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Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 6:08:26 PM
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solo_soprano22
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Now, I know there's a (serious) thread about this somewhere in here...but I can't find it.
Anyway, this isn't complicated.
What is your definition of flirting?
Is it wrong to flirt?
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For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 6:21:07 PM
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9drtr
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If it were wrong to flirt, Adam and Eve would have been the last people as well as the first.
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When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 6:22:26 PM
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HoosierMusicLover
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Solo,
Good question. Personally, I think in a day and age when we're all too busy to truly communicate outside of text messages and IMs I think flirting is fun and healthy if done respectfully.
I may have the standard male defect of not being able to recognize if a woman is actually flirting with me, but if one smiles and makes eye contact, plays with her hair, touches my arm and/or shoulder or leans into where I'm standing than I would think she is definately trying to flirt with me. On the other hand, I would think that if I am doing the same things to her, except for the leaning in part. I'd want to respect her space and not make her feel scared, threatened or creeped out in any way. One sure fire way I would know is if she laughs at my corny jokes while doing any of the above, then I might start winking and flirting back!
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Lord, come quickly.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 6:24:34 PM
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BlessedAngel1983
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I think flirting is perfectly healthy. You just have to know where to draw the line.
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Reflecting with Terri
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And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings
AKA AngelInWaiting1983
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 6:26:53 PM
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Cloak
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It depends on the manner of flirting:
If it's done for impure motive: Yes it's sinful
If it's done for pure motive: No there is nothing wrong with it.
To me flirting is a form of courtship and dating and this is how people get to know each other and...decide if they like each other and get married or not!
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Blessings!
And My God shall meet ALL Your Needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4: 19)
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 6:42:21 PM
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FunBetty
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If it wasn't for flirting then Ed and I would have no thread to be sent to! LOL
Seriously I agree with the above posters. It depends on your motives with flirting. If you are flirting to seek attention from whomever you can get it from, then it's not so good. If you're flirting with someone to lead them on and think there is a chance, then that is not so good, either.
However, if you are flirting with someone because you enjoy the company of the other person (like cloak mentioned, as a form of courtship), then there is no harm as long as it is done in a respectable manner.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 8:23:04 PM
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SamsonUSA
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Flirting is fun, and perfectly fine. Though I am often a big flirt I believe as Christians we need to draw a line in the sand and make sure we don't cross certain boundries. Like flirting with a married member of the opposite sex for example.
Sadly I have found that married women in general are some of the biggest flirts I have ever met.
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Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 9:41:54 PM
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Psalms274
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I am so incredibly naive in this area ... often the man I am interested in will be flirting quite a bit, but it never occurs to me that they are interested until much later.
I suspect it is the number one reason I am single ... they give up and move on. I remember in College (this is before I knew Christ) the guys on the men's team (I was a swimmer) would talk to me with their hand on my knee. I thought it was how men said hi, it was quite common. I am very grateful that I was naive during those years, but I wish I could get a clue now!
As to your question ... I guess it depends ... just as a few of the above posters have mentioned.
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I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
Linus, my dog, little Kaleigh and Sally!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 9:56:24 PM
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SamsonUSA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Psalms274
I am so incredibly naive in this area ... often the man I am interested in will be flirting quite a bit, but it never occurs to me that they are interested until much later.
I suspect it is the number one reason I am single ... they give up and move on. I remember in College (this is before I knew Christ) the guys on the men's team (I was a swimmer) would talk to me with their hand on my knee. I thought it was how men said hi, it was quite common. I am very grateful that I was naive during those years, but I wish I could get a clue now!
As to your question ... I guess it depends ... just as a few of the above posters have mentioned.
What you call naive I call cute. I find it refreshing when a woman is so well grounded that she doesn't have " mad game " when it comes to flirting. That usually means that she is much deeper on many different levels than most women.
Spending 50 hours per week working as a fitness professional I come into contact daily with many women who make it obvious that they consider themselves well versed in the art of flirting. Which is a turnoff for me since I prefer women that are somewhat shy and who project an aura of mystery.
_____________________________
Knowledge humbles great men, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man
Chubby babies rock!
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 10:13:12 PM
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Psalms274
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I do see that a lot in one of the clubs I work in ... I am a personal trainer and group fitness instructor also. It has been neat because my clients see that I am different ... one of them commented about my music selection for my spinning class, "That's the first time I have heard Rick James and Hillsong Australia in the same set of music!
But you are right, people in the gym setting can be rather bold.
_____________________________
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
Linus, my dog, little Kaleigh and Sally!
http://piswa.blogspot.com/
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 10:29:32 PM
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Prairiehiker
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What do I consider flirting? People have very different definitions of flirting, I think. For some people, flirting just comes naturally whenever they interact with people. All I have to do is say hi and smile to men and women, and my friends think I'm flirting, when 90% of the time, I'm not. I won't even think of flirting with majority of the people I meet. I guess, it's just my normal demeanor and no malice is ever intended. Online, you'd never know whether I"m flirting or not because I'm the same with men and women. I should actually put a profile picture so women don't mistake me for a man (and it has happened before, lol), unless you can tell it's a woman, and not a tree, on top of that hill!
And I draw a very clear line when it comes to who I flirt with and when I flirt. When I'm dating someone, I will not flirt at all with anyone. It's a respect issue and I expect my man to do the same. No flirting with anyone married, grieving widow, openly gay people (well, this might be safe, lol), with older people unless they are in their 90s, lol, and flirting will make them happier, or prolong their lives, no flirting with kids under the age of consent, and no flirting when I'm wearing a swim suit (that just sends all the wrong messages, lol). I won't flirt withpeople with psychopathic or sociopathic tendencies, or men wearing spandex bike shorts and nothing else (gym crowd would know what I'm talking about, lol)
Yeah, it's ok to flirt, esp if you're open to finding someone. This is a good way to break the ice!
< Message edited by Prairiehiker -- 10/24/2008 10:53:29 PM >
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 10:56:37 PM
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Acts29
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If you are interrested in someone ---yes! flirt! It is good fun. As long as you are not misleading someone.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/24/2008 11:04:42 PM
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solo_soprano22
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Well, there was a reason I asked.
(This was quite a while ago.) I was with one of my friends at a restaurant, and she told me I flirt with the (Latino) waiters...all the time. But, with the incident she was thinking of (the incident right before she told me), I'd asked the waiter for some sugar (in English). He knew English, Spanish and Italian.... but I think I was confusing him with the way I made the request. So, I asked for it in Spanish. But then he started talking to me in ALL Spanish... after I asked him how to say a word. At the time, I didn't know how to say "ice." I HATE a lot of ice in my drinks, so I REALLY wanted to know. After that... no more inglés....just español. We talked about more than just food though...but... my friend knows no Spanish at all (she told me she doesn't want to put in the effort because she doesn't think she can learn another language <shrug>), so she only knew what we said because I told her. Still though, I do that in every Latino/Mexican restaurant I go to that has native waiters. It's a good way to learn (and I have a little fun).
I'm not really one to know when talking turns into flirting and all that good stuff... as long as I'm not talking crazy I just do it. What IS flirting? I thought it usually included some kind of amorous intent.
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For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/25/2008 12:05:44 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22
What is your definition of flirting?
Something I don't do.
quote:
Is it wrong to flirt?
Not at all. As long as you are flirting with someone who is eligible to be flirted with.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/25/2008 12:06:47 AM
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John_O
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
I won't flirt withpeople with psychopathic or sociopathic tendencies, or men wearing spandex bike shorts and nothing else
Isn't that redundant?
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/25/2008 12:31:46 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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I have never really known how to flirt.
Maybe that's why every woman I've ever known has never given a rip if I'm alone with their husband or boyfriend (for a short period of time, of course, like a ride home). Once I told a (single) friend of mine, it was almost insulting they saw me as such a non threat (like am I that gross?)..she said...no, no, it's a compliment, you are just a very trustworthy person.
One time, when I was still working with a my personal trainer, a funny incident happened.
My(former) trainer knows SO many people in this town, and at the old gym, people were constantly coming to talk to him...(sometimes a little annoying when I was the one paying him money..but he was good about hinting them to move on when it was time..but I digress) Anyway, yet another person he knew walked by and greeted him...(this person was a guy)..my trainer introduced us to each other..then the guy started pretending like he was my trainer and being really funny, and I was laughing really hard....finally my trainer told him I had to get back to work, so he left. Then my trainer told me that that guy had been flirting with me. I had had no idea! 
My (former) trainer is very good at keeping things professional, and not flirting with women..yes he let you knew he care..but he feels more like your brother...of course, he is engaged...but even when his fiance' (then girlfriend) were broke up for a while, he was still good about that. His fiance' is a also very sweet and nice about him working with women.
Solo, I do not think what you did was flirting at all...it's just part of the Mexican restaurant experience.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 10/25/2008 6:27:18 PM
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gaylel1
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Well, if it is done with good intentions and if the person is interested, yeah, but if the person is led on and lied to and decived, well, I would say no. This is an area which christians need to be careful with.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 11/1/2008 2:13:45 AM
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solo_soprano22
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Well, perhaps I was flirting.
I went back to said restaurant, only said a few words in Spanish to the waiter that seated us/took our orders... but then another waiter came from the back. I hadn't been there in at least six months, but the waiter (from the back) said he'd seen me (remembered me) from before... then he started talking to me in ALL Spanish, but I'm not sure how he knew that I knew Spanish. I'd never talked to him before. I HAD talked to the waiter who'd seated us/served us before in the language, but not the one from the back. Anyway, he asked me how I was... and said all this other stuff that I don't want to get into. I think perhaps he started off in Spanish to see if I could speak it... so my friend couldn't know what he was saying. But, he came on very strong in a short amount of time... not in a perverted way, but just strong. Anyway, I'm not sure what will come of that, but he seems like a nice person. I don't know; perhaps I'm flirting all the time when I'm talking and just not realizing anything.  This time it seems like he eyed me and went for it...of course, my friend doesn't think that.
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For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 11/1/2008 3:30:37 AM
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OneOfHisJewels
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Maybe you need new friends.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 11/1/2008 11:34:32 AM
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solo_soprano22
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Yeah well.... can't say you're necessarily wrong. I have other friends, but we're all so busy that she's the one who's usually available when I have time to go out for lunch. I want to go back soon to see if I can find out more about the waiter... I didn't give him my number or anything because I didn't want to, but we couldn't talk much because he was working. Perhaps I can give him my email address or school mailing address; I just don't want stalker problems like I've had in the past. That's why I'm wary anyway when I meet new people, but I'm going to have to find a way to get around that.
My friend and I had gotten done eating when her mom called and asked us to order her some food and she'd be right over...which meant we had to stay like a whole other hour. I didn't mind; I was just getting weird because every five minutes he'd either walk by and make some kind of eyes or walk out and start talking to me again. He was really nice (from what little we interacted), but I guess I would have liked better to sit down with him to talk.
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For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 11/15/2008 8:55:24 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22
Well, there was a reason I asked.
(This was quite a while ago.) I was with one of my friends at a restaurant, and she told me I flirt with the (Latino) waiters...all the time. But, with the incident she was thinking of (the incident right before she told me), I'd asked the waiter for some sugar (in English). He knew English, Spanish and Italian.... but I think I was confusing him with the way I made the request. So, I asked for it in Spanish. But then he started talking to me in ALL Spanish... after I asked him how to say a word. At the time, I didn't know how to say "ice." I HATE a lot of ice in my drinks, so I REALLY wanted to know. After that... no more inglés....just español. We talked about more than just food though...but... my friend knows no Spanish at all (she told me she doesn't want to put in the effort because she doesn't think she can learn another language <shrug>), so she only knew what we said because I told her. Still though, I do that in every Latino/Mexican restaurant I go to that has native waiters. It's a good way to learn (and I have a little fun). I do not consider this to be flirting. If anything, what it did was put the waiters at ease and prevent a lot of language-barrier frustrations for both of y'all (you and the waiter).
quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22
What IS flirting? I thought it usually included some kind of amorous intent. That's a good definition. 
quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano22
Is it wrong to flirt? I know that I'm in the vast minority here . . . .
. . . I don't know that I would say flirting is wrong; but when done haphazardly, it certainly can be emotionally dangerous.
To flirt with anyone and/or everyone . . . I find that to be irresponsible. Flirting gives people endorphine rushes; and to flirt soley to receive those rushes without taking into consideration the effects the flirt is having on the other person is what I mean by "irresponsible." People can get really hurt by misconstruing the intentions of a flirt directed toward them.
Generally, I do not flirt, unless:
(a) I am interested in a romantic relationship with a specific man who I also feel is interested in a relationship with me. And, to expand on this, the timing has to be right, as well; i.e., if I'm interested in him, but at the moment am not wanting to enter into a deeper relationship with him, then flirting would not be appropriate;
-or-
(b) I am already in a relationship . . . then I will flirt with him as much as I want. 
I don't return flirts neither (unless the man flirting with me fits into one of the two above explanations). I may smile and say thank you to what they've said (if saying thank you would "fit"), or I may smile and not saying anything. And if I do smile, it's not a great big grin, because that would seem as if I'm encouraging more flirtation. Neither do I give a lot of credence to someone flirting with me (unless, again, that person happens to fit into one of the above categories).
Also, if a man perceives me to be flirting with him and that's not at all what I'm doing, then I'll tone my friendly personality down a notch or two around him, because I really absolutely do not want anyone to misunderstand my behavior and my motives (or, rather, lack of motives).
Also . . . there's "flirting" and then there's "bantering." I do banter. A lot. With both genders.
Regarding the difference between "flirting" and "bantering" (specifically, with men), the measuring stick I use is my 80-year old married friend. He and I have bantered with each other from the moment we first met. He and his wonderful wife are also the hosts of the homechurch that I attend.
If I'm in front of another man and my behavior is something I would also say (or do) to (or with) my 80-year old married friend, then I'll banter away in good fun. If it's not something I would say (or do) to (or with) my 80-year old married friend, then it quite possibly might be considered flirting; and unless the man fits either (a) or (b) above, then it's very most likely going to be a no-go with the flirting.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
To nutshell the above  . . . I was in the coffee shop the other day talking to a guy about my upcoming new career goals. This guy's ideals and mine are completely polar opposite each other . . . on everything.
At one point, he said, "Oh cool, Sharon-Marie! You'll be able to flirt with and pick-up all the guys you want!"
Someone who was near enough to hear the conversation starting laughing and then said, "You obviously don't have the first clue about Sharon-Marie."
'Nuff said.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 11/17/2008 2:58:30 PM
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solo_soprano22
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Huh.... Well, about the waiters (I'm in that particular restaurant a lot), I figured out that two of them like me (really, really like me). The others talk to me in Spanish too, but the ones that like me talk to me the most... and smile at me the most... blow kisses the most... stare at me the most... make goo goo eyes the most, etc. So yes, sometimes it's flirting and I'm just a neophyte I suppose. Many times they'll be friendly when someone knows their language (even if it's not perfect)... so I can't always tell which ones have other intent and which don't. <shrugs>
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For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: Is it wrong to flirt? - 11/22/2008 2:52:25 AM
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ronwwjd
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I have been single so long, I don't know if I would really know if someone were flirting with me or not. There was one person who I used to think was flirting with me, but I found out she just has a really outgoing kind of personality. I would hope that if someone were flirting with me, and I didn't get the message, that they would find another way to communicate their interest. We [men] are not always good at recognizing flirting
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For with their hearts men believe and so attain to righteousness, while with their lips they make their Profession of Faith and so find Salvation. Romans 10:10
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