RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/16/2008 1:39:20 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4183
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nuinchrist
Now Manda, I did delete the numbers. Gone all gone! I'm so happy today. I had a wonderful weekend, GOD is blessing me everyday!
you may want to edit your original post to to including an update saying you aren't seeing the other man anymore to prevent any more outdated advice posts if you plan to keep using this as a support thread. anyways, i really wanted to post and say congrats for the no contact, glad you are doing better!!
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Photoblogging My Life
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/21/2008 2:47:37 PM
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redeemedsaint
Posts: 504
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
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I have one word Run!!!! It will be a matter of time before you slip up with him. You are playing with fire and you will get burned. Trust me on this. End it now and quit rationalizing it.
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Woody
Get off the track cause the freight train is coming - Coach Bobby Lee Duke from Facing the Giants
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/22/2008 3:08:30 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6015
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: redeemedsaint
I have one word Run!!!! It will be a matter of time before you slip up with him. You are playing with fire and you will get burned. Trust me on this. End it now and quit rationalizing it.
Ahem, read the whole thread - she HAS already run and has ended it.
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"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/22/2008 1:17:48 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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Manda and all!!
Still staying strong. I have not broke NC! Thinking of him a little less, but I'm feeling good! I didn't go to church this past Sunday and I'm feeling a little guilty. I can not fall into the trap of thinking I can do this all alone and feeling to cocky (hopefully I didn't offend anyone with the word).
New guy is nice, but I'm seeing some behaviors that I don't like. He's messy (doesn't pick up after himself), a little cheap (maybe a lot cheap), but I'm not a gold digger so that might be ok! Other than that he's real nice, good conversationalist and takes good care of his children and has a very nice family. We shall see.......I don't want to count him out just yet.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/22/2008 2:36:33 PM
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Wild-Rose
Posts: 405
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline
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I would like to suggest that any discussion of the new guy should stay on your new thread. You don't want the moderators to close you down unless you are ready to let this thread die anyway. There is a policy of one thread for each subject, so if you duplicate they are going to close one thread or the other.
God bless you, Dear! Stay strong! And yes, go to church! Once you start skipping it gets easier and easier to miss church and you don't want to let that happen!
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Wild-Rose
Rejoice that your name is written in heaven. Luke 10:20
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/22/2008 3:21:48 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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Wild-Rose
I gotcha now. You did mention that before I think.....I'm movin' on up! LOL
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/23/2008 3:18:00 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6015
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nuinchrist
I didn't go to church this past Sunday and I'm feeling a little guilty.
If it's ok to ask, why didn't you go? Were you unwell?
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/23/2008 4:35:35 PM
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nuinchrist
Posts: 46
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
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Manda,
There was no good reason not to go! Lazy, to much of the devils work and not enough thought of GOD! I'm being honest.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/23/2008 6:52:44 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6015
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nuinchrist
to much of the devils work
I'm not sure what you mean by this - could you clarify?
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 9/23/2008 9:23:32 PM
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Wild-Rose
Posts: 405
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline
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I think that's just a figure of speech that means "making excuses". I don't think she means it literally! I hope not!
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Wild-Rose
Rejoice that your name is written in heaven. Luke 10:20
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 10/6/2008 6:48:58 PM
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SamsonUSA
Posts: 540
Joined: 10/5/2008
Status: offline
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Yes it's wrong to continue your " friendship " with this man and you know it is, so I don't have to "bash" you about it as you say. Though I can't speak for God I feel pretty confident that if you lifted this issue up before the Lord in prayer that the Holy Spirit will place the conviction on your heart that it is wrong also.
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I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and earth!
Casting Crowns
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 10/6/2008 10:23:15 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1777
Joined: 5/23/2006
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quote:
Ahem, read the whole thread - she HAS already run and has ended it.
Do you really think it is over if she is thinking about him all the time?
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 10/7/2008 1:31:38 PM
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manda59
Posts: 6015
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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She's not been around for 2 weeks now, and frankly I am concerned. I'm not saying she has gone back to him, just that it seems strange for her to have suddenly gone so quiet.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 10/7/2008 1:44:04 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1777
Joined: 5/23/2006
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me too manda. I know how Satan works and how dangerous it is to see how close we can get to sin and not get burned.
Lets agree together in prayer for her strength and ask God to totally set her free from it all.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 10/10/2008 2:59:46 AM
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manda59
Posts: 6015
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
me too manda. I know how Satan works and how dangerous it is to see how close we can get to sin and not get burned.
Lets agree together in prayer for her strength and ask God to totally set her free from it all.
Amen, yes, continuing to pray.
_____________________________
"Once again....drum roll please! Manda is right"
doinkdom, October 2008
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 10/26/2008 7:31:09 PM
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luvmy3kids
Posts: 150
Joined: 10/26/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nuinchrist
I did risk coming on the site and asking opinions, so I'm open to all comments.
Let's not forget the human factor and teaching. There are ways to teach without coming directly out and saying, ok it's wrong and stop. Somehow, it's not that easy.
I'm sure someone reading this has engaged in immoral acts and have a more methodical and spirtual approach to dealing with immoral situations. I'm very much wrong for engaging in this activity and have taken steps to stop. One step at a time, with spirtual enlightment and guidance. I'm not perfect and nobody is. A sin is a sin!
Just seeking insight from those who have engaged in morally disgraceful acts that somehow got out of it with grace and decency. It's not easy and I need a helping hand, not one filled with 60 lashes and an eye for an eye.
I can tell you that I engaged in a immoral act and it is NOT okay for you to still be in contact with him. do you have children together? Does his wife know he is coming over to see you? Part of ending the affair is NO CONTACT! If he is telling his wife that he is coming over to see you and she is okay with that? Well I guess it's okay then, but if it's a secret then NO it's not okay. Once you go no contact with him really no contact and you've gone through the stages you must go through and maybe even some counseling as well you will see that what we are saying is the right thing.
You can also look at it this way. Say he was your husband. Say he cheated on you. Is it okay for your husband to go see a woman he cheated on you with? That helped jeporgized your marriage? Maybe getting some counseling regarding this matter would be a good thing for you. I know first hand how hard it is to get that high from even just the talks......but it does not last.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 10/27/2008 12:03:54 AM
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spiritualbutterfly
Posts: 15
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline
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nuinchrist...sounds like u've probably already gotten from others some (or most) of the same advice u've gotten here on this forum. i guess that's why u started off with a request that people not bash u. i also noticed that u don't want to hear anybody else tell u to "just stop." i think the reason u keep hearing the same responses is because there's really no other response, and it probably feels like bashing because u're not getting the response u want.
ur posts read like u are trying to minimize and justify ur friendship with this man and like u are waiting for someone to tell u that it's ok to be his friend so that u don't have to feel guilty. i think one big hint to urself that this friendship is inappropriate is that u felt u needed to seek advice about continuing it. that means u probably feel convicted about it, but u just don't want to give it up.
i noticed his comments to u when u tried no contact...seems he's being very selfish. he wants to have his cake and eat it, too, by being married to one woman without giving up his connections to other women (maybe u're his only female friend, i don't know).
let me speak from experience...i had a friend -- someone i was never in a relationship with, but we did go on a few dates and kept in touch by phone, and he would stop by from time to time just to visit for a few minutes. well, we had begun talking several times a week for a couple of months, and then we lost contact for a few months. i later found out he had gotten married (never even told me he was dating anyone seriously). well, then he started calling me again. i felt very offended and explained to him that he chose not to have me as a friend when he chose to get married (especially without telling me) unless he was planning to introduce me to his wife. he said he wasn't sure she would be ok with meeting me so i told him he shouldn't be doing anything his wife would be unhappy about like calling me. he continued to call from time to time regardless of how many calls i ignored. he started blocking his number so i would answer because i didn't know it was him. he insisted he only wanted to continue our friendship because i'm a good person and he enjoys our conversations. he said he just called to check on me. i told him i'm not his concern and that the only women he should be checking on are those who are his family members.
i said all that only to illustrate that he was only being selfish by trying to remain friends with me without his wife's knowledge. he did not consider how my feelings were hurt that he fell off the face of the earth after we had begun talking regularly and re-appeared a married man. since the first day we met (about 10 yrs ago), we played with the idea of being a couple, but we just never got there (mainly bc he was saved when we met, and i wasn't, and i was afraid i'd be a negative influence if we dated...after i got saved, we were never single at the same time until right before he got married -- and apparently he wasn't single then). i think the truth of the matter is that he has feelings for me, and since his marriage finally eliminated the possibility that we could be a couple, he at least wanted to keep me as a friend. but, i didn't want any part of the drama that eventually unfolded when his wife found my number in his phone...and called me leaving angry msgs on my voicemail...and accused me of cheating with her husband...and cursed at me when i tried talking to her to explain that we were not having an affair! despite all of that, he still called again...selfish!
i am now married. he doesn't know and hasn't called since i got married, but i've decided if he does call again and my husband is around, i will let him deliver the message.
i hope the fact that i've gone through something similar helps my post to feel less judgmental. please don't get me wrong -- i wanted to talk to him when he called because i thought we had an awesome friendship, and i really enjoyed his company. but i had to keep in mind that i wouldn't have wanted to be in his wife's shoes and that if i had ever really been that important to him, maybe he would've married me instead of trying to keep me on the side. God bless u. i pray He will strengthen u to make the right decision.
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 10/27/2008 12:09:54 AM
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spiritualbutterfly
Posts: 15
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline
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sorry for the outdated advice...guess i should've read the whole thread first!
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RE: Growing in Christ - but enjoying friendship with a MM - 10/27/2008 8:51:52 AM
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Psalms274
Posts: 1250
Joined: 8/13/2005
From: Georgia
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: nuinchrist
Blue,
I understand what you're saying. But, Lord it's hard. I've tried no contact and all I get from him is "how long are you going to keep up with this". I've even tried dating other people, his comment "even though I'm married, I give you everything and you'll never love them". He's right! I even changed jobs. I meet him at my former workplace. I've stopped the physical contact, but the emotional is so much harder.
You also need to see this man for what he is ... his comments are extremely arrogant and manipulative. They show a very deep character flaw ... Why does he choose to keep seeing you knowing he is hurting his wife and children? That is incredibly disrespectful to both you and his wife.
And to make a comment stating you will never love anyone but him ... that just shows he does not love you but wants to keep you in the same way someone wants to keep their stuff. It is a clear indication that he is using you. You are better than that and deserve better than that.
To end it you must see him for who he really is ... I think you do not have a clear view as to the character of this man. You deserve a wonderful man ... but a wonderful man would not have an affair and hurt his family. A wonderful guy would not attempt to manipulate you in order to continue to see you. A wonderful guy would not attempt to get in the way of your attempts to get on with your life.
The cold hard truth is he is playing a game with you without any regards to the heartache it brings you or his wife.
I will be praying that God will bring a Godly woman into your life that you can go to ... someone who can hold you accountable and will pray with you. I am praying that God shows you what this man is really like, AND He will also show you why you regard yourself as someone who deserves to be manipulated by an uncaring and selfish individual ... and why you would see such a person as someone you wish to spend time with ... I am praying that God will allow you to see the person He sees when He looks at you ... and for you to get a glimpse of the wonderful plans He has for your life ... plans for a hope and a future, plans that are for good and not evil. God is able to fulfill you completely as you walk with Him down the road He has designed for you.
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I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
< Linus w/ a friends baby!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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