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happy being single - 10/20/2008 4:35:57 PM
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tw12357
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Joined: 10/7/2008
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I apologize for asking a serious question when I'm new here, but I've had this deep desire to be married that I'm trying to get away from. After all, you don't want to look at the next guy you meet as a possible husband. But I find myself doing it anyways. Are you happy being single? If so, how do you do it?
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RE: happy being single - 10/20/2008 4:48:23 PM
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John_O
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No I'm not happy being single. But I'm trying to make the best of it until God brings my new wife to me.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: happy being single - 10/20/2008 5:29:12 PM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5125
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From: Indiana
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tw12357 I wish I had an answer for you.............
I would love to get married, very much so......BUT I am very happy......it isn't being single which makes me happy but living life with the joy of the Lord as my strength.......and since His joy is available whether single or married I can't help but be happy...........does that make any sense?
What makes us the happiest is being loved.......being needed........being cherished.
I think that is what we crave.......it is how God designed us ..........
I think often what makes us unhappy is not receiving those things from others, believing those needs can only be met by a husband or wife, instead of allowing God and others to meet some of them.
I think we don't realize our own value so desire a husband or wife to help us see our own value....... there are others who speak words and perform actions which declare our value to them yet we don't receive what they say or do.
I think we are unhappy because we desire and crave a relationship full of intimacy and closeness........and we think those relationships are only available after we say I do........so we refuse to receive others attempt to walk in relationship with us.
Happiness is a choice...........receiving is a choice.......singleness is not
Do what you can do, make the choices you can make, and trust God to do what you can not do.
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
Lake Michigan
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RE: happy being single - 10/20/2008 6:08:06 PM
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Pauley464
Posts: 490
Joined: 7/29/2007
From: Washington, Indiana
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Am I happy being single? No. Am I unhappy being single? No.
I don't like being single, but I am capable of being happy in spite of my preferences.
There are very few things about being single that I enjoy, but there are a great many things about my life that I enjoy very much. The friends I have and the activities we do together, my home, my family, my cat, I enjoy the freedom I have to do what I wish when I wish without the burden of considering the needs and desires of others before I act. I enjoy tutoring my friends daughters in math and reading. I enjoy serving with others in my church.
My point is this, I become unhappy and discontent with being single when I allow myself the luxury of dwelling on it. Occupy your mind and free time with things you enjoy doing. Read your Bible, or a favorite book, watch a movie or your favorite TV program. lose yourself in a hobby, find a way of serving in your church and community that takes advantage of your passions and skills, take a one day road trip to a nearby community you've never been before and eat at a restaurant you've never been to before. Take a book with you or better yet, find the community's chamber of commerce and look up the attractions the place offers. This is fun to do alone (At least I enjoy doing it alone.) or with a friend. More so with a group of friends.
It isn't being single that makes you unhappy, it's thinking about it all of the time. You either like or dislike being single. Being unhappy is when you, either literally or metaphorically, close yourself off in a room all alone and feel sorry for yourself.
Take an inventory of your life and list all of things you enjoy or like about your life and what you don't enjoy or dislike about your life and I'd be willing to bet you'd discover you have more to make you happy than not.
Remember what the Apostle Paul taught us about the secret of being content-we can do all things through Him who gives us strength.
Take care of yourself, mentally, physically and emotionally and I'll recommend the one thing that always makes me happy, without fail.
Eat a good chili dog. 
_____________________________
There is nothing so important that it can't be put off until tomorrow.
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RE: happy being single - 10/20/2008 6:22:04 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3263
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Pauley, those are very wise words and I thank you for posting.
Am I happy being single? No. Happiness is not a choice. It's a state of mind; a by product. I can't will myself to be happy no more than I can will myself to be angry when I'm not. True though that there are things we can do that would result in us being able to enjoy the journey of being single. I'm not unhappy, but I'm not happy either. Know what I mean? I just feel that there is something missing in my life, and no amount of will, positive thinking, reading, meditating, will replace that which I'm missing in my life. And that is the closeness that you can only get from a true intimate partner. No parent, no child, no friend can give you that though I know that having those relationships help in being less "unhappy" about being alone.
I had been in relationships that made me truly happy. And I long for that to happen again. If it doesn't, I'll live and thrive, but I'll always long for that closeness and intimacy.
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: happy being single - 10/20/2008 9:38:02 PM
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dainsall
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I honestly enjoy being single at this stage in my life. I have never lived totally alone before and I am finding that I enjoy who I really am. Not to say that if some day God would chose to change my singleness I would not be willing but I have not been on a serious date in years and have no real desire to go looking at this point.
_____________________________
Prepare the Way of the Lord. Make God Known Where You Are.
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RE: happy being single - 10/21/2008 1:00:07 AM
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SamsonUSA
Posts: 1048
Joined: 10/5/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dainsall
I honestly enjoy being single at this stage in my life. I have never lived totally alone before and I am finding that I enjoy who I really am. Not to say that if some day God would chose to change my singleness I would not be willing but I have not been on a serious date in years and have no real desire to go looking at this point.
Good for you Dainsall. Single, content, and looking to the Lord for guidance is advice we all should learn to follow.
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
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RE: happy being single - 10/21/2008 2:03:06 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1774
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tw12357
I apologize for asking a serious question when I'm new here, but I've had this deep desire to be married that I'm trying to get away from. After all, you don't want to look at the next guy you meet as a possible husband. But I find myself doing it anyways. Are you happy being single? If so, how do you do it?
Sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not. The other day, I learned that contentment and joy really come from the Lord. No matter who we have in our lives or what we obtain, it will "get old" - we get used to it. Only the Lord doesn't get old. Only he can give us long lasting joy. As soon as I realized that, it helped me to put things in perspective somewhat. I'm sure I'll still have my ups and downs, times when I really long for marriage and times when I don't - but it seems to me that I need to learn how to be content right where I am, so that I will be content when I am married.
I think that you can be content and still desire marriage. I don't think you have to eradicate that desire - it is a good thing. But if it makes you miserable all of the time because you don't have it ... well, that could be a bit of a problem. But above all, for me at least, it is a process. I've gone through months, years even of being discontent and sad about being single. I've had long stretches of time when I've been happy. It can be a bit like a see-saw sometimes. The difference is, these days, that if I'm on the downward side of the see saw for a bit too long, I know that I can go to Jesus and he will restore my joy. I can be content right where I am.
< Message edited by rgod -- 10/21/2008 10:12:15 AM >
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RE: happy being single - 10/21/2008 9:59:17 AM
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tw12357
Posts: 49
Joined: 10/7/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
I'll still have my ups and downs, times when I really long for marriage and times when I don't - but it seems to me that I need to learn how to be content right where I am, so that I will be content when I am married.
I think this is the key. If I can't be content where I am, who's to say I'll be content when I'm married? I'm really trying to seek God for comfort and encouragement. That I may have joy. I find I have the most joy when I do something for somebody else or tell someone about God.
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RE: happy being single - 10/21/2008 10:17:31 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1774
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tw12357
quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
I'll still have my ups and downs, times when I really long for marriage and times when I don't - but it seems to me that I need to learn how to be content right where I am, so that I will be content when I am married.
I think this is the key. If I can't be content where I am, who's to say I'll be content when I'm married? I'm really trying to seek God for comfort and encouragement. That I may have joy. I find I have the most joy when I do something for somebody else or tell someone about God.
This is great tw12357! I added a bit to my post (see above). Sorry - I'm forever editing my posts lol! There is GREAT joy to be found in simply sitting in Jesus' presence also. It is amazing how a few minutes with him can fill you with such peace, regardless of the situation.
I also use some of the other suggestions here - Grace-N-Mercy and Pauley64 in particular had some really good "hands-on" practical advice that I have found to be pretty helpful in my own life. There is one thing that Grace-N-Mercy said has said before in other threads, that she alluded to in her post - that really helped me. She talked about handling this day by day - you are single for today - so you only need to know how to handle it for today. It was been a tremendous help to me, particularly during the "down" times.
< Message edited by rgod -- 10/21/2008 10:24:24 AM >
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RE: happy being single - 10/21/2008 10:50:35 AM
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joy2give2u
Posts: 5125
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From: Indiana
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quote:
Happiness is not a choice. It's a state of mind; a by product. A by product of what? The circumstances in our lives and how we chose to see those circumstances. Happiness is a choice because we are the ones who make the choice how we will see and handle the circumstances in our lives........do we chose to take captive thoughts which lead to unhappiness and instead focus on those things which make us happy?
Happiness is a by-product of choosing to walk out Phil 4:8 in our lives........it is a choice.
Philippians 4:8 KJV
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
_____________________________
Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
Lake Michigan
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RE: happy being single - 10/21/2008 11:59:46 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
A by product of what? The circumstances in our lives and how we chose to see those circumstances. Happiness is a choice because we are the ones who make the choice how we will see and handle the circumstances in our lives........do we chose to take captive thoughts which lead to unhappiness and instead focus on those things which make us happy?
yep, i feel it's all about our thought life, and retraining our thought process ...
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Photoblogging My Life
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RE: happy being single - 10/21/2008 1:30:29 PM
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jesuschick247
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SamsonUSA
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
quote:
I'm convinced when I meet " the one " I'll know it almost immediately.
Funny, I've been saying that same thing since the beginning of time. However, I thought I found him a month ago. But I was wrong. So, nah, maybe I won't know right away! Or maybe I'll meet him again 10 years down the road and we'll have things all figured out, lol. 
Maybe he was " the one". Sadly I wonder if its possible that we've met " the one " in the past, but were too blind or too wrapped up in our careers or something else to see it. I believe God brings that lifelong partner into our lives but like the call to salvation we have the freewill to accept or reject.
I have to agree with that, we all have a free will.
I wouldn't say I am happy about being single, but I am happy with my life right now, and I am
content to be where God wants me to be. I have also had the chance to do lots of things I might
not have seized the opportunity of if I had had a boyfriend. So, everything works out in God's
perfect timing! Now I just need to pray for wisdom to not miss the right one when he comes
along...LOL!
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
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RE: happy being single - 10/21/2008 6:09:25 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23686
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
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quote:
ORIGINAL: joy2give2u
quote:
Happiness is not a choice. It's a state of mind; a by product. A by product of what? The circumstances in our lives and how we chose to see those circumstances. Happiness is a choice because we are the ones who make the choice how we will see and handle the circumstances in our lives........do we chose to take captive thoughts which lead to unhappiness and instead focus on those things which make us happy?
Happiness is a by-product of choosing to walk out Phil 4:8 in our lives........it is a choice.
Philippians 4:8 KJV
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Excellent post, Joy!
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RE: happy being single - 10/21/2008 6:43:12 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 3263
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That was a good verse, Joy. Actually, when I was going through mild depression earlier this year, that's the verse that helped me get through the day; I meditated on it day and night.
What we're saying is actually the same thing. I don't believe we can will ourselves to be happy and be happy instantaneously. We can make the decision to to challenge all the things that are making us unhappy and miserable. For example, I'm single. What do I associate with being single that is making me unhappy. My thinking might go something like this: I'm lonely, no one likes me, I will be alone for the rest of my life, I'll die alone. Of course, that's bound to make me miserable. If I do something to combat those thoughts, then, I might not be so miserable. I might even learn to be content. I might develop other areas of my life and grow. But to say that it would completely eliminate my longing for a spouse, for me (again, I say me, not anyone else here), I don't think so. I'm not miserable by any chance, and as mentioned, I'm thriving being single. But too many holidays alone, too many hiking trips with people who I barely know, too many joys with no one to share (honestly, I don't have know anyone who likes to hike to the summit--therefore no one can relate), too many occasions that I have to miss because it requires a partner, etc, those things make one long more for a spouse. It's not a complaint. It's my reality. I'm neither happy, nor unhappy about being single. It just is. However, I'm so ecstatic about other things in life...like how brilliant my daughter is, how great my job is, how wonderful my best friends are, how free I am to make decisions, how much in shape I am for my age, lol (gotta say that!)--those things make me happy. But they don't erase the longing, and the loneliness, so I won't deny that I'm content, but not satisfied (for whatever is true, as apostle Paul said)
Just to add that for some, this challenge of being single is felt more intensely because their temperament.
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
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RE: happy being single - 10/21/2008 6:49:29 PM
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SamsonUSA
Posts: 1048
Joined: 10/5/2008
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Just to add that for some, this challenge of being single is felt more intensely because their temperament.
[/quote]
Interesting statement. I'll have to ponder that one for awhile.
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
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RE: happy being single - 10/22/2008 9:57:51 PM
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song
Posts: 299
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Southern Florida
Status: online
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First off, it's good to remember that marriage, having a family, is not about your happiness. Sure, there's perks to it all, but it's also a lot of work! Love is not just what gives us mooshy feelings in our tummies. It's about always desiring the highest and best for another person even when we're tired, hurt, and grumpy. And love doesn't always "feel good." I think some of us Americans watched too much "Cinderella" when we were young. Don't get me wrong, I'm a total supporter of marriage, I just think "happiness" is not the idea behind marriage nor the feeling you have all the time when you're married.
Anyways, and like other people said, you fill your life with things that make you happy and bring you purpose. I love my job, I love living by the beach, I love certain foods and music, I have great friends and a family that loves me. I have so many things to enjoy in life and I am so blessed it's seems silly that I would choose to be unhappy because I'm not "married".
I'm happy being me. Single me or maybe someday married me. 
_____________________________
you are beautiful my sweet sweet song...
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RE: happy being single - 10/29/2008 12:13:16 AM
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lynnmoon
Posts: 275
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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quote:
Are you happy being single? If so, how do you do it?
I'm kind of late to this thread, but I'm sitting here at midnight answering it. I have a friend who is in your position. She REALLY, REALLY wants to be married and kind of wishes she didn't really want it as bad as she does. I'm pretty bad in that dept. for advice because I am pretty happy single, but I don't remember doing anything specific that has caused me to be this way.
I think one of the differences in she and I is that her life is kind of on hold "until" and for me there is no until...well, until Jesus comes back, I suppose. In various conversations, we find that our focuses are just totally different. She won't buy a house before she finds a spouse. I can't buy a house because I'm just a little broke right now, but it never dawned on me that I should put it off based on relationship status.
She picks her social engagements and entertainment based on rather or not she might meet someone there. I just do the stuff I like...which is usually kid stuff and usually you don't find eligible people at kid stuff. And she thinks most everythind will be better with a spouse. I, unfortunately, have experience in that dept. and can say that it's not necessarily so. And maybe that's the reaons I'm pretty content.
Anyways, I think that the best way to be content is to look at life as objectively as possible. Being in any relationship state carries many benefits and challenges. It's okay to get tired of the challenges of your present state, but focus on honoring God with it and enjoying the benefits more than dwelling on the negatives.
I do sometimes hate that I have to go to bed alone every night....but on the upside there is no one over there fussing at me right now for being online AND watching T.V. and crunching on loud, nasty cheetos before bed. This very moment has multiple sides to it...I just spent more time focusing on the positive side of it. Granted, that's not always the way it works but maybe that was helpful to ya.
P.S. just read the thread and think other's said it much better than I. But I'm leaving my answer anyways, lol.
< Message edited by lynnmoon -- 10/29/2008 12:20:04 AM >
_____________________________
Lynn
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
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RE: happy being single - 10/29/2008 6:06:45 PM
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Deej823
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I think "happy" is a fleeting/fickle state. I strive to do as Paul says in Phillipians 4:12-13.
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
This applies to all areas of need. Through the years (I have been completely single/abstinent for more than 20 years, since I was 32 years old), I have prayed for that ability to be content with my marital situation. The more I have concentrated on things other than myself, the easier it is. I am thankful many nights that I have my bed to myself; then, there are nights when I'm VERY thankful I don't share my bed with another human because my dog and cat have taken up the entire bed! :)
But seriously, becoming content with singleness is a process, one that requires discipline. There will be moments of happiness, perhaps when your friends are relaying stories about their husbands' antics, and moments of longing, perhaps when they're speaking of that shared night by the fire. We never know if our marital situation is "permanent," but we can pray for the right spouse, if we truly long for that marriage, or if we're seeking God's will for our lives, we can pray that if we are to remain single, we will become content with that circumstance. Then, if we are in the process of waiting for that special someone to come along, or if we are in the process of living life as a single, we must put our focus on things of Lord, not on ourselves. It sounds cliche, but it truly works. Focusing on what we lack or on what we desire will never bring us happiness or contentment. Deciding to be content right now, in this moment, with what God has brought to our lives at this very point in time...that will bring happiness...really.
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