|
manda59 -> RE: Baby Chat (take 3) (5/1/2008 3:49:05 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Flintejae I worry that I've created a potential disaster because he won't sleep or rest unless he's on or with one of us. He has zero independence. I feel a lot of emotions right now. One is definitely in the family of failure. Janine, First of all, I will say what you're likely to be told here anyway - that Jadon is a baby, a very young one at that, and he is supposed to be dependent on you and Jason. He is not supposed to be independent yet. Secondly, however he is you haven't "created" anything - he is like he is because that's just how he is. You haven't made him like it. Thirdly, regarding "failure". In this instance, you haven't actually "failed". But in other areas you will, we all do. None of us do everything right. None of us is the perfect parent. You will make life a lot easier for yourself if you try and drop this "must get everything perfect" thing, otherwise you will constantly be setting yourself up for "failing". Parenthood is about trial and error, for all of us. Try and let yourself off the hook. (And btw, you're not failing your baby by letting him feel safe and secure.) Fourthly, I'd like to ask you who this pressure (re Jadon's "zero independence" is coming from - whether it's from yourself or whether it's from other people. If it's from other people, stuff them and carry on doing what feels right to you. Believe in yourself, be confident in yourself, tell other people as little as possible, and choose not to allow what they say to undermine you. If it's from yourself, it might help to stop and think and break it all down into bite-sized chunks. When does it bother you the most that he sleeps/rests with you/Jason? Is it during the day or at night? It will help for you to identify when it bothers you the most, and deal with just one of them (day or night) at a time. If it is during the day, do you know why that is? is it because you just want to be on your own (which is fine), or is that you are feeling frustrated because of things you think you can't do? One immediate option is to ask for help from some of your many friends/family that you have around you. Then you can start to work out a plan for him to gradually learn to sleep by himself during the day (many mums find this starts by choosing to take them out in the stroller a little while after a while, and the baby learning to sleep alone there; the car can also be a good way of helping them learn to sleep on their own); once they've done that, you can try putting them in their cot for just one sleep per day. If it's at night that it bothers you most, you can start putting him down in his cot then either before or after you've rocked him to sleep, try music, staying nearby etc - but personally, I would recommend you waiting another month or so before trying that. It might make all the difference.
|
|
|
|