|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 11/17/2008 8:02:53 PM
|
|
|
Mrs.X
Posts: 2947
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
Status: offline
|
Thanks! Me too! I put Jimmy down for his nap today, and I didn't nurse him, just tucked him in. He didn't cry or anything. He doesn't really need to nurse. Dr. Phil said something one time that really bothered a lot of people, he said something like "Babies don't need to nurse passed one year. If mom is still nursing passed a year, it's not for the baby, it's for her." Well, that's definetely true for me! He doesn't really need it. He likes it, and it makes him happy. I wish I could just nurse once in a while, KWIM?
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 11/18/2008 4:50:20 PM
|
|
|
nicole6598
Posts: 3818
Status: offline
|
Well done Stina. I think you are doing a great job. For me with Nath, I knew beyond a doubt he was only using it as a comfort. I mean he was on solids, and when he didn't get that feed he went straight to sleep, he didn't wake all night in hunger or anything. The first night I did want to just give it to him because I knew it made him happy, but I didn't want to for me. I didn't really enjoy it. But sometimes as a parent you have to be strong huh and help yhour children to grow, stand on their own. I believe that weaning is one of those times. Your kids KNOW that you love them and want the best for them, so take heart in that :)
_____________________________
Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 11/19/2008 3:10:27 AM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 1863
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: offline
|
abou the controlled crying- anyone have any exp. on how you handle that when an overnight guest at someone's house...for the holdiday's etc...my grandkids are going to be here for 3 weeks and I don't want to mess up the parent's normal routine...my instinct may be rush right in and rescue...but would that derail the parent's?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 11/19/2008 1:46:12 PM
|
|
|
Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 4871
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
abou the controlled crying- anyone have any exp. on how you handle that when an overnight guest at someone's house...for the holdiday's etc...my grandkids are going to be here for 3 weeks and I don't want to mess up the parent's normal routine...my instinct may be rush right in and rescue...but would that derail the parent's?
I would just ask your kids what they would like you to do... My mom knows we don't do any form of CC at this point, since DD is already a good sleeper. If she starts crying then my mom or sister are likely to go in and get her up, which doesn't bother me a bit.
They might welcome a bit of a break if you are willing to help.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 11/19/2008 4:05:25 PM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 1863
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: offline
|
Because our time with them is short..I just want to hold the babies every time possible...is that selfish? lol
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 11/19/2008 5:34:48 PM
|
|
|
PrincessDonna
Posts: 10187
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
|
It's not selfish. Just check with them before it's the middle of the night wakeup time and ask them if they're okay with you doing it.
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 11/26/2008 10:40:28 AM
|
|
|
jennleigh
Posts: 97
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
Status: offline
|
My 4th baby has become a nightmare!!!
Ok, maybe not really a nightmare, but I really need help here! My baby is going to be 6 mos old on Dec 1st, and the only way he will go to sleep is if I jump through hoops to get him there, and then in the event that he wakes up, keep him there.
The problem is, I have somehow taught him that it's okay to use me as a human paci, propping a bottle in his mouth throughout his entire nap (he wouldn't nap otherwise) and now he's starting to do it all night, too. After being up holding a bottle in his mouth for 4 HOURS last night and him waking up off and on all night, I AM DONE WITH IT this morning.
I have 3 other kids who need me and who are acting out because I am never available to them. This baby is high-needs (whatever that means) and I cannot get anything done in the house without wearing him on me and then being his lovey/bottleholder/lullabye singer throughout His Royal Highness' nap. I'm exhausted and I feel like I have nothing left for anyone or anything else, never mind myself.
I was so frustrated this morning that I just put him in his crib and let him cry. I was at the point where I resented him and I felt like I couldn't go through the hoops to put him to sleep.
The problem with the Controlled Crying method, for me, is that every time I go in to check on him (at the recommended intervals), he screams even harder and acts even more upset. He has done better and gone to sleep faster if I just come to the door and he can't see or hear me. BUT, then I feel bad because I feel like he thinks I have abandoned him.
I feel like it's a no-win situation and I'm beyond reasoning it out now. My husband would love to help, but he won't let anyone else put him to sleep or feed him at this point. I feel like I've taught him some really bad habits, but I don't know how to undo it now.
Anyway, any advice you could give me would be so greatly appreciated. Some things to note:
He won't take a real paci, just wants his bottle when it's time to sleep. He is on no schedule whatsoever with his eating. I can never tell if he's really hungry or if he just wants to be soothed. I can't even really tell you how many ounces of food he eats at a time, because it's anywhere from 2 ounces to 8 ounces.
This all started because he wouldn't let us put him down when we brought him home from the hospital. He cried all the time unless he was being held and bounced, rocked, walked, etc. Hates all forms of artificial "holding" - swings, bouncy seats, cradles, etc. I started wearing him because I couldn't get anything done otherwise. Now he weighs 20 lbs and I'm going out of my mind - it's killing my back!
Thanks in advance. Another thing: I've prayed about this over and over again and I really feel like I'm supposed to put a little distance between us, help him learn to soothe a little bit on his own, but I have no idea how to do that, especially when my only option for letting him cry is to leave him to cry for sometimes up to 45 minutes.
Ahhh, I feel a little better just getting it off my chest. I'm just really torn between doing what's best for him (or what he thinks is best, anyway) and what's best for the whole family - everyone is suffering under our current arrangement.
Thanks in advance,
Jenn
_____________________________
God Bless,
Jennifer
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 11/28/2008 9:44:33 AM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 6162
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
Janine
If it was one of mine, I'd be offering them water from a sippy cup at night instead of a breast or bottlefeed. And would just deal with the crying till they got used to it (I don't think it would last more than a week).
_____________________________
"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 11/28/2008 9:47:53 AM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 6162
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: jennleigh
The problem is, I have somehow taught him that it's okay to use me as a human paci, propping a bottle in his mouth throughout his entire nap (he wouldn't nap otherwise) and now he's starting to do it all night, too. After being up holding a bottle in his mouth for 4 HOURS last night and him waking up off and on all night, I AM DONE WITH IT this morning.
jennleigh
Could I just ask if the bottle has formula in it (or water) or whether it's empty during this time?
quote:
He won't take a real paci, just wants his bottle when it's time to sleep. He is on no schedule whatsoever with his eating.
If you want him to be on one, it's really up to you to put him on one. Would you like to do that?
Could I also ask how he's doing with solids, if you've started him yet?
_____________________________
"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 11/30/2008 12:23:09 AM
|
|
|
Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 4871
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
Status: offline
|
If he just seemed slightly thirsty then I would offer a cup, but honestly at his age Gabby was still *eating* in the middle of the night. Like ravenously sucking down an 8oz bottle at warp speed.
Breastmilk is digested faster then what we eat as adults, and in addition to that the caloric value of the food he is eating(especially the amounts he is eating) isn't even close to that of breastmilk. You don't want to take away a source of nutrition if he really is hungry, especially since he could be going through a growth spurt in addition to teething.
Anyway, I know I am rambling...
-If he is really hungry then I wouldn't stop feeding him in the night.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 12/2/2008 10:06:01 AM
|
|
|
jennleigh
Posts: 97
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
Status: offline
|
Manda,
The bottle has formula in it. I tried water, but he spits and sputters with it.
We just started him on solids, he's getting cereal 2 times a day, and other vegetables/fruits here and there. I would love to tell you that I remember how all that's supposed to go, but it's been ten years since I had a baby in the house and I honestly can't remember how often I'm supposed to be feeding him/how much/what foods. My 2nd and 3rd children never ate baby food (other than the cereal for a short time, I believe); they just ate what we ate mashed up.
*Sigh* we went to my mom's house for the holiday weekend where he had to sleep between my husband and me, and now he won't even sleep in his bed. He wiggles around and grunts, whimpers, and then cries for his bottle all night off and on. I just thought I had it bad before LOL! I am so tired, and I snapped at my 10 year old this morning because he needed something I was too tired to give him (can't even really remember what it was now).
We are in a very small apartment, so there's nowhere else for me to put his bed besides in my bedroom. My DH has to get up early for work, so letting him cry all night would not be a good idea. I guess we could try on the weekend, my DH has this Friday night off, so beginning Thurs. night, I could start a new bedtime routine. I just honestly have no idea how to proceed.
Thanks for your questions Manda, and for your hugs, Janine. I really needed them this morning!
_____________________________
God Bless,
Jennifer
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 12/2/2008 10:14:18 AM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 6162
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
jennleigh,
How many bottles (and what size) do you reckon he gets through in a day, and at roughly what times?
I'm thinking that the first thing to do would be maybe to get a daytime routine into place, and also to gradually replace at least some of the nighttime bottles with making him take a dummy (paci) (when I say "making", I mean by constantly replacing it, with cuddles, but not giving in and giving a bottle). And that if he has a bottle, he drains it, and then it goes.
Btw, I personally would not advocate leaving him to cry for longer than 5 mins or so, not at this young age. And if it was me, I'd build up to even that.
Does he have any teeth yet? This could be behind some of his unsettledness.
_____________________________
"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 12/2/2008 2:31:43 PM
|
|
|
jennleigh
Posts: 97
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
Status: offline
|
Manda,
I know this may be hard to believe, but I actually have no idea how many bottles/how much formula he is getting in a day. He is a classic "snacker" and typically eats just a few ounces at a time, unless I tough it out and make him wait a while between feedings. I'm going to write it down today and tomorrow, because since you asked, and I realized I had no idea, I think it might be important to know how much he is eating.
We tried carrots today, he smooshed up his face and didn't like them at all, but he kept opening his mouth to eat them! After a few tablespoons of cereal and 1/2 a jar of carrots, he was rubbing his face like he was sleepy. He refused to go to sleep without his bottle, so I gave it to him, he sucked an ounce or so down, and then decided he wasn't sleepy at all, but wouldn't let me put him down for a second.
He's sleeping in his Snugli carrier (I know, I know, all the babywearing mamas hate them, but I love mine) right now while I'm typing. I'm just glad I can still see over his head.
I also agree with you about not leaving him to cry. I've done it twice now out of necessity - both times because I was just at my wits' end and didn't know what else to do - and both times his face was puffy and red, and he whimpered for hours afterwards. That doesn't sit well in my heart, so I'm not going to do that again. I'd rather deal with the clingyness than to make him feel abandoned. I mean, he just turned 6 months old yesterday!
Thanks again, and I'll write more when I have an idea of his eating habits. That would really go a long way towards helping me establish a routine, no?
_____________________________
God Bless,
Jennifer
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 12/2/2008 7:46:34 PM
|
|
|
nicole6598
Posts: 3818
Status: offline
|
Jennifer I think you are doing an awesome job!! I know I couldn't remember what to do with my 2nd and it was only like 3 years apart!!
I like Manda's suggestion about the day time. that's how I started things off, once that is done you can work on the night time and it will be easier. And doing the night time thing when hubby is home is a wonderful idea that you had, that's how we did our night time routine.
(and who cares what others think of your snugli, you are the one wearing it, not anyone else  )
_____________________________
Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 12/2/2008 7:59:36 PM
|
|
|
manda59
Posts: 6162
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: jennleigh
I know this may be hard to believe, but I actually have no idea how many bottles/how much formula he is getting in a day. He is a classic "snacker" and typically eats just a few ounces at a time, unless I tough it out and make him wait a while between feedings. I'm going to write it down today and tomorrow, because since you asked, and I realized I had no idea, I think it might be important to know how much he is eating....
Thanks again, and I'll write more when I have an idea of his eating habits. That would really go a long way towards helping me establish a routine, no?
Definitely.
It's a really good idea to write things down for a few days, and see if a rough kind of pattern emerges. Write down at what time he feeds, and how much he takes. Also make a note of when you give him solids. What size bottles do you usually make up?
What I did to get mine into routines was aim for 3 hourly feeds, but be flexible in that by up to an hour earlier. So, for example, if the first morning feed was at 6am, I'd be aiming to give the next feed at 9am, but if the baby was showing signs of being hungry at 8am, I'd feed him/her then. Anything before then, and I'd pick the baby up, cuddle and soothe him/her, walk around, do anything but feed them (but not leave them to cry either).
_____________________________
"Manda is right"
mvic, January 2009
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 12/9/2008 1:27:34 PM
|
|
|
jennleigh
Posts: 97
Joined: 12/6/2007
From: Fuquay-Varina, NC
Status: offline
|
Manda,
Sorry it took so long to get back to this; I've been sick and we've been working on a routine. So far here's what I've got:
He actually does eat on a routine, pretty much. I guess I never really noticed, since my sense of time is pretty messed up right now (I'm still trying to get back into a groove myself lol!). He eats about 4-5 ounces every 3 hours or so. It's pretty funny that I didn't really realize this before.
Another good change: he will actually take a paci at bedtime/naptime now. I tried it the day I last posted and although he refused it prior to that (the last time I tried was around 3 mos. old) he took right to it. I know some people are not fond of pacifiers, I know our dentist will appreciate me not having formula in his mouth for hours on end every day!
So here's where we're at now, and although it is not perfect, it is better:
I get up at 5:30am with my oldest 2 boys, and while they are getting ready for school, I get my shower, brush my teeth, start the coffee, etc. My DH gets up with the baby, waking him up if he's not already up at around 6am.
The baby plays with his toys on a blanket on the floor in the living room while DH and I have coffee together and see our boys off to school.
The baby eats his cereal and fruit and then his first bottle at around 8am and then promptly wants to sleep. I lay him down in my bed and we cuddle and he finishes his bottle and goes right to sleep with the paci in his mouth. We both take a nap, usually around 1-2 hours, and then he gets up and repeats the cycle. Awake two hours, asleep two hours, all the same way, at the same times.
I sleep the first nap with him, usually because I am still exhausted from getting up with him the night before, but I can't sleep any more than that or I can't sleep at night. SO, the second nap I read a book (something I really haven't been able to do up until now lol!)
This pretty much lasts until around 4pm; he goes back to sleep for about an hour then gets up and has his evening "fussy" time. Then he gets his cereal and vegetable/fruit, his bath, his last bottle, and then I rock him to sleep, either on my lap or in his bouncy while I read or talk to my husband and kids. My DH takes him while I finish up the kitchen, set the coffee pot, wash my face, brush my teeth, etc.
He's sleeping in our bed, but he's actually sleeping, and for the moment I don't mind. I have his bed set up in my room and the next step is to move him into his bed once he's asleep.
He just got two teeth in at the same time last month. That probably had a lot to do with it, also.
The biggest thing I can say is that I really, really prayed about it. (After I spent some time really, really moping around over it lol). The biggest problem, for me, was that I wanted to have it my way. I didn't want to "go with the flow". This has been the most stress-free week ever since he was born. I am confined to the house during his nap times, actually confined to my bed, but I can choose to make the most of it or I can choose to be angry and upset and resent him for it. I chose to read a book or write with the help of a $5 booklight.
I want to thank you all so much for your responses, and your encouragement. I want to thank you, Manda, for your questions. Without them, I don't know how long I might have wandered in the wilderness not knowing that my baby was already on a "schedule" of sorts. It's so much easier to plan around it, now that I'm aware it's even there!
God bless you!
_____________________________
God Bless,
Jennifer
|
|
|
|
|
RE: "Controlled Crying" - 12/13/2008 4:49:29 PM
|
|
|
Mrs.X
Posts: 2947
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
Status: offline
|
Jennifer,
It sounds like things are going great!
quote:
It's so much easier to plan around it, now that I'm aware it's even there!
I totally know what this is like. I found that what I really needed was just some guaranteed time. If I could count on it, I was so much happier and stress free.
_____________________________
-Stina
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. -Proverbs 15:1
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
Moo! 
