Wife struggling with intimacy. (Full Version)

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greatdanelover -> Wife struggling with intimacy. (8/22/2008 9:12:43 AM)

My husband and I have been facing intimacy problems since the beginning of our marriage a year ago. We struggled with and fell into sexual temptation before marriage. Six months before we got married, we decided absolutely no more. I literally had to force myself to be turned off from him, and now I am struggling be turned on by him. I do not desire my husband's body as I used to, and I feel like I must force myself when we are intimate. I know all of the verses in the Bible about submitting and giving myself, but it is such a struggle for me. I have sought God out many times on my knees before him for simply a desire to want my husband, but it hasn't come.

We are on different schedules because of a recent move for him to attend seminary. He is in class in the morning and working 6-10; I work 7:30 to 6. I wait to eat dinner with him about 10:30, and by that time I'm utterly exhausted. When I get in bed, I am not 'in the mood,' I just want to go to sleep. My husband attempted to make moves last nite but I was already falling asleep. Just as I was about to fall asleep (I figure he thougth I was already out), he pushed me away from him and turned over with his back to me. This is killing me, but I don't know what to do to increase my desire for my husband!

My husband knows that I struggle because of our fault before marriage. I know I've been forgiven and became a "born again virgin" before we got married. But sometimes, I just don't feel like I deserve to enjoy intimacy ontop of struggling with a desire for my husband.

Please pray that God reveals His plan in all of this struggle and that he can birth in me a desire and help me understand His full forgiveness of previous sins and the grace and mercy I've received.



Szaftoo -> RE: Wife struggling with intimacy. (8/22/2008 10:18:35 AM)

Believe God when he says he forgives and forgets. Don't limit Him by holding on to sin and areas of compromise. You absolutely deserve a happy and healthy sex life with your husband.
Think about all the reasons you married him, his great qualities and take a nap before he gets home. Try surprising him by taking the initiative.



laura... -> RE: Wife struggling with intimacy. (8/22/2008 10:21:44 AM)

Are you on birth control? Many women lose their sexual desire when on some types of birth control.



greatdanelover -> RE: Wife struggling with intimacy. (8/22/2008 11:45:56 AM)

Yes, I am on the pill- Yaz. I have never heard of this being a side effect. Can you provide accurate proof of this...?



laura... -> RE: Wife struggling with intimacy. (8/22/2008 11:48:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: greatdanelover

Yes, I am on the pill- Yaz. I have never heard of this being a side effect. Can you provide accurate proof of this...?


I have read many a discussion on these boards of women having this side affect of the pill. I'll see if I can find one that contains documentation.

Chances are some other regulars here will jump in with their knowledge and experience.



laura... -> RE: Wife struggling with intimacy. (8/22/2008 11:56:11 AM)

Here's one post regarding someone having this side effect.

I'm still looking for others.



Memaw. -> RE: Wife struggling with intimacy. (8/22/2008 12:02:06 PM)

quote:

The most frequent (> 1%) treatment-emergent adverse events, listed in descending order, reported with the use of Yaz in the PMDD clinical trials, which may or not be drug related, included: intermenstrual bleeding, headache, nausea, breast pain, upper respiratory infection, asthenia, abdominal pain, decreased libido, emotional lability, suspicious Papanicolaou smear, nervousness, menorrhagia, pain in extremity, depression, menstrual disorder, migraine, sinusitis, weight gain, , vaginal moniliasis, vaginitis, hyperlipidemia, back pain, diarrhea, increased appetite, enlarged abdomen, accidental injury, acne, dysmenorrhea, and urinary tract infection.


Taken from THIS SITE



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: Wife struggling with intimacy. (8/22/2008 2:57:44 PM)

Definately check out the birth control aspect.

Another thing, what do you do in the time between when you get home from work and when y'all go to bed. Why not take a short nap when you get home, and then a long, wonderful bath every evening, enjoying your quiet time and winding down?

Also, what is your thought life like? I have found if I don't spend some time thinking about my husband in a positive way (or in a "bedroom way" [;)]) it really negatively affects my desire. Are you still playing that tape in your head about what you did wrong and how guilty you're feeling? You need to take that one out and burn it. [;)]



purejoy -> RE: Wife struggling with intimacy. (8/22/2008 3:04:35 PM)

Were you on birth control before you got married, or just since you've been married? If you were on it before, that may not be the issue.

I would also recommend the book Intimate Issues by Pintus and Dillow.



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