marriage or divorce.
You are under no obligation to go along with a courtship if that's not where your heart is. You are right in that the bar would be set very high for you as a minister's wife so take as much time as you need to get settled on your thoughts. If you still feel the same way in a week, you should consider letting him go so he can pursue someone who shares his vision of marriage.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Was this the right thing to do? - 8/15/2008 2:47:32 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26119
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
Personally, I don't see anything in your post to "lambast" you for. On the contrary, you are very wise to consider the type of lifestyle you want to have whether or not this person fits into it. A lot of people ignore there hesitancy and end up marrying against that better judgment. Needless to say, that's a recipe for an unhappy marriage or divorce.
You are under no obligation to go along with a courtship if that's not where your heart is. You are right in that the bar would be set very high for you as a minister's wife so take as much time as you need to get settled on your thoughts. If you still feel the same way in a week, you should consider letting him go so he can pursue someone who shares his vision of marriage.
Excellent post.
_____________________________
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RE: Was this the right thing to do? - 8/16/2008 3:57:19 PM
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losgan
Posts: 714
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Austin-Garland, Texas
Status: offline
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Though I don't have someone asking me to make this decision now, I realize with growing clarity each day that God might bring me to this point in the future.
I, too, picked a career I thought I could do forever because I knew marriage was not guaranteed. Now I have student loans to pay off, and I truly like my job.
So what if I meet someone, we get married, possibly even have kids - and it becomes our wish for me to stay home?
The thought scares me to death! But the thought of having kids and putting them in daycare and public school causes me a lot of pain.
So I've prayed that if God decides for me to give up my career, He will make it very clear. I know if that is what He has in store for me, He will provide. It's really just in the past couple of weeks that I've decided I could give up my career if God and a husband asked me to.
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