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DrivenbyGod -> How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 9:39:28 PM)

How soon do you know if you'd date a girl/guy when you meet them?

What are the things that make the decision for you quickly..?

I was just thinking about this after reading through some of these threads about finding the one or having lists. I never thought of myself as a list person, but I guess I can make this decision fairly quick sometimes, so I must have some kind of list back there.



Prairiehiker -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 10:02:48 PM)

quote:

How soon do you know if you'd date a girl/guy when you meet them?

Date? As in go out to see if there's any potential there? I'd know right away. If I find the man attractive, I'd definitely go out with him for coffee just to see what he's all about. By the end of that date, then, I'd know whether I'd want to see him again or not.

quote:

What are the things that make the decision for you quickly..?

Initially, it's all about looks for me. But, if after getting to know him for a bit, and I find that he's not a Christ follower, he's not into the outdoors, he's not a kind/compassionate/adventurous person, and if he's got 5 different kids with 5 different women, chances are he can look like Brad Pitt, I won't bother with him at all.


I was just thinking about this after reading through some of these threads about finding the one or having lists. I never thought of myself as a list person, but I guess I can make this decision fairly quick sometimes, so I must have some kind of list back there.

We all have a list. Now, if you don't think you do, look at the first single woman you meet tomorrow and ask yourself if you can see yourself dating her. If not, ask yourself why. There's your list telling you why.



John_O -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 10:04:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrivenbyGod

How soon do you know if you'd date a girl/guy when you meet them?

What are the things that make the decision for you quickly..?

I was just thinking about this after reading through some of these threads about finding the one or having lists. I never thought of myself as a list person, but I guess I can make this decision fairly quick sometimes, so I must have some kind of list back there.


Is she physically attractive to me and is she a Christian? If the answers are both yes I'd date her on the first meeting.

Dating is the process by which we weed out those who are not good matches for us. Most first dates will never progress to second dates, most second dates will never progress to third dates etc. The more we know of a person the better we can tell whether they match or not.



Prairiehiker -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 10:26:47 PM)

I don't know about you John, but I'm thinking, if I make it through the second date and I still like the guy, I'm rushing home to fill in his name in my wedding invitations, lol.



DrivenbyGod -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 10:34:32 PM)

quote:

Dating is the process by which we weed out those who are not good matches for us. Most first dates will never progress to second dates, most second dates will never progress to third dates etc.


So, your a numbers man I take it?

Maybe that's my problem... I used to think that way, but then started to think God will bless me when the time is right. I shouldn't have to be running around like a mad man dating everyone in sight. I guess it's a balancing act.



lost_n_thought -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 10:37:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrivenbyGod


What are the things that make the decision for you quickly..?



I've dated through the personal sites so my dates were sorta like blind dates, but within 10 minutes I could tell. It's more than looks, or what they believe. I can find someone extremely attractive if ITS there, if he makes me laugh, if we click. If I can feel comfortable (and it's this part that keeps me the one date wonder).

Call it chemistry or whatever. It's a special something that says: Yeah I like this person. I ask myself too, if I were blind would this person be good for me? Do we have things in common? I passed up a great guy I was well matched with by being superficial.



DrivenbyGod -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 10:40:08 PM)

quote:

Now, if you don't think you do, look at the first single woman you meet tomorrow and ask yourself if you can see yourself dating her. If not, ask yourself why. There's your list telling you why.


Touche' -- Ok, good point.

I guess the initial attraction thing is there for us all and then we go from there.

It sure is tough when you have to factor in being a Christian, because it makes the pickens much smaller... That's one of the reasons I would like to believe Gods hand has some serious play on helping me out.



Prairiehiker -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 10:42:40 PM)

quote:

used to think that way, but then started to think God will bless me when the time is right. I shouldn't have to be running around like a mad man dating everyone in sight. I guess it's a balancing act.


I don't think John is a numbers man.



DrivenbyGod -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 10:43:17 PM)

quote:

I've dated through the personal sites so my dates were sorta like blind dates, but within 10 minutes I could tell.


That makes me think of speed dating. I've never done it, but thought about it.. [:D]

It would be great to have speed dating just for Christians! I think I need to start that... sounds like a great idea to me.

Has anyone ever seen that?



lost_n_thought -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 10:49:12 PM)

quote:


It sure is tough when you have to factor in being a Christian, because it makes the pickens much smaller... That's one of the reasons I would like to believe Gods hand has some serious play on helping me out.


Still, there are good people out there who are unchurched/marginal believers. Dont be too quick to rule out. in my Sunday school class a couple married 65 years were sharing the topic on who influenced their faith...the wife said "i suppose we went to church but it wasn't until Don that I got Christ. No doubt about it, it was Don who brought me to Jesus'

I think we all cried!!!! [:)]

Then he said HUH? and she said more loudly..."I was telling them you brought me to Jesus" and he just grinned a 'yeah I did' grin.

We all laughed [:D]



Prairiehiker -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 10:55:24 PM)

quote:

That makes me think of speed dating. I've never done it, but thought about it..


I tried speed dating a couple of times...more for observation of how I behave in front of people. And it's true. If you click, you click within a few minutes.

The thing about speed dating is you ask the same question over and over again to different men. So, it gets tiring after awhile. The techniques I employed was to find something about the person that they are passionate about and talk about that. So, even if you don't connect, you'll at least have a pleasant conversation that's not forced. It was a fun experience, but I did it more to experiment, so I didn't agree to meet anyone afterwards.

As for the numbers game....I don't think I am a numbers person. I hardly go on dates.....not even once a year because I hardly meet men that I find attractive. I went on one date a few weeks ago with a guy I met online, and I knew within the first 10 minutes that I wouldn't go out with him again. But we had a nice time. He pressured me for a second date, which made me run the other direction. That's probably one of the two dates I'll have this year. And you know what happened with the other date.



lost_n_thought -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 11:02:21 PM)

quote:


and I knew within the first 10 minutes that I wouldn't go out with him again. But we had a nice time. He pressured me for a second date, which made me run the other direction.


I've never speed dated, but over the last 4 years hit match a few times. I think speed dating would have been infinitely more economical use of time (to take alllll the romance out it).

That pressure or continued pursuit is what makes me most leery so I'm done with those sights. I'm still so bad at handling the 'thanks but I don't think we're a match' lines...mostly because ppl don't seem to get them. I dont want to be rude, but i hate it if i end up just ignoring them until they go away.



Prairiehiker -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 11:05:34 PM)

I'm done with the sites too. I think I'll just turn on the charm when I walk out my front door, and see who I can victimized, lol.

Friendliness is the way to go. I meet so many people when I go on hikes, that if I am not with a male hiking partner, I can probably get a few numbers by the time I reach the trail's end.



DrivenbyGod -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 11:10:28 PM)

quote:

Still, there are good people out there who are unchurched/marginal believers. Dont be too quick to rule out.


That's a great story. [:D]

That's an interesting thought.. There is definately times I'm tempted to do this, but I don't think I want to date a marginal believer... Well, if she was saved and is more of just a new believer I wouldn't have a problem.



shemaromans -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 11:12:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
Friendliness is the way to go. I meet so many people when I go on hikes, that if I am not with a male hiking partner, I can probably get a few numbers by the time I reach the trail's end.

How do you do that? I'm friendly, but men don't approach me like that or respond if I approach them (although I haven't done it in a long time).

I think I have a sign on me that says "Cooties!" or something similar. [8D]

Concerning the OP, it really depends upon the person. Sometimes I know right away, but other times it takes a while and surprises me.



Prairiehiker -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 11:18:26 PM)

quote:

How do you do that? I'm friendly, but men don't approach me like that or respond if I approach them (although I haven't done it in a long time).


I act like I'm blonde, even though I'm not, lol. Works every time. But only on hiking trails or at the gym.



shemaromans -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 11:21:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I act like I'm blonde, even though I'm not, lol. Works every time. But only on hiking trails or at the gym.

Are you serious? Act ditzy? LOL! I don't think I could do that.



Prairiehiker -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 11:23:53 PM)

It only works because I'm in my element when I'm out in the woods. Even bears and squirrels seems to be friendly with me. Helps that I am loaded with a few hiking jokes.

But take me to the board room, and I'm a different person. Then, I'm a different kind of blonde, lol



shemaromans -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 11:27:21 PM)

Well, that still doesn't work for me. [&o] When I'm in my element (musician), I often enter a different realm and my demeanor prompts a lot of people to think I'm weird. [:D]



Prairiehiker -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 11:28:50 PM)

I'm sure you have a few admirers. Just give them a chance.

and on that note....goodnight.



blueeyedgirl2 -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 11:29:28 PM)

quote:

Well, that still doesn't work for me. When I'm in my element (musician), I often enter a different realm and my demeanor prompts a lot of people to think I'm weird.


The right guy won't think you're weird though. He'll think you're pretty darn great. [:)]



shemaromans -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/17/2008 11:30:46 PM)

Thank you, PH and Blue eyes. [:)]

Sleep well, PH! It was nice talking to you tonight.



skreyola -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/18/2008 12:08:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DrivenbyGod

How soon do you know if you'd date a girl/guy when you meet them?

What are the things that make the decision for you quickly..?

I was just thinking about this after reading through some of these threads about finding the one or having lists. I never thought of myself as a list person, but I guess I can make this decision fairly quick sometimes, so I must have some kind of list back there.

It depends. But the faster I know, the worse it is. If I know quickly whether I'd date a woman, it usually means she's popped a red flag, meaning not just no but.... well, you get the idea.
Dating is important to me. If I'm dating someone, it means I'm weighing the probability that I'll ask her to be my wife. So knowing that I am interested in looking seriously takes longer than knowing that I'm not interested.
I have a list. It's not a checklist, but there are some things on it that are non-negotiable. There are other things on it that are wants that could easily be wrong. And there are some things on there that are just preferences of whim, which don't matter much but are included for completeness of picture and thought.
To me, the importance of the list is not in comparing people you meet to what's on the 'page': the importance is that I took the time to sit down and think about what traits will tend to make a strong relationship and what traits will tend to make a relationship miserable.
But if I don't dismiss a woman pretty quickly, I probably know within ten or twelve shared events that I would like to get to know her better.



Prairiehiker -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/18/2008 12:20:52 AM)

Skrey, Driven is just talking about a date. Let's say you meet a woman in a bookstore. You talked and there's some attraction. So, you want to get to know her better. The next step is to ask her out to join you on a date...for cofffee, or lunch. That's the process of getting to know her better. If after lunch, there's still interests from both side, then, you both decide how you want to proceed.

How else are you going to know if you're a good match if you don't spend the time exploring the possibility of a relationship?



skreyola -> RE: How soon do you know... (9/18/2008 1:14:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker

Skrey, Driven is just talking about a date. Let's say you meet a woman in a bookstore. You talked and there's some attraction. So, you want to get to know her better. The next step is to ask her out to join you on a date...for cofffee, or lunch. That's the process of getting to know her better. If after lunch, there's still interests from both side, then, you both decide how you want to proceed.

How else are you going to know if you're a good match if you don't spend the time exploring the possibility of a relationship?

Ah. Well, I might or might not consider going for coffee to be a date. Probably, it is a subjective thing, based on how attractive she seems.
*shrug* Again, knowing if I want to spend more time with someone mostly happens quickly if it's negative.



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