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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 11:02:12 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23671
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bluestone
I think the real issue is cliquishness.
YES!
quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
When you don't name names, but you name characteristics of what these people believe in and practice, it's hard to know who anyone actually has a problem with. Lisa, I still think that there is nothing wrong with giving examples of threads that have been, for the most part, exclusionary of those who hold different views. I don't think this is at all being snarky. I actually think it's a lot better to publicly address a thread than to point out various people . . . besides, again, it's the "personality of the thread" that someone may have a problem with; not the person or people themselves in that thread.
As for people wondering if someone is talking about them, one cannot word their posts so that no one ever wonders if they are being discussed in relation to a thread that has been hurtful to someone. If the posts are not belittling, then I truly don't see how stating one's experience of past discussions is inappropriate. Additionally, to prevent people from being able to do this would be censorship.
If someone needs clarification as to whether any of their posts in past threads have been hurtful to someone else, then, perhaps a PM is in order. But before going to the person and asking for clarification, I would encourage anyone to first pray and ask Our Lord's Holy Spirit regarding one's own posts; ask him to reveal if there were any inappropriate motives behind what was posted, or if there were any exclusionary / superior attitudes being held onto. If there was, then some "housecleaning" might be in order. If there wasn't, then great. Move on, be happy and live life.
quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
I think there is something people need to realize:
Just because someone might believe that it is a sin to do X doesn't mean that they believe if you do X then you are not saved. Stating that "I believe X is a sin and here is why" is not a personal attack. People should be able to say what they believe without pussyfooting around the issue. There are places of "safety" where you can discuss your other viewpoint and the other opinion isn't allowed to be brought up. There are folders or threads specifically for those who believe in X, Y, and Z issue" If you don't want to read disagreeing viewpoints on those issues stay in those threads. However, there are other folders/threads that are neutral on a subject, or maybe more accurately, are open to both viewpoints. Don't be surprised to read that someone absolutely believes differently than you. People are allowed to hold strongly to a belief without it being a personal attack and they are even allowed to say that they hold strongly to the belief
I agree with your post, Zoebob.
But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm specifically talking about some threads that I have personally visited throughout the years where the OP was worded to give the illusion that discussion from both sides were welcomed; but then when someone from "the other side" truly wanted to discuss both sides of the topic, some posters would not simply state their convictions but would vehemently do so and even suggest, "This thread is for such and such, perhaps you need to go find another thread." (And incidentally "such and such" didn't exactly line up with the OP; the OP was inclusive; the "such and such" was not).
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 11:03:13 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 4868
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bluestone
Mrs.wifey, you don't see a problem?
other than us newbies getting offended by a couple of people?
I didn't say there was nothing to be offended over. Even you said that it's not the entire lot, only certain people. You can't write off an entire crowd of people just because you don't like 3 or 4 of them and it certainly isn't fair to those of us who DO care if you are offended to keep insulting us.
I'm offended that you are slamming the WO folder without really "knowing" the majority of us.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 11:05:16 AM
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bluestone
Posts: 2934
Joined: 2/25/2008
From: United States of America
Status: offline
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Mrs. Wifey, I truly have not meant to offend you.
I lurk in here a lot, and even lurked before joining up from time to time.
I believe I do "know" the overall "spirit" or "personality" of the folder.
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I need Christ. Not something that resembles Christ.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 11:18:02 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23671
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
Thank you.
You have been such an inspiration to me.
I read everything you post (here and other folders) and even though I don't respond your words touch me.
You are a fountain of wisdom and compassion.
Thank you again.
Oh my word.
I am deeply humbled by your words to me.
Thank you so much; that is a wonderful encouragement!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 11:19:47 AM
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christsstar
Posts: 5154
Joined: 4/8/2005
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Y'all posted WAY too much last night. Holy cow!!!
I agree ... part of hte problem is cliquesness.
I feel like I'm in my HS youth group again, being outcasted because I didn't do things the same way they did them.
HOWEVER..........part of that was my problem. I know that I made myself feel less welcome because I let myself believe what they said about my way of doing things was right.
I have to come to terms with my convictions. That's what they are. MY convictions. Not yours. If God has convicted me about X in my life, then I need to deal with X. It's not for you to convict me, or for me to convict you.
One example I can think of (and I'm specifically staying away from any women-only issues) is secular music. When I was in college I felt convicted to throw them all away. My then boyfriend couldn't believe I was tossing away thousands of dollars of music. But it was my conviction. I didn't make him get rid of his. Now, several years later, I don't feel that conviction anymore. I feel like I can listen to secular music, but I am more selective in what secular music I listen to, so as not to fall into the trap I was in before.
At any rate: if that topic were to come up here on the boards I would have to stand firm in my conviction that it's OK for me to listen to some secular music. And if someone told me I was sinning and I let that get to me, isn't the problem really with me? Maybe I'm not as strong in my conviction as I thought I was.
Yes, the other person could be being tactless, rude, offensive, etc. But my convictions are MY convictions and I can't let anyone else convict me.
somebody's signature (a verse) is PERFECT for this thread, and I can't remember who. And right now I have to get back to work, so I'll have to post it later. Someone remind me.
_____________________________
 Christine
Avatar: "Now, why was I moving that lamp?"
Klutz Meets Pregnant Brain
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 11:30:01 AM
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Kath
Posts: 16985
Joined: 2/28/2005
Status: online
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quote:
Additionally, to prevent people from being able to do this would be censorship.
Quite often people claim we censor them.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 11:34:34 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23671
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
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I guess they do, at that, Kath.
For clarification, are you saying that we can't give vague examples of threads that some of us have experienced in quite negative ways?
("vague" as in not naming specific thread titles, but in naming certain topics where this has been experienced).
quote:
ORIGINAL: deliveredarling
quote:
BTW, I am a heavy bottomed, big bellied, floppy breasted, winged armed (in other words very full figured) woman.
I thought all Memaws are supposed to be that way! 
Oh my word! I'm not a Memaw . . . this could be much more serious than I initially thought.
quote:
ORIGINAL: lexie
quote:
Lexie - we are most definitely cool about it. In fact, I had completely forgotten about that till I read this just now. LOL In fact again, while I now do faintly remember something, I don't even remember what it was about.
Because we talked about it, shared our feelings, dealt with it and moved on! (And then steered clear of each other for a good two months....wait, was that just me?  ) 
THAT's hilarious!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 12:08:05 PM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2431
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: deliveredarling
Honestly, because I don't feel welcome. I think it was Bluestone who mentioned "cliqueishness". It's very real and apparent. Some of the clicks here will go so far as to plan an attack on the one naysayer. It's not just defined to the women's folder, it's all over these threads. If one is the minority viewpoint, the gang comes rolling in to twist words, stomp theology and generally attempt to destroy the opposer's credibility.
That happens to me... but I still state my opinion anyway. When the snark comes, I address only the nice inquiries and ignore the rude comments. I HATE when people do what you mentioned though...I think it could be a learning experience, but some are so ready to pounce on you and assume you're everything but a child of God for disagreeing, they can't see that you both may have valid points. From what I see though, some people in the forums have such opposition in life for their choices, that when YOU come in and don't agree they're already in high-defense mode. (This does happen with mostly women with me, but not always in this forum). I have had a few who I disagreed with actually have a civil conversation and we had a dialogue about it even though we don't see things the same way.
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For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 12:14:39 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 4868
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: christsstar
Could the cliques also be because certain people aren't known as well so maybe they aren't quoted or commented upon as much? You know poster 123 better than poster def, so you converse with 123 more. DEF feels left out.
It can definitely be that, and sometimes I just don't have anything more to add. Or I don't know enough about their life to have another comment, KWIM?
Sometimes I feel like we should just all post our bios so people have something to build on.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 12:24:52 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2296
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
Status: offline
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I know for me there have been times I have wanted to add something to the conversation...a piece of advice...a word from experience or something like that, but have felt it wouldn't be received well.
There really are some cliques here that are very exclusive and there really are some women here who want it kept just that way.
(I am not pointing fingers, only stating the obvious.)
There is much we all can learn from each other, I have walked roads that others haven't walked (yet, maybe never), and there are others who have walked roads I haven't yet (maybe never) as well.
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<-- Squirt
A government big enough to give you everything you want,
is strong enough to take everything you have.
....Thomas Jefferson
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 12:25:11 PM
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KatMack
Posts: 1074
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Along the Canopy Roads
Status: offline
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quote:
Sometimes I feel like we should just all post our bios so people have something to build on.
Maybe we could add them to our siggys so they are right there with all our posts for those that are new.
--Kat
Work-outside-the-home mom to three kids, former part-time nurser/part-time formula feeder, public-schooler, non-baby-wearer, Navy brat, Southern Baptist, non-committal on Calvinism/Armenian debate, listens to secular music and reads secular novels, prefers the Holman Christan Standard translation, politically and socially conservative, came to Christ after marriage and DH is still a non-believer, etc, etc, etc 
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<-- My sweet blessings.
"God will do what God will do. What I'm responsible for is to believe he's all he says he is and obey what he tells me to do. " -magdaleine
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