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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 11:51:08 AM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1265
Joined: 8/13/2005
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Just for the record. I haven't asked anyone to remove anything. That is your choice.
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Life Trumps Choice
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:03:53 PM
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KatMack
Posts: 1040
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Along the Canopy Roads
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
Just for the record. I haven't asked anyone to remove anything. That is your choice.
No, you didn't ask me to remove it. But you and Ryanne have made it clear that I'm "being devisive" by having it. Again, when do we start looking at our own motives and issues instead of accusing others?
I don't want to be argumentative here, but I think it's something we need to address and not just regarding the siggys. As EmilyAnn and Amber said, they feel condemned and like people are looking funny at them when they formula feed in public. I remember feeling that way and feeling like I needed to justify myself. DH finally told me to look- really look- at the people that I thought were condemning me. Guess what? They weren't. It was my own guilt that was making me paranoid. Not saying that's always the case. There are those hideously sanctimonious people out there, but we can't let them rule our lives, feelings and decisions. We're all trying to do the very best for our children and I think we're all doing a darn good job of it too!
--Kat
_____________________________
<-- My sweet blessings.
"God will do what God will do. What I'm responsible for is to believe he's all he says he is and obey what he tells me to do. " -magdaleine
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:05:51 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6018
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KatMack
We're all trying to do the very best for our children and I think we're all doing a darn good job of it too!
Well then maybe that is what we should be "proud" of, rather than how we do it.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:08:51 PM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1265
Joined: 8/13/2005
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quote:
There are those hideously sanctimonious people out there, but we can't let them rule our lives, feelings and decisions.
And I don't. It was just an observation. Honestly, the formula feeders aren't the ones getting bent out of shape over this.
_____________________________
Life Trumps Choice
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:09:17 PM
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KatMack
Posts: 1040
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Along the Canopy Roads
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: KatMack
We're all trying to do the very best for our children and I think we're all doing a darn good job of it too!
Well then maybe that is what we should be "proud" of, rather than how we do it.
But where is the problem in being proud of some of the ways we do it? I know people that are proud of giving birth totally naturally with no drugs. I'm proud of my epidurals (in fact, would have gotten them at 8 months pregnant if my doctor let me!). Does that mean I should be upset at those that go natural and expect them to never express pride at their decision in my presence?
Yet again, when do we become responsible for OUR reactions to others?
--Kat
_____________________________
<-- My sweet blessings.
"God will do what God will do. What I'm responsible for is to believe he's all he says he is and obey what he tells me to do. " -magdaleine
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:14:30 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6018
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Could I please just remind everyone of the purpose of this thread?
Here is my OP:
quote:
Did breast-feeding just not work out for you?
Did you just not like it?
Were there particular problems that you found made things just too difficult?
Did you feel, and/or were you made to feel guilty for not breastfeeding at all/beyond a certain point?
(Note: yes of course breast milk is what is best for babies for a whole variety of reasons, not the least being the antibodies it provides. This is not intended to be a debate thread - rather a sharing and support thread for those mums for whom breastfeeding just didn't work out or wasn't an option.)
And to expand a little:
This thread is intended as a support thread. What I want is for women to be able to see this as a safe place where they can come and vent, share how they feel, WITHOUT anyone trying to rationalise their feelings or telling them that they shouldn't be feeling those things.
Thanks.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:17:16 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2957
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
Status: offline
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Wow, I'm so surpised at how many of your mommas felt guilty and a little paranoid when going to the store to buy formula or making a bottle in public. I felt that way too when I was buying formula for Timmy. And, even worse because I was using WIC vouchers to get them. I thought people would think "Typical low income mom, not educated enough about breastfeeding at the tax payer's expense." And, then it was the same thing when I bought some formula for Jimmy, and I just felt like I was headed down the same road of making my supply worse. One lady asked me if I was supplementing with Jimmy, since I only bought one little can of liquid formula. And, I told her I was. And, she actually said that it would be a downward spiral, and eventually I wouldn't have any milk left, so I shouldn't suppliment at all. I responded in a firm tone, "I already know that, but he's still hungry after nursing and after spitting up all my breastmilk!" And, walked away. She ended up being wrong though.
I would have been a bad mother to let my baby be hungry and unstatisfied. You are all good moms because you fed your babies when they were hungry and didn't let them starve for the sake of nursing.
Emily, I wanted to encourage you and let you know that I pumped for 7 months and supplimented with formula almost the whole time. I nursed when I was home, but I wanted to let you know that what you're doing can last a while, and you'll be able to give the baby your breasmilk and supplement with formula for a while. Slowly your supply will decrease, but then you just up the formula intake. It's not a bad thing. Just keep pumping away if it doesn't cause you too much stress, and keep upping the formula as needed. I finally had to quit fighting with myself and just say to myself, "I'll give him as much breastmilk as I have, and the rest is formula and that is okay."
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:19:06 PM
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KatMack
Posts: 1040
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Along the Canopy Roads
Status: online
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I'm trying to offer support! I'm trying to help people see that they may not be being condemned like they think they are. Instead I'm accused of being devisive!
YET AGAIN: When, when, when do we start to look at our own motives? I seriously think many people allow their own guilt to cloud how they view things and others reactions. Life's a lot better when we're aware of that and check ourselves before we accuse others!
--Kat
_____________________________
<-- My sweet blessings.
"God will do what God will do. What I'm responsible for is to believe he's all he says he is and obey what he tells me to do. " -magdaleine
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:22:35 PM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1265
Joined: 8/13/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
I'm trying to offer support! I'm trying to help people see that they may not be being condemned like they think they are. Instead I'm accused of being devisive!
Kat, I never used the word condemned and I think it is a little extreme. I also stated that I knew the original intent of the moo club was for encouragement. Why are y'all so upset?
_____________________________
Life Trumps Choice
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:26:15 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 6962
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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For me and my family, breast feeding was best. Just because that was best for me and mine, doesn't mean that it's the best idea or even a good idea for another family. I was the only breastfeeding mom that I knew. I met with a lot of opposition from family and friends. Quite honestly, I probably would have switched to formula because of the pressures from my family and friends. However, formula cost too much money and we were dirt poor. I had to do things as inexpensively as possible or I wouldn't have been able to stay home with my babies.
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
No-one ever did but I did get a large number of women asking me "Are you feeding him yourself?" - which made me want to say "No actually, I go out into the street and let any old person feed him".
ROFL!!
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:28:38 PM
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KatMack
Posts: 1040
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Along the Canopy Roads
Status: online
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I know you didn't use the word condemned, Laura. I was referring to those that said they feel like people are looking at them and thinking bad things about them when they are out buying formula or giving their babies a bottle.
Honestly, I think I just need to unsubscribe here. There is only one thread that I've ever felt maligned for my parenting choices in and it ain't the breastfeeding one.
--Kat
_____________________________
<-- My sweet blessings.
"God will do what God will do. What I'm responsible for is to believe he's all he says he is and obey what he tells me to do. " -magdaleine
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:31:35 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6018
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KatMack
I'm trying to offer support! I'm trying to help people see that they may not be being condemned like they think they are. Instead I'm accused of being devisive!
Kat
I appreciate that your intention is to help, but it isn't really what this thread is for. Could I point you <points up> to my post #459?
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:35:31 PM
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KatMack
Posts: 1040
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Along the Canopy Roads
Status: online
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No worries, Manda. This will be my last visit to this thread. I stand by all I said and I would like to point out I never said anything negative about formula feeding (having done it myself that be pretty counter-intuative). And I'm not leaving because I disagree with the parenting choices being made.
--Kat
_____________________________
<-- My sweet blessings.
"God will do what God will do. What I'm responsible for is to believe he's all he says he is and obey what he tells me to do. " -magdaleine
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:39:17 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3711
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I'd like to believe I'm the kind of person who supports all ways of mothering a baby. Cosleep or not, breast feed or not, work for pay or not... But if I'm honest with myself, I think I could be better about supporting women who are not identical to me.
My MIL and SIL both bottle fed for reasons that were a result of bad doctor advice and ignorance, and while on the outside I kept my mouth shut, on the inside I was critical of them, even though it really wasn't their fault. I think I can stand to work on my own heart a little, to have a little less "pride" about breastfeeding.
I also did not like the Moo Club tagline, for a number of reasons, which is why I didn't join in. But it's other peoples' choices what to put it their tag line, so I kept quiet.
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This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:39:53 PM
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RepentanceIsRequired
Posts: 1111
Joined: 9/14/2005
From: Home is where the heart is.
Status: offline
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quote:
YET AGAIN: When, when, when do we start to look at our own motives? I seriously think many people allow their own guilt to cloud how they view things and others reactions. Life's a lot better when we're aware of that and check ourselves before we accuse others!
I so totally agree. This was what I had to focus on when I noticed that my supply was not keeping up when I went back to work. I had gone through it with my first two, so I should have been prepared for it to happen again. I was so bound and determined that the only way my daughter was going to survive was to give her breast milk. I had to chang my thinking, and my attitude very quickly. About 4 weeks into working, my supply began to decrease. I was the one telling myself that giving Mary formula was second rate. I was the one telling myself that those who breast feed are better/have better bodies than I do. Was that the truth, not at all!! Thank God I was able to vent to my husband and he really helped me redirect my thinking. My children are ALL very happy and healthy even as formula fed babies.
Oh, and just my two cents, I was a little hurt when I saw the "moo club" thing, but I had to quickly redirect my attitude again from "poor me" to "good for them". Because after all giving any breast milk even if it is just for a couple of weeks, is great for baby. So I can proudly say, kudos to the "moo club" for it is something to be proud of.
And to all of us formula mommas, KUDOS to us too!! We are doing the single most important thing for our children. We are FEEDING our children. Whether we buy it ourselves, or if it is provided by WIC (which I am very grateful to have) we are still nurturing our children. I love it right now when I give Mary a bottle, she likes to pull up her feet and hold her feet. Sometimes she wants me to hold them. So ladies, as I tell my kids, buck up buttercup! We are all right on track.
_____________________________
--Nicole--
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:53:41 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6018
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RepentanceIsRequired
I so totally agree. This was what I had to focus on when I noticed that my supply was not keeping up when I went back to work. I had gone through it with my first two, so I should have been prepared for it to happen again. I was so bound and determined that the only way my daughter was going to survive was to give her breast milk. I had to chang my thinking, and my attitude very quickly. About 4 weeks into working, my supply began to decrease. I was the one telling myself that giving Mary formula was second rate. I was the one telling myself that those who breast feed are better/have better bodies than I do. Was that the truth, not at all!! Thank God I was able to vent to my husband and he really helped me redirect my thinking. My children are ALL very happy and healthy even as formula fed babies.
The thing is, Nicole, it can take a while to get to that place. It's great that you had your dh to vent at and help you gain some perspective, but not everyone has that, and not everyone is ready to move to that place. Some people need time to vent first - especially if they have repressed a lot of their negative feelings and kept them to themselves. This thread is primarily for venting, and being heard. It's not a place where you should feel that if you say something "wrong", you're going to be corrected and put right.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 12:54:54 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2957
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
Status: offline
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I've heard that too, Ruth. It wasn't put that bluntly but it was hinted at by the advice nurse I called when Timmy was a week old or so.
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 1:46:54 PM
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Ps103
Posts: 11689
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Here, now
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MODERATOR'S NOTE :: ATTENTION PLEASE
Ladies, there seems to be some confusion about the purpose of this thread.
This is a support thread for women who did not breast feed (for whatever reason), not a debate thread.
If you are not a non-breast-feeder, or if you have nothing supportive to say, this is not the thread for you. Please find another thread to post in.
Please do not reply to this message within the Community.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
Please do not send me PMs regarding this message.
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Fasten your seatbelts...it's going to be a bumpy night.
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RE: When breast WASN'T best - 8/19/2008 2:19:11 PM
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waiting2be_called
Posts: 202
Joined: 8/25/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KatMack
...
It's easier to blame the breastfeeders for making us feel bad for our choices rather than realize we're projecting our own guilt.
...
I am aware that my fear of judgement is based on my own guilt, and that it is just a fear for the most part. But I am also aware that there are many around me who are so bold as to tell me their negative opinions of mothers who formula feed. And there are others who don't have to say it directly to me... they make their feelings obvious.
I'm not offended by the signatures at all. Like I said earlier, I find them cute. I am just proud to be a momma who can provide for her baby, I don't need to break it down into specific categories.
And really, I could add the "Moo Club" to my siggy too since I am told (by a good friend who is the wife of a dairy farmer) that even some cows have to supplement or rely on other cows for their milk supply.  That encouraged me, LOL! They aren't shunned for not being able to produce their milk, or feed their calves, and yet, as dairy cows, it's their purpose!
Back to the OP:
My baby girl is spitting up quite a bit. My gp suggested that she is just drinking too fast or too much at each feeding since it doesn't smell like vomit. It smells exactly like the formula. It just runs out of her mouth. I just don't know what to do about it. We try giving her less, but she cries for more. We take breaks to burp and to just rest, but nothing seems to help. I'd estimate that she spits up 1 ounce following each feed. Because of the smell I don't think it would be allergy related...and my gp didn't seem concerned about that either, but obviously I don't know.
Any suggestions?
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<---- My dog Ani, and my husband's TARDIS.
Stephanie M.
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