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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 4:21:19 PM
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landabee
Posts: 2859
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Central Florida
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quote:
However, I have been hurt by people around here (and I say this not to gain sympathy - I'm over it, though I do avoid certain people now). Not because I needed to pull up my big girl panties, and not because I misunderstood what they were saying, but because people can just be cruel and insensitive. So it's not just fragile people or new people. It's really not.
I concur.
Mean is mean. Rude is rude. Condescending is condescending and intolerance is intolerance.
Period.
_____________________________
"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it." ~ CourdeLeon
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 4:25:51 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6015
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Actually, I don't normally post in this folder myself. It's only recently that I've started posting occasionally in Kicka, because Ryanne mentioned it to me.
And it's a shame you decided to block me without ever trying to get to know me, or even telling me that we had issues.
People who have persisted in getting to know me, down-to-earth Brit that I am, are never disappointed. Too many though just don't bother.
< Message edited by manda59 -- 8/22/2008 4:49:28 PM >
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 4:29:35 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 25990
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Currently . . . San Francisco
Status: offline
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What a great post, Jeannie!
It also underlines, for me, why I don't ever use the phrase "In Real Life" (or it's acronym, IRL). Instead, if I need to differentiate, I use "offline" and "online".
I kept my white roses till last September. And even then, I didn't want to get rid of them (which is saying a lot for me, since I'm a minimalist  ). But dried roses are very fragile and they wouldn't have survived the trip. So what, I did, instead, was to separate the petals and I went up to the top of a mountain and scattered them. While doing so I prayed blessings over every single poster here in these threads that I could think of.
I belong to a couple of other forums; but they're simply for information purposes only (i.e, Apple for when I have questions on my Mac). They are not a community.
Here (as in FCN), it's not simply a forums board; it's a community . . . a community of believers in Our Lord Jesus Christ. How much more intimate can it get than that?
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Hey there! This is Sharon-Marie, and you have reached my signature. I may not be here for a while; but if you'd like, please leave a message over in that ramblin’ thread.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 4:34:59 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 7668
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
What a great post, Jeannie!
It also underlines, for me, why I don't ever use the phrase "In Real Life" (or it's acronym, IRL). Instead, if I need to differentiate, I use "offline" and "online".
I kept my white roses till last September. And even then, I didn't want to get rid of them (which is saying a lot for me, since I'm a minimalist ). But dried roses are very fragile and they wouldn't have survived the trip. So what, I did, instead, was to separate the petals and I went up to the top of a mountain and scattered them. While doing so I prayed blessings over every single poster here in these threads that I could think of.
Sharon-Marie that is beautiful! What a wonderful tribute to those who helped you get through such a time in your life. 
I only hope if something major were to happen in my life, and people here flooded to me like they do others, I remember your guesture and do something as nice as you did.
What an inspiration you are! *huggles*
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 4:35:45 PM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4291
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
quote:
If a topic KEEPS coming up for discussion (why some women avoid the folder, for example ) by DIFFERENT posters..........maybe there actually is some truth to the perception of the tone of the folder. So, it is hard to dismiss something simply because one has not self identified it.
What she said. I don't think this many women are too sensitive, or hormonal, or "just can't take it".
It's not that the majority of women are hyper-sensitive. I have seen the snarkiness, too (yes, and done it, and at times appologized for it!!  <--me wishing I could say every time!) I''ve also seen the These other women are so different so I feel unwelcome phenomenon (as well as been the uncomfortable one.) I'm sure the gang up and shred in PM thing goes on, too, although I have never had it happen to me, never been contacted to be a part of the gang, and am unaware of it happening right in front of me. If you all say it happens, it does.
However, there are those who have chips on their shoulders about certain things and try to hold other hostage with their discontent. They are so busy trying to get splinters out of everyone else's eyes that they have failed to notice they are beating other with the log in their own eye.
I have also experienced quite a bit of the "Please give me advice" threads where any advice that involved the poster doing something or taking a hard look at something caused the poster to disolve into hysterics.
I guess my point is that just because snarkiness, clique-ishness (whether real or imagined) and arrogance goes on doesn't mean that at times we don't have problems with oversensitive posters as well. I've been both the oversensitve one with my panties in a wad for no reason and an observer of others doing the same.
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-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 4:52:18 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6015
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MindySue69
Maybe they come here because they've already been hurt by their local church(s). Maybe the people in their church can't be bothered with them (though they'll say how much they love you and of course they "miss" you if you don't show up on Sunday but they don't miss you when they invite everyone else from the church over for burgers...and you're not there because you weren't invited or told about it....)
Maybe the people coming here are not "porcelain doll fragile" but already broken.
Well, you just posted about me - all except the last sentence, that is. No human has that much power over me - I won't allow it.
I've had to learn not to turn to humans to make me feel better for what other humans have done. There's only one place I go for that. And He never lets me down.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 4:54:56 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3706
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: phosadaud
And on another note and going back several pages (and I can't recall who brought this up) regarding apologies. Someone mentioned after they have hurt someone, they tend to just let it go and move on. I actually disagree with that for this reason. First, if I hurt someone in a public way, I personally
I've been away all day, but I was catching up, and I'd like to respond to this. That is a gross misstatement of my post.
I posed a question for discussion to the effect of: If you hurt someone in a thread, find out later, but the person has long since vacated the thread, do you track them down to apologize or just allow time to pass and not bring up an old issue? Several people responded with their thought, and my own inclination was that if a decent amount of time has passed, and you don't often see that person, it might be best to let sleeping dogs lie and not reopen wounds.
But I wasn't sure, which is why I brought it up for discussion.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 4:55:55 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 10604
Joined: 9/19/2005
From: Washington State
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I very much agree that all of us can be overly sensitive about things. The reason I'm not wanting to discuss that here is that unfortunately whenever there are legitimate concerns, too often some dismiss those concerns by throwing out the "overly sensitive" card. After all, if someone is hurt, it's their problem right?  If you really think that someone is being outrageous and just a weenie, pray about it and maybe ask them in a pm what's going on.
As I have shared, I'm the kid that stood up to the bullies on the playground. I knew very well how to let their insults bounce off me, but that doesn't mean I just sit back and watch them beat up the kid who's struggling and tell that kid, just buck up and ignore them like I am. That kiddo isn't like me. They may not have the support system I do. They may not have the strong family behind them. Just because I can handle doesn't mean they can. And just because I can handle it, doesn't mean the bully shouldn't be confronted.
OK, that was just an analogy and I'm not saying anyone is a bully, but I hope that illustration helps folks a glimpse into my heart a little better.
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~Kristin~
Resume Quotations: "Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 4:58:50 PM
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landabee
Posts: 2859
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Central Florida
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quote:
And just because I can handle it, doesn't mean the bully shouldn't be confronted.
Exactly. Spot on.
_____________________________
"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it." ~ CourdeLeon
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:00:11 PM
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phosadaud
Posts: 10604
Joined: 9/19/2005
From: Washington State
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
quote:
ORIGINAL: phosadaud
And on another note and going back several pages (and I can't recall who brought this up) regarding apologies. Someone mentioned after they have hurt someone, they tend to just let it go and move on. I actually disagree with that for this reason. First, if I hurt someone in a public way, I personally
I've been away all day, but I was catching up, and I'd like to respond to this. That is a gross misstatement of my post.
I posed a question for discussion to the effect of: If you hurt someone in a thread, find out later, but the person has long since vacated the thread, do you track them down to apologize or just allow time to pass and not bring up an old issue? Several people responded with their thought, and my own inclination was that if a decent amount of time has passed, and you don't often see that person, it might be best to let sleeping dogs lie and not reopen wounds.
But I wasn't sure, which is why I brought it up for discussion.
Um. I didn't quote you or anyone. If you didn't say it, it may have been someone else who did. As I stated, I couldn't recall who said it.
_____________________________
~Kristin~
Resume Quotations: "Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:00:21 PM
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MindySue69
Posts: 321
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Good for you manda. Not everyone is as strong as you apparently are, though.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:01:32 PM
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solo_soprano22
Posts: 2476
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
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Chrisstar, do you want to PM about the GRE? I'd be happy to discuss it with someone in a similar boat.
Back on topic, I know some who, for some reason or another, just don't have that interaction outside of web-related fellowship. THAT may be their "real life." Sadly, I know I've seen "you need to get a life" sometimes when I think those people just didn't have anyone.
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For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:03:33 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8758
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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I think it can go both ways and often does. yes, the bully should be confronted but OTOH just because someone cries doesn't mean there is a bully.
Here's a childhood example: Joan and Sally are discussing colors. Sally says that she thinks red is an ugly color. Joan happens to love red and is wearing a red shirt. Joan bursts into tears and runs to the teacher saying "Sally hates me and thinks I'm ugly" That is not what Sally said...
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L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:05:06 PM
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MindySue69
Posts: 321
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: christsstar
quote:
ORIGINAL: MindySue69
quote:
ORIGINAL: moon_mouse
I can't help but wonder how many of the people that repeatedly feel hurt don't have a local church community.
Maybe they come here because they've already been hurt by their local church(s). Maybe the people in their church can't be bothered with them (though they'll say how much they love you and of course they "miss" you if you don't show up on Sunday but they don't miss you when they invite everyone else from the church over for burgers...and you're not there because you weren't invited or told about it....)
Maybe the people coming here are not "porcelain doll fragile" but already broken.
Maybe.
I have personal experience with that as well.
It normally doesn't bother me much - but it happened once and when I said something about being left out I was offered all sorts of excuses and apologies and promises not to "forget me" again, etc..., which I accepted because the friendship and fellowship of these people was important to me. Then I just found out that it happened again.
Some of you gals may call me a weenie or a whiner or weak or say that I'm giving people too much power but the bible tells us that we're supposed to be a family, encouraging and uplifting and loving one another.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:07:02 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6015
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MindySue69
Good for you manda. Not everyone is as strong as you apparently are, though.
It's been a journey, I'll just say that.
Please don't think for a minute that it's been easy. I've had to learn some very hard lessons.
But God is good, and faithful, and if you want strong, He's the one!
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:07:10 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3706
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
I think it can go both ways and often does. yes, the bully should be confronted but OTOH just because someone cries doesn't mean there is a bully.
That's a good point. Vigorously arguing does not necessarily a bully make. And where "the line" is, is highly subjective. Again if you hurt someone unintentionally, you can say, "I'm sorry for hurting you" in some fashion, even if you still feel as though you were in the right to say what you said.
_____________________________
This warranty does not include shark bites, bear attacks and children under five.
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:12:17 PM
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landabee
Posts: 2859
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Central Florida
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quote:
I feel that it is a huge mistake to not address that the opposite happens as well and is just as big of a problem.
While it does indeed happen, my opinion is that it is NOT nearly as big of a problem.
Not by a long shot.
It is time to stop blaming the victim, IMO.
There are the woeful Wilmas.........but they are few and far between.
_____________________________
"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it." ~ CourdeLeon
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:13:57 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8758
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: christsstar
quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
I think it can go both ways and often does. yes, the bully should be confronted but OTOH just because someone cries doesn't mean there is a bully.
Here's a childhood example: Joan and Sally are discussing colors. Sally says that she thinks red is an ugly color. Joan happens to love red and is wearing a red shirt. Joan bursts into tears and runs to the teacher saying "Sally hates me and thinks I'm ugly" That is not what Sally said...
That's like my step-children insulting each others style of music or clothes or TV shows. Just because you don't like it A, doesn't mean you have to tease K.
But in my example Sally doesn't know that Red is Joans favorite color until she says that.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:19:08 PM
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HisCovenant
Posts: 4291
Joined: 4/12/2005
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I'm not speaking about blaming a victim. I am speaking about people who start posting in a thread saying that they can't believe this issues is being discussed when they are hurt in their lives over a similar subject. I am speaking of people who demand appologies because civilly given opinions caused them to recall their discontent with the crisis they are going through. I am speaking about reverse bullying, where someone claims they have been bullied when in fact they are the ones trying to shame others for being content. The hurt has nothing to do with the posters in a thread and everything to do with discontent in their own lives.
_____________________________
-HisCovenant/ Zipporah
My friends call me Zippy!
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RE: Why I rarely post in here - 8/22/2008 5:20:51 PM
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deliveredarling
Posts: 1982
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
What a great post, Jeannie!
It also underlines, for me, why I don't ever use the phrase "In Real Life" (or it's acronym, IRL). Instead, if I need to differentiate, I use "offline" and "online".
I kept my white roses till last September. And even then, I didn't want to get rid of them (which is saying a lot for me, since I'm a minimalist ). But dried roses are very fragile and they wouldn't have survived the trip. So what, I did, instead, was to separate the petals and I went up to the top of a mountain and scattered them. While doing so I prayed blessings over every single poster here in these threads that I could think of.
I belong to a couple of other forums; but they're simply for information purposes only (i.e, Apple for when I have questions on my Mac). They are not a community.
Here (as in FCN), it's not simply a forums board; it's a community . . . a community of believers in Our Lord Jesus Christ. How much more intimate can it get than that?
That's twice now reading your posts, I have teared up over your posts. I wish we could all say that we have experiences here (in the forums) like the ones you have talked about. I'm sure we all have our moments of hysterical laughter and stomping anger. We are human, with very real emotions and probably need to keep that in the forefront of our minds a little more often.
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
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