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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/31/2008 8:09:17 AM
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momma_bee
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I know a woman who not only does not shake hands in winter, but she will wear her gloves constantly to avoid germs.
I have to explain that to my kids every time we see her. You MUST greet her, you should talk to her, and return any gesture she offers, but do NOT stick out your hand.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/31/2008 9:44:56 AM
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buckifn
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Showing love, warmth, and being genuine outside the church matters a lot more than a script inside the church imo.
Those same people greeting you because the pastor said so would never show any concern for you outside the church setting so why pretend to care about someone?
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/31/2008 9:51:23 AM
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momma_bee
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Yep - you nailed it. If I could have a quarter for every time someone came up to me at our last church and said "we missed you last week, I was going to call if we didn't see you today" I'd buy coffee for us.
But, I'd like a dollar for when the same people said "we've missed you for the past 2-3 weeks, I was going to call if we didn't see you today"
Guess what? They never called when we stopped going. None of them did because we didn't connect. But, we were certainly greeted every week. By the Pastor, by the ushers, by the Sunday School teachers...
But we never felt missed if we missed.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/31/2008 3:26:56 PM
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phosadaud
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Do some of you think that everyone who does greetings in this manner are hypocrites? And how do you make this determination for everyone else? Does God give you special insight in all our hearts? Or maybe you think these silly greeting cause people to care less? If so, how? Are you incapable of loving others in this simple way? If so, why?
I guess I'm not seeing the connection between the 2. There are many folks who may give greetings such as this who are extremely warm and caring and there are many folks who don't who are cold and selfish. And vice versa. I'm just not seeing the correlation. IMHO It all comes back to "Make the most of every opportunity!". I don't really care whether your church does it or doesn't do it, but instead of judging your fellow believers intentions and motivations over something so silly, why don't you prayfully consider how you can "make the most of every opportunity" - with a scripted greeting or without a scripted greeting. Seriously. Some of us have shared ways in which God has used these "simple things" to bless others so apparently God can use this simple thing.
I really do wonder how many opportunities to bless others God gives us that we miss because it's not how we would do things or we see someone else do it "wrong" and we throw the baby out with the bathwater.
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~Kristin~
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/31/2008 3:34:51 PM
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Tinkerbell_
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Aha! I had a thought...bear with me because my thoughts can run rampant. 
I am NOT the type of person to walk up to just any person and introduce myself. I don't care who you are, I will not take the intiative to do it. Now if God were to shove me from the back to do so is a different story.
When greet time comes around, I am groaning to myself because it's like, "If I'm not going to talk to someone under normal circumstances, why should I have to do it now?"
So I merely stand there; if someone shakes my hand, more power to him. If not...I'm all the happier. Now I'll be polite, mind my manners, etc. but I'm not too happy with the thought.
Before the service when I take my seat I'll say hello to those I know and like, wave, even hug a few of my parents friends...but other than that I keep to myself. That's just how I am.
So to me it is hypocritical to greet someone or say some ridiculous phrase to people I don't even know or wish to know at that moment; it's not stepping outside of my box, it's presenting a false impression of myself. I don't like it.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/31/2008 4:56:37 PM
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DuckTalk
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Not a preacher here, but every church I have ever been in has done this and it has become ritualistic.
I think that whatever the preacher's reasoning is, it does not matter because he or she has taken it upon him/herself to force discomfort on people.
It also annoys me to the point I will not return when a preacher says, "If you love the Lord, you will raise your hands or ........"If you love the Lord,, you will do this or that".
I find it ostentatious for anyone to put conditions on how I am to display my love.
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Sufferin' sassafrass. The nerve of some people, profitting from other people's miseries.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/31/2008 5:27:11 PM
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small_creation
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quote:
ORIGINAL: misunderstoodduck
Not a preacher here, but every church I have ever been in has done this and it has become ritualistic.
I think that whatever the preacher's reasoning is, it does not matter because he or she has taken it upon him/herself to force discomfort on people.
It also annoys me to the point I will not return when a preacher says, "If you love the Lord, you will raise your hands or ........"If you love the Lord,, you will do this or that".
I find it ostentatious for anyone to put conditions on how I am to display my love.
But isn't a preacher's job (in a way at least) to force discomfort upon others...to make them step outside of their box, especially if they are firmly entrenched in it?
I agree with you on the tit for tat thing. I really dig my heels in when given a directive to prove my faith.
j
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Pay no mind to me. I'm just a small town hick in fly-over country.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/31/2008 6:35:53 PM
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DuckTalk
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quote:
ORIGINAL: small_creation
But isn't a preacher's job (in a way at least) to force discomfort upon others...to make them step outside of their box, especially if they are firmly entrenched in it?
Yep, good point there, but the discomfort in the form of hearing the gospel that convicts us of sins committed, not altering personal characteristics (some people have anxiety issues or shyness or introvertedness). This doesn't help them, it scares them.
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Sufferin' sassafrass. The nerve of some people, profitting from other people's miseries.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/31/2008 10:04:25 PM
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hoppersfan
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quote:
ORIGINAL: momma_bee
Yep - you nailed it. If I could have a quarter for every time someone came up to me at our last church and said "we missed you last week, I was going to call if we didn't see you today" I'd buy coffee for us.
But, I'd like a dollar for when the same people said "we've missed you for the past 2-3 weeks, I was going to call if we didn't see you today"
Guess what? They never called when we stopped going. None of them did because we didn't connect. But, we were certainly greeted every week. By the Pastor, by the ushers, by the Sunday School teachers...
But we never felt missed if we missed.
You hit the nail on the head for me! Thank you so much for this post. I have been working so hard the past couple of years to NOT feel bitter about this very type of situation. We attended a church in my area for quite some time. In fact, I grew up in this church. My best friend's husband became the pastor. They (everyone in the church) were so good about greeting people whenever they came in the door. You truly felt like they were glad to see you. However, my husband and I stopped attending the church because we began to feel that some of their views and some of our views were just too different. We needed some space and we needed to go somewhere else for various reasons. We still loved the people in that church so much, though. Guess what? No one seemed to miss us once we were gone. In fact, my friend pretty much stopped talking to me, and we haven't really talked in at least five or six years. I have no idea why. I have called her, sent her letters, etc. But, she has made it clear I'm not important to her anymore (we grew up together, so this has been hard). I actually work with one of the ladies from the church. She's a fantastic greeter at the church. Very warm and friendly. But, they don't seem to care once you're out of their sight. I just wish people cared as much outside of the church as they seem to inside of the church. 
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/31/2008 10:08:53 PM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
Do some of you think that everyone who does greetings in this manner are hypocrites?
Not at all. I think it's a silly thing, but most of the time the friendly, outgoing people have fun with it and make the most of it, and the more introverted people who wouldn't greet you anyway don't do it. So I don't see anything hypocritical about it, but I don't see it accomplishing anything that wouldn't otherwise have happened. An extroverted person will greet people with or without a prompt. A more introverted person will not greet people, with our without a prompt. So nothing has changed.
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Bonky
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/31/2008 10:10:55 PM
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hoppersfan
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I apologize if my previous post went too far off-topic. I just feel that these things are connected. Show the same love (not forced love!) outside of the church as you show inside the church. Maybe more people would be drawn to go to church if they weren't just greeted with a stiff "Hi, how are you?" at the nudging of a most-likely well-intentioned pastor. To me, that's just way too uncomfortable, and may be cause for me to not go back to that particular church.
I am in no way saying that people should not be greeted at church; I believe that it is very important to greet people. But, greet them because you want to show them the love of the Lord, and not because you have been "forced" to.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 10/31/2008 11:23:18 PM
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phosadaud
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Who is being "forced" to greet people? Is the pastor holding a gun to your head? And if you have a friendly spirit, why would you be bothered by someone encouraging you to greet your neighbor? If it's a natural thing and you are someone who naturally reaches out to folks, why would this bother you? If it's not a natural thing for you, maybe this is a simple way to learn to reach outside yourself even if it makes you feel uncomfortable? Since when does God tell us being a Christian is supposed to be comfortable and cozy? Aren't we told the opposite?
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 11/1/2008 7:41:00 AM
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momma_bee
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It gives the illusion of a relationship when there is none.
Almost every morning at work the same person askes how I'm and I say 'fine, yourself?' and we have a brief conversation about kids - work - weather. And, if we don't have it then, we will have chatted by the end of the day.
The guy gives me the creeps. Now, the internet knows that, but at work, one person knows it (and agrees with me) and my hubby knows it. He raises my mommy radar or womens intuition or whatever. My point is - no one else knows it. We speak every day. If I have a cold, he knows. If he hurt his knee again, I know. We could tell you an amusing story about the others children and usually know what the other did over the weekend.
But there is no relationship, I have no interest in this persons life. If one of us changed plants tomorrow I'd wish him well, say go Steelers and never think of it again.
Does that make me a poor Christian? By physically requiring me to walk to this persons office is God telling me to reach out to him? Do I really need to cultivate a relationship with this man and his family?
Now, you are thinking that we are talking about church, not work. And there is a distinction. But I am uncomfortable because I have been hurt by trusting people too much. And, if a bunch of us went to a worship service together and he said 'peace be with you' I wouldn't feel any peace at all. I'd be resisting the urge to stick my hand in my pocket.
And if 2-5 minutes every day doesn't make me want to fellowship with this person - how with 2-5 minutes a week spent with several people / families develop a connection to them.
I will admit, what it does is allow you to decide who to contact later, when the preacher isn't telling you to do so. But I would see folks talking to their friends and finishing up the conversation they started before church.
And, I do think that throughout this thread I see people talking about two different things.
Turn to your neighbor and say good morning because it is a brief fellowship time
or
Turn to your neighbor and say something to illustrate the point I am making in worship.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 11/1/2008 9:20:42 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: phosadaud
Do some of you think that everyone who does greetings in this manner are hypocrites? Does God give you special insight in all our hearts? Or maybe you think these silly greeting cause people to care less? If so, how? Are you incapable of loving others in this simple way? Kristin, for me - no of course not - to every one of these questions.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 11/1/2008 9:28:30 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 23689
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{{{MBee}}}
{{{Mandy}}}
. . . for what y'all have shared in this thread
quote:
ORIGINAL: momma_bee
And, I do think that throughout this thread I see people talking about two different things.
Turn to your neighbor and say good morning because it is a brief fellowship time
or
Turn to your neighbor and say something to illustrate the point I am making in worship.
Exactly
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 11/1/2008 10:05:34 AM
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small_creation
Posts: 357
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From: midwest
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quote:
ORIGINAL: momma_bee
It gives the illusion of a relationship when there is none.
Almost every morning at work the same person askes how I'm and I say 'fine, yourself?' and we have a brief conversation about kids - work - weather. And, if we don't have it then, we will have chatted by the end of the day.
The guy gives me the creeps. Now, the internet knows that, but at work, one person knows it (and agrees with me) and my hubby knows it. He raises my mommy radar or womens intuition or whatever. My point is - no one else knows it. We speak every day. If I have a cold, he knows. If he hurt his knee again, I know. We could tell you an amusing story about the others children and usually know what the other did over the weekend.
But there is no relationship, I have no interest in this persons life. If one of us changed plants tomorrow I'd wish him well, say go Steelers and never think of it again.
Does that make me a poor Christian? By physically requiring me to walk to this persons office is God telling me to reach out to him? Do I really need to cultivate a relationship with this man and his family?
Now, you are thinking that we are talking about church, not work. And there is a distinction. But I am uncomfortable because I have been hurt by trusting people too much. And, if a bunch of us went to a worship service together and he said 'peace be with you' I wouldn't feel any peace at all. I'd be resisting the urge to stick my hand in my pocket.
And if 2-5 minutes every day doesn't make me want to fellowship with this person - how with 2-5 minutes a week spent with several people / families develop a connection to them.
I will admit, what it does is allow you to decide who to contact later, when the preacher isn't telling you to do so. But I would see folks talking to their friends and finishing up the conversation they started before church.
And, I do think that throughout this thread I see people talking about two different things.
Turn to your neighbor and say good morning because it is a brief fellowship time
or
Turn to your neighbor and say something to illustrate the point I am making in worship.
I guess I thought we were talking about turning to your neighbor in fellowship, a simple "hello", cause it's near impossible to illustrate someone's elses (the sermon's) point, given a designated & immediate 1-2 minute's time.
And not wanting to associate with the guy who gives you the "creeps"... IMO, that's using your intuitive discernment, and you should never disregard that feeling lightly. By all means, stay away.
j
_____________________________
Pay no mind to me. I'm just a small town hick in fly-over country.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 11/1/2008 10:53:47 AM
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Szaftoo
Posts: 795
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quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
Showing love, warmth, and being genuine outside the church matters a lot more than a script inside the church imo.
Those same people greeting you because the pastor said so would never show any concern for you outside the church setting so why pretend to care about someone?
Your reply is like many others and with all due respect, I disagree.
Your reply would mean the only people who ever attend church are believers. What about unsaved people who just happen to be at church that day? They come for a variety of reasons but they just happen to be there. They hear good worship and a good teaching but leave feeling empty and unimportant. We talk about loving the world but won't leave our comfort zones to show them.
phosadaud made an interesting point about being judged as phony because we choose to extend ourselves. Some of us use this time to extend the hand of Jesus to others and it's a blessing to do so.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 11/1/2008 11:16:41 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Szaftoo
phosadaud made an interesting point about being judged as phony because we choose to extend ourselves. Some of us use this time to extend the hand of Jesus to others and it's a blessing to do so.
I use that time in the same way. I even mentioned this in one of my earlier posts in this thread.
But I absolutely will not turn to my neighbor and repeat something silly just because a pastor has instructed me to do so.
I will greet people with a warm genuine smile, a handshake (or perhaps a hug); and anything that comes out of my mouth will be specifically for them and will be based on what I feel Our Lord is having me say to them at that particular moment. What I say to the next person might be totally different (or might not be), but it's not going to be based on repeating something to someone just because I've been told to do so.
Turning the tables of some of the posts . . . just as I do not consider everyone, who does what the OP is asking, a hyprocrite, neither do I expect to be considered unloving or not extending the hand of Jesus because I disagree with the method exampled in the OP.
I am NOT saying that is what is being said.
I am, however, making a point that people can disagree on this matter and both "sides" still be loving, caring Christians.
I'm concerned this thread is going to turn into an "us" against "them."
For me personally, I have not once said that I think that people who do what the OP has question to be hyprocritical or any other deragotory description. Nor have I said that I think that people who don't do what the OP has question are "better" in some way.
My posts have specifically been toward the OP . . . yes, I think that pastors instructing people to turn to their neighbor and repeat a specific statement is cheesy; and yes, I think that the very vast majority of the time it is ineffective. But does that mean that I think that everyone who does this is hyprocritical or unloving? Absolutely not. That is an apples and oranges comparison.
Abundant blessings every one of y'all.
HIS Peace and HIS Joy.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 11/1/2008 11:16:47 AM
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redeemedsaint
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I don't like these either. They are a little corny.
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Get off the track cause the freight train is coming - Coach Bobby Lee Duke from Facing the Giants
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 11/1/2008 11:37:05 AM
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Szaftoo
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: Szaftoo
phosadaud made an interesting point about being judged as phony because we choose to extend ourselves. Some of us use this time to extend the hand of Jesus to others and it's a blessing to do so.
I am, however, making a point that people can disagree on this matter and both "sides" still be loving, caring Christians.
Absolutely, and I hope I didn't imply that we don't all strive to be kind and loving. We all have our comfort levels and to do something we feel is manipulation is also wrong.
I'm concerned this thread is going to turn into an "us" against "them."
I agree, that would be just at hurtful and give the world a reason to judge us as they often do.
My posts have specifically been toward the OP . . . yes, I think that pastors instructing people to turn to their neighbor and repeat a specific statement is cheesy; and yes, I think that the very vast majority of the time it is ineffective. But does that mean that I think that everyone who does this is hyprocritical or unloving? Absolutely not. That is an apples and oranges comparison.
I agree completely, people aren't stupid and know when a greeting is not sincere or contrived. I believe showing love in this way is something I am called to do, however, I can completely understand why people don't care for it. I sincerely hope I don't appear to be judgmental, that's not my intention.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 11/1/2008 11:55:34 AM
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phosadaud
Posts: 11092
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Szaftoo
I agree completely, people aren't stupid and know when a greeting is not sincere or contrived. I believe showing love in this way is something I am called to do, however, I can completely understand why people don't care for it. I sincerely hope I don't appear to be judgmental, that's not my intention.
Absolutely. My only point (and concern) is a challenge to look at things a little different. If your church doesn't do this - it doesn't matter. If it does however, instead of getting angry about it and such, why not take advantage of it for the glory of God and to show love to your fellow believers (or unbelievers  ). Like I said, I've never met a pastor who actually expected the entire congregation to imitate him word for word. So, don't worry about parroting him (although I have found that sometimes you do so in a way that brings a smile to someone's face so maybe we shouldn't be as stuffy about it ), but rather utilize those few minutes to step out of your comfort zone (a good thing!), look outside yourself (another good thing!), and care more about the person in the pew behind yours than you do about your own little world. By all means - make it your own! But instead of crossing your arms, sitting down in disgust because how "dare" the pastor ask you to do such a silly task, and getting annoyed - why not take the couple minutes the Lord has provided for you to bless someone else in some manner or another.
As far as the guy next to you who is just repeating the greeting and doesn't care - well, who cares? That's between him and God. You are only responsible for YOUR attitude. So is YOUR attitude right?
_____________________________
~Kristin~
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 11/1/2008 12:41:50 PM
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Roberta_
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I'm not sure that I understand what the point of greeting time really is.
If I'm a newcomer to the church, I dread greeting time because I'm either going to get bombarded with people coming up to me, or worse yet, no one will notice me. If I've been at the church for a while, I usually have talked to several people before the service even starts.
To me it seems more like a chance for those who were running late to get to chat for a few minutes.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 11/1/2008 4:49:22 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: phosadaud
By all means - make it your own! But instead of crossing your arms, sitting down in disgust because how "dare" the pastor ask you to do such a silly task, and getting annoyed . . . Kristin, I'm a little confused. Where in this thread has anyone indicated that is what they do?
quote:
ORIGINAL: Szaftoo
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: Szaftoo
phosadaud made an interesting point about being judged as phony because we choose to extend ourselves. Some of us use this time to extend the hand of Jesus to others and it's a blessing to do so.
I am, however, making a point that people can disagree on this matter and both "sides" still be loving, caring Christians.
Absolutely, and I hope I didn't imply that we don't all strive to be kind and loving. We all have our comfort levels and to do something we feel is manipulation is also wrong.
I'm concerned this thread is going to turn into an "us" against "them."
I agree, that would be just at hurtful and give the world a reason to judge us as they often do.
My posts have specifically been toward the OP . . . yes, I think that pastors instructing people to turn to their neighbor and repeat a specific statement is cheesy; and yes, I think that the very vast majority of the time it is ineffective. But does that mean that I think that everyone who does this is hyprocritical or unloving? Absolutely not. That is an apples and oranges comparison.
I agree completely, people aren't stupid and know when a greeting is not sincere or contrived. I believe showing love in this way is something I am called to do, however, I can completely understand why people don't care for it. I sincerely hope I don't appear to be judgmental, that's not my intention.
Carolyn, I've read many of your threads throughout the years; none of them have ever appeared to be judgmental.
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RE: "Turn to the person on your right and say...&q... - 11/1/2008 8:42:23 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 5140
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: phosadaud
By all means - make it your own! But instead of crossing your arms, sitting down in disgust because how "dare" the pastor ask you to do such a silly task, and getting annoyed . . . Kristin, I'm a little confused. Where in this thread has anyone indicated that is what they do?
Yeah, I've never seen anyone say they do that, either. I know I don't. I usually do what the pastor tells me, even though I've often wondered what the point is exactly.
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Bonky
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