Was this the right thing to do? (Full Version)

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hogpharmer -> Was this the right thing to do? (8/14/2008 5:07:32 PM)

I have tried to ignore this, but I can't.
The guy I met online is a missionary and will most likely end up being an ordained minister at some point. I thought that I would be okay with this eventually (my parents are missionaries for crying out loud), but the truth is, my career path is not conducive to being a minister's wife (pharmacist, for those who don't know). Or maybe I don't want it to be so. I don't like the expectations of being a minister's wife. Maybe I am being selfish, but I went to pharmacy school so I could do something with my life, as there are no guarantees to me ever being married.
To add another piece to the pie, he asked my dad if it was alright for him to court me. I was hesitant then, and I am really regretting it now. He just wanted my parents to be okay with it.
I wrote and asked him to give me a week to let me think about what I want. Was that unfair? I just can't think clearly about the situation if I hear from him daily.
As you can see, I have gotten myself into a wonderful predicament. Lambast me if you must, but I'l take opinions with an open mind.



John_O -> RE: Was this the right thing to do? (8/14/2008 5:16:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hogpharmer

I have tried to ignore this, but I can't.
The guy I met online is a missionary and will most likely end up being an ordained minister at some point. I thought that I would be okay with this eventually (my parents are missionaries for crying out loud), but the truth is, my career path is not conducive to being a minister's wife (pharmacist, for those who don't know). Or maybe I don't want it to be so. I don't like the expectations of being a minister's wife. Maybe I am being selfish, but I went to pharmacy school so I could do something with my life, as there are no guarantees to me ever being married.
To add another piece to the pie, he asked my dad if it was alright for him to court me. I was hesitant then, and I am really regretting it now. He just wanted my parents to be okay with it.
I wrote and asked him to give me a week to let me think about what I want. Was that unfair? I just can't think clearly about the situation if I hear from him daily.
As you can see, I have gotten myself into a wonderful predicament. Lambast me if you must, but I'l take opinions with an open mind.


You say you went into pharmacology to do something with your life as there were no guarantees of being married. If he courts you and it leads to marriage would you still desire to be a pharmacist?

If he was not a missionary would you be interested?

Is he a good match for you?

It costs you nothing to make your concerns known to him up front and then continue learning about him. It may turn out that you don't fit and will part ways. It may turn out that he is a perfect fit and the best thing that ever happened to you and more than worth the hassles of being a ministers wife. But you won't know which way it goes if you end it now.

Pray about it, take it slow, let him know what you're thinking. He's not proposed. He just wants to see if you are a good fit. You can always break up later, but you may not get a second chance with him if you throw this one away. KWIM?



ChoirDJ -> RE: Was this the right thing to do? (8/15/2008 2:37:03 AM)

Personally, I don't see anything in your post to "lambast" you for. On the contrary, you are very wise to consider the type of lifestyle you want to have whether or not this person fits into it. A lot of people ignore there hesitancy and end up marrying against that better judgment. Needless to say, that's a recipe for an unhappy marriage or divorce.

You are under no obligation to go along with a courtship if that's not where your heart is. You are right in that the bar would be set very high for you as a minister's wife so take as much time as you need to get settled on your thoughts. If you still feel the same way in a week, you should consider letting him go so he can pursue someone who shares his vision of marriage.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: Was this the right thing to do? (8/15/2008 2:47:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChoirDJ

Personally, I don't see anything in your post to "lambast" you for. On the contrary, you are very wise to consider the type of lifestyle you want to have whether or not this person fits into it. A lot of people ignore there hesitancy and end up marrying against that better judgment. Needless to say, that's a recipe for an unhappy marriage or divorce.

You are under no obligation to go along with a courtship if that's not where your heart is. You are right in that the bar would be set very high for you as a minister's wife so take as much time as you need to get settled on your thoughts. If you still feel the same way in a week, you should consider letting him go so he can pursue someone who shares his vision of marriage.
Excellent post.



Mrs.Dawgfan -> RE: Was this the right thing to do? (8/15/2008 5:04:57 AM)

Great posts so far. I'd like to add that once you agree to court him it may be difficult for you to make a final decision. If you end up falling in love with him but truly cannot see yourself as a minister's wife it will be tough for you to let go. Being a minister's wife is certainly a calling and we don't always want that role. But an open door may means that you may have to give it a try if you are not sure. Depends on the man too. If everything about this man attracts you other than the fact that he's a minister, you may want to step out in faith.

And may I ask why you won't be able to be a pharmacist if you marry this man? And if he continues to do missions and travel who says that G-d cannot still use you with that skill?

Hope it goes well no matter what you decide. [:)]



losgan -> RE: Was this the right thing to do? (8/16/2008 3:57:19 PM)

Though I don't have someone asking me to make this decision now, I realize with growing clarity each day that God might bring me to this point in the future.

I, too, picked a career I thought I could do forever because I knew marriage was not guaranteed. Now I have student loans to pay off, and I truly like my job.

So what if I meet someone, we get married, possibly even have kids - and it becomes our wish for me to stay home?

The thought scares me to death! But the thought of having kids and putting them in daycare and public school causes me a lot of pain.

So I've prayed that if God decides for me to give up my career, He will make it very clear. I know if that is what He has in store for me, He will provide. It's really just in the past couple of weeks that I've decided I could give up my career if God and a husband asked me to.



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