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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/24/2008 7:55:32 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23689
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I keep thinking about this guy, girl and fake diamond ring.
MrTigger, if this is a friend of yours, please show him this thread. If he is lying to his girlfriend about this ring, he is doing him, her and their relationship a huge disservice.
Such a deception speaks to deeper things. Of what, I won't begin to name because the possibilities are many. But it is a deception and the reason for the deception needs to be examined.
If a man doesn't trust me enough to me honest with me about a piece of jewelry, then that man isn't the right one for me. Besides, if I was in a relationship that had progressed to the man giving me a ring, I should already know what kind of ring he would be able to afford. I wouldn't want him to buy something out of his price range. I personally would find that very offensive . . . I would liken it to me being a material possession that could be bought. I would also wonder if he thought I placed more emphasis on things than on him . . . which, again, would be very offensive to me.
I truly hope it works out well for both this guy and girl. I also truly hope that if he hasn't already done so, then he will tell her the truth about the ring. Their relationship should be built on honesty.
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/24/2008 11:46:36 AM
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mrtigger
Posts: 321
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
I keep thinking about this guy, girl and fake diamond ring.
MrTigger, if this is a friend of yours, please show him this thread. If he is lying to his girlfriend about this ring, he is doing him, her and their relationship a huge disservice.
Such a deception speaks to deeper things. Of what, I won't begin to name because the possibilities are many. But it is a deception and the reason for the deception needs to be examined.
If a man doesn't trust me enough to me honest with me about a piece of jewelry, then that man isn't the right one for me. Besides, if I was in a relationship that had progressed to the man giving me a ring, I should already know what kind of ring he would be able to afford. I wouldn't want him to buy something out of his price range. I personally would find that very offensive . . . I would liken it to me being a material possession that could be bought. I would also wonder if he thought I placed more emphasis on things than on him . . . which, again, would be very offensive to me.
I truly hope it works out well for both this guy and girl. I also truly hope that if he hasn't already done so, then he will tell her the truth about the ring. Their relationship should be built on honesty.
I understand the concerns. I have the same.
This guy is actually a relative of mine, not a friend. We were pretty close a number of years ago but had a falling out and have not been close since. We are cordial and still chat sometimes but it's not a close relationship anymore. Our falling out happened when I finally got fed up with his lies to me & others and called him on it. I hoped it would wake him up but it didn't do any good as far as changing him. It just made him mad. We were distant after that but at least I had said what I needed to say.
He is not a horrible guy but he is not an honest person. He may have told her it was CZ but even if so, it is just the tip of the iceberg as far as honesty goes. He is signficantly in debt, has no real job, does not want a real job (which is why he has no money for a more expensive ring). He lives with his Mom & he is nearly 40. My own diagnosis (I'm not a psychologist) is extreme narcisim.
I don't know what he has told her or how much his fiancee knows but she must know some of his actual situation. For sure, she knows he lives with his Mom & hasn't worked much. Even if she knew nothing else about him, I think that alone would scare her off. So, her interest in him doesn't make much sense and for that reason I have some suspicions of her motives as well. Maybe she just thinks she can fix him or something though.
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/25/2008 1:42:05 AM
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solo_soprano22
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Yeah, but it's possible she knows all but wants to stay anyway. There are women who do such things.
About the ring, I know of people who get decent-sized CZ's and tell people they're real.... really out of being embarrassed. I guess if that's a reason to lie, I'd understand that better than not having any reason. I think that society as a whole expects for an engagement ring to be real diamond, and many women who are being proposed to want a real diamond or gemstone. Perhaps if he didn't have the funds, etc., he felt less for that.
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/25/2008 11:41:01 AM
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misty35
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From: Arkansas
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I havent read all post, but most, and I speaking for me and no one else, if it were my decision, yes I would want a diamond, and if I were lied to about the ring, only to find out later, the first thing that I would begin to think, is what else has he lied to me about. Its takes time, getting to know one another and trust, but one lie, can ruin so much of that.
But now, if he were honest with me about the ring, and maybe he just couldnt afford the real thing, then no, I would not be upset. I would respect him more for his honesty. I would hope that we would be bale to talk about anything, so another point, if he lies about a ring, which should not be a issue....what happens later on in life when difficult times strike?
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"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/25/2008 1:30:29 PM
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car2ner
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If I didn't have my lovely diamond, I would have agreed with you. I am partial to semi-precious stones like opals, turquoise,star sapphire, etc.
I would go on but then I'd be off topic. Even with an alternate stone, you have the real things and the imitation. The bottom line, honesty is more important than image.
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"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/25/2008 2:43:14 PM
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sudden
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From: Toronto
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The material that an engagement ring is made of is of little significance, It is rather the promise of a future life together that is. No one likes to be fooled.
I would think the best coarse of action the fellow could follow would be to fall down on one knee, open the box, tell his love that he cannot live without her, slide the ring onto her finger and ask her if she will marry him. He needn't say "This is a REAL diamond, will you marry me?" I would find a fellow who felt the necessity of making such an announcement to be just a little strange wouldn't you? and because of that, less likely to receive an affirmative reply. I really don't think that is a realistic dialogue.
All he needs to say is "Will you marry me?"
If the lady, to whom he is extending such an offer, were to ask if it were a "real" diamond - I would also think that said fellow, should reconsider the wisdom of extending his offer if his intended is overly concerned about colour, clarity and carat.
Yours for subscribing to the spirit of the ring rather than the substance,
Sudden
< Message edited by sudden -- 10/27/2008 9:44:17 AM >
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/26/2008 11:10:05 AM
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TNBelle
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I would be incredibly hurt if someone I loved so dearly lied to me like that. I don't know what I would do, it would depend on whether we were actually married or not when I discovered the deception.
When my husband proposed, I didn't look at anything but his face. I remember the sound of his voice, the words he said, what we were both wearing and the details of the setting, the shine of his eyes. I don't think I even looked at the ring for several minutes because it wasn't about the ring. It was about us.
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/26/2008 5:31:06 PM
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hisprincess59
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From: Tulsa, OK
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The biggest problem would be the lie...if he'll lie about that, he's likely to lie about anything. If he told me upfront, I would be okay with it for the time being, but would want to pick out my own wedding ring--and purchase it, if money was a problem. I'd like to think that money issues had been discussed before it ever got that serious, though...
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/28/2008 11:18:52 PM
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LovebirdsFlying
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As a matter of fact, my ring is CZ. I'm fine with it. I helped pick it out and insisted on CZ. I can't see spending a month's salary on a symbol, when I can have something just as good for half a day's salary instead. There's nothing "fake" about my ring. It's a real ring. I can see it and touch it.
Both my fiancé and my therapist tried the angle of "Don't you think you're worth a diamond?" Sure I am. Worth one, yes. Willing to see money spent on one, no. Let all that money be put into household expenses like better quality furniture or something.
Now, if he tried to pass CZ off as a diamond, and wasn't up front about it, I'd be royally tee'd off. Not because it isn't a diamond or it isn't as costly, but because he wasn't honest.
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------Bill & Gloria Gaither
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/29/2008 5:57:19 AM
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Tashilein
Posts: 210
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After reading most of the replies... I have to agree. The lie would be far worse than the actual ring.
I'm not into big, fancy rings anyway, but prefer simple and small. Also, he doesn't need to have a ring already when he proposes to me cause my answer won't be based on the ring. In the end, the ring just shows the rest of the world we're engaged. I would prefer it also to pick out the ring together and find something we both like as we'll be spending the rest of our lives together and our future decisions will be ours, not his or my decision. And I want to make sure he doesn't spend too much money on the ring. Just like I don't want to spend a ridiculous amount of money on the wedding, the dress,... and invest the extra money into our future like a house, car, college fund for the future children.
I don't know if I'd end the relationship, but I might postpone it and have a good conversation with him and take some me-time to think about things. Though it might be a small lie to some people, it's a lie and it did do some damage.
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/29/2008 5:32:04 PM
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Elena1030
Posts: 426
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From: Music City, USA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mrtigger
... it is just the tip of the iceberg as far as honesty goes.
He is signficantly in debt, has no real job, does not want a real job (which is why he has no money for a more expensive ring). He lives with his Mom & he is nearly 40. My own diagnosis (I'm not a psychologist) is extreme narcissim.
The bolded parts are what stood out to me! The man described should be marrying NO ONE!!!!!!!!
And I agree with the other posters: it's not the ring's being a CZ that is the problem; it's the cover-up of the truth that is the problem.
And in this case, that deception is one red flag from an entire color guard of red flags!!!
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/30/2008 11:16:59 PM
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Covaan_Meshuga
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He is a liar. I would end the relationship because I would never be able to trust him again. Then I would tell him what an idiot he was, because I strongly dislike diamonds, don't own any, don't want any, but I have lots of cubic zirconiums -- earrings, necklaces, bracelets, rings, etc. And my engagement ring, that some dingbat stole, was zubic zirconium. I am still laughing about that, except that it was in an extremely nice gold setting.
I also would not marry a guy who is afraid to work.
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Abiyah
"Ladies and gentlemen, there are things that you will only be able to learn by the weakest among us, and when you snuff them out, you are the one that loses." ~~Gianna Jesson, 1977 LA, CA, saline abortion survivor
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/31/2008 9:37:45 AM
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mrtigger
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I've talked to him (actually emailed since I couldn't catch him in person), and told him that, especially now that he is engaged, he needs to be honest with her about the ring and everything else about himself as well.
He says he will.
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mr tigger
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/31/2008 11:51:07 AM
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Ps103
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quote:
He says he will.
Which means he wasn't...
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/31/2008 11:52:31 AM
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RamiRedeemed
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and he probably won't
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Others talk because they have to say something.
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 10/31/2008 12:06:16 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Yep, and yep.
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RE: Cubic Zirconia wedding ring??? - 11/1/2008 12:40:11 AM
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LovebirdsFlying
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I missed the follow up posts and responded only to the OP.
Given the rest of the information, I'd say that the ring isn't the issue. Nor is anything he says about the ring. It's not the issue, it's only the tip of the iceberg.
The guy is a loser who has no business marrying anyone.
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The one who KNOWS me best, LOVES me most
------Bill & Gloria Gaither
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Otherwise, I wouldn't mind if it was CZ or a diamond if he was upfront and honest with me - in fact, I told my fiance I'd prefer a CZ ring or a semi-precious stone if he HAD to get me a ring because it was cheaper!! He didn't listen though. 
