Do pastors stick togather? (Full Version)

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lightshineon -> Do pastors stick togather? (9/1/2008 6:43:37 PM)

Hi, my husband resigned from eldership, and my family and I resigned from membership from a church we attended and held leadership roles for ten years. This was our choice after much trying to work things through on a situation with our DD we have tried to work out since May, and another incident that occured on the 13th of August. We live in a town of 16,000 with many churches. last Sunday we attended a church I felt led too, and my girls love it. I liked it pretty well, as did husband. The problem is the pastor and former pastor are friends. I am not trying to slander other pastor, but will be truthful he lied and manipulated, and hurt my family very badly. I am worried that these two pastora are close, and the church we are visiting pastor will be told things untrue. I cannnot stop that, and do not wish to go into with current pastor at the church we are visiting. we justwant to move on, and forward, forgetting the past. Our former pastor is friends with many pastors in area. so what are we to do?



rcjames -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/1/2008 7:16:35 PM)

Do Pastors stick together? You mean like lie for one another, cover-up for one another, etc; I would certainly hope not.

If I had someone that had brought reproach to the body of Christ would I give a heads up to another Church they had started goilng to; porbably.

Would I lie about those persons; absolutely not.

If I Pastor told me that someone visiting my Church was a pediophile or a their, or an adulterer; what would I do.

I would most likely talk to the new folks, tell them what had been said, ask them to meet with me and their old Pastor, and work out any problems, past problems, or postential problems.

Either the new visitors are in error and need to repent and to fix things with the old Pastor or the Pastor needs to fix things with them.

If one knows that someone has something against them they need to fix it before continuing on with their faith;

(Mat 5:23) Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

(Mat 5:24) Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

If one has something against someone else they need to fix that before continuing on with their faith;

(Mar 11:25) And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Those are the instructions of Christ and Christ said;

(Luk 6:46) And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?

That's the way I see it.

Thanks
RC



lightshineon -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/1/2008 7:36:07 PM)

Thanks RC for advice, no we are not in sin, the former pastor is, meaning if I have done anything wrong in this situation I have repented, to the Lord. We have done all we could as far as it is up to us to reconcile this situation, with no absolution or resolution. We are trying to on in peace, and grace not slandering the former pastor. If something is told it would be unfair, considering that we tried since May to reconcile and were met with lies and manipulation, and double talk. I mean pastor where do we go from here? I want healing for my children, my husband and myself without tearing the former body apart in the process. I will edit to also say, who is the new pastor (s) most likely to side with the other pastor ( friend) or some new folks that shows up to their church?[&o]



crankius -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/1/2008 8:15:14 PM)

How has your new pastor received you? Has he been kind, and accepting?

I've served in various roles and then changed churches.

You have done what you could to live at peace with the previous leadership.

I think you should follow the Lord in all your steps, and let the Lord be your justifier. "...justice for man comes from the Lord." (Proverbs 29:26b) Try not to let worries and concerns over what people are saying or what they might say consume your mind. The Lord knows the situation, so you can safely give to Him all your concerns and worries.

Your faithfulness and your character will be evident over time to any new people you meet.

If you speak with the new pastor, just express to him how grateful you are to have a fellowship to be part of. I, personally, would refrain from speaking of your previous pastor with your new pastor.

Gal 5:22-26 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

I would just assume this new pastor will give you a fresh start. Rest, knowing you are in the Lord's hands, and that is always better than being in the hands of people.

Continue to pray for your previous pastor and your previous church. This will help heal the wounds.

It's pretty exciting to be together as a family starting fresh at a new fellowship! I pray the Lord will bless you with a healthy church and healthy leadership.



bluestone -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/1/2008 8:17:23 PM)

Honey, they stick together like blackeyed peas and rice. And they do "warn" each other about members they can't get along with.



gal-6-9 -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/2/2008 1:25:27 AM)

Some do stick together - and that really isn't a problem in and of itself.

The pastor has a choice to listen to or ignore the information. His credibility - and yours - will show over time.

Just be you. If later the situation warrants you speaking with him about it (or he to you), be honest in private and share as limited of information as possible. What is past is past.

In the meantime, journal one last time, the highlights of the events that took place in this situation you are speaking about at the former church. Put the information in a very safe place with the intent of never looking at it again. The only reason to bring it back into view is to get details straight if there is a real and compeling reason to do so in the future.

Most things - never resurface to that degree.

Pray. Seek God's direction, and start a new chapter in life.

Oh, and if there needs to be an eye-to-eye apology of some sort to the former pastor or anyone involved in the situation - or if you need to withdraw your membership, please do so personally. Don't just leave and let the questions hang in the air.

God is bigger than rumors! Proverbs 3:5-6



rcjames -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/2/2008 8:31:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lightshineon
I will edit to also say, who is the new pastor (s) most likely to side with the other pastor ( friend) or some new folks that shows up to their church?[&o]


I cannot of course speak for all Pastors, but there should not be any "Siding with"; there is only truth and ministry to those who seek it.

Should you go to the new Pastor and speak with him about it? That would depend entirely upon the situation; would your going to him be seeking counsel or would it be considered gossip about the former Pastor?

I would just suggest to go to the new Church, worship God, make new friends, and rest in the Lord for a while.

If the old Pastor calls the new Pastor then the new Pastor should speak to you about it; just be open, non-accusatory, and humble.

Thanks
RC



lightshineon -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/2/2008 9:33:24 AM)

Thanks everyone, I feel better, so much better. I never planned to mention it at all to new pastor. I want all the ugly to go away. If we had been in a sin, I would think differently about the whole tell the new pastor about the whole ugly situation, and talk to him about repentance. It has been so hard to leave our family of ten years. I do pray for the church. My husband being an former elder, most of the congergation did not even know why we left. We tried to keep it a secret. The few that do now know were directed to a blog spot my husband had, because that way the facts, were kept over time, and that is only if the members who voted mt husband in wanted to know what happened. That has only been a very few so far, and those who ask for details. I do understand, no one ever in a situation has lilly white hands, meaning tones in voice, or patience on my part could have been better. I was worried when pastors blog on website was talking about new pastor. We went with my three DD, and they loved the new church. It was strange with no title or expectations, but, it felt good. It was a much smaller church than my former, more main and plain. My old church is fancy, much is put in the building ( money) and everyone was casualy dressed, except my husband and I (LOL) he was in a suit, and I was in black slacks but dressed like I like on Sunday mornings. There were alot of least of these people which, I seem to minister to well. There were mentally challenged, poor some rich all colors. I really liked that alot. We will see if this is a good fit for us, and I thank you all for the verses and prayers. I am not much of a church hopper, so it was extreamely difficult situation.



jn1010lf -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/3/2008 11:39:34 AM)

Hello lightshineon

I think you're concerned about poltical situation. Go where you feel the Lord is leading you.



revbob4God -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/3/2008 5:04:41 PM)

Precious Sister, You are a beautiful child of God, and at least one Pastor and his wife are aware of the tribulations you faced. Approach Pastors as you would with all seriousness, prayerfulness and resolve an always remember you stood Godly in your decision to depart from that difficult situation, and you must remain Godly and justified. Know that God will protect you and also What RC said....You know Sylvia and I always ditto RC. God Bless you my child, you remain in our prayers.



lightshineon -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/7/2008 12:50:39 AM)

Thank you everyone, I am almost scared to attend another church. Political is the right word also. , Before he was pastor was an assistant to a Democratic canidate running for GovenorI believe, I am saying these things because he makes a big deal about it, even on the church website running an election poll. I thank everyone for the encouragement and kind words, and prayers. The people are very sad we left, especially the elderly, and others. It was so good to know we touched people, and that they touched our lives. Some say, they feel like we were the only ones who cared for them. I miss them so badly, and pray for them. I pray for the pastor childrens pastor, and others who have caused hurt to us. I do not want to, but I will be obdient to the word. I also still love them, but do not trust or respect my former pastor, childrens pastor, and other leadership.



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/7/2008 1:16:54 PM)

Because of my job and personal experience, have seen quite a bit regarding the attitudes pastors take when receiving information regarding a new member.

First of all, when a change of churches occurs without a physical move, most pastors are curious why because our world is dangerous. They need to know that the person is not running from charges of illegal activity or from some immorality committed in the old congregation. Second, if someone changes churches often, that is usually the sign of a trouble-maker.

When I left the church I was in, it was easy, because I had been attending my place of worship off and on for several years, so they knew me. I simply told the leader that I had been kicked out for refusing to continue to remove my wedding band, and while shocked, he knew I was not a liar, immediately receiving me.

However, when my husband left and joined a new church a year and a half later, and I did not join with him, the pastor's wife took me out for lunch in order to learn from me why he had left and what church he had left. She didn't prod, but she purposely allowed the conversation to turn in that direction, and I decided that they ought to know. After all, my husband was and is a capable teacher who obviously had position in a church, but he left suddenly, without a letter, without recommendation. I do not know, but it is likely that they checked what I had said, especially since the pastor then had been a lawyer.

In my capacity as a pastor's administrative assistant, I have seen how the pastor in that church, and how pastors in other churches, handle this situation. When a new person comes, if they have no transfer letter, they just receive the new person and let their story unfold. And it will unfold, usually in short order. However, if they seek a position in the church, they will not have that position without also having a squeaky-clean police record.

I know that there are pastors who take a previous disgruntled pastor's word regarding someone and allow it to color their opinions of new people, but if they have any tenure at all, they soon learn that people are people and personalities sometimes clash. They usually give the new member the benefit of the doubt, until proven wrong.



lightshineon -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/7/2008 2:52:44 PM)

Thank you Abiyah, that helped alot. Living in a small town of sixteen thousand people, I know the new pastor knows. He and former pastor are friends. He has been gracious so far. We were at the last curch ten years. I stood during praise and worship, and cried, really cried missing my old church family. The member from former church miss us also. It is all so sad, because we did nothing for this to happen. My husband resigned, on his own accord as elder, because of issues. Our hearts hurt, former church families hearts hurt. We touched others, and they touched us. That is strange to make you leave a church because of a wedding ring. That is so sad, and I am sure as blingy as I am, I would not be allowed in the doors of that church. My husband as a blog on the internet, and just the facts, are posted with trying to leave out slander, which if need be it will be shown to the pastor. Thanks again for the information, and the Lord bless and keep you.



terryjohn -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/7/2008 4:26:09 PM)

I think the problem will always exist in the church where some pretend that they are dvinely appointed to be in control of others. Many in leadership whether political or otherwise forget who put them there and who they are meant to serve. Now there will always be misunderstandings and just plain sin. In the later case it needs to be dealt with for no man can ever be said to lead the church of God if he be a lair.

Men have created positions of honour and pride within the church and in doing so have sinned. Even the minister which were only ever to be servants lord it over others they believe to be less spiritual. For example, we find only our leaders are allowed to wash the feet of their followers for in it they confirm their lordship over others. Nevertheless, as Paul says there must always be conflict within the church to show that at least some of us are saved. And as far as it is possible with me I try to live at peace with others for my leadership is my love and although I am all things to all people I am none of them. I personally could weep at the example of men who claim faith but I bring no accusation against them but push on to do better myself. No man can command love or respect or honour by anything other than their humble love for Christ.

Consider it nothing and move on it the power of Christ having done all you can to confess the love of Chirst in all your dealings with men.



DuckTalk -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/25/2008 5:02:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga

...............They need to know that the person is not running from charges of illegal activity or from some immorality committed in the old congregation..................


This statement has me baffled....

1] Are there really pastors of churches that would actually"charge" a member for an illegal activity or a committed sin (whether individual OR affecting another in the old congregation) and then talk about it to another church official?

If so, wouldn't this fall in the category of slander if no actual legal charges were brought about?



Covaan_Meshuga -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/28/2008 1:44:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: norak
quote:

ORIGINAL: Covaan_Meshuga
...............They need to know that the person is not running from charges of illegal activity or from some immorality committed in the old congregation..................

This statement has me baffled....

1] Are there really pastors of churches that would actually"charge" a member for an illegal activity or a committed sin (whether individual OR affecting another in the old congregation) and then talk about it to another church official?

If so, wouldn't this fall in the category of slander if no actual legal charges were brought about?

I suppose there are some pastors who would talk about such things -- I don't know. But what churches do is check for a criminal record. That is absolutely legal, and it is also the legal responsibility of the church to do so. This has nothing to do with a pastor's charge or with a church's charge; it has everything to do with the American legal system.



MAP2010 -> RE: Do pastors stick togather? (9/28/2008 2:44:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lightshineon

Hi, my husband resigned from eldership, and my family and I resigned from membership from a church we attended and held leadership roles for ten years. This was our choice after much trying to work things through on a situation with our DD we have tried to work out since May, and another incident that occured on the 13th of August. We live in a town of 16,000 with many churches. last Sunday we attended a church I felt led too, and my girls love it. I liked it pretty well, as did husband. The problem is the pastor and former pastor are friends. I am not trying to slander other pastor, but will be truthful he lied and manipulated, and hurt my family very badly. I am worried that these two pastora are close, and the church we are visiting pastor will be told things untrue. I cannnot stop that, and do not wish to go into with current pastor at the church we are visiting. we justwant to move on, and forward, forgetting the past. Our former pastor is friends with many pastors in area. so what are we to do?



Hi,

Here is my view on this and why, if some one come to me and said that your new member is not a good person and to watch out for them. I would say is it not for us to save them all even the ones who are bad? Can we just give up on some and not try? Did God give up on us? Even after many thing God still sent His Son Jesus Christ, so I say that even if they are Bad we should do more to save them. If you had two sons and one did your will and the other did not, would you not try to get the other to change his way? I would do whatever I could because I love them always just like we should do for all others.

So if your new Pastor is a good man then he should be willing to see for himself.

Mark



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