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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 9:44:29 AM
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armydude
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I've noticed a few people saying here that it's awkward. Could it be that it's something that pulls us out of our comfort zones? I know people fight like crazy to keep from being pulled from their comfort zones.
Maybe being pulled from our comfort zone is exactly what we need...
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 9:58:17 AM
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Consecrated2God
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Just because something takes us out of our comfort zones doesn't mean it's good. If the purpose is to get to know your neighbor, then a generic 5-10 minute fellowship time will suffice. If the purpose is to make people uncomfortable, I don't think that's a good reason to do something. Why don't we have everyone come up front and tell how old they are and how much they weigh? That would get people out of their comfort zones and make them feel awkward.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:01:55 AM
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armydude
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That seems to me to be going on a very dangerous assumption. I may be wrong, but it looks as though you're assuming that pastors are doing this with the intention of making people uncomfortable. I can assure you that this is not the case.
I may be wrong, but that's the way it appears to me.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:05:45 AM
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Consecrated2God
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I don't think they do it to make people uncomfortable. I was replying to your post that said that getting people out of their comfort zone is a good thing. I think there needs to be a reason for making people uncomfortable. For example, if you are going to evangelize, people need to get out of their comfort zone. But why make people uncomfortable unnessecarily, because you asked them to do something that is silly and has no value?
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:13:25 AM
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armydude
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Well IMO it does have value. I have been to churches where people don't even know the person next to them at all. The church could be huge, or it could be fairly small, and a person that's been going to the church for years may not even know the person sitting next to him. Chuck Swindoll told a story about before he was called to the ministry when he had been attending a church for a few years and the pastor told them to greet a few people. I can't remember exactly how it went, but he went up to a man he didn't recognize and asked if he was new. The man was a deacon, and he had been one for over ten years.
So there is value to pulling people out of their comfort zones if that's the only way they'll connect with other people. And in my experience, that happens way too often.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:19:16 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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I agree, Lisa.
As to the OP, I don't like "that" AT ALL.
(1) I am an adult, and I am perfectly capable of knowing how to greet someone without being told what to say.
(2) I may not particularly agree with what people are being told to say; and I'm not going to lie. For instance, who cares if I don't think the person next to me is good-looking? How in the world are their looks or even my opinion of their looks going to be of major importance in eternity? If I want to encourage someone, I will encourage them with words that Our Lord gives me specifically for them; not via words that an entire church is instructed to say.
Additionally, sometimes pastors gets some pretty wacky ideas in their heads about what they want people to say to each other. If I don't agree with it, on any kind of level, I'm not going to say it.
(3) I find this practice to be very cheesy, and I'm not into cheesy.
I think the idea behind it is to help people build relationships with each other. At least, I hope that's the idea behind it. But, a relationship is not built on turning to someone and repeating a 1-3 second phrase that one's been instructed to say. I'd rather spend a few minutes before or after church getting to know someone one-on-one.
{{{LYNN!!!}}}
Oh man! I have missed you so much and about jumped out of my chair when I saw your name in this thread! 
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:23:59 AM
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armydude
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I understand where you're coming from, but I still say that it can be good. IMHO, it's not the practice, but the person doing it that can be bad. Telling people to say that their neighbor looks good can be bad, but telling people to greet (insert number) that they haven't spoken to can be good...
I understand where you're coming from though.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:24:44 AM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
I think the idea behind it is to help people build relationships with each other. At least, I hope that's the idea behind it. But, a relationship is not built on turning to someone and repeating a 1-3 second phrase that one's been instructed to say. I'd rather spend a few minutes before or after church getting to know someone one-on-one.
I do believe that's the idea, I just agree that it's not a helpful way to go about it. I'd much prefer them to give you a few minutes to greet people around you, without putting words in my mouth.
If someone turns to me and says, "I'm glad you're here today" because the pastor said, "Turn to the person on your right and say, "I'm glad you're here today" I don't know if they are glad I'm here today or not.
Armydude, I'm not opposed to greeting your neighbor. I just don't see how parroting words the pastor put in your mouth is really greeting anyone.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:26:04 AM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
Telling people to say that their neighbor looks good can be bad, but telling people to greet (insert number) that they haven't spoken to can be good...
I don't mind even saying "greet someone you haven't met before." I do have a problem with saying, "Greet five people you've never met before" because you don't have time to get to know any of them.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:26:52 AM
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armydude
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And you won't even if you had the entire hour. It takes time to get to know people. That's just designed to get things started.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:31:49 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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::crossposting while James was posting::
quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
Telling people to say that their neighbor looks good can be bad, but telling people to greet (insert number) that they haven't spoken to can be good...
I don't mind even saying "greet someone you haven't met before." I do have a problem with saying, "Greet five people you've never met before" because you don't have time to get to know any of them.
I agree.
James, relationships are not formulaic. I would rather greet just person and have it mean something than cram in a certain number of people to greet. And from the other side, I would much rather just one person greet me, mean it and put some actual time and effort into it than treat me as an item to be checked-off and then it's off to the next person - to fill the quota of people the church was instructed to greet.
To me, giving a quota seems contrived and insincere.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:36:09 AM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
James, relationships are not formulaic.
Exactly. I've seen so many pastors try and come up with strageties for making people build relationships, and I've resented it every time. I'm capable of building relationships with people without having to draw a name from a hat or some other gimmick. Relationships should grow naturally, and not be forced.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:40:28 AM
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KuKu
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We don't have a quota, nor are we instructed to say anything to our neighbor... after verse 2 of the first hymn, we have about 3 minutes to shake hands with others. Recently, I turned and saw a new girl, and chatted a bit with her. The pastor was coming past, greeting, and he asked to interrupt long enough to shake hands and then we could resume our (short) conversation (ie. go ahead and 'get to know her', just give me a sec. to say hi). I have since sought her out a few other times to chat for a moment or two, before or after service or Sunday School...
I have seen it used very seldom in sermons by other pastors (turn to your neighbor and say... "Yes, I am awake"- "God loves you too"... etc.) with the point of a) making something memorable in the sermon(though I'd worry if that's all you remember  ) and b) helping people refocus
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:42:51 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
James, relationships are not formulaic.
Exactly. I've seen so many pastors try and come up with strageties for making people build relationships, and I've resented it every time. I'm capable of building relationships with people without having to draw a name from a hat or some other gimmick. Relationships should grow naturally, and not be forced.
Excellent!
I have seen people go up to as many people as they can during this particular time of the service. However, I have also seen these same people leave church as soon as it is over and head for the restaurant . . . with their group of people and with newcomers and people by themselves left standing around.
If people want to form relationships, put some real effort into doing so.
I frankly wish that people would do away with "greeting your neighbor" during church, and spend more time teaching how to build real and lasting relationships.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:44:25 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KuKu
We don't have a quota, nor are we instructed to say anything to our neighbor... after verse 2 of the first hymn, we have about 3 minutes to shake hands with others. Recently, I turned and saw a new girl, and chatted a bit with her. The pastor was coming past, greeting, and he asked to interrupt long enough to shake hands and then we could resume our (short) conversation (ie. go ahead and 'get to know her', just give me a sec. to say hi). I have since sought her out a few other times to chat for a moment or two, before or after service or Sunday School... KuKu - this is awesome!
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:53:25 AM
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ames01
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I'm not a big fan of this personally (though I agree that the concept of a brief "greet those around you" period is good). I have been in several services at different churches in which the pastor has said, "Turn to your spouse and say . . . ." Boy, is that awkward as a single person, especially when you look around and it appears that most everyone else is there with their spouse.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:59:18 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ames01
I'm not a big fan of this personally (though I agree that the concept of a brief "greet those around you" period is good). I have been in several services at different churches in which the pastor has said, "Turn to your spouse and say . . . ." Boy, is that awkward as a single person, especially when you look around and it appears that most everyone else is there with their spouse.
THAT is very insensitive.
KuKu, your church sounds like it really has its act together and knows what's important.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 11:08:24 AM
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small_creation
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
Pastors, do you do these "turn to your neighbor" things? If so, why? I've never figured out what the purpose of that was. It always seemed corny and silly to me.
If you are not a pastor, does your pastor do this? Do you feel it's worth doing or not, and why?
I think this is sound practice. Many people dislike it, but there are times where it gives good opportunity to welcome a newcomer that you may not otherwise get. Those newcomers shoot right out the backdoor once service is over.
Also, what's the problem of shaking someone's hand and saying "hello?" I myself struggle against anti-socialism, and this practice is a reminder to me to simply acknowledge my neighbor with a gentle greeting -- something we should do more of outside of the church walls.
j
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 12:01:42 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Kristin, I have been in churches where, yes, the pastor most certainly does expect the people to say to their neighbor exactly what he instructed . . . and yes, in those very same churches, I have heard people repeat exactly what they've been instructed - no more and no less.
I like greeting people. That's not what I'm taking issue with.
I've been in churches where members are given adulation for bringing visitors. It's as if the importance is the fact that the member has brought someone. I've even been in churches where I've heard, "Let's give Brother So-and-So a round of applause for bringing in x number of visitors todays. That's appalling! It makes it into a "look at how good I am" kind contest.
I've also been in church where ladies run around with a clipboard checking off names on an actual paper list of who they were assigned to greet that particular day.
It's the lack of sincerity that is at the crux of my complaint.
That's what I'm objecting to.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 12:04:30 PM
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phosadaud
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But is that the exception or the rule? I've been to many, many churches and almost all of them have some sort of greeting and not one was like what you described. I'm sure they exist - and that would bug me too. I guess to me that's not the issue here. That's abusing something that is intended for good which can be the case for pretty much anything - even communion!
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