RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (Full Version)

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rcjames -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/14/2008 5:08:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lightshineon

I humbly disagree rc, sometimes you do not know what type of spiritual abuse is going on. If her own husband issaying this do you not think their is a problem?


You of course are more than welcome to disagree.

I personally would doubt that the Pastor has said what he was accused of saying. I know I would not have nor or support a pastor that would let his family be out of order and/or whine or complain about his maritial situation.

Please note;

1 Ti 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;

1Ti 3:3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;

1Ti 3:4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;

1Ti 3:5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)

I could be wrong, and I have been before (once or twice), but where does it say that a Pastor's wife has to be "Rebecca of Sunnybrook farm". I think the Scripture never mentions a Pastor's wife.

And there has been nothing put forth on this thread except the opinion of the original postor. And I say we have a corundum here; trying to decide the correctness of a situaton without sufficient knowledge, evidence, or witness to do so.

Now I am personally blessed with a wife of 46 years that is an outgoing, friendly, type A personality, God fearing, tongue talking, Bible reading, and example setting Believer for all the females (and males) in my congregation: But if she was an introverted, type b, quite type of lady it would not be a sin by any biblical definition.

Thanks
RC



LaurainAL -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/14/2008 5:29:04 PM)

quote:

Now I am personally blessed with a wife of 46 years that is an outgoing, friendly, type A personality, God fearing, tongue talking, Bible reading, and example setting Believer for all the females (and males) in my congregation: But if she was an introverted, type b, quite type of lady it would not be a sin by any biblical definition.


Not to derail this thread, but I have a question. A few weeks ago I was terribly homesick one Sunday morning. I knew it was going to be difficult for me to be the upbeat, happy, shaking everyone's hand, kind of pastors wife that day. My wonderful husband sensed that I was down and suggested that I take the kids and drive a 1 1/2 to go to my home church and see my Daddy. Was I wrong to want to get away from my church for one Sunday and just be Laura, not Laura-The-Preachers-Wife?



buckifn -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/14/2008 5:42:01 PM)

quote:

It was in post #12...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Buyoil

It is difficult to be in such a church where i feel the leadership is crippled. Clearly the pastor and his wife are not moving in tandem in the spirit. My pastor has privately even mentioned that if he was a non-christian, he would have walked out of his marriage many times already.


Just tweeked a little.


I missed that..well to address that- A. The statement about "if he wasn't a christian" could be true for most of us about MANY things..because if it were not for God in my life I prob would not even have a marriage period...and most certainly would not be serving in a church. so that could have been a remark which meant nothing bad....

and B if a pastor said something to someone "in private" and they go on to share it with the world I don't think that is honoring God either.

I stand by what I said. There is a biblical answer to dealing with disagreements and even then it must be dealt with in love and also it is up to the church bylaw's and the church leader's to deal with a pastor they think is in need of correction.



pstrdebi -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/14/2008 7:35:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

Now I am personally blessed with a wife of 46 years that is an outgoing, friendly, type A personality, God fearing, tongue talking, Bible reading, and example setting Believer for all the females (and males) in my congregation: But if she was an introverted, type b, quite type of lady it would not be a sin by any biblical definition.

Thanks
RC


AMEN!!!!



agapetos -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/14/2008 7:57:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bzirk

quote:

ORIGINAL: buyoil

It is difficult to be in such a church where i feel the leadership is crippled. Clearly the pastor and his wife are not moving in tandem in the spirit. My pastor has privately even mentioned that if he was a non-christian, he would have walked out of his marriage many times already.


The account I highlighted is not good. It is truly bothersome for the pastor to be saying this about his wife -- even if she deserves it. This is not the way for him to handle the situation with her at all.
I agree with bzirk. Your pastor says that he'd have walked out of his marriage many times because of his wife yet he is
quote:

My pastor is a very kind, considerate, thoughtful and pastoral person, really a gentle shepherd. However his wife is the absolute opposite, with very low EQ, she does't talk much, goes about daily with a sour face, and so far I have never seen people being nourished by her.
and you wonder why she isn't happy... her husband may be all the things you say he is to his congregation, but he sure ain't behaving that way towards his wife...

MO ~ he needs to change his attitude towards his wife and she will change hers towards the congregation because she will feel loved and able to love.

quote:

Was I wrong to want to get away from my church for one Sunday and just be Laura, not Laura-The-Preachers-Wife?
I think you have a wonderful husband who knows how to cherish his wife.



buckifn -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/14/2008 10:39:38 PM)

quote:

Was I wrong to want to get away from my church for one Sunday and just be Laura, not Laura-The-Preachers-Wife?


Never let another person change who you know you are. God created YOU. period. end of story.



buyoil -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/15/2008 12:06:24 AM)

dear all,

i wrote the post sincerely to seek biblical advice, not knowing that it will stoke a big fire. I totally apologise to all who have been offended by my posts, especially to my pastor and his wife.

I should attend to the plank in my eye and not the speck of dust in my neighbour's.

I sincerely love God with all my heart and will continue to love my pastor and his family, wife included. Will be praying for them with utmost sincerity.



crownlaurel -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/15/2008 8:25:09 AM)

Buyoil, I hope our discussion hasn't scared you off and that you were able to glean Godly, Biblical advice and insight from the thread. I've been here a long time, though I don't post often. We have pastors and laypreachers who are very direct and bold in how hey approach subjects, but they do so in love and based on the Word of God. We also have people from all walks of life with all sorts of experiences.

I for one was not offended by your post. I was saddened because I have been on the other end and I am not at all what some people have thought me to be. I shared my story only to provide another side of the coin. I pray that you didn't see my posts as accusatory and I am sorry if any part of it came across that way. I pray that you have seen from some of the threads here that there is probably much more to the story than than a good gentle pastor and his mean wife. If he is willing to share with a church member privately that he secretly desires to divorce his wife, he is as much or more in the wrong both in marriage and ministry as she is, and I sincerely hope that his comment was taken out of context and he didn't truly mean it the way it was perceived.

I thank you for seeing that you may have your own plank...we all do. Continue to seek our Father's will and His insight and love for them. Pastors are just people and pastoral families are under great stress these days, so thank you for determining to pray for them. I pray that you will pray about the opportunity to reach out to her in love.



EJA -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/15/2008 3:56:49 PM)

quote:

i come from a very small church, size about 40, and will like to seek some advice. My pastor is a very kind, considerate, thoughtful and pastoral person, really a gentle shepherd. However his wife is the absolute opposite, with very low EQ, she does't talk much, goes about daily with a sour face, and so far I have never seen people being nourished by her


Things are not always what they appear to be.



BibleL7 -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/16/2008 5:25:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

quote:

ORIGINAL: lightshineon

I humbly disagree rc, sometimes you do not know what type of spiritual abuse is going on. If her own husband issaying this do you not think their is a problem?


You of course are more than welcome to disagree.

I personally would doubt that the Pastor has said what he was accused of saying. I know I would not have nor or support a pastor that would let his family be out of order and/or whine or complain about his maritial situation.

Please note;

1 Ti 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;

1Ti 3:3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;

1Ti 3:4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;

1Ti 3:5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)

I could be wrong, and I have been before (once or twice), but where does it say that a Pastor's wife has to be "Rebecca of Sunnybrook farm". I think the Scripture never mentions a Pastor's wife.
And there has been nothing put forth on this thread except the opinion of the original postor. And I say we have a corundum here; trying to decide the correctness of a situaton without sufficient knowledge, evidence, or witness to do so.

Now I am personally blessed with a wife of 46 years that is an outgoing, friendly, type A personality, God fearing, tongue talking, Bible reading, and example setting Believer for all the females (and males) in my congregation: But if she was an introverted, type b, quite type of lady it would not be a sin by any biblical definition.

Thanks
RC


1Ti 3:11 Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things.



rcjames -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/16/2008 8:21:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BibleL7
1Ti 3:11 Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things.


Thanks, and I do not see where the wife under discussion is in contrast to any of these requirements.

Thanks
RC



rcjames -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/16/2008 8:24:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
Not to derail this thread, but I have a question. A few weeks ago I was terribly homesick one Sunday morning. I knew it was going to be difficult for me to be the upbeat, happy, shaking everyone's hand, kind of pastors wife that day. My wonderful husband sensed that I was down and suggested that I take the kids and drive a 1 1/2 to go to my home church and see my Daddy. Was I wrong to want to get away from my church for one Sunday and just be Laura, not Laura-The-Preachers-Wife?


Laura,

You absolutely were not wrong, though there are many who would disagree with me.

Thanks
RC



ruthyrich -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/16/2008 11:45:43 AM)

May I suggest, you buy her a copy of, "THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE", by Rick Warren for a b-day or other occasion.

It has alot in it about just how to be a better christian in general.

It helped me overcome alot. Including emotional abuse and where I stand as a member of the church and a christian. It has actually put the bible in a perspective that fit into the issues everyone faces today.

Or better yet, give a copy to the pastor. Maybe suggest that he use it as a study plan. Our small church did this and it is amazing the difference it has made. People now stay behind to help put up chairs, clean up, go on misistry trips in the community and just get involved. It has made a great difference in the church and in my life as a christian.

RR



rcjames -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/16/2008 12:00:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ruthyrich

May I suggest, you buy her a copy of, "THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE", by Rick Warren for a b-day or other occasion.

It has alot in it about just how to be a better christian in general.

It helped me overcome alot. Including emotional abuse and where I stand as a member of the church and a christian. It has actually put the bible in a perspective that fit into the issues everyone faces today.

Or better yet, give a copy to the pastor. Maybe suggest that he use it as a study plan. Our small church did this and it is amazing the difference it has made. People now stay behind to help put up chairs, clean up, go on misistry trips in the community and just get involved. It has made a great difference in the church and in my life as a christian.


I will withhold my opinion of "Purpose Driven Life", but would ask where th Pastor's wife in question needs that or anyother book, as she is evidently not in sin, just doesn't happen to meet the expections of a member; and those expections are not upheld by Scripture.

Thsnks
RC



pstrdebi -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/16/2008 2:14:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rcjames

Laura,

You absolutely were not wrong, though there are many who would disagree with me.

Thanks
RC


I wouldn't disagree! My old Pastor and mentor told me one day when I asked if I was wrong in foregoing church one day in order to spend much needed time with someone. He told me "Church is where you take it..." If you are going to be refreshed and nourished... there is nothing wrong with that. I know another Pastors wife who go's to another church in another town when her husband is away.

Sometimes a new perspective, a new face, a new surrounding... if even for a day... can be just the medicine we need!

Blessings...
Pastor Debi [:D]



hjemerson -> RE: pastor's wife with very low EQ (5/16/2008 3:33:15 PM)

It has been some well meaning help stated here. But we are human, and need to pray and trust on the Lord .Several have used the text in the Bible on how to go about this issue. !- Just because he is a pastor and his family is under the glass no one shoud be treat as I have hear from the post she treats them. Pastor family or not. Yes I belive some ,2 or more Maybe the deacons need to take with the couple , It may be time for a retreat for the couple . destrss, look at the plans they have for the Lords work. Check and see what the Lord has in His plans for them, As for the other female cousin in the picture This is a problem she need to Pray over and seek the Lords will. It will come back thue time beening a single worker in the church, (as in I have been told many church will not call a single paster/worshipleader or Youth pastor) This pastor may to re thinks how he comes across with the church family and HIS home Life is up for Example to all, Not prefect but how he relaies on the Lord to Work thur trouble times. As Mentor from outside his church could be a great help durning this time. In a small Chrch it is so easy to know eveything even when ypu do not want to. It may be the way the Lord id showing the church /the pastor it is time to move on . May Each step be done inLOVE/PRAY/WITH GRACE/ with this in the chruch how can it grow? Who would want to to bring a new or non christian in to this envormrnt?



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