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bkinson -> A life of abuse (7/11/2008 10:59:16 AM)

I am struggling with forgiveness for the abuse I lived thru as a child. The abuse was sexual, physical, emotional and verbal. My father molested me over a long period of time and when I told my mother, she ignored it and didn't believe me. I was told I was a loser, they hooked up an electronic device to listen in on my phone calls till I was old enough to get married and move out, I was cheated out of money by them, made to stand outside in the coldest part of winter for an hour at a time to wait for the school bus when I could easily have waited inside. Those are just a few of the highlights, there are thousands more. I get so angry because it's made me the way I am, I can't seem to maintain a healthy relationship with any man, I don't trust anyone. I"m introverted and have very little self esteem. They're quite different towards me now, and they've helped me out a lot when I've needed it but the effects are still there. I have made a decision to forgive them but that doesn't erase the sadness that follows me everywhere and colors everything I do. Is there any way God can heal the inside and I can be normal? I"ve prayed for that to happen for years but I"m still me and I don't want to be.



lindakaye -> RE: A life of abuse (7/11/2008 12:29:14 PM)

I'm so sorry for your hurt and pain. I know there are many on these forums who will help you. I don't have any words of wisdom but I do know that God can and will heal you. As soon as Deermousie reads this she will help you and there will be many others who have suffer as you have.
God bless you



TorchHeart -> RE: A life of abuse (7/11/2008 1:53:32 PM)

I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to you when you were young. Its sad, and I'm sure it was a painful childhood for you.

I'm glad to hear that you've made a choice to forgive your parents. But remember that just because you're forgiving them doesn't mean that you're just going to automatically get rid of some of the pain/sadness that follows you. It can take a long time for some wounds to heal. And the chances are that the devil might try and play on that, too, as he enjoys seeing God's children in misery.

Still, you're doing the right thing by forgiving them for this. And God will, in time, help to heal your pain. Remember that every time you feel like you're still mad at them that Christ calls us to keep on forgiving people for their transgressions against us. Like he once told his deciples when he was asked how many times they should forgive someone who wrongs them, forgive them not seven times, but 7 x 70 times. Or, in short, until you have truly forgiven them. As you keep doing this, it'll become easier to deal with what's happened in your past and hopefully repair the damage that was done.

God bless.



evryknee -> RE: A life of abuse (7/11/2008 4:04:02 PM)

bkinson,

I'm not sure what "normal" is, but it is possible that the past will not define you. Your experiences do not define you. What others have said do not define you. The abuse done to you does not define you. Your God defines you. As you have forgiven and are forgiving what the people from the past has created (old creation), you are also being made anew - a new creation through Christ. Christ's love defines your worth, your identity. God's chosen you to be his child. This gives you value. As you accept and incorporate the Truth as to your identity in Christ, your healing begins and you hope is based in being united with Him.

May I recommend The Search for Significance by Robert McGee and On the Threshhold of Hope by Diane Langberg. McGee's book is on your identity through Christ and Langberg's book is on healing through sexual abuse.

May the Lord bless you as you seek Him first!



deermousie -> RE: A life of abuse (7/11/2008 4:48:15 PM)

First of all, dear one, let me reach out and put my arms around you. You
have been cheated in some of the worst ways, and your hurts are very real.

I hear you: both my parents should have gone to prison for what happened
in my childhood house (note I didn't say home - it was an outpost of hell.
That's not theological... oh, maybe it is). My father was a sadistic
rageaholic who took out his severe frustration of an unworkabe life on his
helpless family in numerous ways, and my mother would say it never happened
but we were all happy and loved each other. And if I denied that, she would
disown me. So you and I know what it means to be betrayed, and your father
took it a far worse step.

Let me say this loud and clear: what happened to you was evil. EVIL. It
was a total perversion of what God intended a family to be. A little child
is to be cherished, protected, nurtured and trained in God's ways so they
can have a real and whole life. Your parents tore up their parent cards and
threw them away.

One thing I've struggled with, and I'm sure you have too, was, "Where was
God in all this?" Start with Psalm 73: David talks about what an easy life
and death an evil person has (and your parents were evil. They dramatically
disobeyed God, and God is truth and life. What your parents did was death
and lies). Look at what happens to them after they die: they are suddenly
swept away in terror, and there is no escape. If your parents are
unrepentant, this is what they have to look forward to. Their sin is great
and habitual. God isn't blind and He gets the last word. His wrath is
against those who serve other gods (like, themselves, their own selfishness,
etc.) and refuse to turn away from their sin of idolatry. The Old Testament
is full of it - I'm reading Ezekiel right now and God's anger and sentence
against the nations who reject Him and against His own people who reject Him
is horrendous. Makes my hair almost stand on end. Read it to get an
understanding of God's attitude towards those who reject Him. It isn't
pretty. In our New Testament times, God hasn't done mass mayhem in nations
on earth, but it gives us the picture of how He feels about idolatry and
what He will do a second after that unrepentant person dies and stands naked
before Him. There's no place to hide.

Look at other people in Scripture, like the man born blind. The Bible
indicates this is an adult man who never had sight before. He never learned
to read and write, he couldn't work for a living so couldn't ever marry and
enjoy a wife and children. He had to be led around by his parents. Bad
times. And what reason did Jesus give for this (after healing him)? The
glory of God. What, you say? Are you nuts? No. Look:

As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth.

And His disciples asked Him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents,
that he would be born blind?"

Jesus answered, "It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents; but
it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him. John 9:1-3
NASB

See what the NKJV says:

Jesus answered, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the
works of God should be revealed in him."

And the NIV:
so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

Did Jesus care this guy had had a lifetime of loss? We can safely infer
that, since Jesus promptly healed him. Did He know before this meeting?
Obviously, yes; Jesus is God and knows all things. So why didn't He heal him
sooner? That the work of God may be displayed in his life. We have to
second guess beyond that; maybe God's work is better displayed from a
lifetime of blindness. Here it is, like Spurgeon says, when you can't trace
God's hand you can trust God's heart. It seems like the formerly-blind man,
you, and I have paid a horrific price to display God's works. But if this is
dealt from a loving Father's hand (not like your earthly father - what a
travesty!) and He promises He will make it right in the end (Romans 8:28,
and the reason why, verse 29) and bring great good to you and glory to
Himself, then we can trust Him for the details. He is God, He is good,
people are sinners, and somehow the rocks in our shoes turn into diamonds at
the finish (have you read "Hind's Feet in High Places"? I heartily
recommend
it). Remember that the tortuous death of an innocent Man 2000 years ago
somehow changed the world forever and allowed sinners to be reconciled to
God and live with Him forever. So it's eyes of faith that see the wreckage
and know somehow it will be turned to good. That's faith. Your parents meant
it for evil but God meant it for good. You will be healed, and it will be
clear to all that it is supernatural.

But the hurt is real, and the damage is real. Part of our lives got ripped
off us and won't come back. If we had broken a leg, we would have been taken
to the hospital where it would have been fixed, and the nurses would have
been kind to us and helped us with the fear. As it was, we were alone in
terror and pain and no one knew except those who should have protected us.
Double betrayal.

So how does God display His work in our lives? Don't take this lightly,
it's the universe: He gives us a heart of flesh for our heart of stone. He
makes us alive, when we were born in sin, dead. He draws us to Himself,
covers us with His propitiating blood (that's a great word - it means to
satisfy righteous anger so it goes away) and puts His name on us. He makes
us His own family. When we lie on our death beds, it will be the only thing
important, but we can realize it now. This is the center of the universe.
Saved. Forgiven. Belonging. A thousand years from now, it will be the only
important thing. A million years from now, same thing.

And then He works another miracle: He begins to heal us. He comforts us.
He shows us His promises for help now and total healing later. He changes
our hearts (ever heard of the concept, "The Wounded Healer"?) and allows us

to minister to each other's hurts, and the body of Christ is built up
(that's God's will). He gives us wisdom that distills from the pain, cements
our hearts to Him in hope that we might not have wanted had life been easy,
and shows us His truth to give ourselves and to other hurting people. Our
hearts, ripped by pain, see and feel other people's pain that might not have
been noticed before. We learn to love inspite of pain and betrayal. It's a
supernatural victory! The mark of a Christian is that they love. Our hearts
are taught to love by our pain and God's pity. Look at the cross: the
greatest display of pity in the universe. We have the Holy Spirit as a "down
payment" of the togetherness we have with God. A hundred years from now,
we'll look back and say, "Yeah, it was really tough, but I see now all the
good that You made from it, God, and if I had known, I would have rejoiced
through my tears. Thank You for wiping away my tears and making me perfect
now. Thank You for your perfect love and for completely healing me." And how
many people will be in heaven, too, because the outflow from your life? How
many people saw God operational because of your trust and the healing He
made in your life on earth? Not complete, but partial, and supernatural. How
many God-haters will have no excuse because they saw the Christians loving
each other and being healed supernaturally and could see Something was going
on?

So we trust God, we rejoice in what He has done supernaturally inspite of
or maybe because of our deep losses, and we follow hard after Him minute by
minute. We cry out that we hurt, that we have a broken leg no one can see,
that we need His healing, and that we don't know what to do. And He
comforts us (look at all those promises!), He assures us of His love (look
at the suffering Man groaning on the cross - He did it for you, to bring you
to Him as family), He works little miracles in us - brings a friend, gives
us new understanding, causes us to feel pity for suffering others, gives us
a work to bless others and build up the body of Christ in love. And maybe
He'll make some of our pain ease up, or give us grace to bear it (this life
is short), and work the forgiveness in our hearts like He is with you.

I have had to forgive my parents over and over. They never admitted to
anything, and when I objected that my mother was putting my little child in
danger, she disowned me for daring to have an opinion she didn't like. How
sick is that.

I have trouble "belonging" to a group. I have to force myself to see what
other's need and give it when I'm in a panic myself - I just know people are going to scream at me and throw me out. That hasn't happened in... oh...39 years, but the scars and expectations are still there. Abuse is the gift that keeps on giving. So I remember that what I lived as a child was a lie, and what God says is truth. And He says to fervently love the brethren. So I take steps to love the Christian people in my life and keep reminding myself what God has said. I do it with the expectation that it pleases Him and causes good. The feelings are slowly receeding, but I don't expect to be free of them this side of eternity. But it's only a little ways away, as we'll see when we get there and have forever to be whole and in God's joyous presence. So keep on forgiving (even though they didn't ask), remember the man born blind, Joseph's brothers who meant it for evil but God meant it for good (to save the entire tribe of Israel from a 7 year famine - even his brother's worthless carcasses! One of them was the progenitor of our Savior. And remember, Joseph wound up being the #2 guy in Egypt in the end).

So it's hard for you to get close to people; that's understandable. Cry out to God for help. Jesus was tempted in all things, it says in the Bible. He rubbed shoulders with the people who were going to torture Him to death; He understands your feelings, and is your good High Priest. Ask Him to start the healing process.

It might help you, too, to understand that if you scratch anyone, you'll find a hurting soul. Some people just hide it better than others. Ask God to show you someone you can minister to. In helping them, it will help heal you, too. Funny how that works, huh.

God bless you, dear one. Here's my hand; let's walk through this together. Find others and hold them with your other hand. We are the Bride of Christ, and He's coming back to get us. We will have no stain or wrinkle then. Let's rejoice, and make the best of today. Don't forget to read His love letter to you every day, and rejoice in what it means to you. The promises are yours. His name is yours already - Christian. You have great worth - He proved it, even though the slimeballs never noticed. It didn't make it untrue.

I am praying for you today. Rise up victorious, Christian - our God reigns!



Hislittleone -> RE: A life of abuse (7/11/2008 5:27:01 PM)

Deermousie, that was absolutely beautiful. Wow. Thank you for sharing. Your posts are always full of Godly wisdom, insight and love. This is one of the best. [:)]

I was abused as a child and then as a teen though it wasn't by a family member. So I can relate to a lot of what you (Deermousie) said and also what Bkinson is going through.

((((((Bkinson))))))) My heart and prayers are with you.



deermousie -> RE: A life of abuse (7/11/2008 5:41:00 PM)

Thank you, Hislittleone. Your words are very kind and encouraging to me.

I'm always amazed that God has done something in my life that can bless someone else. I'm kinda slow [:D] but have finally noticed that that's how He often works. It's really funny, because I was the person who would have won the "most likely to be a failure all her life" prize. And yet, God is sovereign, and who knows what wild thing He will do next, and what amazing wonder He has planned?

If my pain can bring relief to someone else, then it was worth going through. But He promises to bless us, and your words just reminded me of this:

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified Isaiah 61:3

Lord Jesus, be glorified! In us, if You will!

Hugs to Bkinson and Hislittleone! I'm so sorry you had to go through this, too, Hislittleone. May God comfort you; and I am praying.



beachcooky -> RE: A life of abuse (7/11/2008 5:42:57 PM)

Hey! I have went through similar things. I was sexually abused by my cousin, and I was blamed for it by my parents. My dad beat me for 8 years, and I was blamed for it. I was verbally abused by my very own Dad and by kids at school. I used to have no friends.

But God saw my pain. He had a plan for me overall. God loves you. The people that have done this to you WERE in the wrong. And God, well, He hurts for you. Always remember that he died on the cross. He bore OUR sins upon his shoulders. And He was alone, up on that cross. He can understand your loneliness, because he once too was lonely. He knows what you've been through, he knows what you're going through, he knows your hurts and he knows your joys. He knows when you're depressed, He knows when you're happy. I can't even describe how much he loves you. He saw you, even before you were created, suffering. He died on the cross for you so you can be free. He loves you SO much. I can't even explain it.

God's going to be there, through thick & thin. He's never, ever going to leave you.
God bless.



deermousie -> RE: A life of abuse (7/11/2008 6:35:24 PM)

Well said, Beachcooky. Blessings on you, dear heart. (((Hugs)))

- Deermousie



deermousie -> RE: A life of abuse (7/11/2008 8:00:30 PM)

BTW, if my post could be helpful to someone you know, I give my permission for people to copy it. God's Word and grace belong to us all.

I hope this doesn't run afoul of any Christianity.com's policies.

- Deermousie



PatricksPeaches -> RE: A life of abuse (7/11/2008 8:30:46 PM)

All I have to add is, I am sorry for your hurt. I will pray for you.



beachcooky -> RE: A life of abuse (7/11/2008 9:21:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: deermousie

BTW, if my post could be helpful to someone you know, I give my permission for people to copy it. God's Word and grace belong to us all.

I hope this doesn't run afoul of any Christianity.com's policies.

- Deermousie


I didn't read it.



Kat_D -> RE: A life of abuse (7/11/2008 10:55:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bkinson

I am struggling with forgiveness for the abuse I lived thru as a child. The abuse was sexual, physical, emotional and verbal. My father molested me over a long period of time and when I told my mother, she ignored it and didn't believe me. I was told I was a loser, they hooked up an electronic device to listen in on my phone calls till I was old enough to get married and move out, I was cheated out of money by them, made to stand outside in the coldest part of winter for an hour at a time to wait for the school bus when I could easily have waited inside. Those are just a few of the highlights, there are thousands more. I get so angry because it's made me the way I am, I can't seem to maintain a healthy relationship with any man, I don't trust anyone. I"m introverted and have very little self esteem. They're quite different towards me now, and they've helped me out a lot when I've needed it but the effects are still there. I have made a decision to forgive them but that doesn't erase the sadness that follows me everywhere and colors everything I do. Is there any way God can heal the inside and I can be normal? I"ve prayed for that to happen for years but I"m still me and I don't want to be.


I was severely abused as a child and I can tell you it is your anger that keeps you stuck and prevents you from growing in your life and relationships. Let it go. You have no choice, as a Christian, you must forgive your parents as Christ forgave you, but by remaining angry you stay in bondage to the abuse. Chose today not to remain a victim. Turn it all over to God...He will take it and make something beautiful of your life. You are a new creature in Christ...choose to live like one.

12 "Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. 14 Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: 15 looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled..." -Hebrews 12



ofa23 -> RE: A life of abuse (7/12/2008 2:00:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hislittleone



quote:

Deermousie, that was absolutely beautiful. Wow. Thank you for sharing. Your posts are always full of Godly wisdom, insight and love. This is one of the best.


My thoughts exactly!



beachcooky -> RE: A life of abuse (7/12/2008 2:14:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kat_D

I was severely abused as a child and I can tell you it is your anger that keeps you stuck and prevents you from growing in your life and relationships. Let it go. You have no choice, as a Christian, you must forgive your parents as Christ forgave you, but by remaining angry you stay in bondage to the abuse. Chose today not to remain a victim. Turn it all over to God...He will take it and make something beautiful of your life. You are a new creature in Christ...choose to live like one.

12 "Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. 14 Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: 15 looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled..." -Hebrews 12


Wow! That's an awesome answer. I have a lot of anger towards my Dad who abused me. And it's making me unable to forgive. And like you said, it is making me stay in bondage of the abuse. Again, what an awesome answer!! :)

I know I definitely need to work on that.



JesKlu -> RE: A life of abuse (7/12/2008 2:06:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bkinson

I am struggling with forgiveness for the abuse I lived thru as a child. The abuse was sexual, physical, emotional and verbal. My father molested me over a long period of time and when I told my mother, she ignored it and didn't believe me. I was told I was a loser, they hooked up an electronic device to listen in on my phone calls till I was old enough to get married and move out, I was cheated out of money by them, made to stand outside in the coldest part of winter for an hour at a time to wait for the school bus when I could easily have waited inside. Those are just a few of the highlights, there are thousands more. I get so angry because it's made me the way I am, I can't seem to maintain a healthy relationship with any man, I don't trust anyone. I"m introverted and have very little self esteem. They're quite different towards me now, and they've helped me out a lot when I've needed it but the effects are still there. I have made a decision to forgive them but that doesn't erase the sadness that follows me everywhere and colors everything I do. Is there any way God can heal the inside and I can be normal? I"ve prayed for that to happen for years but I"m still me and I don't want to be.


I understand where you are coming from. I was abused too growing up. Trust me, I had to deal with 19 years of it! I am hurt still, but I have forgiven my parents. Both my mom and dad abused me, my mom mostly verbal and my dad was physical, verbal. I am torn. But I have forgiven them. The trouble is, is that my dad has no remorse at all. He is the kind of person who, at least for now, has no conscience or guilt. Studies show that is the worst kind of person. When I called the police on him, he was able to deceive the police into believing he was a good father [sm=crystreams.gif], except for one of the detectives. He believed me and gave me a piece of paper to get a restraining order. I had it for a year (it expired January). And then, I just got married a few weeks ago, and a couple weeks before the wedding I knew he didn't have any remorse still. (I just thought it was right to invite him, people were encouraging me to invite my family, no matter what.) But thank God nothing serious happened at the wedding, it went smoother than I thought it would. But, I still am mad my father, (earthly father), has no remorse. I am still in hurt for that.

I feel for you, I went through it. But I have moven on. It is useless to remain angry, but there is still hurt.

Your sister in Christ Jesus,
Jessica



georgerobbyjr -> RE: A life of abuse (7/13/2008 1:26:21 AM)

I hate to cop out and suggest counselling, but you have some serious issues that will take some time, energy and effort to work out (trust, self-esteem,etc). It's easy to tell you to trust people, especially men after what happened, but trust is imperative to good relationships. Deermousie made an excellent post, but I think the man born blind was not the best example to give. In your case, your parents used their free will to do the things that they did, and I believe it was not God's will. You did not deserve to be treated (abused) the way you were. God loves you and has not forsaken you. No one will escape his judgement or wrath. Life may be grossly unfair but we worship a wonderful God. Ask God to make you the woman he wants you to be, and to help you make the necessary changes.
Love yourself, for God loves you (and all of his people). You have endured more than most ever will and you still have your faith. Does that not give you some comfort or help with your self-esteem? It should, it encourages me! Healing will take a long time but God will heal you little by little. I wish I could help you. Now I am going to post a verse that may be slightly out of place. Please note that I am not asking you to rejoice that this happened to you, but hoping that this experience will give you added character.
Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."



deermousie -> RE: A life of abuse (7/13/2008 11:17:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: georgerobbyjr
Now I am going to post a verse that may be slightly out of place. Please note that I am not asking you to rejoice that this happened to you, but hoping that this experience will give you added character.
Romans 5:3-5 "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."


That verse was not out of place but dead center. Good for you for posting it, George!

God is in the business of making silk purses out of sow's ears; you young folks probably haven't heard this secular proverb, but contrary to the proverb, the world doesn't know God can make good out of bad. The truth is, He does it all the time. Look at the great good that came out of the tortuous death of an innocent Man 2000 years ago!

Peter calls us to rejoice in our troubles, because God is purifying our faith like fire purifies gold. We don't rejoice that an evil person has caused a child to suffer, but each of us can thank God that He will use those terrible circumstances to cause us to seek Him, turn to Him and be healed. And we get changed in the process, and the "new us" brings glory to God. And God uses us to help those who are being hurt, to rescue them or heal their pain, and the body of Christ is built up in love.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not excusing the person who hurts another person. God doesn't, either. But people have free choice, and some choose to reject God and hurt people. God will use the hurt to refine the person and the person who does the hurt to someone else will reap the punishment for it.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything James 1: 2-4

It doesn't mean we rejoice that we suffer, but rejoice to know God will bring great good from it.

God will not leave child abusers unpunished. It might not happen until they see God face to face, but their punishment is sure. Better that they should turn to God and be healed and forgiven (and their wretched lives turn around and do good instead of evil).

Huh. This indicates their punishment has already started:

the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgment, while continuing their punishment. 2 Peter 2:9 (ooh, read the whole chapter!)

In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed 1 Pet. 1: 6,7

The rocks in your shoes are diamonds...



slimon11 -> RE: A life of abuse (7/13/2008 3:11:11 PM)

Dear Bkinson, I am sorry for what you have gone through. I know the pain can be overwhelming and that abuse can cause us to be dysfunctional and broken in about every way possible. I am sorry too if what I am about to say offends you in any way; as such positivity would have angered me at one point in my life . . . but, there is good news!

There is so much hope for you! You have turned to the right One for help. He IS over your was; He reigns over our pasts! He has healed some of us from, flashbacks, mental problems, addictions, personality disorders...You name it, He can overcome it. You have a special ability to relate to the many others that have lived through similar experiences; special empathy and compassion that others, even church leaders, sometimes don’t have. You are a superstar for Christ, both despite and because of what you have gone through.

Once we follow His will, He promises to use everything we have been through for good; He wastes no time! I heard a preacher once make the analogy of a cake. A hand full of flour or a raw egg might taste nasty but, once “the baker” put everything together and cooks it, it makes a delicious tasting cake. The raw ingredients referring to our experiences, the delicious cake referring to us as whole children of the Lord Jesus created of those experiences. (The preacher of course expressed this much better, I am not sure if you will get me here.)

I once heard another analogy referring to a puzzle. We have to trust God that big picture is beautiful. We often do not have enough pieces to understand why some pieces look as they do and, we probably won’t see the finished picture until we go to heaven but, as we grow sometimes God gives us a piece that helps us to see some of the reasons why we have been the things we have been through.

Anyway, I didn’t read the rest of the thread but scrolling down, I could not help but stop on Isaiah 61 that Deermouse posted (BTW,I have read many of her posts, she is so blessed). Such beautiful scripture! I suggest studying the book of Isaiah. Isaiah 61 had a profound impact on me, helping to free me of my past. I think the deeper the captivity the sweeter the freedom is once it is received. What a blessing! Breaking Free by Beth Moore and Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Meyer both teach Isaiah 61 and are written for those that have been abused.

I still struggle with worry and relationship issues from time to time...but, if you knew me just 3 years ago, before I believed in God, you would have no doubt He is real.(not saying you do) but, He has healed me and changed me that much, in that short time period! I also think there was a part of me that did not heal until I starting using what I’ve been through for good; I now work at a shelter for abused women and children. He will comfort you and others through you!

Okay I am done, but, I will leave you with some of my favorite scripture.

Isaiah 58:8-12
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Luke 6:20-23
20Looking at his disciples, he said:
"Blessed are you who are poor,
for yours is the kingdom of God.
21Blessed are you who hunger now,
for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who weep now,
for you will laugh.
22Blessed are you when men hate you,
when they exclude you and insult you
and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.
23Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven.



Rivermoon -> RE: A life of abuse (7/13/2008 10:13:35 PM)

Hi bkinson,

I'm not sure how much I am going to say will help, but I'll try my best. I personally know how you feel, as I was emotionally and verbally abused and neglected when I was a child. I never realized the long-lasting effect of this until very recently. I have been seeing counseling for coming 3 to 4 years now. It helps. From the Christian counseling all these years, my psychologist helped to identify these issues: attachment, abandonment, rejection, co-dependency, people-pleasing, lack of self-worth, distorted thinking, lack of trust (towards people and God), and depression. All these are residues from my childhood abuse. And these have greatly affected my relationship with people, and make me so scare to develop new relationship or maintain the existing relationships. It feels like a demon in me that I don't know when it will come out and mess up my life.
Even though I have improved much from the counseling sessions I've received, but I feel like I'm in a vicious cycle that my emotions and doubting about the situations and people around me will haunt me again and again. I talked to my psychologist who told me that nothing much counseling can do more to me, in terms of the improvement of my thought and behaviors, so she suggested me to look for a support group which does support adult survivors of childhood abuse, and of course continue the counseling. She said that what I learned needs to be lived out instead of staying in my head as head knowledge. Support group can help me to go through the missing part of the nurturing & unconditional acceptance I lack of during my childhood. Growing emotionally has to go through stages which can't be missed.

I just want to share with you what I've gone through and what I'm going to (look for a support group). I myself feel desperate as I see myself trapped in the vicious cycle of ruining relationships and I myself being ruined by the broken relationships. It has been decades of years that I have been feeling like that. And I want to be healed that I desperately pray to God I need your help, and I will try everything possible to get myself healed by His hands. So I want to encourage you not to give up as you're not alone. Try to seek counseling and support group and give them a try to see if they will help. I know it's so painful feeling a demon living inside, that's why I want to take it out and get rid of it, and I want to see myself being healthier and healthier emotionally each day as I walk on this planet. Please be encouraged. I'll pray for you. :-)
Do take care & God Bless,
Rivermoon.



Kat_D -> RE: A life of abuse (7/14/2008 9:55:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rivermoon
I know it's so painful feeling a demon living inside, that's why I want to take it out and get rid of it,


I want to address this. A Christian cannot have a demon living inside them. If the Holy Spirit dwells there, no demon can live there. The Bible teaches us that light and darkness cannot dwell together. It also teaches that we are new creations in Christ. We can choose to live like one or we can choose to remain in bondage to our old man and old life.



Rivermoon -> RE: A life of abuse (7/14/2008 1:31:14 PM)

Hi Kat,

Thanks for pointing out. The 'demon' is just my analogy to what was mentioned by Paul in Romans 7:15-25a. And I literally feel it that way. It scares me, as I feel like I'm walking hurting people around me.

Thanks, God Bless, and do take care,
Margaret. :-)



allisonbrett -> RE: A life of abuse (7/14/2008 1:45:21 PM)

Kat, I believe she said it feels like a demon living inside her. Not that one actually was.

Sometimes we do get caught up with dealing with extreme emotions and reactions to past hurts and abuses. It can seem as though some evil is lurking in our minds, focusing on the pains of the past instead of the healing of today. We tend to dwell on the hurts of the past instead of the healing that comes through Christ. We may, as believers know that demons cannot live within us they can still affect us greatly.

bkinson, I'm so sorry for your pain. Like so many others, I too was abused as a child. I decided some years ago that I was not going to continue being a victim to the abuses any longer. I would wallow in my own pain and self-pity, assume that I was the dirt of the earth and fall into that trap of being what others told me I was. But I chose to put my faith and focus on the Lord instead of the instances of my past. I decided to let go of my habit of dwelling on the pain and living as a victim and accepting my identity in who Christ says I am. I made many poor choices in my life out of a reaction of past pain but became determined to stop it. I learned that fogiveness is something that I had to do over and over again. I also had to learn to forgive myself too. Forgiveness is for us too, not just for those who have hurt us.

I suggest Christian counseling from a woman who deals with your type of issues. I also suggest a woman's Bible study to grow and mature in your faith. You may be introduced to other women who can mentor you and those you can grow and learn from.

I wish you great peace and healing. Blessings!! allison



deermousie -> RE: A life of abuse (7/14/2008 1:47:30 PM)

Right on post, Slimon11! Thank you. And thank you for your kind words to me; indeed God has blessed and I am so grateful. [:)] May God bless all of you.

quote:

There is so much hope for you! You have turned to the right One for help. He IS over your was; He reigns over our pasts! ... You have a special ability to relate to the many others that have lived through similar experiences; special empathy and compassion that others, even church leaders, sometimes don’t have. You are a superstar for Christ, both despite and because of what you have gone through.


Beautifully put, Slimon11! It's so true.

More hugs to Bkinson and whoever else reading this who needs them today. God cares about you - read Isaiah 43 and get your socks knocked off!



slimon11 -> RE: A life of abuse (7/15/2008 11:42:48 PM)

Thank you, Deermousie, thank you!

Bkinson, I have been praying for you the past few days, something about your post has stuck to me.

You guys should check out a song "Crazy Beautiful," by Chasen. (You can hear it on myspace) I think it would speak to anyone who has been abused. It always makes me happy and reminds me how God see us.

I was listening to Beth Moore earlier today... She said that since healing takes effort, we don't always do it for ourselves. However, we need to do what is takes so that others don't get the 2nd hand effects of our abuse. If we don't keep on the path to healing for ourlseves we need to do it for God and for our "offspring." If we don't have childern of our own, we still have "spiritual offspring" to be thinking about...



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