RE: Feeling violated of space and time!

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zippty_day -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/8/2008 1:10:08 PM)
quote: Actually I have friends that I won't call until I see them online here so I KNOW that they are up and about. This wouldn't work for me, just because I'm online does not mean to come over or call. What if I'm online at 1 a.m. because I can't sleep? Being online is like reading the morning paper or watching the news for me. I'll be doing several things and sit down for a quick break, like now. I think calling before coming and there is always plenty of grace for emergencies.

rcjames -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/8/2008 2:07:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God quote: By the way, these people wanted to see the house, and came unannounced. That would bother me, because I have certain areas of the house that are not open to the public. For example, when I finish washing laundry, I dump it all on my bedroom floor and then twice a week I haul it all into the livingroom and fold it. If you were to come into my bedroom on the wrong day, I'd have a mountain of laundry on the floor. I can always just shut my door if I have company, so it doesn't bother me, but I really wouldn't want just anyone wandering into there uninvited. I'd also like a few minutes to make sure that the boys have picked up their dirty underwear off of their bathroom floor, and that you can actually walk down the stair without killing yourself. [:D] My wife does the same; our entryway, living room and hall bath are always kept "Hotel" clean (we never use them except for company), the rest of the house usually shows a lot of love and lived in. Thsnks RC

buckifn -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/8/2008 4:23:28 PM)
quote: Don't laugh at us being here because it wasn't our idea, but a favor to a Mexican superintendant. I also believe it to be God's divine plan because we couldn't be here without the help of these expats in our church. It really works best if that order is backwards. You are a missionary serving in a place God calls you to be, not as a favor to a man..because you love God and love God's people. As a Servant of Christ there comes a time when I have to worry less about my house and more about the people. If someone came to our house and it was in such disarray they couldn't deal with it then they prob. need to find another minister to be talking to and not me. If my wife doesn't feel like company then we go straight to the study and leave her in peace.

Abbreviated -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/8/2008 5:05:52 PM)
What about those bag chairs ? Keep them in a closet then whip them out & set them outside. Then bring them back in.

hjemerson -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/8/2008 8:22:31 PM)
Did you use to post under another name? Well I understand your feeling and You are a strong person going thur a lot at his time in your and His live. You have had some great ideal and hopefull open some eye up with what Missoarie and families of People in Lord service has to deal with!!! The folding chair:) may be a good ideal the camp type if you have a cool spot to sit and be social. Great way to show how open you are to people as in your nebiors will see it ! I am sure by now you have had a good heart to heart with your Husband.Thinks will work out and this will past to, much large things to come as I know you know! never time to get Bored or anything in the Lord work!!!I love reading you post they are so down to earth and a sight in to a misson life in the feild.God Bless may the Next few days be clam and peacful! Most of us are nver alway ready for suprise guest! I tryed for two year living in a drom aprtment with 75 college kids beeing a dorm parent I was caught few time in the robe ,house dress or in what I called my Bleaching Clothes really bad looking !!! BUT i HAD A CLEAN APTMENT !! fUN THINGS TO LOOK BACK ON!!!LOL ;-)

zippty_day -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/8/2008 10:46:48 PM)
buckin, you don't get it. I was just having a bad day. It wasn't normal but normally our home is open, especially if I'm feeling well. The church is very close and there are places including the front step where people could talk if I'm not feeling well. If you can't relate, don't frustrate others by saying that they should have their home presentable and be hospitable 24/7, it's just not realistic. Even the nicest of people need an occasional break. Today, I was with a very mixed group for 2 1/2 hours. I'm thankful for one sweet question by an atheist. How can one get faith? It's questions like that that make being here, living with the people, worth it. It makes all the persecution that this individual has dealt me by telling me I believe in the tooth fairy, worth it. He asked me again, if I believe in the tooth fairy? I first answered no, but then I said well, yes, if I want a quarter. They all laughed. He's written online that he wants me out of the country and boiled in a missionary pot. He likes to cook and so do I. So I told him we need to fix something together but NO MISSIONARIES and NO MISSIONARY POTS! lol Then, I made 2 round trips to the YWAM base for my son. He needed his guitar and then I found out he's sick with a cold. Our house normally isn't so disastrous that people can't come in. We normally aren't moving.

buckifn -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/10/2008 7:17:34 AM)
quote: If you can't relate, don't frustrate others by saying that they should have their home presentable and be hospitable 24/7, it's just not realistic. I don't see that in anything I posted. Maybe you got mine mixed up with someone else's? My whole point was having a heart for God and then for God's people supercedes everything else including how messy or unmessy our house is. If someone is more worried about how organized my house is than about their soul then I was saying I would suggest they find another place to go and be ministered to. I was concerned about your statement that you are serving as a missionary somewhere as a favor to a man not a statement about how clean or unclean your house may appear to someone when they drop by. Man looks on outter appearances, but God looks at our heart.

zippty_day -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/10/2008 11:53:30 AM)
The reason why I phrased it that way is because that's how the superintendent presented the job to us, as a favor to him. We believe that it's God's divine provision for our lives. Although in the beginning it was the hardest job and tops all the 15 prior years of pastoral experience that we've had. Thank you Jesus all of that comes in handy! My impression was that I should feel guilty if I wasn't ready to show our house and entertain. These people didn't come with a need except to be nosey and go through my house. It was inconsiderate of me as a person. We just moved and I was tired and grumpy. Had it been an emergency, of course they'd been welcomed in and ministered to. My husband put these people 1st before his own wife, who sat and waited in the bathroom for them to leave, while he showed these people, who are not my dearest/closest friends, our house. My son had to get out of bed so they could pass through! I don't like that. Y'all, guess what happened? I posted my response so I had it in mind what to say if this ever happened again. My board went out shorty after for over a day so she never had chance to read it. Yesterday morning, I arrived at our ladies prayer meeting and guess who was there???? She announced again that I was hiding from her and she knew I didn't want people to see me when I wasn't dressed. This lady likes being in her pajamas and doesn't care if people see her in them, well, I DO! So the words kinda fumbled out and I was able to say, "Boy, you're able to recuperate a lot faster than I am after moving and wake up faster than I can!" It was a jumbled mess, but it came out and I was serious. I said, "I'm NOT normally very social before 1 p.m.!" She said, "I'll remember that next time. And I still love you!" It had gotten me upset again and then she was telling me how she liked my house and blah, blah, blah. I wasn't ready to discuss it with her but we did leave after the prayer meeting just fine.

rcjames -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/10/2008 4:38:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lil_gringa The reason why I phrased it that way is because that's how the superintendent presented the job to us, as a favor to him. We believe that it's God's divine provision for our lives. So God did confirm that this this in your heart that was what he want for you and your DH, Or was it just a "Fleece" thingy. THsnks RC

zippty_day -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/10/2008 11:34:41 PM)
We know this is God's will. He's wonderful and a great provider! Guess what???? I brought home a baby today! He's so cute! Only 3 months old and such a good baby. His parents left him in the house alone with his 3 siblings without any food for a week. The oldest is only 5 years old. The baby was so sick that he couldn't eat at first. Now a month later and he looks great and I get to take care of him!

LaurainAL -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/11/2008 8:53:34 AM)
My husband is a pastor and we occasionally unannounced visits. With 2 small children, there are often toys on the floor and I always say, "excuse the mess, but come on in." If I am in my pajamas, I let my hubby go to the door while I hide in the back. LOL. The only time it has really bothered me was when one of the deacons game by at 5:15 am to ask my husband a question. I was in the kitchen getting breakfast ready for the kids, and I still had my gown on. So, when there is a knock at the door I think it must be an emergency. I went to the door and told him through the door that I would go get Shane. I couldn't let him in as I was not dressed. Anyway, that made me a little upset.

hjemerson -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/11/2008 9:28:02 AM)
sound like you going to play granmother for a while God Bless .How are the other children doing?I understand Do you have a social service to help you or will it all be your self when it comes to the baby's care, DO you know where the parents are or any other family! God Bless in this <<< As to the Lady I would Think most ladies do not wan to show off in the morning or any thime in their PJ"s I think out of respect you did the right /personal thing to not just come out as you were not ready to meet and greed, No matter what time of the day was ,Who to know you could have been up all night praying/studying and God had given you the morning to sleep in, Truely the lady shoud apogilize for comeing in after knowing you were not ready for house guest.( it was not a emergery just a drop in) You are beening a role modle and I am should thur reading you post That thing are driffernt if it was a emgerancy issue that had to be taked care of quickley!May up have a wonderful Bless weekend

zippty_day -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/12/2008 1:39:32 PM)
Here's the end of the saga as I posted on my forum and she's now read it, had time to think about the other day and now has responded on my forum. I'm glad it's out in the open Those of you trying to make something that it's not, thanks but no thanks. I have a great marriage. I posted: quote: Only Jesus can keep bad guys outta da house! I'll keep praying. The past 3 nights have been a great success! I've slept great! I slept pretty well the 1st night and then a lot of praying after that. Last night, the house was feeling like home. I think we'll have an open house once I'm really all settled. Then, for me personally, I don't mind spontaneous droppin's after 1 p.m. but before that, I'm doing my morning routine unless I know ahead of time and I'm NOT very social face to face before that. Emergency's are understandable and Gary on the other hand, he's up and attem and can make other arrangements with people who are morning people. He's often had early morning breakfast with individuals while I'm still getting my beauty rest Hopping online is like my morning paper and I'm just getting my marbles together. Sometimes, it's just a minute inbetween breaks during the day. she posted: quote: Well, concerning the scorpion thing, I don't like them either and someone sid they eat the cockroaches, so if you have cockroaches you may have scorpions. About the spontaneous visitors before 1 pm., I won't do that again! After all we were just in the neighborhood, but I learned my lesson when you were very verbal about it on wed. So I won't be doing that again. Enjoy the baby and enjoy your house.

UnknownPreacher -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (7/30/2008 4:52:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: funny_girl By the way, these people wanted to see the house, and came unannounced. In the words of Tracy Byrd: "Everybody knows everybody Everybody calls you friend You don't need an invitation Kick off your shoes, come on in Yeah we know how to work and we know how to play We're from the country and we like it that way"

zippty_day -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (8/16/2008 12:28:59 AM)
Remember this drama???? My husband told me today that this ladies husband sent him an e-mail yesterday stating that they are leaving our church and here's a list of all of their offenses towards many people in our church, including me! The offense with me was that I didn't come out to greet them when they came to see our new home. My husband wrote him back and responded by stating that he loved them and recommended them not keeping a letter of past offenses also to notice one come denomintor in their grievences...themselves. I feel bad because these people have some serious problems but everyone is drained of them and they're flakey. The husband has been married 7 or 8 times and keeps contact with his ex's. The wife has some serious insecurity issues and offenses with her ex and she seems to like her problems because she repeats, repeats, and repeats the stories over and over again. I've counseled with her and it goes in one ear and out the other. She embarrassed me a couple of weeks ago. She was suppose to be helping on the worship team and she took over the lead and began to talk to the audience. She sings off key too! This is theraputic here leaders!!!

MrsDC -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (8/16/2008 1:11:39 AM)
Oh, I feel for you, Sister! That HAS to be the hardest part of adjusting to life here. Uninvited guests at all hours. I still remember a time, only a few months after we moved here, we had a big storm and all the power went out. It was late -- about 9pm, so we all just headed to bed. About 11pm, someone pulls up in front of the house and the dogs go crazy. It was a whole truckload of folks from Boca! I dragged my half-awake body out of bed and we all sat around in the dark chatting till after 2am. (I mostly just nodded and smiled...I wasn't feeling too talkative.) More than once I hid out in the bedroom when folks came over. I still cringe sometimes when people drive by and honk (thinking they might want to stop), but I'm relaxing a bit. I think I'll adapt someday!!! Looking back, those are some times that I know God was working in our lives (for various reasons) but at the time it was HARD!!! I really am a bit of a hermit, so living in a very "hospitable" culture is a stretch. It's a healthy stretch, though!!! BTW, though, I don't think the lady you're posting about was acting in a culturally acceptable way here. In fact, is leaving the church culturally OK there? If they decided to leave our church, they wouldn't be able to find a Christian fellowship within an hour's drive who'd let them attend without first reconciling with our church. (A little different from the States, eh?) About those kids...4 of them, right? What's going on with them? Email me if you'd like. Still have my email??? [:D] -- Rebecca

zippty_day -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (8/16/2008 1:23:56 AM)
Rebecca, this is an American couple. Our church is bi lingual. We have a bunch of expats here. They won't be happy anywhere else. My husband thinks they'll be back soon. She was on my forum an hour ago. I typically like the uninvited Mexican guests. Ours sometimes show up at 12 a.m.! They usually show up later, I'm not a morning person. Look at this video. Johnny missed the party and showed up around 12 a.m. My husband was already in bed. He was clowning around acting impersonating our friends, lol late night guests

MrsDC -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (8/16/2008 1:35:24 AM)
Yeah, I caught the fact that they are from Florida. I can only imagine, based on the expats we have here. In all honesty, they probably won't be happy anywhere. I'll add them to my prayer list tonight! I'll check out the video when I get to town (uloading video at 49kbs is inutil!)

Consecrated2God -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (8/16/2008 9:01:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: funny_girl Remember this drama???? My husband told me today that this ladies husband sent him an e-mail yesterday stating that they are leaving our church and here's a list of all of their offenses towards many people in our church, including me! The offense with me was that I didn't come out to greet them when they came to see our new home. My husband wrote him back and responded by stating that he loved them and recommended them not keeping a letter of past offenses also to notice one come denomintor in their grievences...themselves. I feel bad because these people have some serious problems but everyone is drained of them and they're flakey. The husband has been married 7 or 8 times and keeps contact with his ex's. The wife has some serious insecurity issues and offenses with her ex and she seems to like her problems because she repeats, repeats, and repeats the stories over and over again. I've counseled with her and it goes in one ear and out the other. She embarrassed me a couple of weeks ago. She was suppose to be helping on the worship team and she took over the lead and began to talk to the audience. She sings off key too! This is theraputic here leaders!!! I bet you didn't cry too hard when they left! [8D]

zippty_day -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (8/16/2008 9:43:47 AM)
lol, not really! But I think they'll eventually calm down and come back. Our community is really small.

DSmitty -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (8/17/2008 9:26:25 AM)
I kinda remember when this subject was addressed when I was in Bible College... what to do when. First of all they taught us that as a Christian your life is not your own, but as a minister your life is REALLY not your own. That takes some serious getting used to [:@]. But then they did also address people calling (could apply to coming over) at bad times. Like in the middle of the night - the teacher of this particular class suggested saying something to the effect, "You deserve quality time and I want to give you quality time. Right now is not a time that I can do that." I used to work with Teen Challenge and I lived at the house with the guys. Since the ministry couldn't afford to pay me much more than a nominal amount, it wasn't like I could be out doing things so I pretty much had to stress with the guys that in order for me to be effective in my ministry, I needed them to respect my time off. But to be honest, that never happened. In fact on more than one occasion there were guys who voiced resentment at me even being able to have time off! I didn't understand that. I felt like I gave up a lot to be there, I certainly wasn't making a fortune doing it, and whatever small luxury I may have still had, they wanted to make sure that I got stripped of it! But in the end it wasn't selfish ex-drug addicts that drove me from that ministry - it was church politics and selfish board members! But God's been good. By the way, my wife will disappear as well if someone shows up in the morning unannounced. She's also not a morning person and doesn't much appreciate morning visitors. She actually likes having the kinds of friendships were people can just drop by... but not in the morning for crying out loud!!! Heh... you'd think people would just know that, right?

lightshineon -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (8/17/2008 11:17:32 PM)
Me too, well since I work, and homeschool. Things were excellent, when I did not work part-time, but you know, it is the way things are. I am one person, with two hands, two feet, and half a brain ( most days). I do worry things are just right when people visit. I hate people just show up. I am a private person one thing, and rarely visit others, have my own agenda ( selfish I know) but like alone time. I will go to peoples homes when I have too, and am very gracious to those who do visit, but, hospitality is not a strong suit of mine, though, it should be. I may need to pray about that.[:o] quote: ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God quote: By the way, these people wanted to see the house, and came unannounced. That would bother me, because I have certain areas of the house that are not open to the public. For example, when I finish washing laundry, I dump it all on my bedroom floor and then twice a week I haul it all into the livingroom and fold it. If you were to come into my bedroom on the wrong day, I'd have a mountain of laundry on the floor. I can always just shut my door if I have company, so it doesn't bother me, but I really wouldn't want just anyone wandering into there uninvited. I'd also like a few minutes to make sure that the boys have picked up their dirty underwear off of their bathroom floor, and that you can actually walk down the stair without killing yourself. [:D]

pianofirstlady -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (8/18/2008 6:50:46 PM)
Hi funny_girl, thanks for putting this out in the open! I hear your anguish loud and clear! I will be "listening" intensely for the responses here. My fiance is a pastor and this very thing is a concern for me as well, as I watch how minister friends, etc. just drop over unannounced when I'm there sometimes. Having said that, I guess I'm a lil' biased, but you SHOULD feel violated!Only in extreme situations - a close family member gravely ill, injured or dying - should members take the liberty to just show up, or show up without adequate notice and PERMISSION!!!! End of story. Just dropping by to discuss non-urgent matters or just to chit-chat is NOT OK! IMHO pastors and their wives and families deserve, and very much need, privacy and personal time like everybody else. Unfortunately there are just too many high maintenance Christians who drain pastors and other ministry leaders because they need (or "want") attention all the time. Forgive me if this has been answered already, but I'd be curious to know if your hubby has established/appointed other leaders in the church to assist him with counseling matters, visitations and other areas of care for the saints?

pianofirstlady -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (8/18/2008 6:58:23 PM)
[:@] Oh! I knew there was a point I forgot...the biggest problem with this practice is that these inconsiderate members end up dictating how YOU guys spend and allocate your time. And while I do believe in the need to be compassionate - as well as being flexible when genuine needs warrant that - I also know that if you allow others to always dictate how you spend your time and when YOU will entertain them, they will rob you of the very will and destiny God has for your lives. It's perfectly OK to say "No, now's not a good time...we'd be happy to discuss that with you in the office on Thursday afternoon at X time..." Or whenever is convenient for YOU GUYS as the leaders. Spontaneous visitations should be reserved for dire needs, and as your church grows, I'm sure there will be plenty of those! I hope you've seen some improvement in this since the op. Peace and Blessings!

Consecrated2God -> RE: Feeling violated of space and time! (8/18/2008 7:14:41 PM)
Actually, I enjoy spontaneous visits. Always have, even before I was a pastor's wife.

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