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RE: Why the urge? - 7/9/2008 3:04:58 PM
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karlie
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You know, what it all comes down to in the end is each couple seeking God and following HIS plan for their lives. I don't get why it's so hard to accept that we are all different and God has different plans for each of us concerning children, time lines, etc. Those who wait say it's the only way, those who don't say that's the only way. It's possible God works through both, not only for the good of marriages, but for things he is accomplishing in each of us.
If we take the time to seek HIM and are willing to allow HIS plan to be worked in out lives, it really doesn't matter how anyone else chooses to do it.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/13/2008 10:07:43 AM
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MC4JC
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I don't know. But we always tell newlyweds to hold off on kids for at least the first 3-5 yrs. You NEED to get to know your new spouse in every way so that you can seal the bond between you.
We've seen too many times where babies are born right away and the couple never has time for themselves or each other - it all revolves around the child. Then 18 yrs later when the child is gone, you are looking at a stranger (your spouse) in the house and have no clue as to what to do.
Many times, especially for men, they feel very left out of the mother/child bond and sometimes start looking elsewhere for the companionship that their spouse should be giving to them. Then the wife wonders what happened.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/13/2008 11:40:00 AM
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Jenny-Fair
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quote:
But we always tell newlyweds to hold off on kids for at least the first 3-5 yrs
Wow. So you don't even think they should pray about it...you just think everyone should wait three to five years? And this is biblical how?
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/13/2008 12:08:26 PM
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GregandJenny
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quote:
You NEED to get to know your new spouse in every way so that you can seal the bond between you.
Please tell me where that is in scripture. Where is the Holy Spirit in all of this? I think Karlie hit it right on the head, everyone is different. every couple needs to seek God. I think sometimes we get to the point where we want this or that, wait this long or that long, that we are really trying to take God off His throne. No matter what philosophy we have or what we think, We should all realize that God will have his way.
Some people will get pregnant on day one, some it will be never, God is still in it. Did some of us forget? Did we forget that God left us the Holy Spirit for guidance?
G
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/13/2008 4:45:01 PM
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MC4JC
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That is all true, however we have seen the results of kids too fast. Of course a lot of this is non-Christians. I don't think it has to be Bible based to offer advice on waiting to have kids.
We are both Christians and don't understand why you guys are so against waiting. I gave my opinion and believe its sound advice. Song of Solomon is a love story - and it does have Biblical stuff about getting to know each other completely - nothing about getting pregnant and having kids right away - but nurturing the love between the new husband and wife WITHOUT kids involved.
Yes its in God's timing, but still think its sound advice for any newlywed couple.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/13/2008 4:57:03 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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No, it's not sound advice for "any" newlywed couple because you don't know what God has in store for them. If you going to advise newlyweds then tell them to seek God and His advice.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/13/2008 8:22:06 PM
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GregandJenny
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quote:
es its in God's timing, but still think its sound advice for any newlywed couple.
Is that scripturally based?
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/13/2008 8:41:08 PM
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MC4JC
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For a moment forget the Biblical approach. Suppose the couple was NOT a Christian - what would you advise them? Would you still say its better to wait awhile before having children so they get to know each other?
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/13/2008 9:37:35 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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quote:
For a moment forget the Biblical approach.
The Bible is ALWAYS relevant.
Children are not damaging to a marriage. Failing to take care of the marriage is. Both those with kids and those without kids need to make that a priority.
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Matthew 18:1-6...anyone causes one of these little ones...to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/13/2008 9:50:16 PM
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GregandJenny
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quote:
For a moment forget the Biblical approach.
If you don't take a biblical approach tot he issue you're in essence Denying God. I iwll be the first one here to admit that I am ok with birth control however, when I got married I was ok with having a kid.
I would advise a person who wasn't Christian to get to know the Lord Jesus as their savior. I don't give different advice based on what people believe or don't believe. I give advice based on what scripture tells me to be true. Truth is truth whether I am a Christian or a sinner.
G
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/13/2008 11:43:31 PM
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karlie
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quote:
For a moment forget the Biblical approach.
 That's about the worst thing a couple could possibly do. Obviously, Biblical advice isn't going to be high on the list of a non-believer, but that doesn't change the fact that God designed the covenant of marriage and His ways are good for believer and non-believer alike. We can't take God's creation(marriage) and exclude Him from heart of that creation and expect it to work, believer or not.
The only time I would advise a couple to wait(and then, only if they asked my opinion since it's really none of my business) is if their marriage was in crisis and unstable. In that case, their relationship was most likely troubled before they even married and they should have taken care of that before the vows. Principles of stability can and should be well established before marriage. If for some reason, a couple skips that step and marry before they figure that out, then they should wait until they do some remedial work and learn to handle marriage responsibility before deciding they can handle being parents.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/14/2008 3:08:16 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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All this talk reminds me of something funny I observed in college. There were two couple that got married right around the same time. Both couples, the wives were 20, and the husbands were 22 and 23.
One couple was ADAMANTLY against birth control, swore they would never use it, and while they were careful not to declare they WOULD get pregnant on their honeymoon, they sure made it clear they were gonna try.
The other couple was ADAMANT they were going to use all the birth control they could, because they were determined to finish school/work/get to know each other first for a few years.
Guess what? The second couple got pregnant first. The first couple got pregnant a month or two after, so it didn't take too long, but that always struck me funny.
The first couple also ended up deciding they believed in birth control after having four kids very close in age and feeling overwhelmed.
I didn't keep in enough contact with the second couple to know if they changed their views, but they had several more kids, but if they had changed to no birth control at all, that really would have been funny.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/14/2008 3:53:17 AM
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Annie64
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I really don't think the advice to wait 3-5 years before having kids is sound or biblical. Nine months can be a long time, and a lot of learning about each other can take place in that time. I know that's not really adding anything to the discussion, but it's my opinion.
While I was reading these comments, I got to thinking about my dh's sister. She dropped out of college to marry a young man she hadn't known but a few months. A year later she had her first child. Her second child was born one week shy of his sister's first birthday. When the second child was on the way, our brother-in-law told us he had a dream about an invasion of armed paratroopers--only the paratroopers were all babies! It wasn't hard to figure out where that dream came from! And I know you must be thinking that this story is a recipe for disaster, but you know what? My sister-in-law and brother-in-law have been married for about 24 years now, and their marriage shows no signs of any weakness. They are empty-nesters now--their daughter is married and their son is in college--and they are in their forties, not at all old yet, and have plenty of time for each other.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/14/2008 5:25:11 AM
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HenriettasCat
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quote:
you still have 9 months to nuture the husband/wife relationship.
lol Not so easy if you are puking your guts up for the entire 9 months of the pregnancy and sleep for 18 hours a day as I did with my first!
I am glad we waited 3 years. Of course, had God granted us children before then we would have been overjoyed and he would have helped us through. My husband lost his job the day before we got married, my income was desperately needed.
Dh and I met in November, he helped me to leave an abusive cult situation where I had been for 15 years. We married in August - I was still extremely tender and vulnerable. The wedding itself almost gave me a breakdown and I was ill on the night of our honeymoon (another story involving my parents wanting a big wedding and nasty condemning letters etc from cult members) I needed the time to get strong inside. We did need the time to build a foundation for our marriage and I say that without apology. God was used my husband to aid my healing and it was good that we were married (temptation would have been an issue otherwise).
I think it shows that everyone's situation is different. There are many reasons why people wait, or start a family right away and none of them are wrong provided that decisions are made with prayer and not through fear.
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/14/2008 9:29:33 PM
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justjennhere
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MC4JC
That is all true, however we have seen the results of kids too fast. Of course a lot of this is non-Christians. I don't think it has to be Bible based to offer advice on waiting to have kids.
We are both Christians and don't understand why you guys are so against waiting. I gave my opinion and believe its sound advice. Song of Solomon is a love story - and it does have Biblical stuff about getting to know each other completely - nothing about getting pregnant and having kids right away - but nurturing the love between the new husband and wife WITHOUT kids involved.
Yes its in God's timing, but still think its sound advice for any newlywed couple.
I'm not sure it's that people are "so against" couples waiting on having children. I think the overwhelming response on this topic has been that each couple needs to discern God's will for their family and act accordingly. Our collective "claws"  might have come out a tiny bit, though, at the OP's original assumption that it was WRONG for anyone to get married with the intention of having children immediately. (I'm not sure that he stated this clearly or if it was just implied through his questioning of why anyone would have children so soon after tying the knot, then stating that he wouldn't do that, as if it was morally wrong.)
It's a real shame when we have to defend our belief that children are a blessing, even early on in marriage. Not only to the world, but apparently to many Christians, who question why anyone would willingly welcome them from the first day of marriage. This is an issue where I'm more than happy to "come out swinging," though, as we as a society continue to devalue our view of children.
Anyway, just wanted to clarify that my response was for the OP. I certainly didn't mean to say that I had the only right answer. I just know that having children early on in marriage is NOT wrong and that couples who feel led to follow God's will for their family in this area should NOT be deterred. (Just like I wouldn't deter someone the other way!)
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/14/2008 9:41:12 PM
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Jhud
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I don't know about everyone else, but nowadays I am just happy when a couple is willing to wait until they get married to have children. After that, pick a time.
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“I mean to live my life an obedient man, but obedient to God, subservient to the wisdom of my ancestors; never to the authority of political truths arrived at yesterday at the voting booth”
William F. Buckley Jr. 1925-2008
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/14/2008 10:15:16 PM
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PrincessDonna
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Too true, Jack. Sadly true.
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So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen. 2 Cor. 4:18
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RE: Why the urge? - 7/14/2008 10:39:17 PM
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garsyt
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jhud
I don't know about everyone else, but nowadays I am just happy when a couple is willing to wait until they get married to have children. After that, pick a time.
Amen Jack!!
Blessings,
Garsy
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