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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 12:17:00 PM
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armydude
Posts: 17249
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: NC
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
James, relationships are not formulaic.
Exactly. I've seen so many pastors try and come up with strageties for making people build relationships, and I've resented it every time. I'm capable of building relationships with people without having to draw a name from a hat or some other gimmick. Relationships should grow naturally, and not be forced.
Excellent!
I have seen people go up to as many people as they can during this particular time of the service. However, I have also seen these same people leave church as soon as it is over and head for the restaurant . . . with their group of people and with newcomers and people by themselves left standing around.
If people want to form relationships, put some real effort into doing so.
I frankly wish that people would do away with "greeting your neighbor" during church, and spend more time teaching how to build real and lasting relationships.
I agree that relationships should grow naturally, and not be forced. But I have a question. What do you recommend to take the place of this practice of urging people to get out of their comfort zones to meet people they've never met before? Because a lot of people I've met this way would not have ever introduced themselves to me because of the preconceived notions they had about me.
So what should pastors do to help people exit their comfort zones and grow? And helping people grow spiritually does (IMO) involve leaving your comfort zone.
I'm not asking to be antagonistic. I truly want to know an alternative to this practice that can produce the results that I've seen from this. I've seen friendships started by saying, "Hi. My name is ____" to people that you would never have greeted if it weren't for something like this.
_____________________________
May all of your troubles last no longer than your New Year's Resolutions!
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 1:02:57 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 5140
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
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quote:
I agree that relationships should grow naturally, and not be forced. But I have a question. What do you recommend to take the place of this practice of urging people to get out of their comfort zones to meet people they've never met before?
I like what Kuku said happens in her church.
I'm not wanting to replace urging people to get out of their comfort zones to meet new people. I think that's great. I would like to see a move towards that, not away from that. I'd like to move away from the scripted greetings and a move towards encouraging genuine relationships.
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Bonky
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 2:59:14 PM
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chrisb743
Posts: 100
Joined: 10/21/2008
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oh the meet and greets!!!!! or "lets have a moment of fellowship" I hate that!!! You have these people that go over the entire church shaking hands and hugging necks.. I kinda think they may actually make a quick trip next door and hug someone.. It's just awkward.. you shake a few hands around you, then stand there like a idiot for a while. I remember going to a church as kid, we were just visiting, and the pastor made us stand up because we were new.. I'm still scared from that!!!
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 3:06:54 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8860
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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Our church doesn't have a "meet and greet" time and I'm glad. I hate those. However, they usually have to flash the lights in the foyer to get people to go to SS classes and when the pastor stands up to start the service he usually has to talk over conversation and always (OK often) says he is glad we are fellowshiping but it's time to get started. He will also make a point of stopping to talk to new people on his way up the aisle or between service and SS. If there is a luncheon after church he will try to find a new family and sit with them and introduce them to those around him at the table.
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 3:55:52 PM
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Szaftoo
Posts: 795
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: So. Calif.
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I am clearly in the minority here, but I have no problem with it at all. Just my opinion, but isn't church also about fellowship?
One of my best friends for 25 years is someone I turned to greet. I greeted a man once who stayed at the church because he said that is the first time anyone ever acknowledged him in church. I met my husband of almlost 25 years in a prayer circle. In another circle I requested prayer for a medical situation with my daughter. The person prayed and then gave me the practical answer which worked. Just last week I was in another prayer circle where a woman asked for prayer for a job. Her hopes were to work as a sub in the school district. I work as a sub in the district and got her an interview the next day.
Being told to go out and be disciples doesn't always mean outside of church.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 4:06:39 PM
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chrisb743
Posts: 100
Joined: 10/21/2008
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well praise the Lord for all of that!!! Thats awesome.. Yeah I know.. it can be a good thing.. I get that.. It's just very routine.. kinda fake. that fake church smile we tend to wear at times.. for the most part I just go along with it.. faking it all the way..
quote:
ORIGINAL: Szaftoo
I am clearly in the minority here, but I have no problem with it at all. Just my opinion, but isn't church also about fellowship?
One of my best friends for 25 years is someone I turned to greet. I greeted a man once who stayed at the church because he said that is the first time anyone ever acknowledged him in church. I met my husband of almlost 25 years in a prayer circle. In another circle I requested prayer for a medical situation with my daughter. The person prayed and then gave me the practical answer which worked. Just last week I was in another prayer circle where a woman asked for prayer for a job. Her hopes were to work as a sub in the school district. I work as a sub in the district and got her an interview the next day.
Being told to go out and be disciples doesn't always mean outside of church.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 7:00:27 PM
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earthless
Posts: 6355
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: where pigeons are wearing sweaters....
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quote:
ORIGINAL: armydude
I've noticed a few people saying here that it's awkward. Could it be that it's something that pulls us out of our comfort zones? I know people fight like crazy to keep from being pulled from their comfort zones.
Maybe being pulled from our comfort zone is exactly what we need...
Eh...
Not everyone is the same and not everyone is the cheering widely at a game type individual. I remember sitting in a sermon where the pastor was scolding the church because they were not "rowdy" enough.
He went on to justify his comments by saying, "you cheer, root and holler for your favorite team... but here you sit all quiet and reserved.... make some noise for Jesus!!! woooo!!!!!"
Um, no. There are people that never fall into that sort of emotionalism and never cheer, root or holler. There are indeed quiet ways to worship God just as much as the noisy guy at the front of the church sincerely worshiping the Lord.
We're all different. Not the same.
_____________________________
Probing Today's Religious Movements | Promoting Doctrinal Discernment & Critical Thinking | Providing Reasons for Christian Faith & Ethics
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 8:50:13 PM
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dramagal
Posts: 66
Joined: 10/23/2005
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I couldn't read every post so maybe I've missed someone else say this . . .
I see a big difference between a short time of general greeting -- standing up to shake hands, introduce yourselves, or just say Good Morning -- and the pastor trying to emphasize a point in his sermon by having the congregation repeat some phrase to their neighbor.
I'm a generally shy person, but I have never had a problem shaking someone's hand and at a minimum saying good morning or hello. Having visited many churches, it's easy to spot the ones that are friendly.
As for repeating the phrase from the pastor, that is mindless and I really hate doing it.
_____________________________
Who let the wild donkey go free? Job 39:5.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/25/2008 10:33:36 PM
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myka
Posts: 814
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
Not my style, during our communion services we do "pass the peace" that is we greet each other with the "peace of Christ"
What is that, exactly?
In liturgical churches, there is a part of the liturgy after the corporate confession (confessing sins against both God and others) time and before the offering that people are to greet each other with a sign of Christ's peace. It comes from the idea that when you bring an offering you are to be 'right' with your neighbor (reconciled to one another). It is also important to promote unity before the communion celebration.
There is also the idea that we are to spread the peace of God (shalom) to one another.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/26/2008 1:46:25 AM
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KnowJesus
Posts: 271
Joined: 7/21/2006
Status: offline
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I don't mind the hand shaking and welcoming.
What I don't care for, is holding hands and singing a theme song at the end (our prior church did this).
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/26/2008 10:19:25 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23689
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: armydude
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
quote:
James, relationships are not formulaic.
Exactly. I've seen so many pastors try and come up with strageties for making people build relationships, and I've resented it every time. I'm capable of building relationships with people without having to draw a name from a hat or some other gimmick. Relationships should grow naturally, and not be forced.
Excellent!
I have seen people go up to as many people as they can during this particular time of the service. However, I have also seen these same people leave church as soon as it is over and head for the restaurant . . . with their group of people and with newcomers and people by themselves left standing around.
If people want to form relationships, put some real effort into doing so.
I frankly wish that people would do away with "greeting your neighbor" during church, and spend more time teaching how to build real and lasting relationships.
I agree that relationships should grow naturally, and not be forced. But I have a question. What do you recommend to take the place of this practice of urging people to get out of their comfort zones to meet people they've never met before? Because a lot of people I've met this way would not have ever introduced themselves to me because of the preconceived notions they had about me.
So what should pastors do to help people exit their comfort zones and grow? And helping people grow spiritually does (IMO) involve leaving your comfort zone.
I'm not asking to be antagonistic. I truly want to know an alternative to this practice that can produce the results that I've seen from this. I've seen friendships started by saying, "Hi. My name is ____" to people that you would never have greeted if it weren't for something like this.
Saying hi to someone is totally different than parroting something silly that a pastor has instructed the church to say.
Lisa said it very well in this post:
quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
I'm not wanting to replace urging people to get out of their comfort zones to meet new people. I think that's great. I would like to see a move towards that, not away from that. I'd like to move away from the scripted greetings and a move towards encouraging genuine relationships.
Additionally, I still think that more genuine relationships are going to be built outside of a church service than during one. I'm thinking back over the friendships that I cherish and are most important to me in my life. Every single one of them began outside of a church service; not during it. And not a one of them began because we recited something to each other.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/26/2008 10:37:10 AM
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stellaluna
Posts: 4407
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: earthless
Not everyone is the same and not everyone is the cheering widely at a game type individual. I remember sitting in a sermon where the pastor was scolding the church because they were not "rowdy" enough.
He went on to justify his comments by saying, "you cheer, root and holler for your favorite team... but here you sit all quiet and reserved.... make some noise for Jesus!!! woooo!!!!!"
I think we might have sat through the exact same service. Seriously.
_____________________________
Who should be allowed to attend church?
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/26/2008 10:45:50 AM
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earthless
Posts: 6355
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: where pigeons are wearing sweaters....
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
quote:
ORIGINAL: earthless
Not everyone is the same and not everyone is the cheering widely at a game type individual. I remember sitting in a sermon where the pastor was scolding the church because they were not "rowdy" enough.
He went on to justify his comments by saying, "you cheer, root and holler for your favorite team... but here you sit all quiet and reserved.... make some noise for Jesus!!! woooo!!!!!"
I think we might have sat through the exact same service. Seriously.
Could be.. last time I remember I believe we are in the same area of the country.
_____________________________
Probing Today's Religious Movements | Promoting Doctrinal Discernment & Critical Thinking | Providing Reasons for Christian Faith & Ethics
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/26/2008 10:03:53 PM
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raspberry331
Posts: 6643
Joined: 5/7/2005
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We have a meet and greet everyone before the Pastor brings forth the Word. I love this time. It's great to give people hugs and meet new people. If you were new to a church,would't you want to be greeted? These people are your brothers and sisters in the Lord.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/27/2008 2:32:59 AM
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1love1God1way
Posts: 2478
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline
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Well, I didn't read every post, but I can tell I will be in the minority when I say:
I love this. It's one of my favorite things.
Maybe it's because I'm a big youth guy, and I think it gets people to shake loose a little bit, and helps them reset their focus back on you when the time is over.
Even in the "awkwardness" i think it's a lot of fun.
I don't think it's trying to "force relationships" either. I think it just gives us an opportunity to say hi to someone we would normally just ignore . . which, is quite sad within the church, don't you think?
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love.ben
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/27/2008 6:36:08 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8860
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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quote:
If you were new to a church,would't you want to be greeted?
Not if it was only because the pastor said to or it was scheduled into the service. I'd rather have someone notice me in the foyer/halls and come up to me and introduce themselves.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/27/2008 6:37:04 AM
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armydude
Posts: 17249
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: NC
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
quote:
If you were new to a church,would't you want to be greeted?
Not if it was only because the pastor said to or it was scheduled into the service. I'd rather have someone notice me in the foyer/halls and come up to me and introduce themselves.
I'm sorry to say that in a great deal of churches around here you'd be disappointed. Sad, but true.
_____________________________
May all of your troubles last no longer than your New Year's Resolutions!
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/27/2008 9:16:08 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23689
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
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quote:
ORIGINAL: phosadaud
If I see it as something stupid and a waste of time - that's what it will be. If I see it as something that is an opportunity and a blessing - that's what it will be. I can't control what anyone else thinks - but I can control how I think. I agree with this.
If I'm in a church and I am "instructed" to turn to my neighbor and say such and such, what I will do instead is to turn to them, smile, shake their hand (or hug them) and say what I feel Our Lord would have me to say to that particular person at that particular moment. Sometimes it's something as simple as, "Peace be with you." Sometimes, Our Lord is prompting me to ask that person how I can pray for them. Sometimes, etc., etc.
And yes, I do think being instructed on what to say by a pastor is cheesy (in lieu of "stupid", as used in the quote above). However, I also think it's more than that. I think it produces a false sense of community and relationship. James actually proved this point with this:
quote:
ORIGINAL: armydude
quote:
ORIGINAL: zoebob
quote:
If you were new to a church,would't you want to be greeted?
Not if it was only because the pastor said to or it was scheduled into the service. I'd rather have someone notice me in the foyer/halls and come up to me and introduce themselves.
I'm sorry to say that in a great deal of churches around here you'd be disappointed. Sad, but true.
To me, that is much more serious than being cheesy; and that is why I object to it.
I love greeting people. Genuinely and without "script." To me, that is something entirely different than turning to my neighbor and repeating whatever I've been told to say.
But, yes, I have been in churches that ignore you in the hallways unless (a) they are an assigned greeter for that day or (b) they already know who you are.
These same churches, though, seem to be the biggest on these scripted greetings, so I truly don't see how it is teaching people to build relationships with one another.
I've also been in churches that didn't have any type of a "greeting" (whether scripted or not) during church nor did they have any "official greeters" . . . and they were also some of the most sincerely friendly people around. They would stop people in the hallways and introduce themselves; and while they were at it, they would pull other people over to introduce them as well.
I've also had people in these same types of churches come up to me after a service and say, "Hi - I'm so and so and I saw you in church this morning (while pointing to where they were sitting ----> clear across on the other side of the church), and I wanted to make sure I met you today." Now THAT's being genuine and THAT's putting real effort into building a relationship. 
I also realize that not everyone is outgoing or comfortable enough to meet people on their own. That's fine; we all work within our personalities. But. If the entire (or majority) personality of a church is that of people not greeting you in hallways and only doing so after being instructed to do so during church, that says to me that there's not a lot of deep relationships being forged there.
I'm not saying this as being completely inclusive . . . but rather as the majority of what I have personally experienced . . . based on both "types" of churches that I've discussed in this post.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/27/2008 9:27:00 AM
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zoebob
Posts: 8860
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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TY SharMar. That's what I was trying to say. If people have to be told to greet me then there are bigger problems.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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) and b) helping people refocus 
