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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 11/6/2008 9:19:22 PM
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hnt
Posts: 539
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quote:
ORIGINAL: brianm73
Thank you "iwillfearnoevil", each day I come in and read these post that the members have placed in response to my origianal. An you are the only one that truly understood what I was saying. I admit I am to blame and that I have alot of work to do. But, she has been hurt, therefore she needs help, too! And she need Christ to heal her! I still have a lot of faults to change, but with my counseling, my disciplining classes, and faith in Christ I will be healed and I will become a new creature. Thank you again.
brianm73 - if you read the posts again MOST of them are saying the same thing as well. Its awesome that you are doing work on yourself, and you SHOULD continue!
What they are saying is SHE may not be in a place where she is willing to do that when in comes your situation.
It took you how many years to recognize this regarding YOU? You couldn't be pushed, and you couldn't be lead. You also had to do this in your time. You need to allow her that as well.
quote:
Pray that the devil would stop putting imagizes in her head.
This is a heart and trust issue. The trust in you is broken, and you aren't a safe person in her heart and mind. Some of those images you speak of were placed there by you, because of your actions. Don't be to quick to blame the devil here! You should be concentrating on ownership of things more importantly. You admited your sins to us, and that's a great start! Reminding yourself that you helped the devil place those 'images' in your wife's head would be a good second one. You need to humble yourself enough to admit that to YOU and to everyone from now on. That would start a honorable change within you.
quote:
The first day out I found a Christian Counselor and have seen him every week since. Four days later, my wife allowed me to stay at the house, but not sleep in the same bed. Two days later, she allowed me to sleep in the bed, but I have to stay on my side with my blanket and I CAN NOT touch her. She will not wear our wedding ring and says that she could never love me as a husband again. We both went to see "Fire Proof", and I am currently trying to do the Love Dare, but at times it has been very hard.
I read this I really wondered if you are pushing her a bit to much. If she has to tell you NOT to touch her in the bed - she isn't comfortable with you being there. If she is refusing to wear the rings, and tells you that she may never love you as a husband again.....DUDE she is really HURT! She isn't in a good mind space and heart space to be talking about counseling with you. She will resent you very much if you push her to hard on this. It will backfire on you big time! Lets be honest here - it doesn't it sound like she even wants you in her bed. I'm sure you can at least understand that somewhat right? Sounds like she is very hurt and confused...personally you would be smart to give her all the personal space she wants.....and THEN some! That's NOT going to be easy for you! It will be VERY hard, because you have made up your mind you are ready to start this journey together. To be honest I bet she doesn't believe you with this vision of change, etc. She may even tell you she does if she feels it would upset you at this point. Remember actions speak louder than words. She is looking at the past history, and the habit patterns she had to deal with....now someone is saying I will change for you and for GOD, and when you push the counseling she feels pressured by you. She doesn't believe you, and now you want to force her hand on counseling. YOU may not see it that way, but it sure sounds like she does! THAT'S OKAY - you can work past that, but you MUST be patient!
You didn't like the responses because they didn't speak to your motive, and to what she may be feeling towards you. That's uncomfortable I realize that. Don't go down that way again. Its okay to humble yourself enough to own what others are telling you. Changing your ways doesn't mean you don't live the consquences of your past brianm73! We grow from those lessons, and we become better people. That's what God wants from all of us! Goodness knows NONE of us are white as snow here!  I know I'm NOT!
Dear Lord please be with brianm73 and his wife and their family. Please continue to change brianm73 heart, and become the man that you intended he be. Please Lord we also ask that you be with his wife, and have her feel the presense of you to guide her in the upcoming days. As you have started to soften brianm73's heart we ask that you be with his wife, and show her the path that you wish her to take. Show them both your will for them and their future. Be close by as they both struggle to learn true trust, and a life of servanthood towards each other. Show them patience, humbleness, and the way to see each other's hearts so they may both heal. We ask that you place a hedge of protection around them now and in the future! We ask that you heal their brokeness so they may serve you as you wish them to do. Please help these hurting people find your will for their lifes. I pray this in Jesus name...AMEN!
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Emotional abuse and Faith
Reaching for IT!!!!!!
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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 11/16/2008 12:08:50 AM
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1957Hedgehog
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Brian, I'm a DivorceCare facilitator at our church and have a couple of suggestions for you. First, keep praying. Stand beside God and look at your situation together. Listen closely for His divine direction. Second, try and find a support group like DivorceCare or a church small group. Preferably other men you can trust who are in similar circumstances. You need an accountability partner to help you remain objective, and to help you keep your focus on your wife. Third, find a DivorceCare near you and go. Google or Yahoo can find the website so you can look for sessions near you. Lastly, pick up the book called Boundaries. You may want to read it first, then have your wife read it if she will. Some churches like mine offer Boundaries classes as well.
DivorceCare would be a good suggestion for your wife as well, but separate from you. It is faith based, and covers all the spiritual and emotional struggles associated with separation and divorce. But the program is ultimately about reconciliation with God and with your spouse. And it starts with healing, which both of you must do before any work on marital reconciliation.
At this point, not being a professional psychologist but knowing a bit about relationships, I believe you are experiencing "symptoms" of possibly deeper "wounds" in yourself. I'd suggest you continue with a good Christian Counselor alone. You are going to need to heal first. You need to forgive yourself. You are going to have to ask her forgiveness (if you haven't already). And you must fully repent to God and your wife. God will grant you His Grace and Mercy if you are sincere. Don't expect your wife to be so gracious and merciful for quite some time. And you cannot pressure her at all. She must forgive you on her terms and timeline, and then only after she has regained enough trust in you to believe you truly have repented and changed.
Me personally, I believe it is wrong that you are back in bed with her, and here's why. She needs space. She needs boundaries. I don't believe she has that with you so intimately close to her whether you are intimate romantically or sexually or not. Check this with your pastor and/or Christian Counselor, but I feel the mere presence of you in your marital bed is putting undue pressure on her to "hurry up and get back to normal".
If she won't see a Christian Counselor with you, perhaps she will agree to start with your church pastor first to break the ice of meeting together with a trusted spiritual guide who can help you down the road of marital healing. If you are sincere in your desire to reconcile, you will do whatever it takes to demonstrate your sincerity and remorse to her. But in all things do it with love, no expectations, and no pressure.
Marriage is such a blessing in my life but it took me 3 trys to get it right, with God's help of course. I pray you and your wife can turn to Jesus together for lasting love and peace. Best wishes.
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RE: Repentant husband wanting to save marriage - 11/16/2008 12:31:20 PM
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cynthia
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I changed the thread title in this post. I really hate seeing "Bad husband." You have to reject that bad husband and live in the here and now of a repentant husband who is seeking the Lord and seeking healing. The Bible tells us to put aside the past and walk in the present.
As I mentioned before, you should be thankful that your wife has let you back into her bed, but it may be best for you to not press that point. Can you move to a different bedroom or if you can't, can you get single beds for your room, so your wife will feel safer? If you can do that, be sure to let her know that you are doing it so she will have her space and feel safer, because you love her and when she is ready, you will be there for her.
ETA:
A husband is usually a provider and protector. When a husband becomes an abuser, he also rejects his God given role. If you can find different sleeping arrangements while still staying in your home, you are protecting your wife and allowing her to build a sense of safety and freedom with you. Take on the role of protecting your wife. You have rejected the role of abuser, replace it with protector. Of course you don’t want to smother her or hover over her. You want to give her privacy and space, but that is part of protecting her from further harm and giving her what she needs to begin healing. Ask her how you can help her to feel safer, while still living there with her, then endeavor to do those things for her.
< Message edited by cynthia -- 11/16/2008 12:41:45 PM >
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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 11/21/2008 12:07:47 PM
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brianm73
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I dont know if I am doing the right thing. She filed for divorice and by law I can stay at the house until it is sold. I want to be there for a few reasons;(1) For the boys, (2) For money reasons, (3) To fix it up before selling it. I know it is awkward for her, because it is for me. She said she just wants this done with so she can start healing; that I completely understand. One issue is she does not want to move out until June, when school is over. So I am looking at 6 month of living with a women who does not want me there. What do I do???????
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Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength, they will soar high on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 11/21/2008 1:37:21 PM
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Hislittleone
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If she wants you gone then you should give her the space. Do you have a friend or family member you could stay with for a while?
I highly recommend you get into counseling with the Ken Nair ministry (Life Partners). HERE is their website. Contact them and ask about the one on one discipleship program. My husband counsels with them and it has been so helpful to our marriage. I can't recommend it highly enough.
Nair's book Discovering the Mind of A Woman is also extremely helpful in restoring broken marriages. You can purchase it on their website, Christian bookstores or on amazon.com
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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 11/21/2008 1:59:24 PM
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cynthia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Hislittleone
If she wants you gone then you should give her the space. Do you have a friend or family member you could stay with for a while?
Despite the fact that her attitude is based on his former bad attitude and abusive behavior, I don't think it is necessarily right for him to leave. The Bible tells us that if one spouse wants to leave, we should let them, it doesn't say anything about if a spouse wants you to leave that you ought to. I think he probably should not leave, but should give her space by not staying in the same bed with her. It would be good to let her know that she is free to leave, but you hope she won't.
If she wants her space, that is certainly understandable, but based on his statement that he is currently not being abusive or posing any threat, but is in repentance, I think it would be best to give her the space she needs and not to pressure her, but not leave the home either. His boys need him present and need to see an example of a loving repentant husband.
_____________________________
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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 11/21/2008 7:59:15 PM
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1957Hedgehog
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Brian, once again it becomes a matter of respect and love for your wife. No matter what is currently transpiring between the 2 of you.
Present this to God as sincerely and earnestly as you can and without emotion. God knows your heart. He will answer you on what you should do.
We here can give you all sorts of ideas, but ultimately we have no idea of your particular situation. What works for one couple in trouble won't necessarily work for another. Your house may not permit you to stay there separate from her to give her some space. I have a woman in our New Beginnings class who's estranged husband is living in the basement while the mediation and court proceedings continue. It is not a good situation. They have a 5 year old who's having difficulty understanding what's happening. Other guys just leave. Other women just leave.
I sense your hopelessness. Turn your need for hope to God and he will answer. Find a support group near by. Try and find solace in God's Word. Surround yourself with people who genuinely love you and care about you. Go see your pastor as soon as possible. Ask your wife if she is willing to also meet with your pastor.
I pray God's healing on your marriage and may His grace and peace be with you.
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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 11/25/2008 5:04:37 PM
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brianm73
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Well, I did pray about it and I am sleeping in the basement. I bought a full size bed, because I will need one anyways when I move out. After the second night she asked if I wanted to sleep up stairs and I said yes. But last night I went back down stairs, because I just could not sleep next to her without hurting inside. I know our marriage is over, but she is being very civil about it and that I am thankful for. Tomorrow I meet with my attorney and sign my papers. I still pray that God will stop this, but that is her choice to make. She did say the other day that she has seen changes in me, but still says that she could never be intimate with me again. God has strengthen me and he has become the center of my life. I still have anxtiuos moments when I think about her and what life is going to be like with out her, but it is getting easier. I pray that God fills the void left by her with his spirit and that he will show me his purpose for my life. June is a long ways away, and with the economy the way it is, who is to say we will sell it before the next school season starts!! Then what!!!!
_____________________________
Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength, they will soar high on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 11/25/2008 9:49:34 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 8073
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Yes, June is a long ways away. Signing divorce papers doesn't mean there is no chance for healing. Keep seeking the Lord and doing what you can to be a blessing to your wife and an example to your children. No matter what the outcome, you can't go wrong with that.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 11/26/2008 12:11:16 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: brianm73
because I just could not sleep next to her without hurting inside.
if you want to save your marriage, you put aside your feelings of hurt
quote:
but still says that she could never be intimate with me again.
thousands of spouses have said/felt that before and feelings of romantic love have returned
chances of reconciliation after divorce are near zero, why are you signing anything
quote:
Tomorrow I meet with my attorney and sign my papers. I still pray that God will stop this, but that is her choice to make.
what do you gain by signing? does she have grounds for divorce? i realize they aren't needed in most states but reconciliation chances AFTER final divorce is near zero...
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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 11/26/2008 12:47:06 PM
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cynthia
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Not signing divorce papers is only a controlling measure to try to stop his wife from divorcing him. The Bible clearly states that if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave that the believing spouse is not to stop that. If his wife is unwilling to reconcile, that puts her in the position of unbelieving and unwilling to reconcile. Trying to force his will on her would be wrong. By doing what is right and not trying to take matters into his own hands, he has a much better chance of seeing reconciliation than if he tries to force her to stay married, especially in this situation where she really needs to be free from her husband trying to control her.
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My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 11/26/2008 1:01:06 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
Not signing divorce papers is only a controlling measure to try to stop his wife from divorcing him. The Bible clearly states that if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave that the believing spouse is not to stop that. If his wife is unwilling to reconcile, that puts her in the position of unbelieving and unwilling to reconcile. Trying to force his will on her would be wrong. By doing what is right and not trying to take matters into his own hands, he has a much better chance of seeing reconciliation than if he tries to force her to stay married, especially in this situation where she really needs to be free from her husband trying to control her.
there have been no posts about the wife's faith. if you see any let me know or shall we assume she is an unbeliever simply for requesting a divorce? i agree that 1 cor 7:15 says that a believer can release an unbeliever but believer shouldn't be proactive. in some states, the wayward spouse may be unable to get a divorce on their own, i don't see that as a bad thing. if wayward has to go to some effort, let them. i don't see OP threatening wife if she leaves. let her do the work, wait any cooldown periods as required by law, etc. i guess i see signs of hope, sleeping in same bed, etc that may not be there. and yes one spouse can still return after divorce, it's just nearly impossible. my advice was that if he wants to keep his marriage, continuing on a plan of divorce usually isn't the best.
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RE: Repentant husband wanting to save marriage - 11/26/2008 1:51:51 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 8073
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From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
there have been no posts about the wife's faith. if you see any let me know or shall we assume she is an unbeliever simply for requesting a divorce? i agree that 1 cor 7:15 says that a believer can release an unbeliever but believer shouldn't be proactive. in some states, the wayward spouse may be unable to get a divorce on their own, i don't see that as a bad thing. if wayward has to go to some effort, let them. i don't see OP threatening wife if she leaves. let her do the work, wait any cooldown periods as required by law, etc. i guess i see signs of hope, sleeping in same bed, etc that may not be there. and yes one spouse can still return after divorce, it's just nearly impossible. my advice was that if he wants to keep his marriage, continuing on a plan of divorce usually isn't the best.
In the OP, Brian said:
quote:
ORIGINAL: brianm73
And that she too would give her life to Christ and save this marriage!
I assume she is an unbeliever if she has not given her life to Christ. If she claims to be a Christian, then Brian should take her unwillingness to work with him towards reconciliation through the Biblical steps to helping a Christian to repentance. If she does not claim to be a Christian, that would be pointless and she is obviously an unbeliever.
Furthermore, there is no indication in scripture that we ought to be controlling other people or making them stay in a relationship that they do not want to be in. If a person is not following scripture and is unrepentant, forcing them into a situation they do not want to be in is not going to help matters at all. It is sinful, controlling behavior, which is one of the attitudes and behaviors that Brian is trying to recover and repent of.
Trying to force one’s one agendas on someone else, whether it is a scripture standard of behavior or not is not a good way to lead people to Christ or reconcile with someone who is hurt and angry.
ETA: to change title on my post to Repentant husband
< Message edited by cynthia -- 11/26/2008 2:05:08 PM >
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 11/26/2008 2:32:49 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
I assume she is an unbeliever if she has not given her life to Christ. If she claims to be a Christian, then Brian should take her unwillingness to work with him towards reconciliation through the Biblical steps to helping a Christian to repentance. If she does not claim to be a Christian, that would be pointless and she is obviously an unbeliever.
Furthermore, there is no indication in scripture that we ought to be controlling other people or making them stay in a relationship that they do not want to be in. If a person is not following scripture and is unrepentant, forcing them into a situation they do not want to be in is not going to help matters at all. It is sinful, controlling behavior, which is one of the attitudes and behaviors that Brian is trying to recover and repent of.
Trying to force one’s one agendas on someone else, whether it is a scripture standard of behavior or not is not a good way to lead people to Christ or reconcile with someone who is hurt and angry.
ETA: to change title on my post to Repentant husband
i reread his posts and missed that - thank you. that does clarify things some. however we'd have a lot more divorces in this world, if a spouse immediately agreed to a divorce everytime it was brought up. that's one extreme and obviously not this case. if an unbeliever wants to get a divorce, the believer doesn't need to jump through hoops to make it happen. if you read the scripture, you'll see that it says if the unbeliever leaves, in this case she hasn't left. let her get the divorce if she wants and then the scripture can apply. it does not say, if an unbelieving spouse decides to go. there should be some sort of separation/abandonment. not sure where you are reading force or control or sin. let the wife get the divorce if she wants to go.
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RE: Repentant husband wanting to save marriage - 11/26/2008 2:37:52 PM
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cynthia
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I suppose that depends on how you read the text. When it says leaves, I am assuming it means to leave the marriage. Besides that, he hasn't even left the house. He is doing what he can to work towards reconcilliation and even though his wife has filed for divorce, she hasn't left the house. I think there is a very good chance that things will turn around by June if Brian continues on his path of repentence and surrender to the Lord.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Repentant husband wanting to save marriage - 11/26/2008 2:58:29 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
she hasn't left the house.
right, so it's hard to see that fulfilling the scripture you mention since the unbeliever did not leave but the generality of this situation should be discussed in the one stop thread and not here. i also do believe there's hope for reconciliation (there always is). however doing everything the spouse who wants out asks, is usually not a good way to go about things - it's often driven by fear. i will be praying brianm73 for you to continue to receive God's peace and understanding on what to do.
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RE: Repentant husband wanting to save marriage - 11/26/2008 3:15:58 PM
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cynthia
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I am suggesting that he do whatever his wife wants. In the time of the scripture, you didn't have to have the signature of the other person to get a divorce. I suppose he could refuse to sign, but I doubt that would make any difference, except she would then get whatever she wanted since he wouldn't be working to come to agreement on the settlement. I don't think there are any states where a person is required to get the other person's signature for a divorce. As long as he is not trying to control his wife and try to force her to stay married to him, that's one thing, but trying to force her to remain married when she doesn't want to is quite another.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Repentant husband wanting to save marriage - 11/26/2008 3:35:51 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
I don't think there are any states where a person is required to get the other person's signature for a divorce.
I am suggesting that he do whatever his wife wants.
yes there are still states where fault (or signature) is needed - new york is one. love must be tough by dr. dobson is a great book explaining why the innocent spouse should not just do whatever the one leaving wants. this is because you want to save the relationship and she doesn't. that doesn't mean you shouldn't do anything she asks, but if you want to save the marriage, you have a different way to evaluate your decision making process.
http://www.troubledwith.com/Relationships/A000000560.cfm?topic=relationships%3a%20separation outlines some of the basic theme of the book. brian, i believe the 'speech' given in there on that link, would be very helpful to communicate to your wife. especially in conjunction with your signing of the papers she initiated. i think it could help her to feel less trapped and wanting to flee and there is lots of time before june as you say.
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RE: Repentant husband wanting to save marriage - 11/26/2008 3:45:01 PM
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cynthia
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Interesting. I am surprised.
Brian, would you mind telling us what state you are in so we have idea of what the divorce laws are in your state?
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RE: Repentant husband wanting to save marriage - 11/28/2008 6:50:56 PM
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cynthia
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Oh my goodness, I was re-reading some of the posts in this thread and found I made a grave error here and it's too late to edit it. I meant that I not suggesting that he do whatever his wife wants. Yikes. I'm sorry about that.
quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
I am suggesting that he do whatever his wife wants. In the time of the scripture, you didn't have to have the signature of the other person to get a divorce. I suppose he could refuse to sign, but I doubt that would make any difference, except she would then get whatever she wanted since he wouldn't be working to come to agreement on the settlement. I don't think there are any states where a person is required to get the other person's signature for a divorce. As long as he is not trying to control his wife and try to force her to stay married to him, that's one thing, but trying to force her to remain married when she doesn't want to is quite another.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Repentant husband wanting to save marriage - 11/29/2008 1:34:43 PM
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cindybode
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Brian, have you taken the suggestion to hook up with either Joel and Kathy Davisson's or Ken Nair's ministry. Trust me, they can help you. They can help you understand where you went wrong, and they can teach you how to heal your wife.
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RE: Bad husband wanting to save marriage - 12/1/2008 10:30:08 AM
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Lyrach
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Wow. First of all, let me say that I am happy that you started the ball rolling by being honest . But, as most other posts have said, when we sin (and God knows we ALL do), we have to look first and foremost at our hearts. Esp. in the cases of infidelity (take note, this doesn't necessarily mean just physical infidelity), we all have examine our own hearts & keep focused on exactly what you've started doing - becoming the men & women that Christ wanted us to be. This WILL mean undboutedly dying to self... and, well, dying hurts  . But, the path that you've started walking down is the BEST one available - make NO mistake about it! A little from my side of the wheel (since I've only been married for about half as long)... I was the daughter of a wonderful father who was a pastor who happened to have a problem with pornography. Finally, after 10 years of lying to my mother, my father began going to counseling and told my mom the truth....ouch. I was 14 at the time, and it was SO hard to see both of them - my father, broken, disheartened, and finally dealing with the belated consequences of his sin; and my mother- angry disillusioned, suspicions confirmed, and utterly deceived by the one whom she stood firmly by his side for so long & supported- BUT I will tell you, they have just celebrated 28 years of marriage, and only by the grace of GOd. My mother told my father they needed to separate for a time, work on this with a counselor - on both ends, individually, and that every couple of months or so they'd talk and see how things were coming .She said if there wasn't improvement (mostly with the honest part), then she could not take him back. ... it was amazing to see my father humble himself before the Lord, and he didn't know what would happen, only that he needed to do the right thing, to become who God wanted him to be. My mother was slower in her rehabilitation, even when she did agree to my father moving back in. I also think that when you have kids in the mix, you are forced to take a bit of a detour (just practically) from intensely working on your marriage. Doesn't mean that problems & issues can't be solved, or that you stop growing in Christ - just the opposite- but you grow in a different way than when it was just the two of you. My point? DO NOT , PLEASE, GIVE UP! Even if your wife is cold, please, hang on to Christ. I am reading a book called The Sacred Marriage : What if God designed marriage to make us holy rather than happy? .... I would grab a copy. Even if your wife happens to pick it up & read one excerpt -it will do her well. My prayers are with you!
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RE: Repented husband wanting to save marriage - 12/1/2008 1:17:17 PM
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brianm73
Posts: 37
Joined: 11/4/2008
Status: offline
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Good morning to everyone!! I am still staying in the house, down in the basement. It seems to be working out OK. I have been reading the Love Dare and it says to tell your wife that you "Love Her". So, I did and to my surprise I got an I Love You, too!! Well, the next day I said it again, and sure enough I got an I Love You, too!!! Not wanting to push it any further then that I would only say it to her once a day. Well, I dont know what happend, but they have stopped. We were out shopping together on Black Friday and instead of a "I Love You", I get a reminder that we have a class we have to attend concerning children during a divorice. Then the next day I am in the room playing video games and instead of a I Love You, I get " Dont for to donate your nativity scene to the church." So I told her that I did not need reminders that we are getting a divorice. I then told her everytime we are just having a good time you have to bring up something that has to do with us divoricing!! I dont need any reminders. After that everything fell apart. She went to bed, then woke up Sunday went shopping and pretty much kept to herself. I asked if there was anything wrong and she just said she was ina weird mood and just wanted to be by herself. So, I gave her as much space as I could. Then this morning before leaving for work, normally I would get a hug, but not this morning; at leastr not a first!! She just wanted me to "Hit The Rock!", this is something we had done before from time to time. Now, it is her way of giving me a hug. So, I asked whats up with that? An so she gave me a hug; sort of!!!! I know she is going to have her up and down days, but it is like a switch was hit and all feelings went away!! I am a guy and I guess I just dont get it. I keep praying for us every day and I am still going to counseling, plus reading scripture everyday and allowing God to be my guide. As for where I live, it is the great O-H-I-O!!!! I cant help, but to wonder how she is going to act when it comes time to start splitting up the goods! I know I was wrong for the things I did, but I can not stand here and become a door mat!! Please, Everyone, I Need Your Prayers!!!!! God Hates Divorices!! I Have Repented and Turn to The Spirit to be my Guide, Ask God to Save My Marriage!!!
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Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength, they will soar high on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
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RE: Repented husband wanting to save marriage - 12/1/2008 2:01:05 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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praying for you brianm73 ... in your situation, i think the natural tendency is to analyze each and every sentence ... and to hang on that outcome ... if she says she loves me, then all is well at the moment ... or if she refuses a hug, then it seems like the end of the world ... i'm not criticizing you, and i experienced the same things ... but it seems you are trying to trust in God ... and if you keep reading, praying, trusting in God ... you will continue to feel more secure and stable ... and that is a good thing
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