What would you do?

What would you do? (Full Version)

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CarlaJames -> What would you do? (7/15/2008 10:31:06 AM)
I have a question.....I have a friend in this situation. What would you do if your 15 year old son "came out". He's been raised in church and knows it's wrong. Oh and PLEEEEEEESE don't debate homosexuality on here. I don't want to get closed down again. Thanks

manda59 -> RE: What would you do? (7/15/2008 10:35:33 AM)
I'd talk to him, not condemn him, and find out what's been going on for him to be thinking like this. And I'd reassure him that I loved him no matter what. Many young people go through a time of confusion over their sexual identity, and it doesn't necessarily mean they are homosexual. For example, it's normal to go through a period of idolising someone of their own gender, looking up to them and wishing they were like them. It can even feel like a crush, but if treated in the right way, they often come out of that phase unscathed.

CarlaJames -> RE: What would you do? (7/15/2008 10:59:47 AM)
I really don't want to get closed down again so I don't want this to turn into a "was he born that way" kinda discussion so PLEASE don't go there..... But I don't believe this is a phase. He's one of those that was very feminine as a little boy and it was always in the back of ours minds he may be this way. He's never had a girlfriend or even had crushes on little girls growing up. Bless his heart...he knows it's wrong, but I can't imagine what he's going through either.

pbaribeault -> RE: What would you do? (7/15/2008 11:05:22 AM)
I'd focus on the ideas of purity and temptation, encouraging a commitment to sexual purity regardless of the gender of their temptation. Talk about it openly, including who they have a crush on of either gender and what they imagine for their future. With what manda said, to talk about it as a 'confusion' (acknowledging that they think they are sure, though) and that it is not unusual. I'd encourage a deep relationship with a loving God through devotional time, retreats, worship, fasting etc. There is no 'extra' forgiveness needed for just being tempted (all teens are sexually tempted) and even if they slip and are promiscuous in a homosexual way, I would focus on repentance from the impurity in the same way as I would if they were promiscuous in a heterosexual way. I'd engage an Christian counselor who is a trained and proven expert, with good references, even success stories.

manda59 -> RE: What would you do? (7/15/2008 12:06:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CarlaJames But I don't believe this is a phase. He's one of those that was very feminine as a little boy and it was always in the back of ours minds he may be this way. He's never had a girlfriend or even had crushes on little girls growing up. He may be thinking he must be homosexual just because he is effeminate. That definitely isn't the case, though others may have led him to feel that he must be. I have a friend who everything thinks is gay because of his effeminacy, but he is not. That's why talking to a trained Christian counsellor, who is used to talking with young people, as pbaribeault suggested, would be a good idea.

pbaribeault -> RE: What would you do? (7/15/2008 12:35:06 PM)
Perhaps the perception that effeminate males tend to be gay is contributing to his confusion. Especially if people in his family and close community hold that opinion "in the back of their minds" as you seem to, Carla. What a trap the enemy has laid for this boy. That the gifts and temperament God has given him should be so twisted in his perception that he is drawn to immorality. I went to Bible college with an effeminate young man. He faced a lot of prejudice, unwarranted surveillance, gossip etc. in the larger Church community. The college was even criticized for allowing him as a student, presumably training him for ministry -- which they presumed would be dangerous. Who wants someone in ministry who would probably 'turn gay' at any moment? And think of the impact 'someone like that' has as a camp counselor for children! I went to Jr High & High school with an effeminate boy with an unfortunate slight accent to his speech. He was openly bullied and called gay as early as 7th grade. In 7th grade we were friends. He was kind and open and sort of geeky like me (and I didn't have a lot of choices for friends as un-popular as I was). We didn't stay friends. By 10th grade he was cold. By 12th he was belligerent. If school had lasted any longer, I don't know what would have happened to his anger. Every time I think of a school shooting, I find myself thinking of him. Why is it OK to be yourself as a boy, unless you are effeminate? Why is it OK to act like their lives of impurity are laid out without recourse? Why would God give a boy a temperament with which it is impossible to please Him. Not my God. My God gives on purpose, and my God provides strength to avoid temptation.

jennleigh -> RE: What would you do? (7/15/2008 2:44:27 PM)
As the mother of a 15-year old boy who has indeed "come out" I can tell you that there is no easy answer to your question, Carla. I agree with this: quote: I'd talk to him, not condemn him, and find out what's been going on for him to be thinking like this. And I'd reassure him that I loved him no matter what. And, I would also like to add, PRAY PRAY PRAY! A good christian counselor could help, as well. quote: Why is it OK to be yourself as a boy, unless you are effeminate? Why is it OK to act like their lives of impurity are laid out without recourse? Why would God give a boy a temperament with which it is impossible to please Him. Not my God. My God gives on purpose, and my God provides strength to avoid temptation. Pbaribeault: I really love your perspective on this. It has renewed my sense of hope this afternoon. Thank you.

daisies4u -> RE: What would you do? (7/16/2008 11:48:17 AM)
Find a Christian counselor ASAP!! The whole "reason" why he thinks he is a homosexual needs to be addressed, but, IMO, is not the most important issue here. Does this boy believe himself to be a Christian? If he does, then he is going to have to accept that he will have remain celebite his entire life. If he knows that this is wrong, then he is going to have to deal with the fact that he will never be able to be in a relationship that is pleasing to God. And be able to accept that. I would try to find a Christian counselor that will help him with that, rather than one who will try to convince him that he is not gay. If he is not a Christian, then the issues are completely different. Since he was raised in church and knows it is wrong, he has already ahead of the game somewhat. (This is very hard to address without debating homosexuality.) That is really what this is about. If he was raised in church and knows it is wrong, then he is sinning if he enters into that kind of relationship. It is as simple as that. There is no way a Christian parent could pretend otherwise. To accept that your son is a homosexual is one thing. To accept that he is going to live that lifestyle is something entirely different.

zoebob -> RE: What would you do? (7/16/2008 12:40:38 PM)
In an attempt to consolidate for the purpose of effective moderation we have created a couple One Stop threads for the topic of homosexuality. Therefore, this thread on the topic is being closed. Please continue your discussion in one of the following One Stop Threads. Click on one of the following links: Homosexuality Homosexuality in the News Thank you! Zoebob Forums Moderator Please do not reply to this message within the forums or chat. Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns. Please do not send me PMs regarding this message.

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