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RE: Why the urge? - 7/5/2008 8:29:30 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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DH and I didn't feel the need to wait 3-5 years, we had already had 4 years as best friends and done alot of things that we wanted to do. We also already knew that I have fertility issues and wanted to make sure it was going to be "easier" to get pregnant, which it was.
There is nothing wrong with having children early but really, we are the odd balls out of our married friends, most of them are all planning on waiting at least 3 years. I don't think it's a fad to have children early.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/5/2008 8:46:52 PM
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karlie
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From: Central California
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quote:
but if your child does not choose Jesus, have you not, in a sense, helped sentence them to spend eternity in hell? I find that thought heartwrenching.
If couples waited for guarantees that their child and his/her life would be perfect, healthy, and they would all become Christians and everything would end up peachy, the human race would have died out a loooong time ago and not one person sitting here reading this would even be here! Just as with anything else, there are no guarantees with our children and never have been. That's where faith comes in...believing and trusting in what we can't see. We dedicate our children to God form birth. It's up to us to raise them in the ways of God, and lead them to Him, but it's up to HIM to reach their hearts and save them.
quote:
have you not, in a sense, helped sentence them to spend eternity in hell?
Absolutely not. That's not even a biblical viewpoint. NO one sentences another person to hell.
But, that's kind of off topic for this thread anyway.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/6/2008 2:09:59 AM
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Annie64
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This may seem to be off-topic, but if you'll stay with me, you'll see where I'm going.
One person mentioned the "dreaded teenage years," and at least one other person referred to it, and that got me thinking. I did dread my kids' teenage years, to the point where it actually gave me some pause in my desire to even have kids. Last December, the youngest of my three children turned 13, and it will be another year and a half before the oldest turns 20. I'm living right now in that time I feared the most.
Yesterday, my 15-year-old daughter went to a friend's birthday party and volunteered to make the cake. She spent her entire 4th of July holiday working on this cake, figuring out by herself how to construct an edible, 3-demensional tree on it. She'd talked about it for days beforehand and spent her own money to do it. As she described it, it sounded impossible, an I expected to be comforting her after bitter disappointment. Before she went to bed, we were celebrating her success and taking pictures. It was beautiful! Just as there is no guarantee that kids are going to turn out good, there is also no guarantee that they are going to turn out badly, either. When I was fearing what my kids would be when they were teenagers, and wondering, even before I had kids, if I'd be able to handle it, all I was seeing was possibility for rebellion. I had no idea what a delight it would be to watch such determination in action, and see it actually bear fruit. I know that what she did was a small thing, and important only to us (and it made a great metaphor for this post), but little things like that really prove that my early desire to have children was not in the least misplaced. What a wonderful enrichment to our lives our children are, even in their teen years! I believe that God put that desire in me, even early in my marriage, and did not let any fear of how they were going to turn out override it. I am so thankful that He gave me that desire so strongly! We didn't know what it would mean in our lives then, but He did.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/6/2008 11:45:43 AM
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Jenny-Fair
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I agree that teen years can be wonderful. The kids get frustrated because they want so badly to be adults, but they amaze me every single day! You and I would look at something and say it was impossible, but they look at things with such optimism and creativity.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/6/2008 1:05:28 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GrapeApe
Why is that when two individuals, almost immediately following marriage, they have such a strong desire to have children?
It seems it has become the stereotype for newlyweds to be expecting to have a child within the first year they've been married.
It makes me wonder what the motives behind marriage are. Originally, I thought marriage was a concept which two fleshes becomes one, as a united unit. However the contrary, marriage to some is a concept where you're doing it for the sake of having children. I think that is the wrong intention of marriage and should never be a primary reason to get married.
I know I'm going to want to spend at least 3-5 years with my wife before the thought of children comes up.
Separating marriage from procreation is a new thing, not many generations ago it was not possible or even thought of.
Though there are some woman that feel such a strong desire for a child that they may "settle" for a marriage or marry in hast to accomplish that goal, I think that is the exception and not the rule.
I think most women have a healthy God given desire to have children. Each couple can now decide (for the most part) for themselves when is the best time for them to begin a family. Going into a marriage with the idea that you want to wait a very long period of time to begin a family without discussing it with your intended is just as deceptive as going into a marriage in order to have a child ASAP. IMO
My husband and I waited 5 years to have our first child. It was perfect for us. God Blessed us with twins. We waited 5 1/2 years to have the next one. I know couples that waited and are now divorced and I know couples who had honeymoon babies who are still happily married. I was happily married for nearly 20 years until my husband died last year. There are no guarantees in life.
~Blessings~
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/7/2008 4:13:54 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
We didn't wait in order to stabilise our marriage, we waited so that we had plenty of time to enjoy each other's company without having to share our time and energies with a little one.
That is the exact standpoint I'm coming from.
quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
Going into a marriage with the idea that you want to wait a very long period of time to begin a family without discussing it with your intended is just as deceptive as going into a marriage in order to have a child ASAP. IMO
I previously stated either in this thread or another that I have made my intentions clear to her, as she has made hers to me. Having a child is something that is non-negotiable with her, and I won't take that desire from her, but I believe we've agreed on enjoying our life together without the expansion of a child so soon.
I am in no way saying that a child is going to ruin a marriage, that is not the reason why I desire to wait. My reason is echoed in Manda's post. It's not an issue of waiting to stabilize our relationship, we already have an incredibly strong relationship and foundation. It's a personal desire of wanting to be together, as in solely the two of us, in our marriage before we bring that aspect into our life.
God may have other plans, and I won't argue with Him. Neither will I be dense and avoid taking pre-cautions in our expectantly frequent intimate life.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/7/2008 8:04:54 AM
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DaveW
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmomquote:
Separating marriage from procreation is a new thing, not many generations ago it was not possible or even thought of. Actually it was possible (just not as reliable  ) and most certainly thought of and practiced. It is just only relatively newly (the last century or so) considered acceptable in the Church.
Gen 38:7 But Er, Judah's firstborn, was evil in the sight of the LORD, so the LORD took his life.
Gen 38:8 Then Judah said to Onan, "Go in to your brother's wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother."
Gen 38:9 Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother.
Gen 38:10 But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.
Being married but trying to avoid conception and birth, at least in this passage, was very unpleasing to God. The very first command given to man by God was to procreate:
Gen 1:27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
Gen 1:28 God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth."
I believe this is the reason for the urge: it was God's plan and command. Some feel it more intensly than others, but that does not negate HIS directive. I do not see a problem with delaying conception for a mutually agreed upon period, but to avoid it altogether seems to be disobedient.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/7/2008 12:07:46 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GrapeApe
quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
We didn't wait in order to stabilise our marriage, we waited so that we had plenty of time to enjoy each other's company without having to share our time and energies with a little one.
That is the exact standpoint I'm coming from.
quote:
ORIGINAL: WaitingforBoaz
Going into a marriage with the idea that you want to wait a very long period of time to begin a family without discussing it with your intended is just as deceptive as going into a marriage in order to have a child ASAP. IMO
I previously stated either in this thread or another that I have made my intentions clear to her, as she has made hers to me. Having a child is something that is non-negotiable with her, and I won't take that desire from her, but I believe we've agreed on enjoying our life together without the expansion of a child so soon.
I am in no way saying that a child is going to ruin a marriage, that is not the reason why I desire to wait. My reason is echoed in Manda's post. It's not an issue of waiting to stabilize our relationship, we already have an incredibly strong relationship and foundation. It's a personal desire of wanting to be together, as in solely the two of us, in our marriage before we bring that aspect into our life.
God may have other plans, and I won't argue with Him. Neither will I be dense and avoid taking pre-cautions in our expectantly frequent intimate life.
Excellent!
Blessings on you both. It sounds like you have discussed it and are making decisions that are right for your relationship. I wish more young couples would do that, maybe our marriage forum would look alot different. 
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/7/2008 3:47:37 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 799
Joined: 11/28/2005
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Some people want to put down roots and everything that includes--- marriage, house, children - too many bills etc!
In this day and time it's hard to find a suitable woman or man that doesn't have a child/children already... if you're fortunately to find someone who shares your idea on waiting to have children - great!
I don't fuss at people if they decide to marry and have children right away or if it's something "unplanned" -( I don't believe in unplanned - the right word is unprepared---since Very few people don't know that having sex regardless if you're using birth control or not, the woman can get pregnant!)
Even if some want to wait and have children later - that's fine too!
You can decide to adopt a child first and then have your own later... there are many
choices available in having a family!
*There's even couples who are so into being professionals/business people - that they have their children through a surrogate!
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/7/2008 11:26:07 PM
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deermousie
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
My ds is nearly 19, and my dd nearly 15, and their teen years have been the most wonderful time of all. My heart bursts with pride whenever I look at them, and this really has been the best time of my life.
Me, too! DD is 19 and an absolute joy. God's grace all the way!
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/8/2008 12:45:36 AM
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Beth67
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Okay, I'm new to this site (and perhaps a little dense). Can someone please tell me what the initial 'D' means in DH, DD and DS? I know that we're talking about husband, daughter and son, but what does the first 'D' stand for?
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/9/2008 1:32:06 AM
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Beth67
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3cappuccinosmom: Thanks...I thought it might be 'Dear'.
DaveW: Thank you very much for the link to the abbreviations. Much appreciated!
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/9/2008 2:01:15 AM
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Bagel
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Dh and I were both 26 1/2 when we married. We were planning to wait until our first anniversary before getting pregnant.
Ahhhh.........we wound up getting pregnant 5 months after the wedding and had Dd exactly 2 months after our first anniversary.
There have been times when I wish that we had spent more time as a married couple before the kids came (I wish that we had dated longer before getting married too, but what is done is done). It turned out that the timing of this pregnancy was right, because my mom passed away a month before our first anniversary and expecting and preparing for a baby gave me something happy to focus on while grieving.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/9/2008 11:00:58 AM
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Coffee_Drinker
Posts: 98
Joined: 5/20/2008
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Marraige and kids - immediately. Well, I don't know what it is like to NOT have kids around. When my wife of 26 years and I got married she already had a daughter (she was 4 then). Just over a year later we had another daughter. Honestly, I never really thought about it. Our youngest is now 25, we care for our grandchildren three days a week, my mother is 84 and lives with us (I am thankful she is healthy for an 84 year old woman). We have had two brother-in-laws live with us at separate times. One for 14 months and the other for 20 months (personally, we are glad they no longer live with us - kind of a motivational issue with them). My wife and I have had a total of about two months in 26 years where it was literally "just the two of us." It was nice! We still talk about how nice it was every now and then.
The crazy part is that we don't look to help people (family) because it would be a befriending issue. So we generally have to get tough and say "no" then some will get upset with us.
Anyway, I'm getting a little off topic here so let me get back to the issue...
You young, newly married couples...
Take it from an old guy... Enjoy your time together while you have it. There IS time for children later on. But, take advantage of your youth and libidos. Have some fun! When you have your baby(ies) your life is going to change tremendously. You will suffer sleep deprivation, privacy (eventually), and a few other things I probably don't recall right now.
Take... your... time! 
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/9/2008 11:23:48 AM
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NoShow
Posts: 430
Joined: 5/10/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
quote:
Why is that when two individuals, almost immediately following marriage, they have such a strong desire to have children?
It seems it has become the stereotype for newlyweds to be expecting to have a child within the first year they've been married.
Really?????? We must hang in different circles. 
Me too. Most of my peers waited years, after getting married, before having children. They went from years of constantingly hearing "when are you going to have children" to nine months of "well it's about time!"
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/9/2008 12:13:15 PM
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justjennhere
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Joined: 10/10/2006
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My DH and I found out we were pregnant one month before our first anniversary. Three months after our first child was born, we were pregnant with our second. Not intentionally, but praise God! While I appreciate the advice and counsel that most people give about making sure you know and enjoy your spouse for a while before having babies, I can say honestly that my DH and I have grown to know each other better through parenthood just as well as if we were still without children. And we've ENJOYED the time, newly married by most standards and caring for newborns. Children aren't a curse. Life doesn't end when they come. Relationships don't cease to be fulfilling when they arrive.
To each his own, as far as when you decide to start a family, how long you'd like to be married, etc. BUT there is absolutely nothing wrong with couples who marry with the intention of having children as early as possible and are accordingly blessed that way.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/9/2008 12:35:24 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5087
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
And we've ENJOYED the time, newly married by most standards and caring for newborns. Children aren't a curse. Life doesn't end when they come. Relationships don't cease to be fulfilling when they arrive.
We've enjoyed it as well! I would actually say that we are closer because of having a child then we were before, and we actually go on more regular dates.
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