For the love of brother (Full Version)

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FreeEagle -> For the love of brother (9/3/2008 7:21:23 AM)

My brother has spent most of his adult life in prison. A few years ago he had stopped drinking, the drugs and had made several major steps to get his life straightened out. Upon his release I agreed to let him stay at my house with my wife and I. I was hoping to lead him to Christ and teach him some life skills. I live about a 100 miles from anywhere. Just a nice quite country town. But too quite for him. In the three months he was with me he spent more time in city with GF & Child (often against his PO orders). He would not stay still long enough to even have a decent conversation with. Even when I tried to talk to him about Christ, I felt like I was talking to a brick wall. He has strong believes of Indian Spirits. In many ways it's like he's running from himself. His GF had fight with him, and he was mad at me for talking with his PO. And then he went out got drunk, started a fight, and ended back in prison. I've talked to him briefly since he went back in (personal visits and phone). In every conversation he blames either myself, or his GF for being back in. The only time I hear from him is when he wants money. Recently he was put in seg, for attempted suicide. My only communication is by mail, and neither of us have written since he went back in (Feb. 2008). How do I reach him? What words would you put in a letter, to try and bring a lost loved one to Christ? How do I mend the relationship? I just feel like I did all I could when he was out, and don't know what to do now.



deermousie -> RE: For the love of brother (9/3/2008 11:57:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FreeEagleHow do I reach him? What words would you put in a letter, to try and bring a lost loved one to Christ? How do I mend the relationship? I just feel like I did all I could when he was out, and don't know what to do now.


I'm sorry, FreeEagle. You can't reach a dead person. No matter how loud you shout they won't hear it. He is spinning his life in lies, that everything is someone else's fault and he wants what he wants (and it's killing him) and he is determined to have what he wants. It's so hard for you to watch, but it's between him and God now.

The definition of nagging is telling someone something they already know. If you told him how to get saved, then you don't have to repeat it. He knows it. If he wants it and can't remember, he'll know he can ask you.

One of the severe mercies of God is that He gives people what they want. Your brother wants death, and God isn't standing in his way. It's a spiritual battle, so pray like crazy. That's your only platform for dealing with him now. God will get your brother's attention in a way that can't be ignored or He won't, but you aren't part of it at this point.

While you are praying, you might want to join Al-Anon or something similar to find out coping stratagies for sick family members like this.

Please please please do not put your wife or yourself at risk by bringing this rabid dog into your house again. You could have come home to find a burned out shell of a house and a tortured, violated and/or dead wife. This guy is out of control and has no conscience. You love him and would do anything for him but he doesn't care about you. He wants to consume things and that's all he cares about. When people are like this, all their family members are to them is a source of money and something to use for their own (warped) pleasure. Keep yourselves safe. You can't pray for him if you are dead by his hand.

I'm really sorry, FreeEagle. I have a brother who is like this, only not as extreme, and we have had to take steps to protect ourselves from him. Not fun. Unless God steps in to save him, he's going to be shaking his fist at the God he hates until he's sucked in to death. It's hard.

I'm praying for you today.



MC4JC -> RE: For the love of brother (9/3/2008 9:05:55 PM)

I'm FreeEagles wife :) I'll add a little to this. We actually had him with us twice. The first time he was doing really good. The woman he mentions started as a girlfriend, then after a month he decided to go live with her and got transfered out of our house. They ended up married and divorced less then a year later. In fact, she presented divorce papers to him on his birthday.

We could sense that he wanted what me and hubby have in marriage, but was not willing to give up his beliefs/habits to really have a Biblical marriage since he didn't believe in God/Jesus. We tried to give them advice in getting to know each other, but they only had one thing on their minds (and something we would NOT allow to happen in our house).

After he left the first time, things went downhill over that year. Finally he wound up in jail again. And after he got out, the PO would NOT allow him to move back to his ex-wife's place. So we offered our house again.

We went over our house rules and we gave him the benefit of the doubt with trust. He broke our trust in a few ways. After the story that hubby told you, we had a long talk and we both agreed that if he comes out again, our house is NOT an option.

We do pray for him and I keep asking God to send someone in prison that may be able to reach him. You are right - its in God's hands now.



deermousie -> RE: For the love of brother (9/4/2008 11:56:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MC4JC
We went over our house rules and we gave him the benefit of the doubt with trust. He broke our trust in a few ways. After the story that hubby told you, we had a long talk and we both agreed that if he comes out again, our house is NOT an option.

We do pray for him and I keep asking God to send someone in prison that may be able to reach him. You are right - its in God's hands now.


Thanks for coming in and sharing that, MC4JC. You guys tried your best and the brother didn't respond. That must be so hard to see when you know the answer and he doesn't want it. I'm sorry. (((Hugs))) I'm glad you'll be keeping safe. God bless you, and save the brother. I am praying for him today.



stimulus -> RE: For the love of brother (9/4/2008 8:58:03 PM)

FreeEagle,
I have a cousin who has been in similar circumstances. She lived with me for a short while. She has been in-and-out of drug rehab, juvenile detention centers, mental health wards, jails and prisons for the last 7 years - since she was 14. I can't begin to tell you the kinds of extremely destructive behaviors she has been involved in. The early rejection by her divorced parents (homeless at 14) is a huge contributor to her warped decisions, and she doesn't have basic life skills.

It's been really hard, and along the way, a lot of the extended family has rejected her because of her decisions and the allegations she made against family members, but my mom has stayed in touch. She has only visited when my cousin wanted her to, and letters and phone calls can be sporadic. But she's just tried to be available when my cousin wanted her (and when she had the time). She didn't try to force a relationship, and she didn't "nag" my cousin. She gave advice and tried to help (no money!), but she also dropped my cousin off at the homeless shelter instead of taking her home because she just couldn't be trusted.

Recently, she began sharing a cell with a prisoner who has become the chaplain's assistant. She's been studying the Bible with them, and last week, she gave my mom her new baptism certificate. Given the harsher prison environment, we think the baptism took more commitment than it would in the outside walls, and we're praying for her continued growth.

I say all of that to deliver this one message - don't lose hope. You have to keep appropriate boundaries (not inviting him back to your home, not nagging, etc), but don't give up. I would probably just write a letter, trying to establish contact - don't tell him you're sorry if you did nothing wrong, don't lecture of tell him how to get saved or live his life. Instead, write about developments in your family or career or about a subject you both enjoy. Just establish and maintain some level of contact, and take your cues for going "deeper" from his replies.

While I agree with deermousie on some points (ie, "pray like crazy"), I want to say that your brother isn't dead and he can be reached. You may not be the one to directly do it, as a letter can only do so much, but your prayers and your continued, properly-guarded relationship can make a difference. Your brother is not a rabid dog, his conscience may be dull but it does exist, and I find the concern that he might torture, violate, or kill your wife misplaced. You didn't include many details about your brother's behavior, so those assumptions may be accurate, but your wife's comments make me think otherwise.



sen10tious -> RE: For the love of brother (9/5/2008 12:39:21 AM)

Others have told you to pray. I won't nag by repeating that. But I would like to point out one distinction in scripture so that you won't waste your time on prayers that God cannot legally answer.

You do not have authority over the will of a lost person. Don't waste time pleading to change his will. Jesus has given you power in Luke 10:19 Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

Use your prayer power to "tread on the serpent." The "try for awhile and fail" pattern is very typical behavior for a person who is blinded and bound by Satan. 2 Corinthians 4:3 says, But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost. Satan is hiding the gospel from your brother. The next verse says, In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.

You are in spiritual warfare, not against your brother's will, but against the binding and blinding spirits who have a hold on him. You will not get a permanent change until that grip is broken in the spiritual realm by prayer and intercession. Intercession is the act of intervening. In a case like this, it is OK to butt in to Satan's business and stop him.



MC4JC -> RE: For the love of brother (9/5/2008 10:36:37 AM)

I was a bit upset about the one poster saying he was a "bad person". He's not, he's very protective of his family (brothers/sisters). His anger/revenge is directed to others that he feels "wronged" his siblings.

Yes he's angry at us because he feels we turned him in. But it was his actions that got him in trouble. If we kept silent, then it would condone his actions - something that we could not do. Sometimes the truth hurts, and that's what happened.

He broke our trust by lying to us and then wanting us to cover for him. That's why he's angry. We do keep telling him that God is a forgiving God and no matter what he's done in the past, God will forgive him. And we did get to send the little booklet "John 3:16" to him when in county jail. We have no clue if he's read it yet, but we hope that will help him.

I have no fear of violence against me, he's not that kind of person. And in jail he has gone to anger managment, but deep inside that anger still is there.

I feel that its easier to convert an atheist to God then it is to convert a person deep into another "religion" to the truth of God. And its true (our church had an atheist exchange student - before he went back to his country he converted and was baptised too! We keep praying that he will find a church there, but he's very interested in the Bible and wants to know more now :)



FreeEagle -> RE: For the love of brother (9/7/2008 9:03:38 PM)

I Thank you all for the continued prayers, I know God's hand is in this. Because on the night of his arrest, he had a massive heart attack as he was being booked in. The police even delayed transfer to the hospital because they thought he was faking. If his journey was over it would have been over then. I just don't know when or how to re-establish the relationship. Or do I wait for him to make the initial contact - without money requests. Keep praying.



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