|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
separated, needing prayer badly - 11/3/2008 12:32:42 AM
|
|
|
praying_hubby
Posts: 5
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline
|
Hi all,
I'm new to this forum, and would ask for some prayer.
Please pray for my wife and our family. Please pray that the Lord move in my wife's heart to thirst for Him; to put Him first, to seek Him, and to be obedient to His will for her life. I would ask that you also pray that the Lord put the desire in her heart to Love me again, to put the desire in her heart to choose to work on our marriage, and that the Lord would guide her, fill her with hope and love, and teach her to love selflessly as He loves us. I thank you for your prayers.
Now for the background:
I've been married now just over two years to my beloved wife. She is 32, I'm 31. This is my second marriage and her first. We fell in love and married after only 9 months, back in 06; and since then, our marriage has been a rollercoaster ride. She asked me to move out a little over a month ago, and has said that she does not have the same feelings for me that she used to.
She has a son from a prior relationship, I have a daughter from my prior marriage. Since our marriage, we've been combatting issue after issue, and needless to say, it's greatly impacted the quality of our marriage; hence the current situation. I will say upfront, I've made plenty of mistakes these past couple of years; we both have, and are both responsible for where we're at now...
1) Blending our family has posed a significant challenge, and we've both had a tendency to priorize our children ahead of our marriage. We're both to blame on this, and it has definitely impacted our relationship.
2) My wife is a victim of childhood sexual abuse. She is in counselling for it now, and is making progress. However, she chose to bury this issue for 17 years, and she chose to confront it last year. It's been tearing us up ever since... intimacy issues, both physical and emotional.
3)I'm in the military and have been TDY/ Deployed for a good portion of our marriage. Last year I was gone half the year, and this really impacted our marriage. I'm getting out next year.
I returned from my most recent deployment almost 10 months ago now, and since then, our marriage has done nothing but deteriorate. We suffered from lack of intimacy, lack of making each other a priority over our children, which has in turn affected our trust... the whole 9 yards.
We talked about all of this back in August, and since then, I have been actively trying to make our marriage my top priority; and I have. However, by the end of the september, not much had changed; in fact my wife's attitude had deteriorated even more, to the point to where she wanted a separation.
By all her accounts, she says I've been a very good husband to her, and a good step dad to our son. But she said she felt burnt out, and really just needed some space. She told me she wasn't ready to "quit", but that she wasn't ready to try either.
So I moved out and gave her the space she asked for. Within a short period of time, things rapidly improved. She said that she missed me, she loved me and she wanted to work on things We did some activities together, and really seemed to be enjoying each others company.
Well, the past three weeks, everything seems to be deteriorating and falling apart now. Now she barely wants to see me or talk to me. I called her tonight to confront her and find out exactly "where we're at?"
She told me the cliche "I love you but am not in love with you". She said that the feelings haven't been there for awhile now; that those first few weeks she was trying to "feel" again, to see if her feelings for me would change, but that they hadn't. She told me that she felt we rushed into the marriage; that she really didn't feel she was ready to be married, and that she didn't want to go on feeling like this for the next 50 years. She didn't say she was ready to quit, but she layed on heavy doubt and discouragement.
I've been doing a great deal of reading/ praying this past month. I just finished up the book "the love dare"; which is excellent, and has changed my whole perspective on love and marriage. I am a man of God, and know that the Lord's will for me in this situation is to stick it out through faith, obedience and determination. I did tell her tonight, that 3 weeks of effort isn't going to change a year's worth of discouragement, and that this is going to take time, and a lot of effort on both our parts. It took us a year to get this way, it will probably take us at least that long to get better; especially while dealing with other issues outside the marriage as well (her past). I also told her that I'm committed to making this marriage work; that I believe in "til death do us part".
In the books I've been reading recently, I've discovered that love is a "choice". That we can "choose" to love; that we can lead our hearts; and that this is predicated by our desire to give, and to love. If we are willing to give of ourselves, and to do loving things (unconditionally) for our spouse, then our heart is bound to follow. I've been doing this now for the past month, and my love for my wife has greatly increased. It's also greatly enhanced my spiritual walk with the Lord. I've told my wife about it, and have been trying to get her to embrace these principles; i.e. that if she's willing to try; to give and love unconditionally; that we can rekindle our love for each other. The key is making the "choice" to do so. I know I can't make her love me, she has to choose to do so. I pray she will.
I could probably go on and on, but I think you get the point. I know a lot of the discouragment she's feeling is related to us not making our marriage enough of a priority throughout our marriage, and a lot is due to her past experiences, and also not truly being ready to be a wife when we got married. With that said, I do believe that just because we rushed into marriage, isn't reason for us to rush out. We are both in marriage counseling, and have been for almost 9 months. I've been requesting prayer anywhere and everywhere I can think of. We have a meeting with our pastor next week as well.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and to pray for my family; God Bless.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: separated, needing prayer badly - 11/3/2008 3:13:50 PM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 1941
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
|
Praying now, and hoping God steps in and makes a huge difference towards a good marriage soon. God bless.
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: separated, needing prayer badly - 11/3/2008 3:27:07 PM
|
|
|
Simway
Posts: 62
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
You are at least making some effort to save your marriage. Many would have bailed out long ago. You are on the right track getting counseling, and meeting with the Pastor. However none of this will do anything if you both dont follow what they tell you to do. I understand the issues you are dealing with. Will be praying for you . Simway
|
|
|
|
|
RE: separated, needing prayer badly - 11/3/2008 3:36:28 PM
|
|
|
seagullplayer
Posts: 117
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline
|
Go see the movie FireProof, take your wife if you can get her to go.
It may very well change you life.
Will be in prayer.
_____________________________
The world has only one problem, sin.
There is only one solution, Jesus.
THE WAY.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: separated, needing prayer badly - 11/4/2008 12:22:59 PM
|
|
|
brianm73
Posts: 38
Joined: 11/4/2008
Status: offline
|
I will pray for you Brother In Christ!! You said you read the "Love Dare" book, but did you do it? Go see the movie Fire Proof and take your wife if she is willing. But above all put your trust in God.
_____________________________
Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength, they will soar high on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
