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RE: SAHM/W Support - Part III - 9/5/2008 2:49:20 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 8767
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Nicole, I am not trying to pick on you or your post, but there are some things you said that I find to be not scriptural...so I wanted to point them out...not just to you but to everyone really..... you know, just in general because this has really been weighing on my heart the last few weeks. So please don't feel that I am picking on your post...it is just a jumping off point for this.
It's easy to love the likable...those that don't upset us or push us in our own convictions, etc. It's very difficult to love the un-likable though, but in reality that's what true love is.
The Bible says in Romans 5:7-8 "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
He showed us that love when we were unlikable...caught up in our own sin...on a one way path to hell. Jesus chose to love us still. He chose to still love those that persecuted and killed Him. He chose to still love those that reviled and mocked Him. He even chose to still love those like Peter who turned their backs on Him even after seeing and experiencing His love first hand. That is what love truly is. It is easy to love someone who is easy to love, but is that truly love? I believe that love isn't truly love til it is put to the test...til it is put through the fire. When you put precious metals like gold and silver into a fire all the impurities burn off of it...it becomes more pure. The hotter the fire, the more pure the metal in the end. That's how love is...the fire doesn't stop it from being there or drive it away, it only intensifies it's qualities.
That's the kind of love we are called to show to our spouses (well, really to anyone, but in Nicole's case her husband). Sure it is easy to be "in love"...but true love itself is a very hard thing to give...nearly impossible I would say. That's the point though...it's not supposed to be easy, because easy doesn't produce the quality that God wants in the end. Someone who hasn't been through a trial doesn't know the cost of that trial....sure you can mentally know, but to know that you know that you know something deep down in your heart... you have to have been through the thick and thin to get that kind of knowledge. I believe there is a difference between the love we have for a spouse in a good marriage and the love we have to choose to have for them in a bad marriage...I had to learn that difference the hard way fortunately...and yes I said FORTUNATELY. I can't imagine my own marriage right now and the love I feel for my husband being anywhere near what it is if we had not been through the fire many times over. While it wasn't fun at the time, I still wouldn't give up the experience for anything because of the results of that experience. That's what God calls us to do...nothing more then He did on the cross, but also nothing less. He CHOSE to love the unlovable....and we have to do so also. Is it fun, NO...but it is still what we are called to do.
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RE: SAHM/W Support - Part III - 9/5/2008 4:00:55 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 4872
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Christina, did you check hotels or cleaning companies to see if they have any openings? Alot of corporate cleaning companies(that clean businesses) work from like 6-10/11. The hotels around here have their cleaning staff work from like 8-12 in the morning, before check in starts.
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RE: SAHM/W Support - Part III - 9/5/2008 4:39:24 PM
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VisitorinWaiting
Posts: 657
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Well, ladies...we are in the path of almost Hurricane Hanna...I think with 4 more miles per hour wind gusts, it will be a small Category 1 hurricane. The kids are acting CRAZY. So, do hurricanes and tropical storms have the same effect as full moons?! LOL I can't wait until bed time tonight...
Anyway, keep us in your prayers as we try to get everything in order in case the worst does happen. Even if we just have power outages, with living in such a big city, it is likely that it will be out for a while. The good news is that we live near the airport, so maybe living near something "important" will get us to a higher level on the list of repairs....
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Hebrews 11:13,16 "...They said they were like visitors and strangers on earth...they were waiting for a better country, a heavenly country." (NCV)
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RE: SAHM/W Support - Part III - 9/5/2008 5:25:29 PM
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spitzu
Posts: 1103
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Nicole (Canada) I couldn't stay in a loveless or abusive (physical or emotional) marriage either, so you're not alone in that thought. I've seen too many people (spouses and children) damaged by doing what they thought was the right thing by staying.
But that's all I have to say about that. And Nicole (Australia) that was not directed at you or your situation at all... I don't know enough about your situation to really comment other than I'm praying for you and I hope you feel better soon. (((hugs)))
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<- Ahh, the sound of a real shutter. It's like music!
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RE: SAHM/W Support - Part III - 9/5/2008 6:03:07 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10213
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
She was warned to not marry the man and did anyways and is now "stuck" with a man that is not good... and that is not right!
This was so me...until God changed the man. And changed me too.
Sometimes, even abuse is not reason to throw in the towel. Please notice I said sometimes. The things Brian did during the first three years of our marriage certainly qualified as abusive...emotionally and physically (exposing me to who knows what STDs).
Thank God He is a God of redeeming even the things we don't think are redeemable.
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None of that is directed at anyone in particular...just saying...
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He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: SAHM/W Support - Part III - 9/5/2008 6:07:08 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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Thank you, Donna.
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RE: SAHM/W Support - Part III - 9/5/2008 6:12:51 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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I don't think I could just "stop loving" Micah if he became abusive, especially since that isn't even the biblical thing to do 
quote:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
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RE: SAHM/W Support - Part III - 9/5/2008 6:24:38 PM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 2064
Joined: 12/2/2005
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I think you're distinguishing between an emotional "love" and a sacrificial love, right, Nicole? I get what you're saying. I agree with what Sarah and Donna have posted, but I get what you're trying to get across. Sure, it would be hard to feel that romantic kind of love that makes my heart swell up if I were being abused physicall or emotionally, but I could still choose to love him anyway (in my actions, words, attitudes, commitment, etc.)
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*~*~*Rachel*~*~*
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Beware of posing as a profound person -- God became a baby. ~Oswald Chambers
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RE: SAHM/W Support - Part III - 9/5/2008 6:26:35 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2947
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
Christina, did you check hotels or cleaning companies to see if they have any openings? Alot of corporate cleaning companies(that clean businesses) work from like 6-10/11. The hotels around here have their cleaning staff work from like 8-12 in the morning, before check in starts.
Great idea, Ryanne.
I'll have to see if I can find a commercial cleaning company around here. I hope there is one....small town kind of. Thanks!
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-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
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RE: SAHM/W Support - Part III - 9/5/2008 6:30:31 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 8767
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quote:
ORIGINAL: InBetweenDreams
quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
quote:
Just saying that is the reason why I wouldn't love Lorne anymore... if he was abusive.
what about the abuse that was hurled on Jesus by others, yet He still chose to love them and give His life for them...and even in the midst of it to FORGIVE them. That is love.
Sorry, I meant be in love with. I wouldn't be in love with him anymore, but I would still love him cuz he's Lorne. 
the difference between being "in love" and actually showing love to the unlovable is in your choice to do it regardless. Being "in love" has nothing to do with real love...it is emotional and fickle...and if your marriage is based on feelings of being "in love" then it will eventually fail or you will eventually see that you have to change it's base. Most marriages start out like this, because really who would want to put into a marriage real love that is required if you can't even see past the others faults. God knows that so He starts the relationship off with this lovey dovey feelings of being "in love". It's appropriate for that time in the relationship. However there is a time to grow up and out of that love and into a new kind that is very different and deeper. THAT is when you really start to understand the love that keeps a marriage for 50, 60, or more years....THAT is where you base the "til death do us part" off of in marriage. Loving despite what someone does to you is totally different then being "in love"....it isn't based on emotion, it is based on fact...it is your heart making a decision instead of your head...it is putting up with things not because you like them but because you choose to put up with them and overlook them for the sake of love. Adversity will come into every marriage...and how you determine to deal with it is what will make or break that marriage. Statements like "I wouldn't love ___ if..." are statements I don't like to see because you are already determining beforehand what you will and will not "put up with". Different marriages will go through different trials...but those trials, when faced, will make a new relationship unlike any other. God can then use those examples for others to get through their own trials. Just as we can now see the ministry that Donna's marriage now has to her family and to outsiders because of what they went through. I can guarantee you that she said at one point "I wouldn't love Brian if he ever cheated on me". That love was put to the test though when he did...and she chose to eat those words and instead stand for her marriage through it all. She changed the WAY she loved him. She was no longer "in love" with him, instead she CHOSE to love him despite what he chose to do. THAT is Godly, scriptural love.
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Proud to be...
Be alert - the world needs more lerts.
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RE: SAHM/W Support - Part III - 9/5/2008 6:43:27 PM
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Nicole_Michelle
Posts: 2664
Joined: 8/22/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: isaacsmom
I think you're distinguishing between an emotional "love" and a sacrificial love, right, Nicole? I get what you're saying. I agree with what Sarah and Donna have posted, but I get what you're trying to get across. Sure, it would be hard to feel that romantic kind of love that makes my heart swell up if I were being abused physicall or emotionally, but I could still choose to love him anyway (in my actions, words, attitudes, commitment, etc.)
lol yes! That is what I'm trying to say, but not in the right words.  Thank you!
I would only leave if it was for my safety and sanity. And that doesn't necessarily mean divorce. Sometimes people just need breaks to get back on track with God and then with their marriage or relationship.
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~Nicole~
<---Genevieve tried to escape but got stuck! She's a crazy, hyper hamster!
For the love of photography - my blog
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RE: SAHM/W Support - Part III - 9/5/2008 7:38:06 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 3823
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You would all be proud of me!! Hubby didn't speak to me much before he went to work, he was telling Nath to stop whining etc while he was here (nath was constipated, how can he not whine about it?) then I took Nath to hospital and they gave him a suppository which has finally worked this morning. I didn't get much sleep again. I called hubby a few times last night asking if he could come home as I was awake for 2 hours straight at one stage only having 1.5 hours total by 2am. He wouldn't come. I sent him a message earlier to say I was sorry for threatening to leave. He never responded and hasn't spoken to me much before he went into bed this morning. I doubt he will say much until he finishes night shift in a few days time. He did offer to stay up a little this morning if I needed to go back to sleep but he was so tired himself I said no thanks.
I get what Nicole and Sarah are talking about. I have come to realise over night or yesterday that I do have to love him differently, I was loving him or thinking I should be "in love" with him, like I was when we were dating. I can't be that yet, I just have to love him, the highest way possible, like God does. Its going to be hard and I will probably break down again like i did yesterday but I know it now.
Its a lovely day here today so once we are all dressed we are going to the beach!
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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I'm not sure if it will end up in the adoption profile though... not sure it's a good fit. It went a direction I didn't intend.