RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies me!
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/10/2008 6:53:12 PM
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My_Redeemer_Lives08
Posts: 69
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LivingParadox
quote:
ORIGINAL: bosoxdd
dawn..go to rejoiceministries.org..its a great site you will spend hours there.and dont listen to anyone that says GOD has something better for you..hes does have something better for you and its your spouse and no one else. its GOD will that you and youre spouse stay together its made very clear in his word. so you got divorced thats because GOD isnt done with your spouse yet.pray without ceasing and stay in the word and sooner or later GOD will soften your husbands heart and change him from the inside out..but are you willing to fight no matter how long it takes?
and thats not to say you cant move on and find happiness and a great partner..but thats not GODS will..his will is for you to pray and surrender it to him and let him fight this fight and handle everything for you.God makes it perfectly clear in the bible that its his will for you to stay with your spouse..look at at what he says about marriage and divorce
While the resource link is probably a good thing...I believe if you read through the thread you will see that Dawn has been trying to reconcile the relationship although they are already divorced. I think it would be a misjustice for her to allow this man back into her life with no change, no repentance, no restoration. But still, he hasn't shown any of these signs of healing the relationship. I would caution given these details to "guilt" someone that they aren't trying hard enough. I know if her husband choose the will of God to restore the marriage that IS God's will but sometimes the other spouses heart is too hard. Wasn't it Jesus that mentioned the hardness of heart as why divorce happens?
Your right, because there is no way, absolutely no way, I can go through this again. It will be the death of me the next time. I HAVE to know that it's God who has restored this relationship. I just have to know that.
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/10/2008 6:54:15 PM
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LivingParadox
Posts: 926
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quote:
ORIGINAL: atruefaith
quote:
Do I throw in the towel on this, or do I continue to pray for our marriage to be restored?
One more thing...how about neither? What if you pray for a greater joy in Jesus and pray for your marriage with the expectation that whether or not you reconcile, God will with prevail in your life and you will persevere towards a reward 10,000 times greater than the most perfect husband!
That sounds like a good prayer.
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/10/2008 6:58:08 PM
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My_Redeemer_Lives08
Posts: 69
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quote:
ORIGINAL: atruefaith
quote:
Do I throw in the towel on this, or do I continue to pray for our marriage to be restored?
One more thing...how about neither? What if you pray for a greater joy in Jesus and pray for your marriage with the expectation that whether or not you reconcile, God will with prevail in your life and you will persevere towards a reward 10,000 times greater than the most perfect husband!
I never thought about it like that :) I hope everyone here knows, that Im going to print this whole thread off, lol. You have helped me so much, and I thank God for everyone of you!
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/10/2008 6:59:55 PM
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lightbeamrider
Posts: 138
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Sorry Dawn, i hesitated to put that in. The part about being tempted. Since u were it was not a problem. Men don't usually just walk out on their wife and children for no reason. Or perhaps i am giving men too much credit. Walking out on u and his daughter is not Christian and church leaders need to be aware of this and how u hurt as a result. They need to sit his behind down and tell him the facts about what it means to be a Christian husband. To remind him of his vows he made before God and in public and what he needs to do in order to make things right by u, his daughter, the church community, and especially God. If allowed to attend church services without consequences he is still in his sin as he has done u wrong and his presence corrupts the church from within. He needs to make things right. Otherwise he will reap the seeds of misery, he planted in the future, if that has not already started to happen. I have to go to work. Hopefully this clears things up for now. It is not my intention to cause u further pain. Faith can move mountains, according to Scripture. Keep clinging to God in spite of your circumstances and do right by your ex husband. Love him with the supernatural love God will provide you with in the time to come. This is the time of testing for u. Do not waver in unbelief but trust God in all things. He is everything we need in every circumstance. Above all, never forfeit your integrity.
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/10/2008 7:06:09 PM
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My_Redeemer_Lives08
Posts: 69
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lightbeamrider
Sorry Dawn, i hesitated to put that in. The part about being tempted. Since u were it was not a problem. Men don't usually just walk out on their wife and children for no reason. Or perhaps i am giving men too much credit. Walking out on u and his daughter is not Christian and church leaders need to be aware of this and how u hurt as a result. They need to sit his behind down and tell him the facts about what it means to be a Christian husband. To remind him of his vows he made before God and in public and what he needs to do in order to make things right by u, his daughter, the church community, and especially God. If allowed to attend church services without consequences he is still in his sin as he has done u wrong and his presence corrupts the church from within. He needs to make things right. Otherwise he will reap the seeds of misery, he planted in the future, if that has not already started to happen. I have to go to work. Hopefully this clears things up for now. It is not my intention to cause u further pain. Faith can move mountains, according to Scripture. Keep clinging to God in spite of your circumstances and do right by your ex husband. Love him with the supernatural love God will provide you with in the time to come. This is the time of testing for u. Do not waver in unbelief but trust God in all things. He is everything we need in every circumstance. Above all, never forfeit your integrity.
Thank you for writing back. I understand what you meant now. We had our problems, but none worth divorcing over. If anyone should have divorced the other, it should have been me divorcing him, but I chose God, to trust Him, and to work this out, but he didn't. He kicked me and my daughter out, took my vehicle away from me, uprooted us from our church and has left me with questions that aren't answered. I have forgiven him completely, but sometimes I have to find the anger within me toward him, just to keep from breaking and to make it through the day, and then I feel so guilty, because I'm so afraid it will turn into bitterness. Then I think, if I have forgiven him, how can I find this anger, well I know how, I go back to all the terrible things he has put me through, and I really don't need to do that.
And even with all that being said, I still love this man, and I have some hope left.
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/10/2008 10:54:09 PM
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delete123
Posts: 994
Joined: 6/1/2005
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(((Dawn)))~
Boy my heart goes out to you. I went through a painful divorce years ago and I felt and questioned everything you are now.
I can not express enough that you do not go through this alone. I had no choice, because my ex was abusive and I no longer had any friends left.
It is okay to come here, but also find visual friends as well or go to counselling even if it just to air some grief.
God did not intend for us to carry our burdens alone (He says for us to share our burdens). I wish I had known this back when I went through my divorce and the aftermath.
Trust me on these few things:
You can do all things in Christ who strengthens you (phil 4:13)
As some have mentioned Romans 8:28; all things turn to good
He will never leave or forsake you (Hebrews)
* In all humility wait on God
and remember if you find yourself falling fall forward
Said a prayer for you
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/10/2008 11:41:10 PM
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atruefaith
Posts: 320
Joined: 6/18/2005
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quote:
So do you think I'm putting too much attention on asking God to do this? Please help me out here :(
No, as long as your plea is with him. Job had three friends who weren't much help. No matter how much sincerity they injected into their advice they were still ultimately wrong. What I was encouraging you to do was to keep focused on an eternal view. Your righteousness is in heaven with Jesus! Your comfort is in heaven with Jesus! Your life in that body of death you suffer under is in heaven with Jesus! That's the revelation that trials bring and the blessing as well. They simultaneously show us how little we've made of Jesus and how great a comforter he is when we put our hope in him.
No doubt it's a very hard thing to admit and even more difficult to embrace, but the reality remains: There is a better joy in Jesus on the other side of your suffering.
_____________________________
A series of short stories depicting the Christian faith....
www.atruefaith.com
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/11/2008 10:55:16 AM
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My_Redeemer_Lives08
Posts: 69
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quote:
ORIGINAL: delete123
(((Dawn)))~
Boy my heart goes out to you. I went through a painful divorce years ago and I felt and questioned everything you are now.
I can not express enough that you do not go through this alone. I had no choice, because my ex was abusive and I no longer had any friends left.
It is okay to come here, but also find visual friends as well or go to counselling even if it just to air some grief.
God did not intend for us to carry our burdens alone (He says for us to share our burdens). I wish I had known this back when I went through my divorce and the aftermath.
Trust me on these few things:
You can do all things in Christ who strengthens you (phil 4:13)
As some have mentioned Romans 8:28; all things turn to good
He will never leave or forsake you (Hebrews)
* In all humility wait on God
and remember if you find yourself falling fall forward
Said a prayer for you
Thank you so very much :)
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/11/2008 1:03:39 PM
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buckifn
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got an appt... but will add more later...I just wanted to say you can NEVER ever NEVER ask too much of God.
Never stop making your requests known to Him Dawn. He wants us to communicate with Him regardless of the circumstances.
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/11/2008 1:27:23 PM
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My_Redeemer_Lives08
Posts: 69
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quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
got an appt... but will add more later...I just wanted to say you can NEVER ever NEVER ask too much of God.
Never stop making your requests known to Him Dawn. He wants us to communicate with Him regardless of the circumstances.
Thank you. I'm feeling better today, but even now, I have moments when memories just over take me, memories of when we were happy, of how it use to be, and I find myself sad and in tears again. I pray the days get better. I woke up feeling strong this morning, but at this very moment, so very broken again. I will never understand why and how this has happened to us. I have had people ask me, is he having an affair? If he was or is, it's something I never knew or expected, and I pray that if he is, that God protects me from never knowing this.
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/11/2008 1:56:09 PM
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AnneAirth
Posts: 21
Joined: 10/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
yw. and my prayers are with you...plus I wanted to suggest if you have some praise and worship music..maybe even instrumental without the words...put that on...and let it speak to your heart. begin praying out loud as the music ministers to you all that is in your heart. God wants to receive your cries.
Do you know in our worship the cries from the depths of our being- even and maybe esp. when we are troubled, those cries are an offering of worship to Him?
It is us choosing to lift our soul UP to God when everything else is trying to pull us DOWN.
I firmly believe 1 part of the Scripture which says the Joy of the Lord is our strength has to be connected with our learning how to find joy in Him even in our darkest day. The joy is not a fake joy...acting happy when we know we are dying inside..the true joy is in KNOWING Lord even though my heart is breaking I am calling on you and YOU ARE RIGHT HERE with me...walking through this valley with me.
I had to learn that when my previous wife died. The joy was in releasing my grief to God knowing He was not abandoning me nor letting me die in my sorrow.
Jesus grieved at the grave at Lazarus but He also called Lazarus forth didn't He.
Sometimes it is in our hurts that we have to allow the life of God to arise in us. That is my prayer for you today.
Your posts are right on, Buckifn!
I am reminded of Isaiah 61:3
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”
dawn~ as you walk through this depression, may you always be reminded that Jesus is there and He is ever-pleased with YOU.
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/11/2008 2:15:20 PM
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My_Redeemer_Lives08
Posts: 69
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Can I ask everyone a question, and just have your thoughts on this? When he wanted us out, me and my child, 5 months ago, I was stronger then, than I am today. Why is that? I had more strength during that time, packing, the actual moving, but today, the pain seems so fresh, as if it happened today. And that's confusing me. Why is the pain so bad today, and it wasn't then?
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/11/2008 7:11:07 PM
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LivingParadox
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dawn_s
Can I ask everyone a question, and just have your thoughts on this? When he wanted us out, me and my child, 5 months ago, I was stronger then, than I am today. Why is that? I had more strength during that time, packing, the actual moving, but today, the pain seems so fresh, as if it happened today. And that's confusing me. Why is the pain so bad today, and it wasn't then?
Everyone processes grief differently. I suspect based on my experiences with crisis and tramatic times is that you have the ability to divert your emotions while things need doing. Which can be good considering as a single parent you've had to hold it together for your child. Why is it that you are now feeling it? Probably it's enough time removed, enough stability and the realization that your marriage may truly be over -- you are far enough removed now you are starting to grieve your loss. You need to grief your loss. You need to surround yourself with others that have/are experiencing this kind of loss. I highly recommend DivorceCare as a bibically sound program to help you heal -- and yes, they truly promote reconciliation whenever it is possible.
You've been through a lot the past few months. You need to nurture yourself just as your would your child.
And as someone who has the perspective of years from this kind of experience -- it will get better (either way).
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/11/2008 7:32:27 PM
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coyouth
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dawn_s
I have questions like, God says, He will never allow us to carry a burden that's too heavy for us, but I don't feel that today, for many days, I have felt like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. I question, "Did I not have enough faith for Him to do this?" I feel angry with God, then I feel sad for feeling this way with Him, I almost feel that He is mad because I don't understand.
hi dawn, just want to share this article with you regarding your quote above:
Did God Really Say That? - Today's Christian
http://www.christianitytoday.com/tc/2002/006/4.43.html
_____________________________
Life is not a cup to be drained, but a measure to be filled.
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/11/2008 7:44:49 PM
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donofhope
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Hello, I am new to this forum, but this thread has touched me, as I can also relate to it, in a small way. I have recently been doing a lot of study on questioning faith. In complete honesty, blind faith in our Lord is the strongest faith of all. Often times we go thru rough times in life. Hardships, that we are certain, we can not bare. But I assure you god is there. At some point in all of our lives, we may all ask ourselves, if God is a loving god, and an al powerful God, then why do bad things happen to good people, that believe in him.
A Loving God: for god so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son. God took a part of himself and put it into living form, to draw himself closer to us all and to show us, an example of just what the ultimate sacrafice, he as flesh could withstand for redemption of all of our sins. We all go thru suffering and losses, but none can compare to his own sacrafice for us. He gave us all a promise, that we would someday die a physical death, and that we could depend on him to be there, and that we would not have any burden too heavy to bare, that we can give it to him at the foot of the cross.
A Powerful God: Yes God is an all powerful God. He is the Father of us all. And as a father, we watch our children grow, and sometimes they fail in life, or things just don't go they want them to. If we rush in and take over, and start to do everything for them, they grow dependent on us, or feel like they just can't do things by themselves. If we sit back and resist the urge to help the child we love so dearly, they will try again and become stronger and more self confident in themselves, and become a stronger person for it. This is why God does not just rush in and fix everything. Some hardships, as difficult as they may be, help to prepare us for even larger obsticles further down the road in life. God is a wonderful father and a mighty God. We just lack the wisdom to know his will.
With gods will, we do one of two things:
1) we expect god to do exactly what we think is best
2) we accept, gods will, because he is all knowing, and has wisdom in all things for all of us, his children.
I hope this is helpful. Don
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/11/2008 9:00:49 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1863
Joined: 5/23/2006
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quote:
When he wanted us out, me and my child, 5 months ago, I was stronger then, than I am today. Why is that? I had more strength during that time, packing, the actual moving, but today, the pain seems so fresh, as if it happened today. And that's confusing me. Why is the pain so bad today, and it wasn't then?
Sometimes when we are first hit with something major the initial impact is shock....and there may have also been some denial....or you were telling yourself this is a bad dream it will soon be over...my life will be back to normal...etc...any of those could have been happening...and may still..
The thing to remember is God accepts you just as you are Dawn. I don't think He would call it a "pity party" for you to feel all that you are feeling either. It's part of how He created us.
Have you thought about journaling your feelings in a prayer journal, or something similiar during this time? As you reflect on each day's thoughts I know God can use it to speak His love to you in an awesome way.
I strongly encourage you to not try and block out the grief, but throughout this ordeal surrender yourself to God. Memories can sometimes torment us, but I also believe the Holy Spirit can find a way to bring peace through our memories as well.
Along with other things that have been suggested I also think it is important that you take time to nurture yourself. Go somewhere that makes you feel at peace.....maybe something you stopped doing for yourself once you were married...
Does your church have any mission projects in your area you may be interested in? If you could connect with something new..and focus some energy on something that brings purpose I think it would give you a much needed lift right now also.
The Lord is with you.
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/12/2008 12:00:28 PM
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My_Redeemer_Lives08
Posts: 69
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I just want to say, "Thank you" to everyone!!
Today, I feel so much better. I just wanted to give everyone an up-date on what has happened. Yesterday, I emailed the Preacher and one of the Elders, of the church where I use to go, and where my ex continues to go. I stressed to them what has taken place, and what he continues to put me through even today. I stressed how he has told me, that although he has divorced me, that God sees us still married and we can have sex. I told them everything! The Elder, has written me back this morning, stressing how sorry he is, and that he is sorry for not being there for me. I told him that its not his fault, and Im not placing blame on anyone for what my ex has chose to do. But as far as the Preacher, I had written him in April, requesting prayer for our marriage and he only wrote me back once. I'm really not sure how I feel about that. I almost feel like, while my ex is there getting the pat on the back every Sunday morning, I have been uprooted, and just left alone. I have mixed feelings I guess, but I don't blame them for anything. I just think it's very important, when someone reaches out to a church for prayer and support, that they should be there. Am I wrong?
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/12/2008 1:45:44 PM
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My_Redeemer_Lives08
Posts: 69
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lady_Daffodil
Oh wow, Dawn! I just put you AND your child on my personal prayer list! I have never been through a divorce or anything nearly as bad, but I have been through experiences that hurt, and I just want you to know that my heart goes out to you! I wish I had answers that would help, but I don't. I just want you to know I'll be praying for you.
Thank you, and I just want you to know, that means so much to me. I'm thinking about starting a prayer journal. May God always Bless you and yours.
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/12/2008 1:49:50 PM
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benelchi
Posts: 3610
Joined: 9/14/2007
From: California
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quote:
I almost feel like, while my ex is there getting the pat on the back every Sunday morning, I have been uprooted, and just left alone. I have mixed feelings I guess, but I don't blame them for anything. I just think it's very important, when someone reaches out to a church for prayer and support, that they should be there. Am I wrong?
No, you are not wrong. And yes, even pastors fail. Sometimes they do so willfully, but most of the time it is simply out of business and neglect. I would suggest you let the pastor know (in a kind and loving way) your feelings, and allow him the opportunity to correct the situation. Also, talk to the pastor at your current church as as well. Maybe if both your churches work together, and your ex-husband's sin is brought to light in a good and biblically loving way it may bring him to a place of repentance.
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RE: I'm beginning to question so much, and it terrifies... - 11/12/2008 2:36:21 PM
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buckifn
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Your pastor is clueless. I don't know of any other way to put it. Maybe you can receive more help from the Elder and his wife? I would advise you against counseling with him alone...you are in a very vulnerable state right now.
I'm so glad to see you are considering a prayer journal during this time. You will be amazed later to find out just how much God is with you!
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