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Pegging singles - 6/14/2008 6:54:30 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2675
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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In what ways were you put "into a box" just because you were single? Mine was that I kept being told I HAD to get a four year degree in case I didn't marry (in all fairness, NOT by parents). Even though, I KNEW I was NOT college material, I went anyway, due to all that pressure. And it was a disaster. True, not every woman marries, but not every woman is college material either. If I had got a job at Target and worked my way up to management, that woud NOT have been a sin. If I had just kept doing nanny work, that would NOT have been a sin. If I had just got a preschool certificate, instead of going for the four year education degree, that would NOT have been a sin (and it's exactly what I wish I would have done). School was always hard for me, and it still to this day bothers me that people assumed that just because I didn't have a husband on the horizon, it automatically meant I had brains that I did not have.
When I tried to tell people that that was the path I would rather take, they always slammed me that that stuff didn't make much money. Well, who cares? A single woman alone doesn't need to make millions anyway. Besides, an unmarried woman has her life to go back to school if she wants to.
So, do share, what things in your life were expected of you just because you were single, even though, they didn't really match you?
< Message edited by OneOfHisJewels -- 6/15/2008 2:48:37 AM >
_____________________________
Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/14/2008 7:02:29 PM
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shemaromans
Posts: 3875
Joined: 3/30/2007
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I can't think of anything, but then again I never really paid (or pay) attention to what other people thought (ot think) I should do. I listened to my parents to a certain degree, but they never placed any pressures on me. They just always wanted me to be happy.
_____________________________
"But as for me, it is good to be near God." Psalm 73:28
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/14/2008 7:17:47 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2547
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
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I'm the same. I don't pay too much attention to what people expect of me. I do what I want and when I want. I think that's part of the reason I'm single.
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
<<<dogsledding at the Canadian Rockies
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/14/2008 7:55:08 PM
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Pauley464
Posts: 526
Joined: 7/29/2007
From: Washington, Indiana
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I don't know if this fits the intent of your OP, but I found out at a high school reunion that most of my classmates thought I was homosexual because I am single.
I have discovered that people assume I have a large amount of disposable income and free time to go on mission trips over seas and take part in other special projects.
Some assume that I dislike children or that I'm afraid to make a commitment or refuse to settle down.
Others believe that I spend all of my free time partying.
Still others assume, without asking, that because I'm single, I never have plans for special occasions and I' m willing to serve all the couples at the St. Valentines Day dinner.
It gets really annoying and discouraging.
< Message edited by Pauley464 -- 6/14/2008 8:01:19 PM >
_____________________________
There is nothing so important that it can't be put off until tomorrow.
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/14/2008 10:40:44 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2103
Joined: 11/8/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pauley464
I don't know if this fits the intent of your OP, but I found out at a high school reunion that most of my classmates thought I was homosexual because I am single.
I have discovered that people assume I have a large amount of disposable income and free time to go on mission trips over seas and take part in other special projects.
Some assume that I dislike children or that I'm afraid to make a commitment or refuse to settle down.
Others believe that I spend all of my free time partying.
Still others assume, without asking, that because I'm single, I never have plans for special occasions and I' m willing to serve all the couples at the St. Valentines Day dinner.
It gets really annoying and discouraging.
I really, really, hate this one, Pauley. It's almost as annoying to be told that the Valentine's dinner is "for everyone". Like I want to go sit around in a group of exclusive couples and either sit alone or as a "third wheel".
Nah. I'd rather just stay at home with my family. Or take myself out somewhere.
However, to answer the OP...in my situation, people are just surprised that I want to remarry. I don't understand why...I'm not that old, only 48 (and I was only 38 when I was widowed). Why wouldn't I want to remarry? Is it because I have 4 children? Or maybe because I was so in love with my dh?
Who knows.
besiderself
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/14/2008 11:18:53 PM
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A-Tech
Posts: 67
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Illinois
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There was one person that was convinced that I was called to be a missionary based on the fact that I was still single. He pretty much did everything except fly me overseas himself.
_____________________________
"Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God."
--Corrie ten Boom
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/14/2008 11:30:57 PM
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epic74
Posts: 20
Joined: 6/13/2008
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When I'm with my kids I'm just invisible. When I'm alone I get looked at like "oh boy, here's the single player, wolf, ready to destroy our innocent sheep". At least that's the vibe I get.
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/15/2008 2:09:50 AM
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okrox
Posts: 157
Joined: 4/28/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
However, to answer the OP...in my situation, people are just surprised that I want to remarry. I don't understand why...I'm not that old, only 48 (and I was only 38 when I was widowed). Why wouldn't I want to remarry?
Who knows.
besiderself
Oh, doesn't that just make you CRAZY NUTS? When married-for-ever women sit around and shake their heads and say, "OH, if something ever happened to _____, I'd never remarry. Oh, no. I'd just stay single. Why would I want to get married again?"
Sometimes, If I'm really brave, I look at them dead serious and say, "You do NOT have any idea what you are saying. You have No Idea." But mostly, I just say something like, "Well, good. Less competition for me."
Sheesh.
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/15/2008 2:47:03 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2675
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
ORIGINAL: okrox
quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
However, to answer the OP...in my situation, people are just surprised that I want to remarry. I don't understand why...I'm not that old, only 48 (and I was only 38 when I was widowed). Why wouldn't I want to remarry?
Who knows.
besiderself
Oh, doesn't that just make you CRAZY NUTS? When married-for-ever women sit around and shake their heads and say, "OH, if something ever happened to _____, I'd never remarry. Oh, no. I'd just stay single. Why would I want to get married again?"
Sometimes, If I'm really brave, I look at them dead serious and say, "You do NOT have any idea what you are saying. You have No Idea." But mostly, I just say something like, "Well, good. Less competition for me."
Sheesh.
Yeah, that's bad, and I also don't like it when people say they wouldn't want their spouse to remarry after they die. Some of the most happily married couples I know are the ones that say if they died they WOULD want their spouse to remarry because they would want their spouse to be happy, and they also say they themselves would remarry asap, if it could happen that way. I even know one woman who had a close single friend, and she told her husband to marry that friend if she died.  However, she did not die, and God did finally send the friend a husband, so it all worked out. he he
Ok, sorry, veered a little off topic..
_____________________________
Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/15/2008 2:49:09 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2675
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
I found out at a high school reunion that most of my classmates thought I was homosexual because I am single.
I hate it when people do that to men. That is SO rude! That's one way I think single men have it harder than single women. I don't think anyone has ever accused me of being a lesbian.
_____________________________
Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices, what wondrous things He's done, in whom the world rejoices.
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/15/2008 8:46:18 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2103
Joined: 11/8/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
ORIGINAL: okrox
quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
However, to answer the OP...in my situation, people are just surprised that I want to remarry. I don't understand why...I'm not that old, only 48 (and I was only 38 when I was widowed). Why wouldn't I want to remarry?
Who knows.
besiderself
Oh, doesn't that just make you CRAZY NUTS? When married-for-ever women sit around and shake their heads and say, "OH, if something ever happened to _____, I'd never remarry. Oh, no. I'd just stay single. Why would I want to get married again?"
Sometimes, If I'm really brave, I look at them dead serious and say, "You do NOT have any idea what you are saying. You have No Idea." But mostly, I just say something like, "Well, good. Less competition for me."
Sheesh.
Yeah, that's bad, and I also don't like it when people say they wouldn't want their spouse to remarry after they die. Some of the most happily married couples I know are the ones that say if they died they WOULD want their spouse to remarry because they would want their spouse to be happy, and they also say they themselves would remarry asap, if it could happen that way. I even know one woman who had a close single friend, and she told her husband to marry that friend if she died. However, she did not die, and God did finally send the friend a husband, so it all worked out. he he
Ok, sorry, veered a little off topic..
That was me and my dh. We both wanted the other to marry if one of us died.
Michael...I'm doin' my best, baby. Maybe, since you're there with Him, you could remind the Lord about that? 
besiderself
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/15/2008 9:45:56 AM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 2547
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: The little house in the prairie
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quote:
However, to answer the OP...in my situation, people are just surprised that I want to remarry. I don't understand why...I'm not that old, only 48 (and I was only 38 when I was widowed). Why wouldn't I want to remarry? Is it because I have 4 children? Or maybe because I was so in love with my dh?
I think this is the case with me. Everyone of my male friend is shock when they hear that I want to marry. They think I'm so good and happy by myself. They see me as afraid to get close to people. NOne of them would ever set me up with anyone for fear that I'll just reject anyone and everyone. Also, they think that I'll only date someone as active as I am, which is proabably true. I've never thought of it until they brought it up. Now that I think about it, if I meet someone who's not willing to be adventurous, I doubt that we'll click.
_____________________________
O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God to Thee
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
<<<dogsledding at the Canadian Rockies
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/15/2008 1:31:27 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12857
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
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I don't think I've been pegged - at least not to my knowledge. The biggest thing is that everyone who first meets me assumes I'm married, and when they find out that I am not, then they are shocked. Maybe it's a reverse pegging for me?????
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/15/2008 4:47:54 PM
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BugLady
Posts: 2461
Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
quote:
I found out at a high school reunion that most of my classmates thought I was homosexual because I am single.
I hate it when people do that to men. That is SO rude! That's one way I think single men have it harder than single women. I don't think anyone has ever accused me of being a lesbian.
Depends upon who is doing the pegging, I suppose. It's not only rude. It can be truly damaging to one's reputation. Not to mention hurting your chances of getting asked out. I used to work in a male-dominated career. I found out after I was no longer in the field, I was rumored to be a lesbian by *some*.  I've always made a point of not discussing my personal relationships at work. It just seems to me when you do it gives people something to gossip about. But as I've learned, when you give them nothing, they'll come up with something anyway.
I'm pretty sure some people think they've got me pegged, but what do they know? Unless they've taken the time to speak directly with me and get to know me, they can't get all the facts necessary to accurately "peg" me.
quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
I think people automatically assume that, since I'm divorced and in my 40s with kids and I'm strong and independent, that I'm a bitter man-hater.
At least that's the impression I get sometimes.
*sigh* I get the impression people think this of me sometimes too. Just because a woman has been treated really badly by a select few, does not mean she cannot differentiate between the bonafide jerks, and the rest of mankind. The rest of mankind, as a whole, has the same disdain for the jerks as the women do.
quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
The biggest thing is that everyone who first meets me assumes I'm married, and when they find out that I am not, then they are shocked. Maybe it's a reverse pegging for me?????
I get this a lot too, Lisa. Well, unless they've been foolish enough to listen to idle gossip about me. A man recently asked me, "Why is it a woman like you was never married?" Note the use of the word was. If he hadn't caught me off guard, I would have asked him what kind of woman I am. I'm just me.
_____________________________
Importing foreign convicts; separate prosecution and penalty for each person imported.
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/16/2008 11:34:14 AM
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tjhinnm
Posts: 5
Joined: 12/16/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: epic74
When I'm with my kids I'm just invisible. When I'm alone I get looked at like "oh boy, here's the single player, wolf, ready to destroy our innocent sheep". At least that's the vibe I get.
Been there on that one! I was widowed six years ago (at age 40) and whenever I was talking to a guy about anything at church there were a few women who would casually wander close to us to see what in the world our conversation was about. Since almost everyone in our church is married (who aren't younger than 25), I guess they were afraid this "lonely widow" was going to break up some marriage. It was even worse on the rare occasions the other person was single! It would take them a few years to "trust" me and I just learned to really limit my conversation with the opposite sex to those times their wives were participating. (Ironically the wives didn't have as much of a problem as these particular women which included the pastor's wife.) Of course, the disadvantage was I got so used to being self-conscious when talking to men that when I finally healed and was looking forward to a relationship I had forgotten how to have a normal conversation!
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/17/2008 9:24:09 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8029
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
Yeah, that's bad, and I also don't like it when people say they wouldn't want their spouse to remarry after they die. Some of the most happily married couples I know are the ones that say if they died they WOULD want their spouse to remarry because they would want their spouse to be happy, and they also say they themselves would remarry asap, if it could happen that way. I even know one woman who had a close single friend, and she told her husband to marry that friend if she died. However, she did not die, and God did finally send the friend a husband, so it all worked out. he he
That's how M was with me. She told me that I was to remarry if she died before me. I told her she was crazy and I could never do that.
She's right again.
Someone who's never been widowed/widowered can't really say they'd never remarry as they've never walked in those shoes.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Pegging singles - 6/17/2008 10:10:43 AM
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okrox
Posts: 157
Joined: 4/28/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Someone who's never been widowed/widowered can't really say they'd never remarry as they've never walked in those shoes.
You know, this applies to pretty much everything. None of us can say what we would or wouldn't do in any set of circumstances.
Many times I've said "I'll never" or "I will" and been surprised to find out what my REAL reaction has been when in the actual circumstances.
I was never going to be divorced, I was never going to have kids, I was never going to send my kids to public school no matter what it cost me. The list goes on. Then there's the fact that I'm a different divorced single than I thought I would be. I'm a different parent than I thought I would be.
To tie in with the topic......we can't even peg ourselves, how could other people think they've got us pegged? 
I find that crow is an acquired taste. Eat enough of it and it starts to tasting pretty good after a while.
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
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than married and miserable to married to the wrong guy. 
