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No more Christmas presents???? - 10/29/2008 12:43:06 PM
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stampinlady
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Anyone ever suggest to your family members(parents, aunts sister) to not give gifts to each other and just gove to the needy???? I feel like doing that this year, but haven't mentioned it to our extended family. Our kids are fine with idea.
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Deb
"You don't need a New Year's Resolution, you need a Resurection! Dr. Tony Evans
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/29/2008 1:07:59 PM
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garsyt
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My side of the family has done this for a couple of years now. No gifts for the adults at all. This year I'm only giving gifts to those under the age of 5 on my side of the family, and those gifts have already been chosen from discarded books that my kids have outgrown. One book each for my two nephews and 2 nieces. My brother and I - the only ones with children between the ages of 7 and 17 (4 kids each) have discussed this and have agreed to take care of our own this year. Now I have a couple siblings that may not always follow the gift rule, but I figure if they are financially able then I'm going to let them give. My brother and his wife have the spiritual gift of giving and I can't bring myself to deny them the gift they get when they give.
This year, my side of the family has decided to do a Christmas ornament exchange. Just a few rules - #1 It must be flat and mailable in a standard envelope, #2 it must be homemade by the person giving it, and #3 it must be personalized for the person receiving it. The only ones that are allowed to get adult help are children under the age of 10 and then only if they need it.
Blessings,
Garsy
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/29/2008 1:14:27 PM
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kohls356
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We do, it was easy to do with my family. We used to buy for the kids but now we just get together and visit. The focus isn't on the gifts. My parents still buy for the grandkids.
My husband's side is harder about this. We used to draw names amongst the siblings and siblings-in-law. I didn't mind doing that until I noticed that even after buying for all my nieces and nephews and the people we drew the name for my kids were being left out. I told my husband that I wasn't going to sit there and open gifts for us while my kids sat there with nothing for them. So we told them not to put our names in the pot anymore we didn't need any gifts.
I don't know what it will be like this year though I have a feeling the drawing names will be brought up once again.
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/29/2008 1:39:35 PM
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StephK
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I think my sister has finally decided that it is okay to forgo the gift exchange and just get together and visit. Of course she will probably change her mind at the last minute as she is prone to do. I keep telling her I have no room in my house for any more stuff. I'm in the process of getting rid of everything that I don't use as it is. I think commercialism has killed the fun of the holiday. Now I do love to do the white elephant type gift exchanges simply because they can be a blast. It would work in my family because we all have a warped sense of humor.
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The heart of the wise inclines to the right but the heart of the fool to the left.
Even as he walks along the road, the fool lacks sense and shows everyone how stupid he is. ~ Ecc. 10:2-3
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/29/2008 2:13:32 PM
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garsyt
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One more thing. Unfortunately with much distance between me and my family members (Most of my family lives in Minnesota, but I have a brother in California, a sister that we affectionately call a gypsy, and us here in Indiana) we are not always able to get together as a family. Plus there's hubby's family. They all tend to come here for Christmas since we are the ones with the kids. They, hubby's parents and sisters always buy the kids something and us too and hubby's grandmother and his aunt and uncle tend to send gifts for everyone with them. Sometimes I do send something back for those folks, usually in the form of baked goods.
Garsy
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My Blog: www.moredayslikethisplease.wordpress.com
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/29/2008 2:47:13 PM
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stampinlady
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My kids are the only grandkids and there's my sister. If they decided to give my kids gifts I think I might feel obligated to get them something. We are all doing well financially and usually by the things we want and need throughout the year.
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Deb
"You don't need a New Year's Resolution, you need a Resurection! Dr. Tony Evans
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/29/2008 3:21:46 PM
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buckifn
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Yes, I have done that for the past several years. I go to the local Salvation Army and get a list of families who have applied for help and pass those names on as the person to receive gifts instead of us.
There is nothing we want or need that we don't get throughout the year and I see no point in buying something out of obligation.
At our Christmas Party we usually encourage each person to bring items to help fill up food baskets for needy families in the church and community.
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/29/2008 3:56:53 PM
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stampinlady
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quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
Yes, I have done that for the past several years. I go to the local Salvation Army and get a list of families who have applied for help and pass those names on as the person to receive gifts instead of us.
There is nothing we want or need that we don't get throughout the year and I see no point in buying something out of obligation.
At our Christmas Party we usually encourage each person to bring items to help fill up food baskets for needy families in the church and community.
Oh Buckfin that's a great idea. I hope all envolved agree.
_____________________________
Deb
"You don't need a New Year's Resolution, you need a Resurection! Dr. Tony Evans
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/29/2008 4:35:56 PM
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stateofgrace
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Oh, what a topic...
DH and I have eight nieces and nephews on my husband's side of the family. This year, several of us adults in the family discussed the possibility of changing some things. There was no agreement on what to change...and frankly, some of them were reluctant to agree regarding what to change if they disagreed with the reasons why another person wanted to change the same thing!
One family's several children tend to each buy small gifts (dollar store) for every other extended family member (14 other people outside their immediate family). The mother in that family has been the main proponent of the view that there is too much emphasis on presents during the extended family Christmas celebration, but she doesn't want to tell her kids to either combine gift giving or that they will just give a family gift because her children "get so much out of it." I pointed out that any over-emphasis on gifts is largely because of the total number of gifts that have to be opened, rather than from anyone spending a lot on gifts (because no one does).
Another family member has been the designated gift-hander-outer for years. That person has been totally against any kind of change because they enjoy the role. And they enjoy their role so much that the gift opening time takes like two hours or more. Several family members find the designated gift-hander-outer's long, drawn out routine taxing. FIL isn't with it (mentally and sometimes physically) for the entire time anymore, and as his dementia progresses, it's likely that he will be less with it every year.
For years, gift cards were frowned upon by my MIL (not being a "real gift"). Then all of a sudden, gift cards were OK because MIL decided she'd get them for the kids one year.
I would be in favor of a gift exchange (each person drawing one person), or family gifts, or ornaments, or even a Chinese gift exchange (A game where everyone brings either an inexpensive or gag gift, and everyone draws numbers, and the lowest numbered person goes first, picking any gift to open. Then people later in the game can either chose to open another gift, or take an earlier person's gift. It can be a lot of fun). I think the putting together gift baskets for the needy is a great idea (if you organize in advance how and where they're going to be distributed).
Because of the lack of agreement, the gift-hander-outer's insistence that their role continues, and MIL's dislike of us even having the discussion (thankfully, I did not initiate it), nothing is going to change, and nothing likely will anytime soon. Except, due to hubby's schedule, I don't know if we will get down to the in-laws for Christmas. In some ways it might be a relief just to mail everything and come down at another time. I love them, but I would rather avoid all the power struggles in the family.
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/29/2008 5:02:05 PM
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crankius
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For years, MIL insisted everyone exchange gifts. Then we talked her into the siblings just exchanging family gifts.
Then, all the kids called each other one year and just agreed to stop buying gifts. MIL had to accept it, because it was already decided.
Now everyone just send cards and photos, but we all still buy for MIL/FIL.
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Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/29/2008 9:35:54 PM
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stateofgrace
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quote:
ORIGINAL: crankius
For years, MIL insisted everyone exchange gifts. Then we talked her into the siblings just exchanging family gifts.
Then, all the kids called each other one year and just agreed to stop buying gifts. MIL had to accept it, because it was already decided.
The difference between your family and my husband's family is...no one would dare tell my MIL that she "had to accept" anything. Even before it was apparent that FIL's health was failing.
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America Needs Revival. Will you commit to pray for it?
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/29/2008 11:20:57 PM
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stampinlady
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Liz, we've done grab bags when the whole family, both sides, which isn't that big when we all get together and it is fun. Our limit is usually $20.00.
I've been giving my parents "fruit of the month" club from Harry and Davids and they like it.
I may run my idea by my sister tomorrow.
_____________________________
Deb
"You don't need a New Year's Resolution, you need a Resurection! Dr. Tony Evans
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/30/2008 12:53:31 PM
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stampinlady
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Crankius, I love your pumpkin!! We usually go to the pumpkin patch, but this year we've been too busy and the weather wasn't good the days we wanted to go. I bought a plastic one at Target.
_____________________________
Deb
"You don't need a New Year's Resolution, you need a Resurection! Dr. Tony Evans
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/30/2008 1:01:10 PM
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momma_bee
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Ok - I edited that to take my diatribe and dirty laundry out... This was the only paragraph marginally worth reading and you need to know my nephew lives many states away and may or may not get home.
Who said gift bags? I love it. How about a family gift bag - $20 - $30. Play a game of some sort to determine who gets which bag. Lots of little things to be individually wrapped for littler ones to unwrap and easy shopping all around. Those out-of-towners? We could all just bring an item to fill their goodie box.
< Message edited by momma_bee -- 10/30/2008 2:14:27 PM >
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/30/2008 4:20:10 PM
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10SNE1?
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While I totally agree with taming the present monster and love the idea of moving away from a "Consumer Christmas", please allow me to add one word of caution:
If your extended family Christmas involves elderly parents/grandparents/aunts and uncles please be sure to honor their feelings. And, more often than not, those dear ones who truly get so much joy and blessing from seeing the family gathered around the tree exchanging gifts..will be the ones who graciously agree to go along with "what you kids want".
My DH's family did away with gifts ( for all the 'right' reasons) a while back. My MIL never fussed or insisted on her own way but went along with "whatever you kids decide". However, after a couple of Christmas family gatherings, it was obvious that Mom missed this special part of a traditional family Christmas.
Once we get married and have our own children, it does seem like the "family Christmas" three-ring circus can get out of control. However, I think it is important to consider all the generations. If the extended family gathering is the only opportunity that older adults have to enjoy the children excited about a Christmas gift or experience a family gathering around the tree passing out presents, the least "selfish" thing to do in this case might just be to receive "more stuff".
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/30/2008 5:16:51 PM
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crankius
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My husband and I were the last to have children in his family. We spent the first five years of our marriage (and 3 1/2 years dating) watching the other grandkids at each Christmas, and the major greed-fest around the tree at the in-laws home.
The kids received so much stuff, that they would tire of opening gifts and throw fits or fall asleep and then continue opening. The children learned from these experiences, and what they were learning was so not good. 
An example: we watched a nephew open a package that contained an expensive golf club. He immediately threw it down and exclaimed it was the wrong one. MIL fell all over herself explaining that she would get the right one.  There are many stories like this. Each year, MIL would try to buy the biggest and best. Kids were getting tv's, etc.
So when hubby and I had our first child, we told the grandparents that they could give one gift, and it needed to be reasonable, and most of all just a special gift from them. We explained that we are different, and we want to honor their desires, and this is our compromise.
quote:
And, more often than not, those dear ones who truly get so much joy and blessing from seeing the family gathered around the tree exchanging gifts..will be the ones who graciously agree to go along with "what you kids want".
This was NOT true for us. We had many battles over this, and MIL often bought more, trying to sneak it to our kids (if you put five gifts in one box, does it count as one gift?).
But in the last couple years, we've seen a change. They see how our kids are more appreciative, and LOVE their one gift, and they see that when we go there for our special day, the day is about doing puzzles and playing games and spending time together--not about a lot of stuff.
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/30/2008 5:21:47 PM
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crankius
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Just wanted to add that probably the years of this big gift-giving contributed to the siblings deciding to not exchange with each other.
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/31/2008 7:40:25 AM
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10SNE1?
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quote:
ORIGINAL: crankius
quote:
And, more often than not, those dear ones who truly get so much joy and blessing from seeing the family gathered around the tree exchanging gifts..will be the ones who graciously agree to go along with "what you kids want".
This was NOT true for us. We had many battles over this, and MIL often bought more, trying to sneak it to our kids (if you put five gifts in one box, does it count as one gift?).
But in the last couple years, we've seen a change. They see how our kids are more appreciative, and LOVE their one gift, and they see that when we go there for our special day, the day is about doing puzzles and playing games and spending time together--not about a lot of stuff.
I think you proved my point 
Not to judge the motives of a woman I have never met but it doesn't sound like the "joy of giving" was really your MIL's motivation for giving gifts.
Regarding the " five in one box counts as one"....I can so see my own mother pulling that stunt! But, honestly, even there it wouldn't really be about getting her own way as much as just wanting to give to her grandkids. It would have killed my mom to not treat the grandkids equally so only giving one gift to certain kids but giving more to others? No way in the world could I have asked her to do that. In the case of my own mother..that honestly would have been cruel.
My kids are the older grandkids on my side of the family and, honestly, I too had tired of the "Christmas haul" by the time my brother had his first child. However, my mom wasn't about to not give to my nephew to the extent that she gave to my oldest dd ( her first grandchild). And honestly, I have made this point before on similar threads, I just don't buy the notion that one day a year of too much stuff at Grandmas is going to undo daily parental teaching and modeling on being gracious and unselfish followers of Christ. For me, this one fall under "love does not demand it's own way"
If my 74 year mother gets joy out of buying my 10 year niece too much junk once a year....I'm glad my rotten little brat of a brother has grown up enough to allow it. 
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RE: No more Christmas presents???? - 10/31/2008 11:53:32 AM
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crankius
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quote:
It would have killed my mom to not treat the grandkids equally so only giving one gift to certain kids but giving more to others?
Yes, we did think of this too. We realized that this would be a problem, so we told them they could invest as much as they wanted into the kids college fund.
This doesn't pay back much today, but when the kids get to college (or whatever they decide to do), they will know that grandma and grandpa helped pay for it.
As the other grandkids are growing and going to college and getting married, etc., I think grandma and grandpa are seeing the good of investing in their future. Grandpa likes this more than grandma, though.
We are pretty strong about the gift thing, admittedly, and not regretfully.
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY
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It is the best Christmas gift ever!
Yikes! 