Why don't single wemen like nice guys (Full Version)

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onthewayray -> Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/8/2008 8:22:37 PM)

I would like to know why wemen don't seem to like nice guys. I try to me nice and never seem to be able to find a nice single Christian lady. What am I doing wrong or I am doing to much by being to nice?



PrincessButtercup -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/8/2008 9:45:55 PM)

Who says women don't like nice guys? If a girl wants a bad guy, you shouldn't be interested in her anyways.

I love nice guys. And my boyfriend is the nicest, sweetest gentleman I've ever met.



onthewayray -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/8/2008 9:53:59 PM)

I guess I just havnt found A nice gal yet......I am looking but just have not found one I like yet.I do know that God will place her in my life. Heck He might have aready put her in my life and I am to much of a man to see her.



sunluvingirl -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/8/2008 9:56:33 PM)

Nice guys are the only kind I like!



rgod -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/9/2008 2:32:20 PM)

Women who are mature and confident enough to appreciate their own worth tend to like nice guys. Women who don't know how they should be treated or who like drama tend to gravitate towards bad boys. Generally as women get a bit older and have more life experience, they are more apt to gravitate towards nice men - as do young women who have a strong sense of self. But of course, there are exceptions.

A lot of nice guys have problems with women however because they don't have confidence. It is possible to be nice and have a healthy godly confidence in who you are as a man (or a woman). For example, a lot of nice guys will obsess over asking a woman out because he is afraid of rejection. Or they might go the friendship route but not make it clear to her that he is interested in her as more than a friend because he is scared. Well, the woman might like the guy, but figure that he isn't interested. So in her mind she might put him in the friend category and then ... well it can be hard for her to see him differently later. Meanwhile the bad guy swoops in and asks her out. If she understands that she is precious in God's sight and holds to her standards, she'll either say no right off the bat - or maybe not knowing him well enough she might give him a chance. Upon seeing that he is a bad guy, she'll probably cut him loose in short order. Or the bad boy will recognize that he made a mistake in selecting this woman because none of his tricks work on her, and he will move on. Insecure women however will be flattered by the bad boy who has the "soft" center which is reserved "only for her." Bad boys generally hook women emotionally first, then keep them off center and guessing (people tend to want what they can't have) so she gets hooked and subsequently wastes a lot of time.

Be careful to not paint all women with the same brush. Women, like men, go through different stages of development and maturity. For example, lots of men get trapped by the physically beautiful woman who is also sexually desireable and who they can "rescue," but who has zero character. How many guys have you known that have a woman who totally dogs them, but because she knows how to stroke his ego and she looks good, he allows himself to be treated like trash?

But, as we all know, there is often a marked difference between the girls that many boys desire to date and the women that more mature men marry. Of course these are generalizations; every person is different. But in general, the healthier you are, the more you want healthy people around you.

So, if you are a nice guy, don't worry too much about it. Continue to be as you are and look for the women who are healthy and will appreciate you. If you like someone, don't spend too much time worrying about rejection - take risks and have confidence in yourself. You'll find the right person who will appreciate you for who you are.



saraimay75 -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/9/2008 3:46:58 PM)

I love nice guys but a nice guy needs to have strength.

quote:

ORIGINAL: onthewayray

I guess I just haven't, found A nice gal yet......I am looking but just have not found one I like yet.I do know that God will place her in my life. Heck He might have already put her in my life and I am to much of a man to see her.


What are you looking for? You have probably met a lot of nice gals. You need to be clear about that. Don't look too hard. God often gives us what we need when we are not looking



I-Luv-My-Flowers -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/9/2008 5:11:28 PM)

RGod's post is excellent. [;)]

Also...
This is a response to women from a guy who heard "What have happened to all the nice guys?" a few too many times:

quote:

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were ..............treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
....
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had.


A lot of women don't realize they do this. I didn't realize how badly I did it until I read this and was horribly convicted. [8|]

It basically boils down to respect and maturity. Mature women will respect men no matter what their temperament and immature women won't.

Like RGod said:
quote:

So, if you are a nice guy, don't worry too much about it. Continue to be as you are and look for the women who are healthy and will appreciate you.


Spot on! [:D]
She's totally right. Move on, and don't worry about the girls that are immature. It takes some women longer to grow out of it than others, so have a little patience and be yourself.



onthewayray -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/9/2008 7:09:26 PM)

Thank for the input .....I will keep on keeping on .

There is someone in my life that I have meet not long ago I think I might ask her out for lunch.

Thanks again,
[:)]



rgod -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/10/2008 2:57:22 PM)

I hope it works out onthewayray! Keep the faith ... rgod



car2ner -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/11/2008 8:06:52 AM)

Sometimes it isn't an issue of bad boy vs. nice guy. When I was dating I met some very fine gentlemen, they just were not a good match and they wanted more than friendship. The nicest thing to do then was to say, "it was nice to have met you" and move on. Then, a friend introduced me to a friend... sigh, nice, strong, and now my wonderful husband.



norajm -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/11/2008 3:50:52 PM)

Hi Onthewayray,

I would like to know why wemen don't seem to like nice guys. I try to me nice and never seem to be able to find a nice single Christian lady. What am I doing wrong or I am doing to much by being to nice?

I'm curious as to your definition of "nice guy". What does that mean for you? Are you supportive, friendly sweet, strong, spineless? You ask "what am I doing wrong" yet we have no idea what you are doing.



onthewayray -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/12/2008 8:55:16 PM)

Just trying to do what they (the single lady) would like to do. Always being there when they need something. Going where they like to go. eat movies coffe shop or ice cream whatever they like.

I put my wants to the side. And try doing the things that makes them happy.....



saraimay75 -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/13/2008 2:50:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: onthewayray

Just trying to do what they (the single lady) would like to do. Always being there when they need something. Going where they like to go. eat movies coffe shop or ice cream whatever they like.

I put my wants to the side. And try doing the things that makes them happy.....


It has to go both ways. You should not be putting your wants to the side. You should be doing what you both want to do. You should be making each other happy. Go to place where you like to go so she can find out who you are.



sudden -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/13/2008 7:58:08 PM)

Dear ONthewayray:

I adore nice guys! I married one! It was different when I was in my teens and twenties. I liked exciting guys.

I think that some younger girls like excitement too. The trouble with exciting guys is that, from my own experience, they will never make a good partner because they are always out there chasing the next bit of excitement....which in all likelihood isn't you. (They caught you already). and now it is time to move onto something else. Plus there is a little bit of intrigue or mystery because you are not quite sure what they are going to do next.

That is one theory.

THe other is that they are looking for their father...if dad was an abuser or not a "nice" guy, it would seem that they are doomed to seek that person out.

Thankfully, most women, as they mature, realize that nice guys have the most to offer and while your time with them may not be as exciting...it can be fun, less heartbreaking and certainly more secure than going out with the exciting ones.

Yours for bashing the bad guys, [8D]

Sudden



Focusing -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/14/2008 12:19:02 AM)

I like nice guys. [:)]



PhrozenPhoenix -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/17/2008 6:11:57 AM)

Cause nice guys are boring!! They're carpets you wipe your feet on. They have no.. hahm.. they can't stand up for themselves. They're weak. There is no excitement, no mystery, no fun, no nothing. There is nothing more to them other than just a nice friend that you don't even really think about much aside from when you run into them at whatever.

We just suck. Honest answer right there...



losgan -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/17/2008 6:39:00 PM)

We love nice guys ...

Guys who have wants that they are sometimes willing to put aside, needs that help them recognize your needs, hobbies that they do when you are pursuing yours - or that you share, friends (preferably guy friends!) who provide supportive companionship and a strong relationship with God so that they do not depend on you for everything, patience to wait for the right time but persistent in letting you know what they want, strength that can be gentle, who is generous with compliments and truly means every one of them ...

It all comes down to how you define "nice" ... in our society right now, that often means pushover who doesn't know himself. He has put the woman up on a pedestal where she doesn't belong and cannot remain. He does not feel whole without her - but that is not her place.

Put God first ... figure out who you are ... and never stop being a gentleman!



solo_soprano22 -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/17/2008 9:14:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: onthewayray

I would like to know why wemen don't seem to like nice guys. I try to me nice and never seem to be able to find a nice single Christian lady. What am I doing wrong or I am doing to much by being to nice?


I like nice guys. :) I'm not attracted to a guy who can't hold his own...and guys were are too feminine.



onthewayray -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/19/2008 9:42:29 PM)

[;)] Thanks to all that put in their two cents. I will keep on being who I am. I don't want to be someone I not.And one day I might just meet my Ms. Right for me. [8D]



allisonbrett -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/20/2008 3:17:17 PM)

onthewayray,

I don't think the issue is as much being nice as it is showing strength, confidence and being assertive. Some guys tend to get walked all over because they are too passive, too emotionally needy and seriously lack confidence. The sexiest trait anyone can have is confidence.

Women tend to gravitate toward men who are self-assured, they know what they want, they are focused and grounded. They walk that fine line between strong and controlling, assertive and aggressive, sensitive and the wimp, confident and conceited. You get the point.

[:)]



captainfraulein -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/21/2008 1:38:51 AM)

I don't know what you mean by "nice". A man who is kind hearted, thoughtful and smart is a wonderful to run into. Too many men confuse nice with "stuff it all in" and passive-aggressiveness. Sulking when things don't go their way. Some men act like women and want to be paid for, taken care of. They need to act like men and want to be providers.

A man can have some feminine characteristics and still be very masculine to me. I am a bit masculine in some ways and I think I find a man with a highly developed sensitive side hard to resist.

Be bold and truthful in your approach. and keep going. One guy I know asked 4 women to marry him. Outright rejection on 3 of the women but the fourth married him!



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/21/2008 2:52:32 AM)

I think there was a thread on this a while ago, and I was going to quote myself, but I couldn't find the thread.

I DO like nice guys, but some guys think they are nice when they are not. If you are putting too much pressure on a girl to like you, then that is not nice.



loxx -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/21/2008 9:09:37 AM)

Hmmm!!I think ladies would like a man..to be all he is supposed to be..Wild At Heart..but as long as he respects her..i dont think ladies would like a sisii kinda guy..or maybe am wrong..am a guy..thats what i discovered.



retro-goddess -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/21/2008 11:55:52 AM)

Here's an issue the "nice" guys have in our church. They hope that if they "hang out" with the girl long enough (for months at a time) she'll like him. It normally doesn't happen that way. She starts seeing him as a friend and not a romantic interest.

Nice men need to be intentional and ask a woman out. This shows he's not scared or intimidated by her and can be assertive in showing her he's interested in her. The Lord says the man who FINDS a wife finds a good thing. That verb is active, not passive!



usa777 -> RE: Why don't single wemen like nice guys (8/21/2008 12:53:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: retro-goddess

Here's an issue the "nice" guys have in our church. They hope that if they "hang out" with the girl long enough (for months at a time) she'll like him. It normally doesn't happen that way. She starts seeing him as a friend and not a romantic interest.

Nice men need to be intentional and ask a woman out. This shows he's not scared or intimidated by her and can be assertive in showing her he's interested in her. The Lord says the man who FINDS a wife finds a good thing. That verb is active, not passive!


I completely agree. Seems the Bible places the most responsibility on men for finding a wife and establishing a Christian household. That makes sense, since he will be the head of that household. I've always liked only "nice guys". My problem with them has been that most of them make a good first impression. But, as time goes on, I start realizing how they keep their distance. I'm 47 and never married... wish there were more nice Christian guys out there who are also willing to make a lifetime commitment. While I think there is something to be said for starting out as friends, I'm finding that nice guys also use that as an excuse to remain independent instead of dating and marrying. [:(]



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