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Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/20/2008 3:39:25 AM
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fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
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hello all...i've been here for about a day...
i've posted in relationships 7yrs&wanting to get married...
just wondering why guys do not want to settle down yet...
and how to encourage that to be brought forward...
sigh:( please help. as of now...i'm supposed to be waiting 4yrs...
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/20/2008 7:14:19 AM
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John_O
Posts: 8053
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fingerprintsofgod
hello all...i've been here for about a day...
i've posted in relationships 7yrs&wanting to get married...
just wondering why guys do not want to settle down yet...
and how to encourage that to be brought forward...
sigh:( please help. as of now...i'm supposed to be waiting 4yrs...
You've just been talking to the wrong guys. For the right woman (for me) I'd be ready to be married tomorrow. (Later today really but I'm traveling today so the schedule's kind of full)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/20/2008 11:15:25 AM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10977
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
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I wanted to be married from the time I was a teenager. Finally happened when I was 21 and she was 18.
There are those of us who are not afraid of commitment.
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 12:17:20 AM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17966
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
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I would like to settle down at some point.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 12:50:28 AM
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backrowbaptist
Posts: 380
Joined: 6/7/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fingerprintsofgod
hello all...i've been here for about a day...
i've posted in relationships 7yrs&wanting to get married...
just wondering why guys do not want to settle down yet...
and how to encourage that to be brought forward...
sigh:( please help. as of now...i'm supposed to be waiting 4yrs...
I'm not sure from your post what you relationship status is. You're in one now and you've waited 4 years and your guy won't commint? Is that right? Or is it 7 years? Either way, a lot of men won't commit unless they have to. If you're willing to be with him for years without a commitment, and giving him what he wants (sex or otherwise), as long as he's not holding a gun to you, why should he? Do you REALLY want to get married? If so, why are you with a man that won't commit? By staying with him, you're telling him it's okay that he won't settle down with you, IMO.
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Any of this gettin' through to you, son?
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 12:53:15 AM
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ChoirDJ
Posts: 473
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: So Cal
Status: offline
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Personally, I would like to settle down again at some point but not right now because I want to give myself the time I need to heal from my divorce. I will say that I see very few women in church that are really zealous for the Lord. For these reason, I am not necessarily interested in any of these women at this point although they might otherwise be good prospects.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 1:31:30 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 7931
Joined: 6/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stamper_ben
I wanted to be married from the time I was a teenager.
Same here.
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 9:13:20 AM
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fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
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so guys, how then should a girl make you settle down asap? :)
hahaha.
yes. if you look at my thread under relationships...
i have been in one for about 7yrs. he's asking for another 4 yrs...
he isn't afraid of commitment...
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 9:16:20 AM
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fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
Status: offline
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stamper_ben: 21?! (: wow. sigh...
and she's blessed too! (: hehe.
humbleinspirit: how old would that be?
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 9:19:39 AM
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fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
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backrowbaptist:
yes i am attached to a guy, and we've been together for close to 7 years.
he has plans for us - marriage in about 4 years.
i'm just trying to bring it forward - any advice?
and how to?
yes i really want to get married, as soon as possible.
don't want to be alone anymore.
i can't force him can i?
i want him to be happy too!
ARGH. big headache.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 9:21:34 AM
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fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
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sorry to hear about that ChoirDJ...
thanks yah. :)
DreadPirateRandy: how come you guys wanna get married so young?
i thought guys are pretty different from girls...
like they want to settle down later and all.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 11:01:48 AM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10977
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fingerprintsofgod
backrowbaptist:
yes i am attached to a guy, and we've been together for close to 7 years.
he has plans for us - marriage in about 4 years.
i'm just trying to bring it forward - any advice?
and how to?
yes i really want to get married, as soon as possible.
don't want to be alone anymore.
i can't force him can i?
i want him to be happy too!
ARGH. big headache.
Lay it on the line with him and tell him you will not wait any longer! No, you can't force him, but just as you want for his happiness I'd hope that he wants for your happiness also. Seems your happiness means not waiting another 4 years.
Resolve this and the headache just might disappear.
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 12:08:06 PM
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fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
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APZR: I really don't know what to do - to give him an ultimatum...
and what if he ends it? because he's not ready
and all i had to do was wait a few more years?
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 12:11:09 PM
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fingerprintsofgod
Posts: 49
Joined: 8/19/2008
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stamper_ben:
tell him i wont wait any longer and?
accept the consequences? sigh...
he wants me to understand it'll take some time...
he does want me to be happy too..
what if he decides to let go...
but the only one i want is him?
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 12:22:48 PM
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stamper_ben
Posts: 10977
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
Status: offline
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quote:
he wants me to understand it'll take some time...
he does want me to be happy too..
This will have been 11 years? That's more than a third of the total time I've been married.
We are told (as husbands and wives and as potential husbands and wives) to submit to each other. That is what will bring happiness in a relationship.
quote:
what if he decides to let go...
but the only one i want is him?
Then I suppose you will wait...
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 2:54:49 PM
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APZR
Posts: 911
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
Status: online
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It's your choice.
But to answer your OP, I wouldn't have waited 7 years, and this guy did indeed want to settle down. Thus 15 years ago, while in my early 20's, I found a suitable wife who wanted to settle down too.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 5:37:18 PM
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DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 7931
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fingerprintsofgod
how come you guys wanna get married so young?
i thought guys are pretty different from girls...
like they want to settle down later and all.
When you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, what valid reason is there to wait? There isn't an age requirement on love.
I'm not most guys, so I don't really know about wanting to settle later. I don't see the point in wasting yours that otherwise could have been spent together.
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 5:44:57 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1760
Joined: 5/23/2006
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depends on the age...early 20's I was very into sports, hanging out with buddies, not to mention finishing college...so there wasn't time to date anyone long enough to get to the point of wanting to marry her.
Plus I never wanted to start out struggling...so saving money was high priority. I would never think it is ok to start a family without knowing how you are going to provide for them.
I also taught my daughter's don't even consider marrying someone who can't prove to you in writing how he is going to provide for his family.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 10:09:41 PM
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Child4Jesus
Posts: 458
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fingerprintsofgod
APZR: I really don't know what to do - to give him an ultimatum...and what if he ends it? because he's not ready and all i had to do was wait a few more years?
I can't see myself being with a girl for seven years and not wanting to get married. It's just not possible. Why isn't he ready after 7 years? He wants you to wait 4 more years?
_____________________________
In Christ,
Richad
The greatest heresy to American Christianity is that if you ask Jesus to come into your heart, he definitely will.
Paul Washer
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 10:34:24 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17966
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fingerprintsofgod
stamper_ben: 21?! (: wow. sigh...
and she's blessed too! (: hehe.
humbleinspirit: how old would that be?
97.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/21/2008 10:53:17 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 17966
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Just Outside of Boston
Status: offline
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Now if a woman is willing to put up with my idiosyncrycies...
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/22/2008 3:07:12 AM
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DreadPirateRandy
Posts: 7931
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
They continue to hold the attitudes of a teenager - it's all about them, they want their freedom, not wanting to "tie themselves down", etc.
I must be a 97 yr. old trapped in an 18 yr. old's body.
_____________________________
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, are of imagination all compact.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/22/2008 3:31:19 AM
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jmjphe
Posts: 80
Joined: 4/29/2008
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This is how we are domesticated. The idea of not settling down is a more recent wordly attitude towards relationships. THis sometimes leaks into the chruch as well. You take publications like Mens health that have these indirect undertones of being the "superior man" in that you have made love to numerous women, are making great money, and doing the extraordinary. by the way, im not completeing degrading the publication, it offers nice inforamtion on a variety if subjects, but it plants a seed none the less. Setteling down seems to almost fly in the face of "popular opinon" and thus potenntially creates reservations towards commited relationships and marriage.
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RE: Guys: Why do you not want to settle down? - 8/22/2008 7:07:29 AM
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revbob4God
Posts: 598
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
yes i am attached to a guy, and we've been together for close to 7 years.
he has plans for us - marriage in about 4 years.
i'm just trying to bring it forward - any advice?
and how to?
yes i really want to get married, as soon as possible.
don't want to be alone anymore.
i can't force him can i?
i want him to be happy too!
ARGH. big headache.
I think perhaps you have waited long enough on this one. Why haven't you told this person to cut bait or fish? Seriously.
_____________________________
For thus saith the Lord that created the heavens; God himself that formed the earth and made it; he hath established it, he created it not in vain, he formed it to be inhabited: I the Lord; and none else.
Isaiah 45:18
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He's shown you what he's made of... or lack there of. You will have to make the decision to accept it, or move on. Basically you will have to tell him it's time to step up, or you will have to break it off and move on. He's obviously enjoying buying milk at the store rather than owning the cow to feed and care for. As long as he is getting what he wants without any responsibility, this will continue for a few more decades.
