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Permanent Birth Control - 11/4/2008 8:27:44 AM
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macokjc
Posts: 289
Joined: 2/24/2008
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This is not a debate on birth control, but I am looking for those who have had procedures and the pros and cons. The debate between vasectomy and tubal litigation goes on in our family........We are pregnant w/ our 5th, and we feel very done. So I was hoping to hear from those who have had it done and their thoughts.....................
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/4/2008 10:39:02 AM
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justjennhere
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I'll be interested in hearing responses to this, too. We're not 100 percent sure we're done, but I think in the next few years, we'll either be pregnant again or be ready to do something permanent.
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/4/2008 11:53:46 AM
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LovingtheSavior
Posts: 29
Joined: 6/6/2008
From: Maine
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My husband had a vasectomy shortly after our second child. The doctors had told us that I shouldn't have any more children for my health. We were blessed to have been able to have two and my health not significantly suffer. So the decision was taken out of our hands, for which I am grateful. The comical part of our story is that I had to have a complete hysterectomy a couple of years later, which made the vasectomy irrelevant.
P.S. Just because we have a had permanent birth control procedure done, doesn't necessarily mean The Lord doesn't have more children in our future....
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/4/2008 9:50:05 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10187
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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We just had our fifth in August and I am having a hysterectomy next Wednesday. The hysterectomy is to deal with my aggressive endometriosis once and for all, but if we weren't done having babies I would not be having the hysterectomy. So for us, it's the same thing as getting my tubes tied except that wouldn't fix the medical issue and the hysterectomy does. My doctor agreed this is the way to go if we are sure we are done. No reason to be in pain for another 15-20 years until menopause, and risk other organs being attacked by the nasty stuff.
We came to this decision about halfway through the last pregnancy. We feel our family is complete for now and forever in this way. I would have liked to hear "Yes, have a hysterectomy" through a bullhorn from Heaven, but that didn't happen. We do both have peace about it though.
So that's my one piece of advice...don't do anything permanent until you have BOTH prayed, talked, and reached the same exact conclusion and feel some sort of peace about it.
By some sort of peace, I don't mean you can't have doubts or wish something different were happening. I think I will have doubts all the way to the OR next week. But at the same time, I know this is right for our family and it is right for my health. Part of the doubt is the fear of the unknown...not knowing how my body will do with surgical menopause. Another part of it is just grieving the ability to bear children. Pregnancy was never easy for me, and between pregnancies was very painful, but I did love carrying that little life in there. Even though we know we are doing the right thing for us, it's okay to admit that it hurts to give up this ability. It's okay to mourn that.
quote:
P.S. Just because we have a had permanent birth control procedure done, doesn't necessarily mean The Lord doesn't have more children in our future....
Absolutely right.
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/4/2008 9:52:26 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10187
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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quote:
We are pretty sure we are done, but then again still debating it. Well, he's not, I am.
Kathryn, if you don't mind me asking...why is he pretty sure you're done? I mean, I know it has to do with the PPD you've had. But when he puts his reasons into words, how does he say it? Just curious...
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/5/2008 8:52:55 AM
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macokjc
Posts: 289
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I feel like this pregnancy (my 5th) has done me in. I still have "morning/24 hr sickness", (I'm 26 weeks), I have been to two specialists, and I feel like I'm spending every Sat. in the lab w/ other test. My remaining children are really getting the short end of the deal. I know they are fine, and will not remember it, I hate not being able to take care of my family.
I have had many people tell me that they desire to hold a newborn never goes away - but that their "pangs" are over and done w/ because they know it's not going to happen the natural way.
I totally agree w/ the comment that it doesn't mean there will never be another child. This country is full of children that need more love.
I was just wondering if why people went with a vasectomy vs. a tubal, or the other way around. I've never had a c-section, so unless it's an emergency, they won't tie my tubes until after the 6 week appt. Financially, it makes more sense for me to have it. We have a $1000 co-pay per person, and that would already be paid because of the delivery. However, I've heard that the tubals are harder to recover from.
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/5/2008 3:47:08 PM
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nhgirl
Posts: 28
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Have you asked the dr if they would do it while you're in the hospital? Around here it's quite common to have it done the day after delivery (assuming the delivery goes smoothly).
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/5/2008 4:42:33 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8860
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
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I had mine done the morning after my son was born. There was some pain internally where they cut but only for about a day.
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/5/2008 7:44:04 PM
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HomeSpunLady
Posts: 1204
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From: Lovely Pennsylvania!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
quote:
We are pretty sure we are done, but then again still debating it. Well, he's not, I am.
Kathryn, if you don't mind me asking...why is he pretty sure you're done? I mean, I know it has to do with the PPD you've had. But when he puts his reasons into words, how does he say it? Just curious...
You see I was adamant about not having anymore right after Rhys was born, right when the PPD started to get really bad. And he agreed with me. He basically told me that he was fine with not having anymore. If I said I wanted more, he said he would remind me of how bad the PPD gets for me and what I said about having more. I think he would be ok either way, but when my husband makes up his mind, his decision is made. That sounds like he's a tyrant, what I mean is, he's not wishy-washy. And I think he's basically made up his mind that we won't be having anymore biological children and he's closed the book, so to speak on it. Not that he's against having anymore children, just that he supports me in this decision. He has said, though, that the PPD is really hard for everyone to go through. And he sees my reasoning for not having anymore biologically.
Does that make sense Donna? I hope I haven't painted a poor picture of my husband.
_____________________________
Kathryn
Just Me
Our little bun is here!
Rhys Athanasius
Sept 27
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/6/2008 8:29:11 AM
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macokjc
Posts: 289
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I know that I am an emotional person - and my dreams and wishes can tend to follow my hormones. It's nice to have somebody who can be pratical and say..."Remember when....? Is this what you really want?" I don't think that's wrong of your husband at all.
NHGirl - I asked the midwife who's part of the dr.'s practice, and she said that the dr.'s policy is not to do it right away, but she will discuss it at the 6 wk. appt. Why, I'm not sure. It sure would be less complicated to do it right away. My next appt. is w/ the dr., so I'm going to ask her then.
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/6/2008 2:52:34 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10187
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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quote:
she said that the dr.'s policy is not to do it right away, but she will discuss it at the 6 wk. appt. Why, I'm not sure.
Maybe they want to make sure you're sure and not let you make such a huge decision when you're full of wacky pregnancy hormones?
I have Medicaid right now and I had to sign a paper and then wait 30 days to have a hysterectomy, even though mine is for medical reasons and not solely family planning.
Tamara, you have a good man. Many are too chicken to go through with it. I believe the chances of complications are less for men too.
_____________________________
He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.
~Psalm 145:19-20~
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/7/2008 10:49:57 PM
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uponeagleswings
Posts: 1628
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From: Out here in the desert
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Auben
A woman faces more possible complications during birth than a man does having a vasectomy done.  And yet we still manage.
Slightly off topic, but I know a man who got a bad infection down there after having a vasectomy. He said the pain of that was far worse than the pain after surgery, and required longer than the usual waiting period before things were back to normal.
_____________________________
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/8/2008 6:02:13 PM
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myka
Posts: 814
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I agree that vasectomy is much easier and less traumatic surgery than a ligation. I've also known a lot of women who had their tubes tied, and several years later need hysterectomies.
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/9/2008 8:35:41 PM
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kohls356
Posts: 368
Joined: 8/22/2007
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My husband had a vasectomy 9 years ago. We have three children but I do not have easy pregnancies. We decided to have another baby but that ended in a miscarriage. It was a horrible experience both physically with hemorrhaging and also emotionally. I found out four months later I was pregnant again only to lose that baby too. I told my husband I could not go through that again and we decided three was good for us. After all I had been through with my high risk pregnancies, one being a c-section, and the miscarriages it just seemed the best thing for him to have the procedure than me to have one more thing done. We have not regretted it at all.
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/9/2008 11:42:02 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2940
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
I think the problem is that most men have never really had to do anything about birth control. It doesn't really affect them physically,
Well, not to be too nit picky, but if condoms were used, I would say the man had to do something about the birth control.
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/10/2008 11:22:21 AM
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Auben
Posts: 1608
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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quote:
Slightly off topic, but I know a man who got a bad infection down there after having a vasectomy. He said the pain of that was far worse than the pain after surgery, and required longer than the usual waiting period before things were back to normal.
I'm sure there are men who have complications. There are women who have complications from both birth and tubals. The complications are just more severe and more numerous than what men experience. Their process is simpler and the vast majority recover quickly.
quote:
Well, not to be too nit picky, but if condoms were used, I would say the man had to do something about the birth control.
Yes, and talking about it is also being involved but the vast majority of men do not have any physical job to do when it comes to birth control. Most of them do not like or use condoms. Most of them don't even talk about it much but leave it to their wives (or girlfriends). By contrast this is a subject that women worry about, debate, and obsess over. I'm sure if we counted the number of threads about it in the Women's and Men's section we could see the vast difference in mindset. Traditionally it's been considered a 'woman's problem.'
If men were more involved in birth control and really took ownership of it, I couldn't find an excuse for a man to allow his partner to have full surgery when he could do a 15 minute outpatient procedure far more easily and cheaply. I guess in my mind the fact that he hasn't been trained to think about it and take responsibility for it is the only excuse he could have.
_____________________________
Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Permanent Birth Control - 11/10/2008 12:18:04 PM
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OneOfHisJewels
Posts: 2940
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
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quote:
quote:
Well, not to be too nit picky, but if condoms were used, I would say the man had to do something about the birth control.
Yes, and talking about it is also being involved but the vast majority of men do not have any physical job to do when it comes to birth control. Most of them do not like or use condoms.
FWIW, I DO completely agree with you that once a decision is made to do something permanent, it should be the man getting the vascectomy...however, I will also say, that most of my married friends, before that point, DID used condoms as their primary method of BC-and didn't mind them.. (no, I didn't ask, I guess I just have non-private friends)..there are also married women on this board who use that as their method and do not mind them (Cinderella, laughinggirl)..that's all I'm saying. Before they went permanent, that was also my parents' primary method (so they say)...as far as permanent sterilization, my parents actually did a double whammy. My dad got a vasectomy AND my mom got a tubal. They did this right after my severely disabled sister was born, and I guess they wanted to make doubly sure there was not a chance of getting pregnant again (short of a miracle, I suppose).
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