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phosadaud -> Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 12:04:10 AM)

I must say that right now I am deeply saddened (almost in tears and I rarely ever cry) after having read a thread in current events. I can be a fierce debater and I know that I'm pretty blunt and that can turn folks off, but there have been several threads lately which have made me never want to post in this (women's only) folder again. If this was an isolated thing, it wouldn't bother me. But it's not.

What am I talking about? I just read through the airplane thread and I must say that in my years of posting here, and the most intense debate threads I've been in, I have never seen such anger and downright vicious cutting down than I saw in there. One particular poster was being downright skewered and accused of all kinds of things. When it came to light that these accusations were false there was no apology... at all.... Even after another poster tried to defend the person being attacked. Rather some more snarky comments about how men can be like that too. I'm starting a new thread because it would be off-topic there and besides, I believe that this is something that needs to be addressed and discussed.

I have done my share of offensiveness on these threads and even as laid back as I am, there have been times that my frustration came out when it shouldn't have. But one thing you will find about me is that when I am wrong, I will admit it, apologize and move on. Simply put, I don't see that happen in this folder and I wonder why? Is that not the biblical response? Can women not discuss things and disagree without burning each other at the stake? And when we do hurt each other, especially unjustly, can we not at least attempt to make amends? Is that not the biblical model?

I have to be honest, threads like that and ones I have followed in here have pretty much made me decide that this isn't (this particular folder) a place I want to be in. Most of you don't know me so you won't get how significant that statement is, but needless to say I am an extremely laid back person and it takes a LOT to get me upset and discouraged. But I'm there. [:(]

I know I will get attacked for this thread, but I also know there are a lot of hurting women on these boards who are either like me and simply don't want to listen to this kind of venem or who have been the victim of such venem so I feel it needs to be said.

I know many of you are wonderful, godly women. The only thing I ask is that we ALL take some time to look into our hearts and maybe humble ourselves and seek to build each other up and stop ripping each other to shreds.

I know this is unfair, but I'm deeply ashamed of my gender right now and now I think I finally get why I tend to gravitate to male dominated fields. Sometimes, I just don't like women. [&o][&o][&o]

Am I wrong?



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 12:17:01 AM)

quote:

Simply put, I don't see that happen in this folder and I wonder why? Is that not the biblical response? Can women not discuss things and disagree without burning each other at the stake? And when we do hurt each other, especially unjustly, can we not at least attempt to make amends? Is that not the biblical model?


Yep, and when a person does try to make amends and appease the upset person, that person should forgive them.



BlessedAngel1983 -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 12:17:23 AM)

{{{Phosy}}}

I love you girl!



MrsTracy72 -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 12:22:00 AM)

I so totally don't know what thread you were reading and I know we don't know eachother, but I think that happens everywhere in this forum. If you get the wrong two personalities on one topic, it turns into dynamite. I hope you don't get attacked for writing this because that will only reinforce your opinion. I know that I have been targeted a couple of times in areas that I won't mention, but I just stay out of them too. You are entitled to your opinion and I am so sorry you feel that way because nobody should feel like that in a place like this, but sadly, it happens.

Tracy



spitzu -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 12:34:49 AM)

What airplane thread?

I know how you feel. Women can be so snarky... some around these parts are worse than some on secular forums I've been on. Very sad.



phosadaud -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 12:39:34 AM)

Thanks ladies. Don't worry about me - I can handle being attacked and I'm used to it (and to be honest, I get less upset when I am attacked than when I see someone else being attacked en masse). I post in theo... [8D]I know I will take a ton of flack for posting this (and I knew that before I hit the post button), but I prayed about posting it and I really believe it needed to be said.

And yes, it does happen in other areas around these boards, but it just seems to be worse in this one. And it just seems to be getting worse and worse. [&o]

(((((((((((To all those who are hurting right now))))))))))))))))



PrincessButtercup -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 12:40:52 AM)

Yeah, there's been some mean things said on these forums before. Sometimes, it can be extremely harsh and uncalled for. I know that my feelings have been hurt because of such things, along with many others.

It shouldn't happen in a place full of Christians, but unfortunately, it does.



solo_soprano22 -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 12:42:33 AM)

Well... if you read that thread then you should know how I feel. :) I do think sometimes women here are presumptuous when they have no place; in that thread I saw that, and yes...I was surprised at the lack of an apology. But I think sometimes "I'm right" wins in people's minds...sometimes "You're wrong and I'm right" wins...And sadly, sometimes we judge others' hearts when we should not...and all over what? Subjective opinions usually. Stuff that shouldn't even get that way. In the grand scheme of things this petty stuff we get into it over probably doesn't matter, and, if it does matter, then we can discuss it like civilized females.

ETA: I think tacky to assume things about people just because they disagree with you or your practices, esp. the state of someone's heart and intentions...regularly occurs around here though....and odd that it seems to happen the worst on those hot topics....

...if you don't see it my way then you must have a spiritual problem. WOW.



solo_soprano22 -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 12:44:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: phosadaud

Thanks ladies. Don't worry about me - I can handle being attacked and I'm used to it (and to be honest, I get less upset when I am attacked than when I see someone else being attacked en masse). I post in theo... [8D]I know I will take a ton of flack for posting this (and I knew that before I hit the post button), but I prayed about posting it and I really believe it needed to be said.

And yes, it does happen in other areas around these boards, but it just seems to be worse in this one. And it just seems to be getting worse and worse. [&o]

(((((((((((To all those who are hurting right now))))))))))))))))


Bad thing is.... although it needed to be said, and has somewhat been said before, this thread probably won't change a thing. [&o]



spitzu -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 1:51:24 AM)

Oh my. I found it. I've only read through the first few pages, but umm, I think I can honestly say that most of us are not anything like that.

[sm=shocked.gif]



solo_soprano22 -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 2:26:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: phosadaud

I must say that right now I am deeply saddened (almost in tears and I rarely ever cry) after having read a thread in current events. I can be a fierce debater and I know that I'm pretty blunt and that can turn folks off, but there have been several threads lately which have made me never want to post in this (women's only) folder again. If this was an isolated thing, it wouldn't bother me. But it's not.

What am I talking about? I just read through the airplane thread and I must say that in my years of posting here, and the most intense debate threads I've been in, I have never seen such anger and downright vicious cutting down than I saw in there. One particular poster was being downright skewered and accused of all kinds of things. When it came to light that these accusations were false there was no apology... at all.... Even after another poster tried to defend the person being attacked. Rather some more snarky comments about how men can be like that too. I'm starting a new thread because it would be off-topic there and besides, I believe that this is something that needs to be addressed and discussed.

I have done my share of offensiveness on these threads and even as laid back as I am, there have been times that my frustration came out when it shouldn't have. But one thing you will find about me is that when I am wrong, I will admit it, apologize and move on. Simply put, I don't see that happen in this folder and I wonder why? Is that not the biblical response? Can women not discuss things and disagree without burning each other at the stake? And when we do hurt each other, especially unjustly, can we not at least attempt to make amends? Is that not the biblical model?

I have to be honest, threads like that and ones I have followed in here have pretty much made me decide that this isn't (this particular folder) a place I want to be in. Most of you don't know me so you won't get how significant that statement is, but needless to say I am an extremely laid back person and it takes a LOT to get me upset and discouraged. But I'm there. [:(]

I know I will get attacked for this thread, but I also know there are a lot of hurting women on these boards who are either like me and simply don't want to listen to this kind of venem or who have been the victim of such venem so I feel it needs to be said.

I know many of you are wonderful, godly women. The only thing I ask is that we ALL take some time to look into our hearts and maybe humble ourselves and seek to build each other up and stop ripping each other to shreds.

I know this is unfair, but I'm deeply ashamed of my gender right now and now I think I finally get why I tend to gravitate to male dominated fields. Sometimes, I just don't like women. [&o][&o][&o]

Am I wrong?


Meant to say, some things in that thread made me want to cry for the other person (who was being attacked)...and usually I"m in a "it's just a forum and they don't know her" kind of attitude. But I think the truth is, no one wants to be accused of something they know they're not, esp. if it's that bad...and no one wants to feel ganged up on like that. Even though it's "just words" and just a forum, words can hurt a great deal. Being accused of malicious motives/thoughts hurts (when it's not true), and I don't think that most women here would hate to be judged like we sometimes do to each other.

But, like spitzu said, most of aren't like that. It happens way too much though. I think you either choose to take the good and the bad, or just leave altogether because of the bad. (I totally understand making either choice.)



nicole6598 -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 2:33:54 AM)

Sorry you have been hurt and feel that way.
It is shocking sometimes how people treat one another on here. I have had my fair share. It hurts.
I hope that we can all learn from these and become better people though.



CoeurdeLeon_ -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 5:31:39 AM)

I don't post often in Women's for the same reason.

There are people here of both genders who are arrogant, belligerent and antagonistic and I usually try to avoid them all.

What amuses me, though, is that some women, who would be outraged at the thought, betray the very same attitude as extreme feminism....."I'm right and you're a pig". When someone proves that these women's accusations against them are false, rather than apology it's more "oh, you're not a pig? well, I'm still right."[8|]

It seems to me that these gals have no balance. And that's a shame. For them and for anyone who has to deal with them.



bootsNspurs_mod -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 7:26:07 AM)

You're right, phosy. And it's one of the reasons I don't post much in Womens Only. As a lurker in chat threads in here, I have seen it even in there. One specific instance I regret very much not saying something and speaking out. I think about it often, and it is one thing that makes me think twice before I post anything, even in the chat thread.

And you're right, phosy, something does need to be said.



Sideways -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 7:44:23 AM)

Well, I'll come out and say that I think I was one of the posters who made you upset, perhaps it was because I mistoke one poster for being a male instead of a female. I think I did apologize for that misunderstanding.

Everything else I said, I stand by.

I come from a family of very passionate debaters, and debate can get even harder when you can't see facial expressions or tone of voice. And certain topics raised in that thread I feel very passionate about.

I am sorry that you are upset and hurt. I've had some very hurtful things said to me by other women here at CW, so I've been on your side of the fence. In my case I settled on taking a break from CW and coming back with a new, more removed perspective.

I can't say I'm going to change who I am or what I believe, but I will try to look at my posts more from a strangers perspective, who can tell nothing more then the words on a screen, and see if there is a better way to make my point, especially considering they can't see my face or hear my voice.



cherish405 -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 7:54:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessButtercup

Yeah, there's been some mean things said on these forums before. Sometimes, it can be extremely harsh and uncalled for. I know that my feelings have been hurt because of such things, along with many others.

It shouldn't happen in a place full of Christians, but unfortunately, it does.


I have to agree. I know that I've been targeted in the past in the women's folder for something that was said in a different folder. I then became the subject.

I know of other women who have left CW because of things that were said to them.

I really think we all need to be careful of how we speak to each other. Apologise when we are wrong, and do it quickly. We are the body of Christ. People watch us, and if we are treating each other badly, then it's not a good witness and it won't win people to Christ. Not only that, but it just plain hurts.



LaurainAL -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 8:10:40 AM)

I mentioned this to DH the other night. If you want to survive here, you have to learn how to insult others in a passive-aggressive nature. Some posters are very good at staying with in the TOS but cutting someone to the core at the same time. It's not biblical y'all. We all need to read Matthew 18 and remind ourselves what Jesus himself said about handling conflict with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

I'm on a self imposed mini-break myself, but I like to come to CW and keep up with Erin and Donna or else I would be gone.



nicole6598 -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 8:17:52 AM)

Laura you got it in 1!! Some posters male and female walk that line so fine don't they, but they sure know how to hurt someone.



lexie -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 8:28:13 AM)

One thing the forums have taught me is we all really live in a bubble and have a hard time seeing things from other peoples perspectives. I don't blame people for that...how can one truly understand what it is like to be someone else? There have been many times where I've kept my thoughts to myself because I can't be bothered to get into debates with people who can't understand my perspective.

I hate being elsewhere in the forums and reading that people won't post in the Women's forums. I love coming in here and talking to other women, talking to other sahm's and seeing the Godly, womanly advice many women have to share. However, I do try to stay away from things that can blow up quickly because that was never my purpose of coming here.

I don't have a lot of close Christian women in my life...these forums are my fellowship. But I don't receive anything fruitful from when we are arguing (difference between debating) and when we refuse to see things from the other side. There is nothing wrong with having an opinion about something, but the opinions of people need to be respected. It's a rule for life no matter where you are. And it's unfortunate that people are scared off by us because there are a lot of great women and conversations here.

That being said, I honestly see this as a problem across the boards, not just in the Women's only folder. I've been hurt by other posters outside of this folder, and that's actually why I tend to stay here.



bluestone -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 8:29:55 AM)

Spot on, Phosy.
Heated debate is one thing, shredding people is another.

I avoid current events most of the time, since the attitude is you have to be a card carrying Republican who also hates McCain to get into heaven. People there are ruthless.

I have avoided women's folder simply because the attitude of many seems to be that if you decide to not stay at home, not give birth at home, not homeschool, have a career, be treated equally by your husband, you are headed to hell.

The impression I get is that if you don't have a "Little House on the Prairie" lifestyle, you really don't fit in and are probably outside of God's will.

I just don't have time to deal with it, and would be loaded with TOS violations if I did.



HisCovenant -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 8:34:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
It's not biblical y'all.

I think this sums it up. We like to justify our behavior when instead we should be acting Christlike.

I haven't read the thread you are referring to, but I have seen this type of behavior among some women who regularly post in this folder. A few have been very hard to get along with, although two of those ladies are showing such maturity right now that I'm wondering if they are another poster using the same name. One of those ladies I have seen go through adversity recently and know the maturity isn't an act. The other I wil handle with kid gloves for a while yet. It is obvious that these ladies are growing in some measure, even if there is a relapse, and that's one thing that encourages me to keep posting in this folder. There are still others who I know to "ignore" because they are just immature and aggressive when they disagree with what you have said.

But I can understand a decision to not post in certain folders for the reasons you give. Personally, I stay out of the "spiritual folders" for the exact reasons you gave about staying out of this one.



cherish405 -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 8:48:06 AM)

quote:

Heated debate is one thing, shredding people is another.


I totally agree.

I also agree that it's not just the women's thread where problems occur. There are definitely folders I stay away from because I know that shredding goes on there.



Sideways -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 8:50:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lexie
That being said, I honestly see this as a problem across the boards, not just in the Women's only folder. I've been hurt by other posters outside of this folder, and that's actually why I tend to stay here.


I agree with this. I actually see Women's as one of the safer areas on the board.

Some people will get hurt simply because you have a different opinion, one you feel very strongly about. Some people will feel you are tearing them to shreds, just because you express yourself in less then a sugary-sweet manner.

And sometimes people are unnecessarily harsh and cruel. It can often be a very fine line to walk, and I don't believe that being a Christian means that we always agree and walk in perfect harmony. One person's disagreeing can be another's tearing to shreds, depending on perspective.

But I do have sympathy with those who've been hurt by others on CW. I've been there, and I worked through it.



Memaw. -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 8:57:03 AM)

quote:

extreme feminism


I read the thread in question last night and this is the thought I had about it as well.

Why is it that when someone disagrees with a certain way we think, they are automatically labeled as wrong or in need of repentance or somehow sick in their thoughts?

Ladies, if we are intending on spending eternity together, we better get our acts together here on earth.

Matthew 7:2 NLT
2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.



Miss Giggles -> RE: Why I rarely post in here (8/21/2008 9:00:30 AM)

quote:


Why is it that when someone disagrees with a certain way we think, they are automatically labeled as wrong or in need of repentance or somehow sick in their thoughts?


Good question. I don't know why people do it.



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