Do you want feedback from those who reject you (romantically)?
View related threads:
(in this forum
| in all forums)
|
Logged in as: Guest
|
|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/22/2008 2:57:42 PM
|
|
|
iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
|
so many questions and how about a sister thread: do you want to give indepth analysis when you reject someone (romantically)
who says the opposite sex rejecter necessarily has any great insight that we need to believe or is even telling the truth?
_____________________________
Photoblogging My Life
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/22/2008 3:56:24 PM
|
|
|
Elena1030
Posts: 426
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
so many questions
yep... most issues are filled with complexities, when i begin to analyze them... 
quote:
and how about a sister thread: do you want to give indepth analysis when you reject someone (romantically)
and of course, each person's definition of what in-depth analysis is, is going to vary.
quote:
who says the opposite sex rejecter necessarily has any great insight that we need to believe or is even telling the truth?
ah, yes... that's where the skill of sifting through feedback, comes in.
your question is a good one to ask yourself about the feedback whether it comes from your parent, your friend, or the opposite-sex rejecter of the moment.
and for us Christ-followers, there is the additional set of questions: Has this person sufficiently demonstrated that s/he thinks and lives according to a biblical worldview? Is this person's advice/counsel/feedback likely to stick closely to the plumbline of God's Word? Or is what h/she says too likely to be too far off the mark?
it's all about continuing to build and use your filter: the biblical worldview.... which is highly practical as well as it is spiritual.
_____________________________
"We're not odd, we're just over-expressive."—Helen in Howard's End
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/22/2008 4:04:00 PM
|
|
|
SamsonUSA
Posts: 1048
Joined: 10/5/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
so many questions and how about a sister thread: do you want to give indepth analysis when you reject someone (romantically)
who says the opposite sex rejecter necessarily has any great insight that we need to believe or is even telling the truth?
Great point. If ones advances are rejected it is not necessarily a reflection of what one has to offer in a relationship or personality traits one lacks. It just means the particular person doing the rejecting isn't interested.
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/22/2008 4:44:16 PM
|
|
|
John_O
Posts: 8015
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Elena1030
Do you want feedback from those who reject you (romantically)?
Greatly depends. If I'm rejected asking for the first date then I don't care what she thinks, obviously she's not good enough to appreciate me anyway. (ouch. Ouch. Stop hitting me. OK OK)
I mean that she is far too far above me for me to be able to understand what she would say anyway.
(Now are you happy?)
(It's hard, and painful, to be overwhelmingly humble)
If it's after several dates then yes I want to know what happened. I can't fix things if I don't know what they are.
quote:
Why?
Can't fix what I can't see. plus it ends the wondering. "Should I have done that, should I have done this?" etc
quote:
Why not?
I'd tell you but the OH would be on to me again.
quote:
What type of feedback do you welcome?
What I did right. What I did wrong. What I need to work on most. How good I look in blue jeans. You know, the normal stuff.
quote:
What type of wise counsel from friends and family are you seeking/inviting?
If it's wise counsel I'm open to it. If it's not wise, and unfortunately most counsel is not wise, then I ignore it.
As to what type? Where and how to meet someone who fits.
quote:
What specific beneficial feedback have you received? Was it from an ex or from a friend/family member?
I was praised for my attentiveness. Shows that I'm doing well. It was from a failed relationship
quote:
How did you implement the conclusions you came to as a result of listening to that feedback?
I am normally by nature very attentive to those I am interested in, so there's not a whole lot of implementation that needs to be accomplished. I just need to mind what I am doing.
quote:
Are you willing for people who care about you to point out your "relationship blindspots"?
Of course. I know that even I must have some failures (Owie. OK OK stop kicking me. I meant failures that I couldn't see!!!.) (That OH is such a stickler for precision)
quote:
What about your spiritual blindspots?
Same as the rest. Can't fix what I can't see.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/22/2008 4:54:41 PM
|
|
|
Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8638
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: online
|
Okay...I personally don't want feedback from a failed date.
Why?
Because I know I have issues, and I know I'm not perfect and if someone were to say to me "Well, Tink...if you only...then I would have liked you." pffft...I'm better off without him.
Now I know that whomever I do settle with will understand my quirks and know that I'm not perfect. But he will realise this as well as the fact that his love for me overrides my quirks.
You know?
So...no...I don't care one way or another why someone doesn't like me.
_____________________________
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/22/2008 5:19:06 PM
|
|
|
jesuschick247
Posts: 2870
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
Okay...I personally don't want feedback from a failed date.
Why?
Because I know I have issues, and I know I'm not perfect and if someone were to say to me "Well, Tink...if you only...then I would have liked you." pffft...I'm better off without him.
Now I know that whomever I do settle with will understand my quirks and know that I'm not perfect. But he will realise this as well as the fact that his love for me overrides my quirks.
You know?
So...no...I don't care one way or another why someone doesn't like me.
Couldn't have put it better myself, Tink!! I am the same way! (And yes, even perfect little me
has several quirks...shocker isn't it???? *winks and giggles* Okay, so maybe the fact that I am cute will
help him be able to overlook some of my annoying quirks...*ROFL!*)
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/22/2008 9:45:39 PM
|
|
|
song
Posts: 305
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Southern Florida
Status: online
|
Uh no. I'd rather shoot myself in the hand with a nail gun.
Why? Because why do you want to listen to lies about yourself or worse things they think "you should fix" when only the Holy Spirit can fix anything or most likely there's nothing wrong with you anyways!
_____________________________
you are beautiful my sweet sweet song...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/22/2008 10:56:32 PM
|
|
|
rgod
Posts: 1774
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Elena1030
This thread is an offshoot of the thread Requesting a date: Can I ask an honest question?.
Here's the initial question from the subject line:
Do you want feedback from those who reject you (romantically)?
Yes, I would like it. But I think I'd like to either solicit it or for it to come from someone who has a heart of compassion. The bible says "faithful are the wounds of a friend." For example, I used to wear a lot of big baggy dark colored clothing, no makeup, and a hair bun. Then I wondered why no one approached me. Well now - my answer would be "DUH". But at the time I really didn't see that. Someone asked me if I was aware of the messages that my clothes were sending. It was through them gently asking that question that I started to think about all of this.
quote:
Why?
Why not?
What type of feedback do you welcome?
What type of wise counsel from friends and family are you seeking/inviting?
What specific beneficial feedback have you received? Was it from an ex or from a friend/family member?
How did you implement the conclusions you came to as a result of listening to that feedback?
Are you willing for people who care about you to point out your "relationship blindspots"?
What about your spiritual blindspots?
I think that getting honest feedback is the quickest way for us to grow. For example, I would have liked to have known if I did anything wrong during my last go around. I didn't quite know what happened, although I also saw very clearly why the guy that I was talking with wasn't married. He was a great guy, nice looking, christian, etc. But he didn't really see people - it was kind of like he had this ideal picture in his mind about how a woman should be, but he didn't really give the real person a chance. While I'm forever grateful that it didn't work out - I would have liked to have had my own issues pointed out. My friend who observed the situation however, did ask me some questions that helped me to see some of the things that I could have done differently. I thought about it and prayed about it, and thought that some of the things she said were on target. So I'm grateful for that feedback. Another older woman who also observed the situation gave me some very encouraging feedback; there is a lot that I did "right" in terms of being open, loving, and caring. I know that I can carry this the next time I meet someone (like the guy who is interested in me right now - hee hee  .) Basically, I've received feedback from friends and family members. I know that they love me and I keep this mind as I evaluate them.
I would love for someone to sit and talk with me - take the time to talk when we are out of earshot of other people and to tell me compassionately and with precision/examples. Perhaps we could exchange notes. I know that doesn't happen in real life, but I personally would like it. I'd also like it to happen after the emotions are kind of gone - so it isn't so charged. I have one good friend who will call things exactly as she sees them. I didn't like this about her before, but now I really appreciate it. Those "wounds" have been very helpful to me. I had to tell her something the other night - I don't know if she received it well, but it was the truth. I'm praying that she doesn't fall into a very real trap (I don't think that she will.)
I don't have a problem with people pointing out my relationship and spiritual blindspots. I don't think I get enough, although I do ask about it from time to time. God definitely shows me things about myself as well. I guess the bottom line is - yes, it would hurt. But I would rather have people tell me what I'm doing wrong - especially those who love me - than to keep making the same mistakes over and over and not growing, moving forward, or having clarity in my life.
One thing I'd love feedback on is what helps or hinders men from approaching me. I started being a lot more friendly with the guys at work (the Lord showed me I wasn't being very friendly before) - just being more caring, loving, and gentle - the same way that I am with women and children. Well - what a difference! They are really embracing me (literally and figuratively lol) and I'm feeling like I'm getting a chance to get to know them in a different way. It is absolutely wonderful to be accepted in that way.
< Message edited by rgod -- 10/22/2008 11:09:12 PM >
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/22/2008 11:13:49 PM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 3264
Status: offline
|
I think I've received feedback from everyone I've ever dated. All were given without me asking, and given in a manner that's not very nice...lol. Let's see, the last one told me I was vague and scared, and gave mixed messages, and I was closed up and stubborn and I was smoking hot and I was exactly what he was looking for but I'll never have him because he's tired of my stubbornness. The one before had nothing but nice things to say about me. He said I was quirky and I was hot, lol, and I let my hair color dictate my actions (I used to be blonde), lol, and I'm very dependable, and flirty, and sweet, and an awful cook (mistaken my amazing pasta dish for a hamburger helper .
The one before that said I didn't know what i want and gave him mixed messages. Meh...And the one before...well, he was just a jerk, so it didn't matter what he said. He did say he respected me a lot because I wouldn't give in to him.
How far should I go back? LOL.
I see a pattern, and the last one made it very clear to me that unless I outgrow this fear of whatever, I'll be single forever. And he made me think. This last one taught me so much more about me than any man every did, so, even if it ended in an ugly way, I appreciate him for his brutal honesty. Besides, I can't be mad at him. What if my place burns down and he's the firefighter on duty? LOL. If I keep a grudge, I know he'll leave me to die 
So, yeah, if you take the time to listen, you'll always get a feedback from everyone you date. Whether or not those are the true reasons for the relationship not working out, the men mentioned them, so they have to be partially true from their stand point. So, I learn from them.
I've never failed a first date. I don't even know the passing mark for first dates, lol.
Would I solicit a feedback. Nah.
Edit: Oh wait. THis is about feedback from someone who's rejected us? Um...I think I did the initial rejection in all of these cases. Except for the last one. I still don't know who rejected whom. I did the first rejection, but the umpteenth time, I think he did. NO wonder he wasn't too nice.
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 10/22/2008 11:32:24 PM >
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/22/2008 11:56:26 PM
|
|
|
dainsall
Posts: 22
Joined: 10/4/2007
Status: offline
|
No, I would not like to get feed back from a failed date. I have an accountability partner who helps me dig deeper into the real me. I don't need someone who doesn't know the real me telling me what they perceive are my major defects. Most times if a date goes badly the participants are not in a very good mood therefore their opinion would be skewed any way.
Annette
_____________________________
Prepare the Way of the Lord. Make God Known Where You Are.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/23/2008 12:35:15 AM
|
|
|
OneJohn410
Posts: 1515
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: online
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Elena1030
This thread is an offshoot of the thread Requesting a date: Can I ask an honest question?.
Here's the initial question from the subject line:
Do you want feedback from those who reject you (romantically)?
And the follow-up questions.....
Why?
Why not?
What type of feedback do you welcome?
What type of wise counsel from friends and family are you seeking/inviting?
What specific beneficial feedback have you received? Was it from an ex or from a friend/family member?
How did you implement the conclusions you came to as a result of listening to that feedback?
Are you willing for people who care about you to point out your "relationship blindspots"?
What about your spiritual blindspots?
I need to get back to workin', so I'll come back later and post my own responses to these questions.
Happy discussions, everyone! 
Help me, help me! Oh! I've been rejected romantically! Whatever shall I do? Whoever will I ever kick myself toward the romantic level again?!?
Now I discuss this with myself some... .
One thing about this discussion topic, there's no statement about where the rejectioner's heart is in things. I think she's incredible, and does my rejection by her mean no romance ever, or none at this time, or how dare you think of expanding on our friendship- I'll want nothing more to do with you ever. She could try to lovingly talk me in to just maintaining a friendship, or whatever, or say she just felt she was also wanting to draw closer to someone, and it was not I (maybe Bartlett's book of familiar quotations has some things like this in it ).
So, where things are after the RR are important, as is ... duh!... how the statistician for this study going to define the R that was R. Friends, don't sit very close to each other to an uncomfortable breach of personal space? Holding hands but the unanswered request for that troublesome first kiss met with the unspoken head nod no?
I've done enough damage on this one, but it's a really vague start to then offer up 12 questions to the reader on.
below is the rejection to a sought for kiss status, and whether I want feedback fom her on it
no kissing, let's just be friends, whether I wanted it or not, she's given feedback already that she's wanting to save the romance for someone else, so there's not really a choice in me getting feedback or not. I wanted to plant one on her. No lips offered for that landing, or a cheek, or a back of a hand, nothing.
no kissing now, the mystery woman- let the battle of emotions begin. No other feedback is given. I've known women who want to save that first kiss with a man for their wedding day, so eventually I'd ask about that, or if there's anything like that going on in her head. I guess I'd look to get some feedback on this, definitely to determine right there if she's allergic to such romance at any time.
no kissing, just snorting, fuming, collecting her stuff, and starting to walk off in a huff- it looks like things are Over! Getting feedback from someone in this state of mind could be dangerous, and yet I can't tell if I'm headed for call-block, name calling, or what's going on. I can't remember seeing her kiss anyone, come to think of it. I'd have to use my bullwhip, catch her ankle with it, and gently slow her down and try to get a little feedback on what's up with her.
Why? Why not?
Why not? Why?
What type of feedback do you welcome? I love getting smart-alecky with stuff like that, definitely a quirk. Some take these all real seriously, but I don't like the way this whole thing was set up.
I like the non-yelling in my face kind of feedback best. Also, non-growling, non-sobbing, non-emotionally toasty, non-hard to follow.
What type of wise counsel from friends and family are you seeking / inviting? About what? I thought this was a hypothetical situation. Would I seek counsel from others about having a kiss rejected? Probably not. I'd just pray it up and talk to my dog and try to regroup.
What specific beneficial feedback have you received? Was it from an ex or from a friend/family member? Ok, professor Love. None of the above.
How did you implement the conclusions you came to as a result of listening to that feedback? Through prayer and fasting and talking to my dog.
Are you willing for people who care about you to point out your "relationship blindspots"? Hey, does anyone have a button-making kit thing? I'd like to buy one (actually these would be seasonal, with this one orange and black) that reads 'Bllind love bat, please tell me my blindspots.' I'll come up with other slogans once I discover the lowest bidder.
What about your spiritual blindspots? Bats don't got religion. Oh, my blindspots. Blinded toward sinning? Or blinded for considering myself spiritual instead of being alive in the Spirit? God's not going to allow me to be tempted beyond my ability to resist sinning without providing a way out of that situation. Horses can wear blinders. People can have cataracts. Blindspots that exist despite being a Christian. I don't follow you, original OP person.
_____________________________
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. -Romans 15:4 (NIV)
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/23/2008 2:40:46 AM
|
|
|
SamsonUSA
Posts: 1048
Joined: 10/5/2008
Status: offline
|
Great post OneJohn, good comedy too!
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/23/2008 7:37:04 AM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 3264
Status: offline
|
Hey, OneJohn, I think I actually got the breadth of that posts of yours. That's the first one I've understood so far from among your many posts. LOL. Gosh, where do you get your humor? Maybe you can rub some off of that to your twin name. Just kidding. We like him just the way he is!
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/23/2008 9:28:12 AM
|
|
|
Elena1030
Posts: 426
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: OneJohn410
I don't follow you, original OP person.
/Monty Python voice
Well, you, you, you....silly man person 
/end voice
Sorry --- yes, the question setup was rather vague. You skewered me there, diddntya?
I think I had in mind the end of a dating relationship, instead of a rejection of a date or of a kiss (that is, an isolated incident). I apologize for not making that clear in the OP. (Which makes this thread only slightly related to the thread to which I linked in the OP.)
And now... I doff my "Professor Love" hat  .... *snort* ...... for a time..... and leave y'all to the discussion. 
_____________________________
"We're not odd, we're just over-expressive."—Helen in Howard's End
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/23/2008 6:42:38 PM
|
|
|
SamsonUSA
Posts: 1048
Joined: 10/5/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I think I've received feedback from everyone I've ever dated. All were given without me asking, and given in a manner that's not very nice...lol. Let's see, the last one told me I was vague and scared, and gave mixed messages, and I was closed up and stubborn and I was smoking hot and I was exactly what he was looking for but I'll never have him because he's tired of my stubbornness. The one before had nothing but nice things to say about me. He said I was quirky and I was hot, lol, and I let my hair color dictate my actions (I used to be blonde), lol, and I'm very dependable, and flirty, and sweet, and an awful cook (mistaken my amazing pasta dish for a hamburger helper .
The one before that said I didn't know what i want and gave him mixed messages. Meh...And the one before...well, he was just a jerk, so it didn't matter what he said. He did say he respected me a lot because I wouldn't give in to him.
How far should I go back? LOL.
I see a pattern, and the last one made it very clear to me that unless I outgrow this fear of whatever, I'll be single forever. And he made me think. This last one taught me so much more about me than any man every did, so, even if it ended in an ugly way, I appreciate him for his brutal honesty. Besides, I can't be mad at him. What if my place burns down and he's the firefighter on duty? LOL. If I keep a grudge, I know he'll leave me to die
So, yeah, if you take the time to listen, you'll always get a feedback from everyone you date. Whether or not those are the true reasons for the relationship not working out, the men mentioned them, so they have to be partially true from their stand point. So, I learn from them.
I've never failed a first date. I don't even know the passing mark for first dates, lol.
Would I solicit a feedback. Nah.
Edit: Oh wait. THis is about feedback from someone who's rejected us? Um...I think I did the initial rejection in all of these cases. Except for the last one. I still don't know who rejected whom. I did the first rejection, but the umpteenth time, I think he did. NO wonder he wasn't too nice.
OK my fellow hiker and CW friend. Let me share with you a man secret that might help shed a little light on being able to read mens motives. ( I promise guys this is the last " man secret " I'll give to the other side, lol)
When a man refers to a woman in any way, shape, or form as " Hot" he's describing a woman he's only interested in having sex with.
When a man refers to a woman as "beautiful" he's describing an attribute of a woman he may want to marry.
If a great relationship leading to possible marriage is your goal your definitely attracting the wrong type of man.
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/23/2008 7:14:47 PM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 3264
Status: offline
|
quote:
OK my fellow hiker and CW friend. Let me share with you a man secret that might help shed a little light on being able to read mens motives. ( I promise guys this is the last " man secret " I'll give to the other side, lol)
When a man refers to a woman in any way, shape, or form as " Hot" he's describing a woman he's only interested in having sex with.
When a man refers to a woman as "beautiful" he's describing an attribute of a woman he may want to marry.
If a great relationship leading to possible marriage is your goal your definitely attracting the wrong type of man.
Hey, thanks for the insight on the male mind, lol. That I knew, already, lol. However, he wrote me poem a couple of months ago, saying I'm beautiful and the days we spent together were beautiful. So, can I read into that that I'm someone he'd want to marry and have sex with someday? Just kidding! OH, and the smoking hot comment....that was in reference to my age!
_____________________________
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 10/23/2008 7:21:50 PM >
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/24/2008 2:08:10 AM
|
|
|
jesuschick247
Posts: 2870
Status: offline
|
quote:
When a man refers to a woman in any way, shape, or form as " Hot" he's describing a woman he's only interested in having sex with.
When a man refers to a woman as "beautiful" he's describing an attribute of a woman he may want to marry.
You put this very nicely! One of my guy friends described it as this to me once, (and this is the reason I HATE to be called Hot and love to be called BEAUTIFUL!) He told me that any girl could be hot, if she was showing off more of herself than she should, wearing a bunch of make-up, etc... But, to be a beautiful woman, you have to not only have outer beauty, but a beauty that shines from within you, that glow that comes from having confidence in yourself and knowing that you are God's priceless creation. He said for him, if the girl is a Christian, in his eyes, it seems to make her 10x more beautiful. I thought the way he put it was cool, but I like your description too!
_____________________________
"The memories erased...Baby, that's the BEAUTY of GRACE!"
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, rather than a second-rate version of someone else." - Judy Garland
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/24/2008 10:53:32 AM
|
|
|
Prairiehiker
Posts: 3264
Status: offline
|
For me, the word "hot" if it's coming from a close male friend, or a boyfriend, or a husband, it's a good thing. I listen to my friends gush about their wives being hot, without any sexual connotation, and I think that's really sweet and hot, lol. I remember one of my friends said about his wife at one time that "when my wife puts on an apron to bake something for me, I think that makes her hotter than she already is".
Perhaps, it's also used to describe someone who has a bubbly personality as "hot" rather than beautiful. It could also be part of a person's normal lingo. Or it's a indication of the relationship dynamic. When you're comfortable with someone, silliness like that should be expected. You can't be too serious all the time. With a wink, I always said to the "last one" that he's hot, and it just means that my eyes were only on him and on one else. (ok, gotta stop paying tribute to this guy, lol)
It's not necessarily a bad thing when the context it's used under is taken into account.
_____________________________
Wishing for a Steelers/Eagles superbowl.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/24/2008 11:40:04 AM
|
|
|
iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
It's not necessarily a bad thing when the context it's used under is taken into account.
agreed. obviously if a guy was in the habit of always pointing out and labeling girls as "hot", then you'd think one thing rather than him saying to a specific girl he's in a relationship with. there's also the whole hot vs hott vs hottie. also hottie is more like hot in this case i think.
_____________________________
Photoblogging My Life
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/24/2008 12:02:52 PM
|
|
|
FunBetty
Posts: 7518
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Dr Pepper Country
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
It's not necessarily a bad thing when the context it's used under is taken into account.
agreed. obviously if a guy was in the habit of always pointing out and labeling girls as "hot", then you'd think one thing rather than him saying to a specific girl he's in a relationship with. there's also the whole hot vs hott vs hottie. also hottie is more like hot in this case i think.
okay question.
What is the difference between hot, hott, and hottie??
_____________________________
Fun Betty's Therapy Centre and Cheesecake and Cookie Shoppe
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/24/2008 12:53:30 PM
|
|
|
lynnmoon
Posts: 275
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
|
I like this thread, I’ll participate.
Do you want feedback from those who reject you (romantically)?
Hmmmm….yes, assuming the person and I ALREADY have a casual or acquaintance type relationship. If we are friends, if I’m feeling a vibe or at least think I’m feeling a vibe and then take that next step and the person says no way. I do think I’d kind of like to know why not. I don’t want them to detail my personal flaws, but I’d like to know if that vibe I was feeling was all me or if they felt it too but think it’s a bad idea. Or maybe if philosophically we are two totally different people and they just think we probably aren’t compatible, I’d like to know that. But if it’s something physical or some character trait about me that they find disgusting that I’m not really able to change, I wouldn’t really want harsh detail. Just say you ain’t feeling me and I’ll accept that.
Oh, if I were a person to ask guys at out the mall and they rejected me NO, I don’t want feedback about why they rejected me. That’s probably obviously just based on first impressions, they weren’t thrilled with their first impression of me and that’s all I need to know. And I know that based on their saying no….but that’s kind of hypothetical because I’ve never asked a guy out like that and can’t imagine a situation in which I would.
Why?
If I’m interested in the person, I suppose curiosity would get the best of me and if I were sensing some kind of connection I might want to know where the breakdown is.
Why not?
If it’s something that I can’t or shouldn’t change, then I don’t need to be burdened with someone’s negative view of it. I suppose what can or should be changed is subjective, so maybe that’s a bad answer. If you dislike my appearance, my taste in clothing, my choice of hair or music styles, the fact that I drive an SUV, or the fact that I have a child….well, I don’t need to know that because those things are a part of who I am or have come forth due to my being who I am and if something like that turns you off there is no harm in it but it won’t serve me well to know it.
What type of feedback do you welcome?
I think I answered this acceptably in the above questions.
What type of wise counsel from friends and family are you seeking/inviting?
Hmmmm, depends on the situation. I don’t know if I want friends telling me what’s wrong with me that guy X didn’t want me. If I want to know that, I’ll ask guy X.
What specific beneficial feedback have you received? Was it from an ex or from a friend/family member?
In Dating? None, ever, lol.
How did you implement the conclusions you came to as a result of listening to that feedback?
NA
Are you willing for people who care about you to point out your "relationship blindspots"?
Sure. But here is the tricky part. The people that I have given permission to be that close to me, KNOW IT because I’ve given them that permission.
Others who might think they have liberty to tell me about myself don’t know that they don’t have it so they probably do it anyways. I’m always polite, but
I know me very well and I know human nature pretty good too. Everybody has advice, everybody wants to share it. Not nearly enough people spend enough
time thinking through things in life, their positions on various things, the values that they ascribe too and the motivating factors that drive their decisions.
I don’t want or need advice from those who have totally different driving passions than I or worse from those who haven’t even taken the time to think through their own why's on anything. That would be like the blind attempting to lead the blind. So, when I find a friend who is similarly motivated as I and who has a desire to please Christ in their day to day life and who are truly thoughtful people and we've developed a trusting friendship….then yes, I listen to that person when they share areas of possible concern with me. Spiritually, relationally or otherwise.
What about your spiritual blindspots?
Same as above.
_____________________________
Lynn
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/24/2008 12:58:17 PM
|
|
|
lynnmoon
Posts: 275
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
|
Elana1030 said...
quote:
ah, yes... that's where the skill of sifting through feedback, comes in.
your question is a good one to ask yourself about the feedback whether it comes from your parent, your friend, or the opposite-sex rejecter of the moment.
and for us Christ-followers, there is the additional set of questions: Has this person sufficiently demonstrated that s/he thinks and lives according to a biblical worldview? Is this person's advice/counsel/feedback likely to stick closely to the plumbline of God's Word? Or is what h/she says too likely to be too far off the mark?
it's all about continuing to build and use your filter: the biblical worldview.... which is highly practical as well as it is spiritual.
I should have read your post before I replied to this thread. Would have saved me some typing. Basically, that's exactly what I was thinking about in terms of advice and people's opinions, etc. Not everybody is striving to please God and so I can't put a lot of stock into all kinds of feedback.
_____________________________
Lynn
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Do you want feedback from those who reject you (rom... - 10/24/2008 1:22:54 PM
|
|
|
iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
|
| |
Forum Tools
Printable Version
