Why does God leave people single when the desire in their heart is to be married?
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 All Forums >> [People] >> Singles >> Why does God leave people single when the desire in their heart is to be married? | Page: [1] |
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Why does God leave people single when the desire in the... - 8/10/2008 2:23:25 AM
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scottiezsister
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Anyone can answer this question, but I'm specifically referring to people who never get married but always had the desire to be married. I know God gives you the desire of your heart (if it's his will). I guess I just wonder why God would put it in your heart and not give it you. That's a hard thing to cope with all your life.
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RE: Why does God leave people single when the desire in... - 8/10/2008 4:00:19 AM
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ChoirDJ
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Simply put, God works for the good of those who love him. We all have healthy and unhealthy desires to contend with. I believe God is sparing some of us from marriage because He knows deep down in our hearts that it will not be the best thing for us. He already knows the outcome of every possible choice we could ever make. Some of us will get married but perhaps He has not lead us to our soulmate because we still have some growing up to do. Lastly, I think many of us are still single because of what I called the "Naaman Syndrome". I posted this on a thread a while back to explain how this works.
quote:
ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ
Great post Roxie! I would have to say the single most important factor in finding a mate is the attitude we portray online because it speaks volumes about who we are inside and out. And we may not find Mr/Ms Right on one of the dating forums. That person could be right here monitoring our posts. You can never know for sure when and where God will bring that person into your life.
This whole dating thing (I'm not dating or looking to date anytime soon btw) reminds me of the Story of Naaman in 2 Kings 5. He was the guy that had leprosy and he took great courage when he learned from a Israelite slave that his leprosy could be healed. Notice Vs. 10-12 "Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, "go wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed." But Naaman went away angry..." If we read further on, Naaman had an expectation about how his healing was supposed to happen and it didn't happen according to his expectations. He expected Elisha to come out, wave his hand over the spot, and cure him instantly. He got angry when Elisha sent a messenger to him with the instruction to dip himself seven times in the Jordan and he was about to walk away...except for the wise counsel of his servants, who talked some sense into him. Naaman humbled himself, changed his attitude and submitted to the God's plan although it seemed ridiculous and unrealistic...and he was healed of his leprosy. He almost missed it due to his pride but he hung in there and received the blessing of his lifetime.
You're probably wondering what does have to do with singlehood. Afterall singlehood isn't some disease that we need to be cured of right? No, it isn't an illness but God would still like to bless many of us by taking away our status as singles based on our desires. The question is are you and I modern day Naamans in that we are limiting the Almighty Creator with our wayward attitudes? Are we missing out on what God wants to do because we have our own preconceived ideas about how God is going to lead us to Mr/Ms Right? Maybe we have this check off list of qualities Mr/Ms Right must have before we will even consider him/her. Like Namaan, God may be holding off on blessing us while He continues to deal with our attitudes. We think we know what we need but God created us and He knows exactly what we need in a mate. I've thrown away my list of what I think my future spouse should have because I've been there, done that, and I botched it up royally the first time. I've asked God to continue working on me with the things I need to change in order to take the woman's hand He has already selected for me if/when that time comes...And i have no idea where and when that person and I will cross paths but I am not going to say where we wont cross paths. It may be in the ministry I attend, an event, an online dating site, the grocery store...or who knows...even here.
< Message edited by ChoirDJ -- 8/10/2008 4:07:54 AM >
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Why does God leave people single when the desire in... - 8/10/2008 4:30:09 AM
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ebony101
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I posted a neat reply(#10) to this on a previous thread entitled "loving the single life" . Anyways, to answer your question, based on what someone told me if you have the desire to be married then maybe you are called to be married - just be patient and don't rush into anything.
God takes his time yet works with speed.
BTW ChoirDJ very good response.
_____________________________
'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
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RE: Why does God leave people single when the desire in... - 8/10/2008 4:40:00 AM
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Covaan_Meshuga
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Sis, I married young -- at 19.5. Widowed at 27, I remained single for ten years. Ten years of singleness does not give me a lot of knowledge in this area, especially since I had two children, too. However, being single is what one makes it. I had choices during that time: I could feel bad or I could make it fun and exciting. I usually chose the latter.
I am not going to claim that I could have pulled that off for another 10, 20, or 30 years, but I think there is a fair possibility that I could have.
But when one is married, that one is married to another individual with their own goals, their own agenda, their own wishes, their own will. The married do not have just their own goals, agendas, wishes, and will. The married are subjected to someone else's goals, agendas, wishes, and will. Sometimes, the other person's goals, agendas, wishes, and will run completely counter to their partner's.
Do you know what is worse than being single and lonely? Being married and lonely. Marriage is rarely all we expect. Some marriages never will even come near to happy, while other marriages will take years of hard, hard work to become happy. And there is no marriage in the world that was a good marriage unless the couple continually worked for it.
But let me tell you a couple stories. I was involved in both.
Story #1
On the other side of town, last week, a woman was finally standing up to a man who had made her life and those of the children miserable. She had finally had enough. She booted him. He left her with hundreds of dollars in unexpected bills. She did the right thing, but she is going to pay for it. When we talked, though, she told me that it would be worth every penny to have him gone. She is a real nice person -- compassionate and loving. He only knew how to use her. She is embarking on singleness with joy.
Story #2
A few months ago, a lady told me that from childhood, she never thought anyone would ever marry her, so she never gave marriage any thought. "Who would want me?" she told me she wondered. I could not understand her, because she is not only the one of the sweetest people I have ever met, but she is absolutely cute! Who wouldn't have wanted the privilege of a relationship with her?
But she had been going with a man for 18 years. They lived together for the first thirteen, because they didn't know any better, and she didn't think he would marry her anyway.
Then five years ago, the two of them went to church and were saved. They went home, and she began to be convicted. Three days later, she left him and rented a house. But they loved each other, so they continued a relationship -- one of purity.
Last week, she was the bride at age 40 and for the first time, and the groom is somewhere around that age. She looked so beautiful in her long, slender dress, and he was absolutely glowing. You should have heard the vows! They were said with knowledge, with conviction, with intention. It wasn't like the young who are befuddled with all the activity and the prospect of the party; they knew what they were doing. They were mature enough to understand.
Both stories took place in one week. It was amazing to watch.
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Why does God leave people single when the desire in... - 8/10/2008 7:39:55 AM
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rgod
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I'm not quite sure why, except that I do know that God knows what is best for us and that He loves us more than we can imagine. And I know deep down to my core that He is a good. So whatever God purposes for us, regardless of how we feel at the time, is best for us and for His plans and purposes in our lives.
I was really blessed by all of the responses here - ChoirDJ, Ebony101 and Covaan_Meshuga. I agree that sometimes it is something that we are not doing right - like the Naaman story that ChoirDJ wrote about. But, sometimes God just says no to our requests and we have to trust that His "no" is best for us.
I was listening to a woman speak who is a pastor of a large church. She is in her 60s - never married - still desires to be married - but the Lord has not (at least up until now) given this to her. She is very attractive, smart, spiritual, the total package. She loves her congregation - God has used her powerfully. But, God said "no." She said it is still hard for her, she still has hope to be married, but she has accepted His "no" because her main goal is to walk in the path that God has for her and not deviate. She focuses on what she has - which is a lot. And she didn't miss out on things like children, because the congregation is filled with them - and she is a spiritual mother/grandmother to many of them. God has provided for her and cared for her.
We really don't know until our last breath whether God has someone for us or not because God is full of surprises. There are some things that He has given back to me - just out of the blue - that I gave to Him over 10 years ago and I thought that God just said "no" to it - so I had come to peace with it. But the bottom line is that He really does love us and wants what is best for us.
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RE: Why does God leave people single when the desire in... - 8/10/2008 9:52:46 AM
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CoeurdeLeon_
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I've begun to wonder if the desire for marriage and children isn't just a natural outcome of the way God created humans to be and not necessarily an individually placed desire at all.
Sort of like the way the laws of physics or the weather are a result of the way He ordered the universe to be. That's how people are, they desire relationship, marriage, emotional and physical intimacy, etc. and using that verse about the desires of our heart in this context is misguided.
Just some thoughts to ponder...
_____________________________
This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus
10.13.08
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RE: Why does God leave people single when the desire in... - 8/10/2008 1:01:07 PM
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Psalms274
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That is very possible Miss Lioness ....
I met a lady years ago who truly delighted in the Lord in all she did ... always wanted to be married, but died having never married. I suspect we often so long for something, we can find a scripture that says what we want it to say ... when God may have a completely different meaning for us if we would only get outside of the box of how we believe. Our own boundaries of belief can limit our perception of what He is attempting to say to us at times.
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I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Why does God leave people single when the desire in... - 8/10/2008 2:04:21 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
I've begun to wonder if the desire for marriage and children isn't just a natural outcome of the way God created humans to be and not necessarily an individually placed desire at all.
Sort of like the way the laws of physics or the weather are a result of the way He ordered the universe to be. That's how people are, they desire relationship, marriage, emotional and physical intimacy, etc. and using that verse about the desires of our heart in this context is misguided.
Just some thoughts to ponder...
I very clearly know that the desire for marriage and children is something inborn into every human being (though some have had life experiences that don't allow them to feel those feelings). If you look across cultures, you see the same desire for marriage... in lesser-developed countries, it's a need for survival and in highly-advanced cultures such as ours, the desire remains, only now it's a desire for companionship and intimacy.
I mean, really, are our "desires" for a mate really logical? If we knew that we could have a wonderful life by ourselves, would we really want to put up with snoring every night, sit down on a toilet seat whose lid was never lowered, etc?  Truly, the desire for a mate isn't logical, but we're driven to it anyway.  That's because God knows what we need before we even need it. And that's why we need each other, as friends, while we're waiting for our mate to arrive so we're not devoid of companionship.
As to why God leaves us single... I don't think that it's all in God's doing. We do have a choice, and sometimes we make the wrong choices because of things inside of us.
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RE: Why does God leave people single when the desire in... - 8/10/2008 2:19:29 PM
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CoeurdeLeon_
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I think desires usually defy logic or at least are deeper than logic. I mean, it's very difficult to articulate why a person wants children or why one wants any number of things. We can present reasons but, usually, they don't touch the core of our longing.
What you mentioned, C-N-S, did bring up a good point. Almost everyone desires a mate, not only unbelievers in our culture but followers of other religions, so for us to think that our desire is unique is inaccurate. We may have more honorable and godly intentions, i.e. marriage for life rather than living together temporarily, but the desire is the same.
Interesting...thank you for bringing up that angle.
_____________________________
This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus
10.13.08
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RE: Why does God leave people single when the desire in... - 8/10/2008 2:21:57 PM
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CoeurdeLeon_
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalms274
Our own boundaries of belief can limit our perception of what He is attempting to say to us at times.
This is so profound and so true. I absolutely agree.
Your example is a good one of how blind we can be to what something really means if we refuse to see that our interpretation simply cannot be true in light of something else we know to be true. As long as we hang on to our misunderstandings of what God is saying we can never understand His Truths so deeply that they become a part of us.
_____________________________
This morning I was awakened by the sound of purple
colliding with the fragrance of laughter.
Eutychus
10.13.08
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RE: Why does God leave people single when the desire in... - 8/10/2008 10:10:03 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
Posts: 3645
Joined: 6/8/2005
From: a mother who let me live
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Well, I don't normally post in the singles forum. The title just caught my eye from the My Forums page, when it appeared on the side as a recently-started thread.
Bless you, Scottiezsister, as you seek to make the gifts you have been given by the Creator enough for now. I pray that he gives you the desires of your heart, even though sometimes, we are not wise enough to always know what those desires are at every given moment.
_____________________________
Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Why does God leave people single when the desire in... - 8/22/2008 8:50:30 PM
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derryderrydown
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From: Vermont
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quote:
I've begun to wonder if the desire for marriage and children isn't just a natural outcome of the way God created humans to be and not necessarily an individually placed desire at all.
This is something people forget, because the natural desire for companionship and sex has been elevated to the concept of love. For Christians, and many others, love has a spiritual connotation that implies God's guidance. I'm not saying that God doesn't guide us to good things and into the path of his will, but I can't quite believe what many people do, that there is one person (a pre-determined soulmate) that God has picked out for us. I was married for 10 years and have been single for 20. I have all the natural desires to be married and many social reasons why I wish I had been married long ago. I don't know why it happened this way for me, because I know God loves me like crazy. We live in a world that has been twisted askew, so things don't end up perfect. We also live in a culture where we are expected to meet our mates by chance, not by community and family cooperation. In the society we live in, our chances, as Christians, are bad at best. God will work it all out for our good, but life isn't a romance novel.
_____________________________
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
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