'Best Friends' (Full Version)

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hispen -> 'Best Friends' (8/12/2008 11:22:03 AM)

Husbands does your wife have a best friend in the Lord (sister in Christ) who monopolizes all her time? Has she begun to spend more time, share more of herself, confide her worries joys and concerns more with this new best friend than she does/did with you? Do you feel you have been replaced as your wife's best friend ? What did you do ? What happened ? Did you ever find out the reasons why this occured ?

Wives have you ever let this happen to you/your marriage? Did things change, or not? Did your husband express his concerns? Did you understand his position? What eventually happened?

Praying for a friend in a similar situation and just wanted some insight. Thanks.



Memaw. -> RE: 'Best Friends' (8/12/2008 12:24:30 PM)

quote:

Wives have you ever let this happen to you/your marriage? Did things change, or not? Did your husband express his concerns? Did you understand his position? What eventually happened?

Yes, I allowed this to happen with my pastors' wife.
She was my best friend and yes my husband expressed his concerns.
I ignored his words and thought he was just being irrational and inconsiderate.
Since the friendship broke up (as well as her marriage), I see how deeply we were intertwined.
I have learned since then that there is to be NO ONE beside God who comes before my husband....not even my kids.



hispen -> RE: 'Best Friends' (8/12/2008 5:09:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Memaw.

quote:

Wives have you ever let this happen to you/your marriage? Did things change, or not? Did your husband express his concerns? Did you understand his position? What eventually happened?

Yes, I allowed this to happen with my pastors' wife.
She was my best friend and yes my husband expressed his concerns.
I ignored his words and thought he was just being irrational and inconsiderate.
Since the friendship broke up (as well as her marriage), I see how deeply we were intertwined.
I have learned since then that there is to be NO ONE beside God who comes before my husband....not even my kids.


Wow, I am so sorry this happened to you but grateful that you are a member here willing to share your testimony. Thank you for that and for the open and honest answer you gave in your post.



shadowspring -> RE: 'Best Friends' (8/13/2008 10:09:57 PM)

Well, in all honesty there have been times in our marriage when communication was less than admirable between husband and wife, and in those times I am sure I relied on my friends more than my husband.

However to my husband's credit, none of those times have ever lasted very long.[:)]



Focusing -> RE: 'Best Friends' (8/14/2008 8:41:41 AM)

I had a best friend who was a sister in Christ. I stopped and talked to her every day on my way home because my now ex-husband didn't want to hear about my day. I needed someone to listen to me unload from the day, someone who cared, someone who would be able to offer advice on how to handle situations (and ask if I felt I handled things well or if there was something I could have done better - accountability). We all need that.

God needs to be #1 in my life. And I still need someone here on earth to be my #2 friend. The man I was married to didn't want to fill those shoes. We are no longer married.

While I think it's important for us women to have close female friends, our husbands need to come first - and they need to place us first as well. If they aren't willing to be there for us, or we aren't willing to share with them, clearly there is an issue in the marriage relationship.

As you pray for your friend, I would suggest praying specifically that they both cling to the Lord and pray together, and that the lines of communication between them are opened.



hispen -> RE: 'Best Friends' (8/14/2008 11:19:37 AM)

focusing, thank you so much for your post. you are right, a wife can only have her husband as her best friend if he is willing to be her best friend. i am sorry for the loss of your marriage. thank you again for your testimony, it has opened my eyes to the other side of why this may be happening to my friend. i will continue to pray for both parties and trust that god will mend their relationship with him and with each other. i say with god cause i am sure he is grieved at the hurt feelings and neglect one partner feels and the other partner feels justified and defensive. may god bring unity back in jesus name.



greglyn -> RE: 'Best Friends' (8/14/2008 10:51:21 PM)

Another school of thought. . .

I had a best girlfriend in addition to considering my now ex-husband as my "best" friend. I confided things to her that I didn't want to talk to my husband about. Things like my husband's struggles, things I didn't know how to help him with. It was with the purest of intentions that I started spending more time talking to her than to him. She asked a lot of questions, helping me to reason things out. Curious thing was, every time I took my new found "answers" back to my husband, he had already resolved the struggle, so we ended up not talking. Naive me didn't put the pieces of the puzzle together until it was too late. Next thing I knew, he left me for her. He said she "understood" him without him having to say a word - yeah, thanks to me!!!! My "girl-friend" was strategically contacting my husband before I had a chance to talk to him. She suggested things like, "go out to dinner on Friday so you two can talk", knowing that she would call him on Thursday just to "see if he was okay" because she "just had a feeling something was wrong".

All I'm saying is, be careful of the "friend's" motives. She might be getting close to the wife for a reason.



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